Guardian
by ChampagneAnyone
Summary: Orphaned at 8, Bella Swan is placed in the care of her God Mother Esme Cullen. Heiress to Cullen Swan Enterprises, Bella grows up hero worshipping 17 year old joint heir, pseudo step brother and self appointed guardian Edward. ROMANCE ANGST DRAMA
1. Prologue

Prologue:

The blood rushed to my head and I caught myself as I swayed. I meant nothing to him, I realised that now. I was just a body, any body. There was no love involved. Or, if there was, it remained trapped in my breaking heart.

The volume of my heartbeat increased with every pump. Its loudness drowned out the speech that Esme was giving but curiously no one else seemed to hear the loud thumps.

My eyes stayed fixed on Edward. My beautiful Edward…. No, I had to remind myself quietly, not my Edward…not anymore.

Slowly the room began to spin. In an attempt to focus, I grabbed a glass of champagne from the staff's tray of drinks as they passed by and outwardly went through the motions of toasting the happy couple. Our family and friends cheered.

Of course they should. Not only had their friend, brother, grandson and CEO Edward Cullen recently successfully negotiated a business merger for Cullen Swan Enterprises but he was also marrying his long time, high profile girlfriend.

The share buyout from Tanya's family was good news for future expansion plans for the Consulting Division of Cullen Swan but if the publicity was to be believed, this had nothing to do with the engagement. They were deeply in love.

His actions bore this out publicly. I watched as he bent down and pulled Tanya into his body, giving her a gentle, affectionate kiss. He treated her like she was the most precious thing in the world to him.

The tears welled up in my eyes.

I blinked them away furiously.

I felt sick.

What had I done?

I had to get out of here.

Quietly I turned away, through the open French doors and stepped out on to the balcony. The warm evening breeze bathed me in temporary consolation. But it was only temporary. The feeling of wanting to vomit suddenly swelled. I ran to the edge of the balcony and hurled into the garden beds below.

After the heaving finished, I straightened up and made my way slowly around the sweeping balcony to the French doors closest to the wing of the house that contained my room. As I climbed up the stairs, my heart hardened as I resolved the actions I had to take. For my self -respect and sanity.

Sitting down at the writing desk near the bay windows, I grabbed a leaf of my signature writing paper and began to write.

Finishing, I sealed the envelope and placed it on my bed, propped against the pillows to be easily seen. I called on the housemaid to pack my clothes. In the half hour it took for me to gather my belongings and have them placed in my car, my mind wandered back to the evening before.

I had thought that Edward had finally admitted to himself that he also had feelings for me.

I thought what happened meant something.

But now, I could not believe the path that lay out before me.

I could not stay and watch the man whom I had adored since I was a child, who guided me through new schools and new friends, with whom I had fallen in love with on my 17th birthday wrap his arms around another woman and declare his intention to marry her.

I took a deep breath to ease the pain inside of me. The timing of the law internship with Bartlett Weise in New Hampshire was a godsend. It would occupy my time before I had to be back at Dartmouth for my final year as a law graduate. I would drive to SeaTac and leave my car there for Alice to collect and then board the plane to Manchester.

I needed to stop the pain I was feeling. I prayed for numbness but instead, the heart ache that swept my body threatened to break me into a million little pieces from which I would never recover.

As I pulled away from the house, I looked back in the rear-view mirror. My mind lurched to wondering what Edward would think of my note. Would he even care?

Because twenty four hours after Edward had made love to me in the library… no I told myself...not love…after he had fucked me in the library ……. he was celebrating his engagement to another woman.

And I was leaving.

**A/N: This is a Bella/Edward story but it will be slow burn for the first few chapters. Pls bear with me and tell me what you think.**

**Just so ppl know where i am coming from i believe in a B/E HEA **

**Thank you to R, T and D for encouraging me to take the plunge. I am not sure I can really write but I have a story I want to tell. If you like angst with a lot of hot lemons, this is the story for you!**

**Please review and read. This is my first attempt to write so please be gentle.**

**Thank you**


	2. Frozen

**A/N: Yeah Yeah Yeah… Blah Blah… no copyright… not mine….Twi references belong to Ms Meyer. **

**Thank you for all the encouragement and draft reviews from my dear friends renas40 and twilighterNY. Please bear with me as I build towards the events of the prologue. **

**Also thank you to my lovely new beta callsignc30….**

**Please note as an Australian I use British English spelling. I hope that does not put you off too much. Thanks**

15 years earlier

As I stood in the doorway, he lifted his gun and pointed it at me.

Like an 8 year old child watching television, I did not understand that this was real. At first.

My eyes darted, from the masked intruder to the bed where my parents lay. They seemed very peaceful and if it hadn't been for the blood on the white bed sheets, I would not have known anything was wrong other than my parents cuddling in their room, as they often did.

A movement caught my eye and snapped me back to the present.

My mother was still alive.

I wanted to run to her and throw myself into her arms, as was my routine when I returned home from summer days, traipsing all over Forks with my friends.

My mother whimpered as she saw me, shaking her head in a silent plea whilst blindly reaching for my father as she always did when she needed support or comfort.

Tears began streaming from my eyes, holding me frozen in the doorway, as I realised the truth before me.

"Sweetie," she gasped. Her hand lifted, palm facing up, outstretched as if she was reaching for me. I darted a look at the man holding the gun. His eyes never wavered from me as he seemed not to notice my mother. I took a step forward into the room.

Her mouth opened, as if in slow motion, and the blood silently seeped out. "Love …Seek... Alice…Hide."

Her words appeared to drain every last ounce of motherly love from her body as her arm collapsed to her side after she finished. It was as if she had reached out to protect me with her dying breaths.

Suddenly the meaning of her words flashed before my eyes. Understanding dawned. Once again, she had graced me with a gift she had given so lovingly before...a chance at life.

Upon hearing her, the man exploded into action, swinging his gun round and pointing it at her. He walked to the bed and bent down, placing the gun menacingly against her head.

My mother's words churned in my stomach and I saw my chance.

Without thinking too much, I dashed from the room where my parents lay dying and stumbled through the house.

Behind me a single shot rang out and I broke blindly into a run.

I could hear movement in the bedroom and scurrying footsteps behind me. The man started yelling "You little bitch. Where are you? Come on Bella, we won't hurt you."

Every word got louder and angrier. I knew he was lying. And he wasn't alone. After further shouting, I heard a voice sneer "Come on, the little bitch must have headed across the field. Her mother told her to head to the Cullen's. Let's go, we can catch her by foot,"

I ran into my mother's Dressing Room and into the wardrobe. Crouching down, behind the built in cupboards, I curled in upon myself.

Alice and I often hid here, every time we played Hide and Seek. No one knew my hiding spot other than my best friend. It was difficult to find if you didn't know it was there. The cupboards in the Dressing Room wardrobe looked like they reached all the way to the back. They didn't. They left a small gap in which a child of 8 could easily hide...and often did.

My friends never found me here when we played, even though Alice knew exactly where it was. Like any other best friends, it was our secret hiding spot.

I had no idea that my mother had known this was where I played or hid when I wanted to avoid a scolding. She had never indicated her knowledge, often pretending to look for me just yards away, talking to me as she searched.

Now I realised she had always known exactly where I was every time and it reminded me of how loved I was.

I tried to stay still as I remembered.

Noiseless.

Breathless.

But with the smell of my mother's perfume cloaking the clothes in the wardrobe, the tears came harder.

* * *

After what felt like forever, there I was, still curled up in my secret hiding spot. I could hear frantic shouting. The voices sounded foreign to me, however they didn't sound like the voice of the man who had hurt my mother.

The noises of the ambulances were drowning out the yelling. I was scared but I knew they were trying to save my mother. It was only a few moments later when everything went silent and I finally could make out the words. They were going from room to room calling my name in the hopes of finding me safe. The searching continued. People entered the dressing room, opening the wardrobe and shining a light around in a circular motion, looking for an 8 year old child.

I remained hidden behind the cupboard. All I wanted to do was get up and find my mother. I wanted to comfort her and tell her everything was going to be fine. But I knew it was already too late.

I didn't move.

Finally the wardrobe doors closed and footsteps left the room. Out in the hall, I heard a defeated voice. "I'm sorry ma'am; she doesn't appear to be on the premises. Could she have gone somewhere?"

I heard quick gasps and a pleading voice. "Oh dear God, where is she? Bella! Bella! Oh Edward, please don't tell me they got her!" Esme, my godmother, sounded scared. The pitch of her voice increased with every word, reflecting her anxiety and fear.

"Mother, she's here. Alice told us where to find her. Let's keep looking. We will find her. We have to find her," Edward told her determinedly, trying to calm her and possibly himself, with the confident tone.

I made no sound to help them locate me. My whole body was paralysed as if I had been trapped in ice. I shivered from the cold, not knowing if it was real or imagined.

Footsteps re- entered the Dressing Room where I hid. Through the slats of the wardrobe doors, I could see movement.

"Alice said she would be in here. Let's look again." Suddenly the Wardrobe door was wrenched open and a light was shone directly behind the cupboard and straight into my face. Unfamiliar hands reached in and pulled me from my curled up foetal position on the floor.

I started screaming at the top of my lungs.

"Give her to me! She knows us! She needs us!" Edward was shouting to the Officer.

He may have only been 17 but he was a Cullen and he spoke with authority.

I was lifted out and placed in his arms. Recognising his voice and the familiar smell of his aftershave, I suddenly quietened.

Esme fluttered around. "Oh Bella, oh thank goodness! Bella, my poor dear." Her voice cracked on the last word and tears rolled down her face. She reached out gently to touch my face as she had done many times before.

But this time, as her hand approached, I shrank back in fright and ducked my head into Edward's shoulder.

I anxiously clutched Edward's arms and they tightened in reflex around me. For the first time in hours, I felt warm.

He bent his head closer, lifting me higher and quietly crooned in my ear. "Bella," he took a slow deep breath before continuing "My little Bella, I've got you. I've got you, you're safe my little Bella."

As he finished speaking, I hesitantly looked up. My gaze was captured by warm green eyes glistening with relief and something else, looking perilously like tears.

I threw my arms around his neck, hanging on for dear life and began weeping silently.

Edward had me. I was safe.


	3. Warmth

**A/N: Yeah Yeah Yeah… Blah Blah Blah … no copyright… not mine….- Ms Meyer. **

**Firstly thank you for reading and your reviews. This is an extremely nerve wracking endeavour! **

**Again nothing could be done without the great beta work of callsignc30 andTwilighterNY.**

**Please note as an Australian, I use British English spelling. I hope that does not put you off too much. Thanks**

As a typical all-American, privileged teenager, Edward was a loving son. He respected his father and doted on his mother. He ragged on his brother Emmett and indulged his little sister Alice. As an extended member of the family, Alice's best friend and pseudo-sister, I was also included in that fond annoyed affection.

I had grown up alongside Edward, Emmett and Alice who were the children of my godparents, Carlisle and Esme Cullen. My father Charlie and Carlisle had been the best of friends since their school days, first at Forks and then in Seattle. Their friendship didn't just stop there; they both had enrolled at Dartmouth, going on to complete their law degrees together.

Upon graduation, both were offered positions side by side at the prestigious Bartlett Wiese law firm in New Hampshire. After five years, the lure of home and family was too much. A mutual decision to return to Seattle, Washington was followed by a plunge in to the business world with the start of the legal firm which became known as Cullen Swan.

My father had married my mother Renee, his college sweetheart in New Hampshire while Carlisle courted Esme, a charming young legal assistant he had met working at Bartlett Wiese. He brought Esme back home to Seattle, married her in a lavish affair appropriate to the Cullen family name and promptly set about starting their large family. Over the years, Edward was born, followed by Emmett and then finally Alice.

My parents were not so fortunate in their attempts to start a family. After 10 years of trying and two miscarriages that nearly tore Charlie and Renee apart, I was a long awaited arrival. To the joy of Renee and Esme, I was born exactly 18 months after Alice. Whilst this did not place us in the same school year, it was close enough for us to consider ourselves as one in spirit and sisterhood.

As an only, much loved child, I was indulged, not only by my parents but by the whole Cullen clan too. Our two families lived in close proximity in the city and every summer we vacationed together in Forks. Our summer homes sat across from each other on the outskirts of Lake Crescent, only to be separated by a beautiful meadow and the Cullen family's swimming pool. This pool would long remain the setting for many of our summer parties and pranks.

Edward's brother, Emmett being closer in age to mine, older than Alice by only 2 years, was the natural companion for our childhood games. But Edward, at nine years of age difference was the object of my worship.

At 17, he was well over 6 feet tall, lean, and well-built from all the years of football he played in both high school and physical appearance was topped off with a shock of bronze hair and mesmerising green eyes. While he could be cool and brisk with most people, he was always loving and affectionate toward Alice and I. To him, we were just annoying little kid sisters who ran amok, creating havoc and playing tricks.

We would watch with bewilderment, as every summer since he had turned 15, he brought groups of friends' home from his posh private school. Even as a child, I noticed that in every group, there would always be one girl who seemed to be specially favoured. We often spied him watching TV in the den with his girl of the summer. He would drag his beautiful red lips across their faces, place lingering kisses on soft skin or whisper in their ears whilst his masculine hands would gently creep underneath their blouses or skirts. At times, when I witnessed these gestures, my eyes would spring open in astonishment and a blush would fall over my face.

Curiously, he never seemed very serious about them, as none of the girls came back twice.

Lauren, Kate, Jessica, to name a few, were always tall, blonde and big breasted with generally nothing much to say. I always thought them fanciful creatures with only one purpose in life, to be recipients of any affection bestowed by Edward. As a child I could never understand why they continued to hang around him when he was so distant and inconsistent.

Alice and I whispered amongst ourselves that all the kissing and fondling was gross, so we made it our single mission in life to mess with Edward's girls.

Over the summers, we shrank their clothes in hot water, smeared jam on their bedroom door knobs, and took photos of them in various states of undress. We stole their underwear to be hung on the line for all to view and as a highlight, made sure Emmett walked in on them in the shower. (Emmett swore the shower was always our idea but he greatly enjoyed the scenery nonetheless!)

These were but a few of our harmless yet annoying tricks. Through it all, Edward yelled at us to give up our games, pretending to scold us in front of the girl of the summer. But we knew he secretly enjoyed watching us carry on.

Edward was fond of his brother and sister but somehow we had developed a special bond. Despite being youngest of the four of us, I found myself as the one leading Emmett, Alice into some scrape, often landing us in trouble and needing a rescue. In exasperation at my stunts and trouble seeking ways, Edward referred to me as 'His little General' but to my face would cajole in amazement 'My little Bella. Just what have you got yourself into now?'

The summer my parents were murdered, I had just turned eight; Alice was ten and Emmett twelve. Edward, at seventeen, had finished his senior year in school. He was heading to Dartmouth to start his law degree, so both families had ensured that we would be able to spend one last summer together in Forks, before our lives changed forever.

Once Edward left for college, it was unlikely that he would have the same time to spend with Alice and I. This bought about a panicked realisation that we were being left behind.

That summer, which was truly the last summer of my idyllic childhood, I dogged Edwards's footsteps everywhere.

Looking back there is no doubt in my mind, I interrupted his 'plans' on more than one occasion but he never raised his voice or got angry at me. When Jessica, his flavour of summer at the time, expressed her unhappiness at my constant shadowing, he turned to her with a cool tone in his voice.

"Jess, she's a child. We are going to college soon and we'll have plenty of time for this. Bella is going to be left behind. She knows it, so she's just sad and being a little clingy. She's the baby of the family, don't let her bother you. I don't".

I stood in silence, watching from the hallway as he bent down to kiss her. Listening to him speak of me with such dismissal, caused me to burst into tears and run out through the patio door which slammed hard behind me. The loud bang must have startled Edward, alerting him of my presence and what I potentially had overheard.

As I ran across the fields towards home, I heard Edward calling from the house. "Bella! Bella! Come on Bella! Come back here please! Alice? What the hell?" His confused voice faded into the distance.

I kept running until I reached the house and dashed upstairs to my familiar hidey spot, intent on shutting out the world for a few hours if only to sulk.

Even though I was only 8, I was hurt by the words I had overheard and like any child, I lashed out. I refused to go to the Cullen's for the rest of the week. I wouldn't play with Alice, or talk to Emmett and I could not be budged to heading to the Cullen's for our afternoon swims just in case I saw Edward.

My parents could not work out what was wrong and after some time they stopped trying to get me to go. I overheard my mother talking to Esme in the kitchen, telling her that I was obviously in a mood about something but she was sure that I would get over it.

This went on for another two days until an exasperated Edward came to the house to speak to me in person. As my parents looked on in shock, I refused to come out of my room. After much coaxing, but to no avail, they went down the stairs and haltingly apologised to Edward for my temper tantrum. I heard them promise him I would be over to say I was sorry as soon as they had sat me down to discuss my behaviour.

As I look back now, I realise, how much precious time I wasted that summer. But as a child I knew no different. I was hurt, I was mad and it was all Edward's fault.

Eventually I broke down and told my mother what had happened.

She held me in her lap, smoothing the tears away from my face and started to rock me. "Bella sweetie, Edward didn't mean it. He was just telling his friend why he wouldn't send you away. See my darling girl, he was looking out for you," she whispered. Gently pushing back my hair, she continued with a firm voice "Now come on. Enough of these tears, let me call Alice to come and play with you. I want you to wash up and then come down stairs. You can go see Edward tomorrow and tell him you are sorry. Ok?"

I hesitated for a second, wanting to stamp my foot in childish temper but I knew she was right.

And like that, normal transmission was resumed.

Well almost.

Somehow, I still managed to avoid Edward without my parents knowing. I made sure I only went to the Cullen house when I knew he was out but I carried on with Emmett and Alice as if nothing had ever happened.

I never did get to make that apology.

I didn't see Edward again until THAT night.

As he carried my shivering body out of my parents' home, past the bedroom where their bodies lay; down the hallway lined with numerous photos of the Cullen & Swan families; through the kitchen, a scene of so many of our happy joint family meals; I knew my life had changed irrevocably for three reasons:

One, my parents were dead and I was alone. Two, I didn't know why they were gone or what would happen next. And three...Edward had me and I was never going to let go.

**A/N: Hi all, thank you for the reviews. I truly appreciate it. I hope you will stay with this story as there is plenty of action to come! Most of the background has been conveyed so the slow burn can start heating up…. ;)**


	4. Heat

**A/N: **

**It must be said that whilst the raw words and plot are mine, the support and magnificent beta work of Renas40, TwilighterNY and callsignc30 is invaluable in the process of finalising a chapter. **

**Why 2 or 3 betas? Well that's what it takes to make my writing presentable. So please join me in thanking them! **

**Finally, thank YOU for reading and reviewing. Please excuse the British English spellings. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Bella. Hey Bella," Alice's sing song voice called across the hallway between our two bedrooms on the second floor of the Cullen family's spacious Queen Anne home. "We have to hurry. You know Dad wants us to leave for the restaurant in 30 minutes."

She paused for effect and I heard the eagerness in her voice. "And you know, the sooner we go, the sooner the boys can _come_." Her suggestive words dissolved into giggles of anticipation for the events planned later in the evening.

Alice's boyfriend, Jasper, was a soft spoken Texan Business student, whom she had met in her first week at UW in a Marketing/Public Relations class. After the formal celebrations to mark my high school graduation, he was to join us at the after party that Alice has roped him into organising.

High on Alice's list of critical success factors for the after party was a select group of mutual school and college friends, false IDs for said set of mutual friends, a hip bar with rocking beats to dance the night away and an abundant supply of cocktails. Most importantly, this eclectic collection of friends included a date for my evening. A college mate of Jasper's by the name of James Hughes.

Sighing in defeat, I tightly closed my eyes and further buried my head into the pillow. There was absolutely no doubt about it, James was hot in a preppy Old Spice TV commercial way, if you liked that kind of thing.

Sea swept blonde hair, blue eyed and six-feet-two with the build of a college athlete, our light hearted casual dates over the last month had amped up to serious kissing and touching in recent weeks, often leaving me on the verge of giving in.

After all, I mused to myself, what woman could resist such delicious eye candy when it was gift wrapped and landed in your lap with unrelenting requests to pretty, pretty please be unwrapped? I mean, even I had no idea why or how I had resisted taking that final step.

I was still trying to work just cause when my reverie was broken by the door suddenly being flung open. Alice danced her way into my room in flurry of excitement. Her eyes widened in disbelief, as she saw me laying head down, on my bed, listening to my iPod. In times of stress or sadness, music was my escape and right now, I really wanted to be anywhere but here.

Despite starting to feel a little keyed up in expectancy of the events of the night, a persistent feeling of emptiness remained. Deep down, I knew the reason for this but shied away from the inner workings of my heart and mind.

Edward had emailed me yesterday from Chicago where he was working on a trial.

_To: Isabella Swan _

_From: Edward Cullen _

_Subject: Sat Night_

_Date: 23 August, 2005 9:56pm_

_Hey Bella_

_Just a quick note to say hi and congratulations. Sorry to say that I won't be able to make it this weekend due to the Denali Trial. Things are crazy here and I can't believe it has been six months since I've been able to get home. _

_If I know Alice she will have something planned for the party after the party! Have a great night. And don't do anything Emmett would do! Will catch you when I am home, hopefully in the next few weeks._

_Edward._

Unfortunately, my graduation was taking place in the midst of the biggest trial Cullen Swan had undertaken for the last ten years. Carlisle emphasised that this trial would put Edward on the map as an attorney. Despite being brilliant enough to start his pre-law undergraduate degree at 17 and finish in the top five of his graduating class six years later, starting his career at the family firm meant that any individual achievements were overshadowed by the Cullen family name. To everyone, he was Carlisle Cullen's son and it rankled. This was Edwards's golden opportunity to become _the_ Cullen in Cullen Swan.

I had discerned how important this was to him from the countless conversations we had shared, when I was struggling to determine where my own future career path lay. Always the most intense of the Cullen clan, Edward took his practice of the law seriously, waiting on the occasion to make a name for himself outside the long shadow of his brilliant father.

The logical half of my brain understood him prioritising his career. After all, I wasn't going anywhere and neither was he, in the long term. There would always be other opportunities to celebrate together in the future but I would still miss him tonight.

Without Edward, it wouldn't feel right.

I numbed myself to the hollow pain I felt from the loss of my parents, by throwing myself into the Cullen family traditions. But tonight, without Edward's teasing affection, the ongoing sadness of Charlie and Renee's absence would eclipse the delight I should have taken in this important rite of passage.

My mind wandered to imagining what a small Swan gathering in the backyard of our old summer home with all my loved ones present would have been like. I shivered as the pain came back in force and made me reflexively curl into a defensive position.

I took a moment to indulge myself in childish wishes and then let out a small breath of air, repeating my life mantra. There was no point in wasting emotions on what couldn't be.

Putting fruitless dreams and desires aside, I steeled myself for the night to come.

I was eighteen. I was a high school graduate with an acceptance to Pre-Law at Dartmouth and had a wonderful adoptive family in the Cullen's. Along with great friends from my old school, Seattle Preparatory, I was embarking on the next exciting stage of my life.

But tonight, right now, if I was so inclined, I was going to get laid.

Well I would, if I could only make it through the 'duty' dinner the Cullens' had arranged.

I mean, it wasn't that I was ungrateful for the extravagant society dinner at _Il Amuse_ but as the daughter of Charlie Swan, there were still some things that I was inherently uncomfortable with. And being in the spotlight was one of them.

For three months, I hinted to Alice that I didn't need a grand dinner or party to mark my high school graduation. But my hints and then desperate pleas had fallen on deaf ears. I might not have been born a Cullen but having been raised as one for the last ten years meant there was no way on earth I could manoeuvre out of family traditions without disappointing Esme and Carlisle.

You couldn't take on Alice Cullen, events planner extraordinaire and expect to win.

I knew. I had tried.

_Sigh_.

I was brought back to the present with a sharp snap of fingers dangerously close to my eyes. "What the hell, Bella are you doing?" Alice frowned as she took in my unfocused gaze.

"Up! Up!" Her free hand propped on her hip and an unamused look crossed her face as she reached down to drag me to my feet.

I almost laughed at the ridiculous. There was no way Alice could hustle me to my feet unless I wanted her to. Despite being the elder, she stood a good five inches beneath my five foot eight frame and was at least one dress size smaller.

"Bella. Bella. Hello earth to Bella." Her hand waved before my eyes.

Reluctantly unfurling myself to a standing position, I pulled my headphones from my ears and shoved them in the pocket of my well worn skinny jeans. I turned to look back at Alice just as she flourished her hands with great dramatics and dangled a dress before my eyes.

"Ta da! Here's the dress. It's absolutely gorgeous," she beamed as if she was my fairy godmother and I was Cinders ready to hit the ball. She barrelled on without pausing for air.

"Now MY work here is done. Hair? Check. Make up? Check. Dress? Check. Check. Check. Now it's your turn. Go! Shoo! Time to get your frock on babe." She pointed imperiously towards my bathroom.

I started to shake my head in horror, eyes streaking wide at the offending item held triumphantly in her hands. Choking, part in disgust, part in humour, I expressed my wariness. "Jeebus frickin' Christ Alice, that isn't a dress, it's a handkerchief".

Chuckling, she cut me off with an all knowing nod. "I know you wanted the black one for tonight Bella but with your legs and colouring, honey you need to be wearing this one."

She thrust the tiniest purple dress known to man in my direction and brandished silver heels for accompaniment. "And there is no way," she smirked then continued "James is going to be able to keep his hands off you tonight, not in this winner."

Yep. Alice was my fairy godmother and it was her mission in life to get me laid before I headed to college.

I flapped the dress around, nervously examining it from all angles, only to notice the absolute lack of any back. Anxiety saw me reaching up to run my fingers through my hair.

"Aaaargh, don't mess with the hair." A scowl marred her delicate features as she yanked my hand down. "We spent ages at the salon this afternoon to get that look. And. Don't. Even. Think. Of touching your make up," she scolded, waggling one finger at me. "Just put that on and come downstairs."

I was shoved into the bathroom and ordered to start changing. A small groan escaped my lips.

I hated dressing up.

I preferred to live in my uniform of jeans, hoodies and converse sneakers. Alice vowed this was the only clue as to why people never mistook us for sisters. Yeah right. Sure...this and about a million other reasons. But there was some truth in her statement. There was no way a walking fashion oddball like me could have any Cullen blood running through her. Not when you recounted the effortless style of the Cullen women.

Alice, like Esme, had a petite, sleekly elegant style reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn's class, grace and charming _joie de vivre_. I was the complete opposite. Coupled with social awkwardness inherited from my father, I felt a little ungainly given my height, long brown hair and non- descript brown eyes.

It had only been in the last eight months that I had "blossomed in all the right places" as Esme put it. I suddenly sprouted curves that now brought compliments along with constant blushes to my cheeks. "Coming into her looks," I heard Carlisle murmur in assent to one compliment. "She's got the knock out figure from her mother, but her eyes are all Charlie's."

Fighting back tears in reminiscence of my father and the love that always warmed his beautiful chocolate coloured eyes, I slowly finished dressing.

Ten minutes later, I headed towards the library where generations' of Cullen's gathered before evening events to partake in a pre-dinner drink. At the foot of the sweeping staircase, I caught a flash of myself in the mirror. A tall porcelain skinned woman with luminous brown eyes and rich brown wavy hair matched with shapely curves on her body, stared back. I gulped in dawning awareness of my sensuality and moved forwards. I didn't even want to think about the dress or non-dress.

As I entered the library, I selected a glass of champagne (Yes, we were allowed to drink in the confinement of the Cullens' home once we had turned sixteen) and spied Emmett in the corner of the room chatting amicably with his father about his Sports Science course at UW. His double take as he saw me was memorable.

"Wow Bella, you look hot." A big grin broke out across his face as he bounced across the room to envelope me into a bear hug. "Damn shame, we're almost related!" He gathered me in his gigantic paws and leaned down to whisper in my ear so as not to alert Carlisle and Esme to his next words. "Man, that dress should be illegal babe. Every man under fifty at the club will have a hard on tonight."

I gulped, hoping he didn't count himself amongst that group.

Eww, gross. I quickly distracted myself with another sip of the Bollinger champagne as he blabbered on in self amusement. "Naughty, naughty Bella. I know Ed-xactly what you want tonight and from whom."

A cynical tone crept into his voice as he continued. "Shame. So not happening. Oh well. That James dude looks man enough for the gig!"

I pulled my head back to stare sharply at Emmett. The words confused me but before I could ponder further on the meaning of his cryptic statement, my ear was jokingly licked.

"Emmett, yuck! Stop that." I pushed away from his hold, laughing at his silly antics but silently agreeing with his sentiments.

If I was going to wear this little piece of fluffy nothing, I wanted results and James was just the man to deliver them.

Tonight.

* * *

Just over three hours later, family dinner accomplished and heartfelt gratitude emoted, Emmett, Alice and I headed out to the "party for the youngsters" leaving Esme and Carlisle to wind down the evening at _Il Amuse_ with a small group of close friends.

The car pulled to a stop outside the chosen club of the evening.

_Fire & Ice_ was a classy downtown bar, popular with young, affluent Seattleites' who didn't mind paying a little more for exotic cocktails, pretentious bartenders and the latest sizzling dance grooves. As the car doors were pulled open, Alice flashed her fake ID, skipped past the doorman, threw her coat at the concierge and impatiently began her search for Jasper.

Following slowly behind, Emmett slung an arm over my shoulder in a friendly yet protective hold as I casually presented my fake ID. As the doorman waved us through we stood on the entrance steps (strike a pose) looking around the room for a clue as to where the little pixie had vanished.

A loud whistle over the din of the music caught my attention. I motioned Emmett over to where I had spied James holding up the bar, conveniently located in close proximity to the dance floor where he was watching a large number of skimpily clad girls gyrating to the sounds of the DJ.

Technically, he was a sexy beast.

He half leaned his body against the bar, resting on an elbow, head cocked, clinically assessing every move, lavished for his attention. He was displaying obvious disinterest. His eyes never stayed on one young lady for very long, which only drove the girls to dance harder and sluttier to capture his notice.

After catching sight of Emmett and I, his eyes didn't stir from me once except to sweep down and then up my body, lingering predatorily on my hips and breasts before looking me straight in the eye.

As we made our way though dense crowds towards James, evading wandering hands and leering voices, I spied two bodies on the dance floor doing anything but dancing. The music might have been pumping but Alice and Jasper were swaying to their own rhythm, engaged in a full body lip lock with no thought to where they were. Any minute now, I thought Alice was going to wrap both legs around Jasper's waist and have her way with him...public or no public.

Emmett hollered as he noticed his sister swapping spit with her boyfriend. "Get a room already, kids! "

I hooted in laughter at their obliviousness and turned back to the bar. Taking a deep breath, I took a sideways peek at James to find him staring at my ass. Quickly his eyes shot up to hold my glance and a sexy grin broke out.

"Hey Bells." Planting a soft kiss on my cheek, he gripped my forearm, and began gently smoothing a thumb up and down. It was a killer move and I waited for a tingling to start from the place beneath my stomach.

"Babe, you look good enough to eat." His eyes twinkled with promise of delights to come later in the evening. "Drink?"

"Gin and tonic please, thanks," I replied giving my stock answer. For a minute I wondered what the hell I was doing in a bar trying to get laid but then took a deep breath and smiled at James encouragingly.

Sipping on our drinks, we flirted for half an hour, inching slowly closer to each other as the loudness of the music made it convenient to pretend we couldn't hear each other. With every drink, James' hands began to roam further across my body.

Thumbs rubbed my forearms in beat with the music.

Palms inched over my hips to rest low on my back.

Lips softly sucked on my neck, dropping suggestive whispers in my ears.

He really was gorgeous so I silently begged my body to be turned on. Internally, the smooth beats of the club, warm alcohol and sexy moves had me crying out to be fucked but for some reason I was slowly coming to realise he wasn't who I wanted.

Rather than hot lust spreading through me, unease started to emerge. I think I was what could officially be termed a cock-tease and if I didn't get out of here gracefully, it was not going to end well. I either needed to get drunk in order to follow through or I had better hit the dance floor in escape.

I quickly darted my eyes around the room hoping to spy Emmett or Alice. Emmett was long gone; he had spotted Rose, one of his fellow sports science course mates and had headed over, drink in hand, to continue their antagonistic yet flirtatious banter. Emmett had been making plays for Rose for over two years now and she was yet to allow herself to be caught. I would delight in the day she brought him to heels.

The music slowed as a romantic tune came one. Left too late, there was no escape.

'C'mon Bells, let's hit it."

Placing his beer on the bar with one hand, James circled my waist with the other and jerked me onto the dance floor. Coming to a halt, he plastered all his six- feet- two inch body flush against mine. One arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me tighter against him whilst the other began to lower into the gap between the material of my dress and my thong. His palm wandered down, sliding suggestively against my bare ass.

I swiftly stiffened in his arms. Grabbing his arm, I determinedly lifted it out of my dress and onto my hip. I beamed a brilliant smile trying to keep things friendly whilst all the time moving to the song and placing a little distance between our two bodies.

"James," I said. "Please. Not here."

For a second he scowled at me, taking some time to process my words. Concluding that he was on a promise for later, he bent forward to my ear and smirked. "Name the place babe."

Shit, shit, shit I crapped to myself, how the hell did I get out of this now?

Spotting Alice dancing nearby with Jasper, I frantically rolled my eyes for her to swoop in and save me. "Alice," I mouthed at her, my eyes springing wide open, trying to catch her attention with silent pleas. "Get me the hell out of here."

Confusion marred her face for a second. She head-bobbed up and down in excitement as she conferred with Jasper; she motioned for me to wait patiently for a moment, whilst he manoeuvred them gracefully alongside us.

"Hey James, gonna grab some drinks for the girls at the bar. Come and give us a hand will you?" Turning towards the bar, Jasper guffawed. "Plus, it'll give the girls a chance to give us a live porn show."

I sighed in relief at the request in his voice as James immediately loosened his hold. He snapped a look at my face requesting an answer.

"Babe?"

I shrugged as if I was trying to be polite at Jasper's appeal. "Sure, I would love a G&T."

The moment he started to walk away, Alice grabbed my arm and spat. "What the hell do you think you're doing? All my good work will go to waste if you keep pushing him away…."

I grimaced. What the hell WAS I doing?

"I don't know Alice, I just..." My heart sank as my non-explanation dropped off. I didn't know how to enlighten her with what I didn't understand myself.

"Never mind!" she brightened. "We have all night." She looked at me pointedly, trying to understand what was causing my mixed signals. "Come on; time to get your groove on." All disappointment at my random messages was forgotten, as she bopped in time to the music. "Let's dance."

And with that, we started dancing to the tunes that were being belted out from the speakers.

Trained as a ballerina, Alice's extravagant moves caught the glances of many of the club patrons and as usual she was quickly the centre of attention. I took the opportunity to shimmy my way into a dark corner, swinging my hips side to side in beat to the rhythm, not realising the effect the smooth expanse of my delicate back and low cut dress were having.

Carefully keeping Alice in my line of sight, I saw a huge smile beam across her face as she frantically waved to someone behind me. Thinking it was Emmett or Jasper, I carried on swaying, lost in my own sensual beat.

Gradually, I felt the heat of a body standing close behind me. Little by little a sizzling ripple snaked through me as two callused fingers came to rest on the top of my exposed backbone.

Tracing up and down.

Circling softly.

Gently.

Tenderly.

The hairs stood up on my neck as a surge of electricity passed through my suddenly sensitised body, pooling heat between my thighs. My nipples sprang to life, softly almost painfully, rubbing against the satin fabric of the dress as I danced. The throbbing was intense, as for the first time, I recognised the sexual need zinging through my body.

Despite the unfamiliar physical reactions, somehow I knew not to panic. Mr. Fuck Me Hands, as I quickly tagged him, was not James. My body's natural symmetry had worked that out pretty quickly.

I desperately wanted to know who was causing this chemistry but fear was holding me back from turning to confirm his identity. The intensity of my response was startling as I wasn't actually sure I could stop myself from dragging him into the nearest empty closet and begging him to do me before the night was out.

As I contemplated my wanton thoughts, a hard body pressed up behind me, large hands circling my waist and drawing me back into solid warmth. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the hunger overtaking me. Longing twisted itself through my limbs as I fell into a desire for the song to never end.

Swaying together in natural synchronicity, my back pressed to his chest, his head resting on my shoulder, I closed my eyes to take pleasure in the feelings sweeping over me. After a few more sways, his hands started to smooth up and down the sides of my breasts and waist.

His body stiffened for a moment as the song ended.

Strong hands guided my hips to turn me around. As I twisted, I glanced up into hypnotizing green eyes set in a strikingly beautiful face. He looked tired but absolutely gorgeous, clad in a dark navy shirt and grey dress trousers, setting him apart from the numerous college freshmen in jeans and plaid shirts.

"Edward!" I jolted in astonishment, joy at his presence inundating my already primed body.

Smiling, as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred; he pulled me closer and encased me in a hug. "You didn't really think I was going to miss your graduation party did you?"

I stood in the circle of his arms, stunned into silence. He was speaking normally, as if my whole world had not shifted on its axis on the dance floor behind us. I managed to strangle out a few garbled words, expressing my joy at seeing him after such a drought.

"Gosh it's been six months. Oh Edward, thank you. Thank you. Thank you" I landed exuberant kisses on his cheek with each appreciation. "It means so much to me that you're here. But how? When?" I laughed in pure happiness.

A large grin lit up his handsome face as he accepted my praise as if it was his due. His right arm continued to sweep slowly up and down, lingering on the exposed skin of my back, finally coming to rest low against the curve of my ass.

"We finished our prep early so I caught the late flight out. Dinner on the plane and thank goodness for the time zone difference." He continued his matter of fact explanation.

"I texted Alice on landing and she told me where you all were. So," he dipped his head to one side questioning further. "How was dinner? Did Carlisle make a long speech? Did he go on and on about how proud he was of you following family tradition...blah, blah, blah?" He joked affectionately.

His thumb nail continued to smooth up and down my ass, caressing with each sweep. I was pretty sure he didn't realise what he was doing as he waited for my answer, so I pressed into his shirt, enjoying the deluge of sensations flooding my body. When no response was forthcoming, he hooked a hand under my chin and lifted my face to meet his eyes.

As awareness of the placement of his hands broke upon him, the music faded away into the distance. Green fire slowly darkened his eyes and his voice deepened. We both stood frozen, unable to look away from each other. After eighteen years of familiarity we found ourselves in a very foreign situation.

"You look beautiful Bella. Stunning." he croaked as his gaze dropped lower for an infinitesimal moment. The thumb of his other hand reached out, laving my lips as a quiet thoughtful mood seemed to over take him. We stood for moments, an invisible connection weaving between us, holding us stranded in time. I wanted to submerge myself into his succulent red lips and lose myself in the unfamiliar torrent of lust crashing down on me.

A split second later, the emotional ties binding our sexual attraction were abruptly snapped by James returning with my chosen drink. A small moan of frustration slipped out of my mouth as he stopped short, taking in the sight of me standing within the circle of another man's arms.

An angry scowl at the position of Edwards's hands was quickly masked as he moved forward to yank me away from Edward and towards him. One arm was immediately thrown over my shoulder in a move that screamed possession. The action was not only downright confrontational but it was also embarrassing. I calmed my inner self through reminders that technically, James was indeed my date for the night and I had woefully neglected him.

I searched Edwards's face intently, hoping to get a sign as to the inner workings of his mind. Catching his eye, I silently pleaded for understanding, hoping he understood my annoyance but also why I wasn't making a scene protesting the action.

After all, what was I going to say? Sorry James. Yes, I have been leading you on for the last month but I only worked that out after ten minutes gyrating across the dance floor with a family friend who did way more for me than you? Yeah? No!

Um, not bloody likely. That was a conversation I really did not want to have.

Whilst I carried on my internal monologue, Edward summoned a stunned Alice, who had observed his, mine and James's behaviour from across the dance floor. Her face was puzzled as if trying to compute an equation but still yet to searching for the correct answer.

"Keep me company will you Alice? I need a drink". Edward casually loped his arm over Alice's shoulder in familial affection and moved off in direction of the bar.

"Catch you later Bella." Without turning back to look at me, he called his farewell. His voice showed no uneven emotion. Tempered and controlled, he nodded his head once in James' direction.

"James."

Perplexed at alien emotions rushing through my brain, I pushed all thoughts of the extraordinary encounter out of my head. After spending a further ten minutes of trying to avoid James roaming hands, I had had just about enough.

James was not getting lucky tonight and neither was I.

I was going home.

Alone.

Maybe if I hurried, I could share a cab with Edward. He looked tired earlier and I was sure he would be heading home soon.

As I geared up to make my way over to the bar, I became aware of a heated conversation taking place between Alice and Edward. A dark look was layering Edward's face and he was obviously pissed at something Alice was telling him. A few gesticulations were directed at Alice; a pointed thumb and heated looks were flung in my direction. Money was thrown down on the bar and a very angry Edward stormed out.

Alice's look of stunned surprise compelled me to break free of James' hold. I hurried over to her, anxious to find out what the hell was going on as I had never seen him so worked up in all the eighteen years I had known him.

"Alice, what was that?" I spat out the last word. "What's wrong with Edward?"

For the longest time, no words were spoken. We looked at each other in shock. "Um, I'm not sure" she answered warily. "I think Edward just had a nasty surprise. Serves him bloody right, pompous dickhead." She grumped out.

"Huh, Alice? What do you mean? Explain!" I commanded and then completely lost all train of thought as my mind drifted to what could have angered Edward so.

A soft sigh preceded her words. "Don't worry about it Bella. Edward needs to work it through. I'm sure he'll talk about it when he's ready. Ok?"

From the tone of her voice, I knew when to press Alice further and when the shutters were closed. And right now, they were firmly drawn. Knowing I would get no where, I filed it into my 'who the fuck knows what's happening tonight' drawer, ready to be taken out and dissected at a later time. Sighing in acceptance at her words, I changed the topic and ordered another G & T from the bar tender.

* * *

Two hours and much girl talk later; I opened the front door of the Cullens' home with the alarm code and silently let myself in. It was close to four in the morning and I knew Esme and Carlisle would be long asleep.

Thank goodness Alice had rescued me from James' persistent moves, which had spiralled in intent, after seeing me with Edward on the dance floor. She had taken pity on me, secreting me out of the club and pushing me into a cab before heading back to stay at Jasper's for the night.

"I want all the details Bella. What happened on the dance floor? Tomorrow. Every single last detail, okay?" she ordered before slamming the car door closed. "You owe me big time, girlfriend! "

As I closed the front door behind me, relief swelled through me at the same time as I struggled to make sense of the emotionally confusing events of the evening. I made my way towards the stairs when I noticed a light flickering in the den. Carlisle must have fallen asleep in front of the television, again, waiting for one or the other of us to get home safely.

I tip toed in, planning to turn the TV off but the scene before me halted my steps. My hands flew to my throat in surprise, as my shoes clanged to the wooden floors.

"Edward. What are you doing here?" Amazed at seeing him again so soon, I let out a breath of air I didn't even know I was holding. I blinked hurriedly a number of times; trying to make sure my mind had not dreamed up its dearest wish.

When he had stormed from the club, I assumed he would head to his own place nearby. But he was here, in the den, at four in the morning. And it looked like he was waiting. Waiting for something? Or someone? Alice? _Me?_

He held a full glass of amber liquid in his right hand, whilst on the coffee table, beside him, sat a half finished bottle of what smelt like whiskey. His beautiful bronze hair was messed, from what appeared to be the constant tearing of each strand, as if trying to work out a problem. His eyes snapped into focus, gazing voraciously at my dress. Momentarily, my eyes fluttered shut absorbing the heated look he was giving me.

At the sight of his body, instant heat had flooded through me. Damn. I had really hoped my reaction at the club was a one off.

Looking like he had just rolled out of bed after a long night of fucking, my hormones went haywire.

Sex Hair.

Gorgeous.

Dazzling.

Fuckable.

_Oh My._

I swallowed the inappropriate thoughts and fixed my eyes upon him, trying to make out his mood. Something was up. The trial, maybe? Perhaps I should sit down and talk to him like we used to. It had been six months since we had really spoken but maybe he just needed some one to listen to him. We had often lent an ear to each other's inner thoughts in the past, letting the other person speak until they had reached a resolution.

I took a step closer to him, as the light from the television flickered softly across the room, sending soft shadows and dancing beams across the room.

Sharp needles of lust rocked me as I realised he was only wearing a pair of striped navy blue pyjama pants that sat almost indecently low down on his hips. The distinct bones of pelvis were visible, creating a delicious happy trail that was crowned by a rock hard bare chest.

I licked my lips involuntarily. Solid well defined muscles of his arms and abdomen seared my vision, making me crave his skin.

My mouth watered.

This time, my step towards him was subconscious. My body was drawn insistently towards his without will. I had acknowledged that magnetic pull earlier in the evening when he had held me in his arms.

My mind was still spinning, screaming with conflicting emotions.

Edward.

One lick of that glorious body would be ok, wouldn't it?

One silky touch?

One endless fuck?

My mind came to a screeching standstill as my heart beat rapidly amplified. Louder and louder, the silence between us blanketed the whole room. Minutes or hours ticked by, the two of us staring at each other wordlessly. His beautiful green eyes seeming to blacken with passion, his body strumming with some pent up unidentifiable emotion.

He had appeared troubled when he left the club but I had put it down to the trial and tiredness. Now I wasn't so sure what the cause was.

His vigilant gaze suspiciously inspected my body, taking in every feature with premeditated calculation.

_Lingering on a mouth._

My tongue nervously crept out to wet my lower lip.

_Narrowing on breasts. _

My nipples hardened, peaking and aching to be touched.

_Zooming on the hollow between my thighs._

I swayed subconsciously from leg to leg, trying to stop the welling need.

With each look, he took a further sip of the amber liquid in his crystal glass, never stealing his gaze away. In the silence of the house, something lusty and real sprang to life between us. Awareness not previously recognised bloomed. There was no name for it. Unspoken feelings intensified as stillness reigned in the room.

Hot.

Wet.

Want.

Suddenly, he rose to his feet, face clenching with anger as he launched himself menacingly towards me. The bottle was knocked over, making a crashing sound as it smashed apart on the wooden floors. I jumped, startled by the unexpected noise, pulling slightly back in awe at the sight of his magnificent half naked body moving towards me.

My heart thrummed quicker with his every step. Instead of being frightened by the intensity of his stare and the burning in his eyes, I welcomed it. I wanted it.

Reaching me, he wrenched me closer; a strong hand cupping my neck; angling my chin with his thumb to position my gaze straight into his eyes. I felt his whiskey breath on my lips as flames streaked up my body where we touched.

My nipples were as hard as rocks, begging to be pinched, pressing into his chest as the place between my thighs wept for a single touch. Comfort or lust, my awakening body would take either. I needed him badly.

His next words stole my breath away. An Edward I didn't recognise spat the half question and half statement. "My little Bella?"

His thumb started to caress the sensitive join between my jaw and neck. My head fell forwards into his palm enjoying the sensual contact, my eyes closing in shameless pleasure.

"Not so little any more, are we love?" He queried.

I was struggling to understand his question as my body started to shake in anticipation and lust.

"So" Disgust dripped in his tone. "Did you get what you wanted Bella? Did you? With that boy?"

He tugged hard on my jaw, pinning me with his angry stare. I panted in shock at the words I was hearing but he wasn't finished.

"Well, did you do it Bella? Did you fuck him?"

**A/N:**

**Thank you for all the reviews. I truly appreciate them. This remains a nerve wracking endeavour but I remain hopeful of posting next Monday 1/3.**


	5. Flicker

**A/N: The usual disclaimer applies. STRONG LANGUAGE and ADULT SCENES.**

**Just a quick note to say that it has come to my attention that some people are confused by the ages of Bella in each chapter. To clarify:**

In the Prologue, she is 22 going on 23.

Frozen (ch1) and Warmth (ch2) take place 15 years earlier when she is 8.

Heat (ch3) takes place after her 18th birthday and before she leaves for University as does (ch4).

**Once again, I thank all of you who read and review. This is my first endeavour, so your thoughts inspire and motivate me.**

**A shout out to callsignc30. You rock babe! Without your editorial advice this chapter would be half the size and twice as lame. Renas and TwilighterNy xxx.**

**This one is for my gorgeous friend, Divatonks. The first person to friend me on twitter, whose enthusiasm and enjoyment of life always makes me smile **

* * *

"_Well, did you do it Bella? Did you fuck him?" _

My eyes crashed open in disbelief at the words hurled at me.

"Wh-aaat?" Confusion burst through my body as his accusing words sank in.

"Tell me!" he roared, hauling me deeper into his body heat. Arousal and fear battled for supremacy. Fear at his rage, arousal at his passion. The blossoming smell of sex seeped into the room, thrusting reality away.

_Why was he so angry? What had I done?_

"Edward, _please_" a heartfelt plea escaped my mouth to land on his furious lips. Hard hands tightly seized my hips, gripping painfully, as pleasure and pressure drove me until I felt the cold wall pressed against my naked back.

Air stilled around us as fury emanated from his deepening voice. "Did he have you? Did he touch you?" Harsh words exhaled against my chilled skin.

Abrupt denial at his accusations, found me shying my head back, burrowing into the wall to escape his glare.

_What was going on?_

Without warning, his hand propelled itself across my chest, diagonally curling around my neck to snap my gaze back to his.

Bewilderment at his rage sparked through my brain. _Why?_

A sudden jolt.

A tug.

The sound of tearing snapped me into consciousness.

I watched, in amazement as my dress slid languorously off my shoulders. It slithered, as if in slow motion, down my body, plunging down to my waist and leaving my greedy breasts up tilted in the cold air. The material streaked sensation as it snaked down my body, causing skin to flush red with throbbing desire.

I heard his low gasp.

Edward's ravenous eyes stalked the fall of satin, as both of our breaths heaved in anticipation. The pupils of his eyes blackened as they roamed my body, drinking in the delicate lines of my collar bone, the narrowness of my waist, finally coming to land on the almost too lush fullness of my breasts. Without lifting his gaze from them, he moaned in desire.

"Fuck." His head shook in defiance. "Fuck. No. I can't…"

A war waged within him; a battle was lost. Nostrils flared, drinking in the heavy smell of arousal hanging between us.

"God, I need to taste you." Angry, urgent hands lifted me to meet his swooping mouth. He latched voraciously onto a breast, pulling the peaked nipple into contact, nibbling with his wet starving tongue.

_Oh, God._

_Swirl. Lick. Suckle._

One hand broke free from cradling my hips to palm my neglected breast, rolling the puckered tip between fingers, in time to his caresses.

_Pinch._

Pleasure and pain.

I screamed in silence as my hands flew to his silky hair, pulling him tighter to me.

_Closer. _

_Harder._

_How did this happen?_ _Why had it happened?_ My thoughts sprinted to make sense of Edward's touch. Was I dreaming up a forbidden desire that my conscience did not know it sought? Scenes flashed of earlier in the evening when my traitorous body had recognised his on the dance floor, even as his identity was shielded from me. Had familiarity and proximity veiled what was truly meant to be?

"Oh, God. Edward. Oh. _God." _Reason and logic left my insatiable body on a desperate moan. My lonely breast thrust deeper into his palm, tempting his mouth to move hungrily over to soothe it.

_Sucking, nibbling, and lapping._

_K_nees buckled as sensations overloaded my fragile emotional state, sending me sliding slowly down the wall. Grabbing my ass, strong hands hauled my leg over his hip, holding me in place. My increasingly wet centre was hitched against his cock, rubbing in silent frustration at the flimsy material of thong and pyjama pant separating us

"Fuck, Bella." My nipple was lovingly released out of his mouth as he ceased his tasting. Moist lips murmured words directly into the skin of my neck as dampness glistened on my breasts.

"You taste so fucking delicious."

Lips hovered above mine. 'What do _you_ want, baby?" A rhetorical question surely, as there was no earthly way I was able to answer sanely. Every inch of my body was on fire.

He shifted my awakening body against one hand, giving himself room to continue stroking a thumb over my nipple in beat to his words. My neck tilted back in sensation, gently banging the wall behind me.

"Do you want _this_?" He snarled, eyes fixed upon me in a fiery gaze, as his hand inched across my soft skin, pushing up and under my dress. He forcefully yanked the thong aside, placing fleeting touches on bare lips and roughly inserting one finger inside of me to begin violently thrusting.

"_God_. You're so tight Bella,"

The sudden invasion left me biting my lip, in part pain and part shock. But dawning pleasure, overrode every transient emotion as I began to rock my hips to the beat of an invisible drum, twisting desperately to seat his finger deeper inside me.

"More Edward,' I panted. "_More_." I implored him to fuck me harder with his finger as my hands flew from his wild bronze hair to grip the wall behind me. The sight of him, driven, hungry and greedy for my body reached right into my soul to find a home.

Our bodies stood against each other, flush with exertion, breast to chest; his hardened cock wrestling against my stomach, impatiently twitching as his finger took its turn.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

"Did he make you feel this good? Tell me, Bella." I couldn't speak, I felt so consumed with need.

Flicking back and forth, a thumb strayed occasionally to tease my clit to send needles of pleasure through my drowning body. One finger then two penetrated me, speeding in time, driving me relentlessly towards implosion. His mouth found the sweet spot in my neck, marking my skin with lusty swipes of his tongue as my heated walls started to spasm in sync with his fingers.

I would never forget the image of him like this. No matter what the night or morning brought to our changing relationship tomorrow, I delighted in this moment, of being held in Edwards's arms when even a day before, I had had no idea that this is where I was supposed to be.

Joy burst in swells. Rapture settled over me.

Edward.

My friend.

_My protector._

Holding me.

_Loving me. _

Guttural moans escaped my body as my hands soared to his neck, thumbs worshipping his hairline. "Edward. Oh God. _Oh God_."

I lifted my head, lips blindly seeking his mouth, greedy to savour his lips on mine. I begged "Edward, _please_. I _need_ you. Please. _Kiss me_. Kiss me. " An aching whimper left my lips.

At my prayerful words, his head jerked violently back.

_Snap._

I was propelled sharply, bouncing against the wall with a dull thud.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What the _hell_ am I doing?" he raged. The question was not directed at me but rather himself, as his hands clasped his head, twisting his hair in frenzy. The strong muscles of his back rippled in angry motion to his movements. Dazed, as if waking up from a dream or nightmare, Edward flung himself to the farthest corner of the den, twin looks of horror and anguish battling across his face.

Watching his internal struggle, lust was shoved sharply to one side as nausea pooled in my stomach. I stood immobile watching fury and self disgust shroud his beautiful form as he ferociously paced the room. Glaring directly at me, his eyes burned fire as they took in my half naked form; shuddering with arousal, clutching the wall in support; as if without it, I would collapse in a heap.

"For fuck's sake, cover yourself up." He growled, his voice husky with remnants of our passion. Anger and wrath replaced the fever between us.

Overcome at the sudden end of bliss, I responded on autopilot. My eyes fluttered closed in torment as I scrambled to lift the dress over my breasts, holding the satin against me in silent protection.

"Edward?" My lips made the actions but no sound left my throat. "Please?"

_What was I pleading for?_

"Get. Get. Out." Enraged he continued to pace the room.

At his bleak dismissal, I shattered into a million little pieces but still made no motion to leave. A trembling hand reached out to him in entreaty for what was left of my body, which still strained for completeness.

A hard, assessing gaze arranged itself over his much loved face, acknowledging then dismissing my earnest plea.

"Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. Here. Bella." His voice rang in my ears, stabbing my heart with every word.

_Rejection. _

Edward yelling...at _me._

Angry.

Livid_. _

_No more. _I couldn't take anymore. Never, ever had he turned on me with such scathing.

I wasted not one moment more as I blindly ran from the room, my heart fracturing with the echo of his rage. Tears welled, and then flooded down my face, they blinded my vision. I stumbled sightlessly up the stairs, desperate not to fall, anxious to avoid breaking my body like my heart was breaking.

_Crash._

Glass smashed then splintered violently against the wall of the den.

'._Fuck!_" His voice carried and then silence chased me to my room.

Flinging open the door, I threw myself onto the bed and began weeping inconsolably. My mind lurched between elation at the beauty of feeling Edwards's hands on me, to distress at the manner of their withdrawal - ecstasy as his first touches, not in protection or support but as a man to a woman; a lover to his loved one.

Agony, at desire so viciously halted.

_Why? Why had he stopped? What did I do? _

Twelve hours earlier, I had lain on this very bed, dreading the night to come, half hearted at the thought of marking a milestone without Edward. Now I lay sobbing, my body heaving at the discovery that I desired Edward in ways that he neither wanted nor needed from me.

For a brief moment, feelings of rejection held sway and I blamed everything. _Anything._

Except Edward.

I hated this dress and this body. This wasn't _me_. A girl trussed up to tease responses from a grown man. Responses it seemed that he neither wished nor wanted to bestow.

_Did he?_

Reeling at the lack of answer to my unspoken questions, my distraught mind turned to puzzle out my inner feelings. Time passed as emotions swirled. And then acceptance tumbled into existence.

Yes._ Yes_.

I wanted Edward. I _needed _him. Not in the ways of a lost child seeking protection or possession but as a grown woman finding her heart and soul.

Recognition of my deepest yearnings bought more tears. Not because I felt alone or missed my parents, but because I realised I was uncontrollably and irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen.

And he didn't love me.

**A/N: Ok hope you are still with me. We have a way to go but this IS a Bella Edward story and if you kill me now we will never get our happy ending ;) Please remember this is BPOV only.**

**Quick plot point: Bella ****realizes**** she loves him at 18 but the events of her 17****th**** birthday are revealed later.**

**So many of you have put this on alert! Wow – there has been so much support for this story with people reccing it. Thank you. **

**All reviews welcome. Knock me out ;) **


	6. Flight

**A/N: Thank to each and everyone of you for reading. A big thanks to Team Guardian. Please see long assed author note at end. **

**Disclaimer: Still not mine. If it was, they would have shagged in Eclipse!**

Ch6. Flight

Four Months Later 

_Ding. _

The seatbelt sign came on overhead as a male voice toned out over rows of passengers.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the Captain speaking. We will shortly be starting our descent into SeaTac and expect to arrive at the gate in about 20 minutes. On behalf of the entire flight crew, we hope you had a pleasant flight with Pacific West and look forward to flying you again. Flight attendants, please prepare the cabin for landing."

_Sigh. _

Returning my seat into its vertical position, I removed my headphones, carefully placing them and my iPod into my handbag.

My heart flickered in a hopeless attempt to stave off the inevitable. Nervous energy and not a little trepidation began sweeping over my skin, reminding me, yet again, that I was not looking forward to my first visit home in four months.

In fact, since commencing my freshman year at Dartmouth I had _diligently _thrown myself into numerous freshmen antics a la Tubestock in the hopes of distraction. Every non contact hour was relentlessly devoted to immersing myself into college life; coming to grips with a new town, a new course, and new friends. Luckily for me and in spite of my natural reserve, I had made a small band of close girlfriends with whom most of my weekends were spent; hanging out at each other's apartments, vetting potential dates and sneaking into bars to watch favourite bands and boys.

All in all, I couldn't really complain about how New Hampshire was treating me. The time away from Seattle had been absolutely vital in soothing my delicate emotions but winter break arrived before I knew it. Now everyone was jetting away to far flung locations to enjoy the holidays with loved ones while I, of course, was heading home to Seattle to face the annual calendar of Christmas and New Year festivities with the Cullens.

In years gone by, I had whole heartedly thrown myself into the silly Cullen Christmas capers, taking childlike joy in togetherness and family sanctity at this special time. However, this year, if I could have found a diplomatic way to escape, I would have gladly grabbed it with two hands.

My roommate Angela, having slowly sussed out the vagaries of my distress over our few and far between '_deep and meaningfuls_,' had invited me to Boston for the Christmas season. But I resigned myself to the fact that accepting such an invite would be breaking family tradition, thus resulting in more than a few raised eyebrows and hurt feelings. Questions would be asked. Questions I neither wanted asked or answered.

_Edward._

I dreaded facing him.

For four long months, I had had a damn good go at suppressing all emotions welling from the night of my graduation party.

Despair. Rejection. Anger. Loss.

All the while, I attempted to bury the grief that swamped me every time my mind replayed the memories. I desperately grabbed any passing diversion in order to deflect from further soul searching in respect to _that_ night.

Closing the door shut once again on my painful memories, I strolled towards the baggage carrousel, one eye checking for my signature luggage and the other scanning the crowd as loved ones embraced each other. A giggle welled up inside of me as the airport scenes of one of my favourite films came to mind. _Yes, Love Is All around_. It was corny but rang so true as I stood watching the festive reunions before me.

Suddenly a joyous ball of energy startled me from my musings, knocking me back a few paces due to its unrestrained momentum.

"Bella! Bella!"

"Alice! Oh _Alice_!" I gasped as I caught my breath, breaking into a huge smile.

As we did in childhood, we automatically threw our arms around each other and gleefully hugged all the while bounding up and down on the spot. Our exuberant gestures were passed without notice amidst the varied emotional displays around us.

If anything, the only amazed faces were those of passing travellers who were obviously taken with Alice's uber outlandish taste in fashion: pink jeans, pink jacket, pink headband, pink boots and if you could believe it, pink gloves. _This woman did nothing by halves. _Dear God, I hoped her new car wasn't _pink!_

I stood back, trying not to squint at the holy pinkness glaring back at me even as I soaked in the much missed face of my dearest friend. All the feelings of homesickness that had flooded through me on my departure from Seattle now returned tenfold, reminding me what was missing in Manchester.

I _was_ glad to be home.

"Bella Bella Bella. It's been too long. Emails and phone calls just aren't enough. Now spit it out girlfriend, you need to tell me all about it. What's Dartmouth like?" She paused, as if deigning to allow me to answer for a millionth of a second before talking nonstop through the collection of my bags and the walk through the parking garage.

"By the way, how is Angela? Say hi to her for me. Any hot guys? Oh what's the latest fashion? Done any shopping? Oh we really need to hit the Christmas markets." I continued to push the trolley, s_miling._

Upon reflection, I didn't really get a word in edgewise as she plundered on, not even noticing I had spoken no more than a few words between all her incessant chattering. Deep down, I was glad for the comforting and familiar babble as it gave me some precious time to gather my fraught emotions and prepare myself for the serious inquisition that was no doubt coming my way.

Spying her new midnight blue Audi A3, we placed my luggage precisely in the trunk and set out for Queen Anne. There would be ample time to have the inevitable _Edward _discussion as the rush hour traffic often turned the twenty minute drive into forty or fifty minutes.

"So Bella, what are your plans for the next few days before Christmas? Mom and dad are out tonight so it's just the two of us and we can do whatever you want!" She looked straight ahead, forehead furrowed, concentrating on the congestion up ahead but her head nodding emphatically in support of her own words.

"Um, Alice." I hesitated slyly. "You _know_, the _usual_. Last minute shopping, catching up with friends. Perhaps if I find some time, maybe snagging a Christmas or New Year outfit or three." My eyes twinkled with my teasing. There was no way I could get out of a day spent shopping with Alice.

We both burst out laughing; enjoying our companionship and the well known pattern of banter between us. After a few minutes of levity, a serious tone overtook her voice.

"Bells? Are you going up to Forks as usual?" She glanced a side look at me nervously. "I mean, I know you usually go up with Edward to see your parents but … you know… with..a...all..th..that..." she trailed off hesitantly.

Taken aback, my eyes flipped open in astonishment. Alice _never _stammered. At least I couldn't recall her ever stammering. Confusion saw me biting my lower lip between my teeth; the Edward/Bella disaster was obviously a difficult topic for her. After all he was her oldest brother and I was…_well... I was her best friend_. But there was no way, I vowed, that Alice should be torn between us or be forced into taking sides.

Looking out the window at the gorgeous scenery, I gave myself a moment to school my words.

"Actually, Alice." I paused trying to catch her eyes, the tone of voice indicating casualness.

"I thought I might head up on my own this year. Borrow this fancy new car of yours. I mean, that is, if you wouldn't mind." I held her gaze, desperate to signal my ease with the whole state of affairs. " Well, you know that Edward just wrapped that trial in Chicago and what with the board meeting tomorrow he probably has a lot on his plate."

I sneaked a quick look at her face to see if she was buying my spin. _Could I get away with it? _

Amazingly she had. Her dark face brightened as she sat just a little taller in the driver's seat.

"Oh yeah, that's right, the board meeting. Little Miss 'I am the boss.'"

'What?" I laughed, a little perplexed at her statement.

"Come on Bella, you know what I'm talking about. _**Technically**_ you are now the owner of Cullen-Swan. After all, you do own fifty one percent of the shares and since your seventeenth birthday, what with the board position and co-executive approval powers, well honey, you're _It_. Technically we all work for you!"

Alice wasn't perturbed in the slightest by her own words. My mind instantly began to recall the strange, almost prophetic conditions of Charlie's will. Until my parents' murder, I had had no inkling that Charlie had been the major shareholder in Cullen-Swan, or that he had made a clear precise legal will outlining my required engagement within the firm in the event of his and Renee's early demise.

At seventeen, I was expected to attend Board meetings, silently observing all proceedings.

At eighteen, I was to take my place on the Board with an appointed Board member (in this case, Edward) advising me on voting or holding my proxies in my absence.

At twenty one, I was to start working in the firm as the junior executive assistant to the CEO, in order to gain valuable experience in managing a firm the size of Cullen-Swan.

And finally, upon graduation, I would be appointed to a position that the CEO deemed fit, with the eventual aim of becoming co-CEO over some time.

Yes, the conditions of the will had been freely discussed between Charlie and Carlisle on an occasion before my eighth birthday and it astounded me, that even then, my dear old dad had assumed I was going to be a lawyer. I smiled wryly at his forward planning, for if he had only known how close I had been to applying to med school if not for the influence wielded by Edward during long discussions in the lead up to my seventeenth birthday.

Sometimes I wondered whether Charlie had foreseen the tragic events that had left me an orphan. But the horror and deeper meaning behind such calculated foresight seared my brain and my heart with too much pain to contemplate the thought further.

Previously, the will had never disturbed me, as I had long considered the Cullens as family, but the fact that the terms of the will now meant that I needed to attend the Winter Board meeting at Cullen-Swan's downtown headquarters caused a queasy feeling to emanate from my stomach region.

_The Board meeting meant facing Edward. _

"Bells?" An uneasy tone crept back into Alice's normally sure voice, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Do you know what you are going to say when you see Edward again?" One hand came off the steering wheel to reach out and gently rub the back of my hand in comfort.

Alice, after all, was the only person to witness the extent of my grief that awful Sunday morning. She had been there to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart, exclaiming shock at as I relayed the night in the den and yelling fury and anger at her brother.

My mind drifted back to what happened four months earlier...

* * *

_After crying myself to sleep the night before, I dozed fitfully, tossing and turning in the bed sheets that now lay twisted as a testament to my torment. I had woken with despair hanging heavy through my whole being and harsh sunlight streaming through the bay windows - an uncomfortable combination. _

_Dismayed at the thought of the day ahead, I pressed close my tear-swollen eyes, praying the next time they opened it would all be a bad dream. Any fracture in my bond with Edward was too much for my tender heart to comprehend._

_Last night I had relentlessly asked myself the same questions over and over again. With the break of a new day, they raced, once more through my brain, unheeded. _

_How did it happen? Did I do something to provoke him? Was it me? Did he hate me? What was I going to do? How would I face him?_

_I didn't delude myself that love had guided us the night before. Passion and acute need had captured us unexpectedly; they had swelled and climaxed against the backdrop of alcohol, bare skin and newly discovered sexual attraction._

_It had but one name._

_Lust. _

_The proof was easily found in the fact that the sensations swirling between us had been instantly vanquished by the mere utterance of the need for an emotional connection. We were two people that had discovered a potent sensual attraction, fuelled in its intensity by our powerful emotional ties. But who knew what stain the night before would leave or what the ultimate price would be. _

_There was no doubt in my mind though, who would pay that price and that disheartening realisation brought a fresh set of tears. _

_I curled in on myself, laying one arm across my eyes and continued to weep silently when the sound of the door opening caught my attention._

"_Be-lla." In good spirits from her night out and later night in, Alice beamed as she made her way into my room. As per our usual custom, she was looking forward to our habit of relaying observations and debriefing on the night before._

"_Morning lovey. Rise and shine!"_

_Out of the corner of me eye, I observed Alice grinding to a halt as she peered closely at my prone form. Recognising signs of anguish and distress, she hurried to the side of the bed, dropping to her knees to closely inspect my puffy face and moist eyes. Her hand feathered slowly across my cheek, whispering care and comfort._

"_Bells? What's going on?" Concern flooded her voice as her eyes zipped up and down my body looking for clues._

_For long moments, I stared glassy –eyed, back at her. Nothing was said._

"_Bells please, what happened?" Anxiety crept into her tone._

_Acknowledging that this conversation could not be avoided, I slowly pushed my aching body to a vertical position. My face was marked with tracks of tears and dark shadows underlined my eyes. Whilst there was a small amount of physical discomfort, the emotional pain far outweighed any slight soreness on my breasts or twinges between my legs._

"_Bells, you're scaring me. What happened?" The last words were stated quietly but they were no question. Rather a demand to talk._

_Now. _

"_A…Alice." The words trembled out of my mouth, emotion straining every syllable. "When I …when I came home last night….he..he …was here." _

"_James?" Bewilderment reigned. "What? Here? How? " _

"_No .Not James. Edward." _

"_Oh!" The tone of Alice's voice changed, cautiousness now colouring her next sentence. "What happened?"_

"_He...he was angry. Yes, angry, I think. Um, he seemed angry at me, I think. I think it was about James."_

"_Ahh." Alice's face rearranged itself to reflect her dawning comprehension. "Oh dear," she sighed. "What. Did. He. Do?"_

"_He...I mean we…we..."_

"_Did he kiss you?" she interrupted brusquely, not waiting for my warbling to cease._

"_Err no. Not exactly." _

_Silence._

_A pause lingered as I hesitated. The fact that Alice was Edward's sister burdened my mind. I struggled to find the right words to explain the tempestuous encounter in the den and the calamitous ending. All the while as I told my tale, Alice sat back, quietly taking in the words. Her face darkened considerably as the climax of our activities was conveyed._

"_Fucking pig!" She spat. "He should have fucking known better." _

_Unease at her strong words had me shifting warily in my seat on the bed. __**This**__ was not the reaction I had anticipated from Edward's sister. _

"_How could he?" she carried on as if in dialogue with herself._

"_Alice?" Puzzled at the vehemency of her reaction, I hesitantly sought further explanation._

_Calming her obvious fury, Alice softened her words, as if intuitively knowing that any further violence of passion or expression would break me, once and for all._

"_Oh Bells." She crooned as she flung a petite arm across my shoulders, drawing me close in comfort. "I am so sorry. I should have known when Edward left the bar he was not, um...not exactly happy about you and James."_

_My head coiled back in shock. "What do you mean?"_

"_Well, after James pulled that stunt on the dance floor, Edward had a lot of questions about him. He was pretty pissed off."_

_I nervously licked my lips."Like what?"_

"_He wanted to know who James was. What did he do? Who was he to you?" _

_The next words were softly whispered as if the quieter tone could lessen the impact. "Um, I may have told him that, well, that I had set you up with James and that you were going to sleep with him in order to get rid of the big V before college."_

_Shock held me pinned in silence._

_I couldn't bloody believe it._

_What the hay? Why would she tell him something like that even if it was the actual truth? What the hell was she thinking?_

_I pushed on. "_And_ Alice?" There was more to this account than what she was telling. "And?" _

"_Well, I don't think Edward liked it. I mean, he was pretty annoyed that I had set you up."_

"_Yes? And?" _

_A smirk came over her face as if she was in possession of a major secret._

"_And I think, well, I think Edward may have realised when he was all over you on the dance floor that you aren't his little Bella anymore. " A big smile lit up her pixie face as she dreamed some Alice –special scheme to miraculously make it all right._

"_Bells, really it's all good! That stupid brother of mine had a nasty, nasty surprise last night! His little Bella is not so little anymore!" A cackle broke through. "She's a gorgeous, sexy woman and it's got him all tied up in knots!"_

"_Wh-aat?" Did she not understand what I told her? How we left things - the ugly words hanging malevolently in the air between us? _

"_What do you mean Alice? Spill!"_

"_Well, let's just say I don't think Edward thinks of you the same way as he thinks of me. NOT ANYMORE…and that wonderful dress, that YOU so hated had a lot to do with opening his eyes. .WIDE."_

_I sat gaping at Alice in amazement. Why was she suddenly ok with this? Was I hearing this right? Was she telling me that Edward did in fact want me; that he was truly attracted to me?_

_Digesting the meaning of her words, maybe things weren't so bad after all. Maybe I was innocently overreacting to a world of emotions and excitements with which I was unfamiliar. _

_Hope sparked me into action and lightened my movement as I jumped up from the bed and ran to the dresser. Grabbing my hairbrush, I futilely attempted to make some semblance of the explosion that was my hair._

"_I have to find him. I have to talk to him," I called behind me as I dashed into my bathroom, optimism colouring my every footstep. I washed my face, gently patting the tears, washing away swollen eyes and mouth, hoping that they didn't give away the emotional rollercoaster I had ridden the night before. _

_I stopped as Alice entered the bathroom and came to stand directly behind me - all smiles gone. Smirking and scheming were suddenly absent. Heaviness hung in the air, a portent of what was to come._

_Straightening from the sink, I turned little by little to face her, wariness marking the circle of my movement._

"_Alice?"_

_Her eyes dropped to the ground, flicking anxiously back and forth to me as concern flushed her face._

"_Oh Bells. I'm SO sorry." _

"_Alice?" A pleading whisper broke from me. Dread sweeping me at the message behind the words._

"_Bells, love, I'm sorry but you've missed him. Edward left this morning. He stayed here to have breakfast with mom and dad, and then caught the early flight out to Chicago." _

_My mouth trembled as I begged her to make some sense of the apology. "Alice?"_

"_I'm so sorry love." _

_Panic started to fill my limbs "He wouldn't leave without saying good bye to me." The pitch of my voice increased with every plea._

"_He didn't say good bye. He always says good bye. Did he leave a note for me? Anything?" I scrambled for a lifeline from Edward._

_She moved her head slowly, as if the motion was excruciating, tilting it side to side in a silent no, as sorrow lined her every movement. _

_Everything vanished. _

_All awareness. _

_Gone. _

_HE was gone._

_Then Alice lunged to catch a falling body._

_Mine._

_We sat huddled on the cold tiles of bathroom floor, my head embraced in her arms, my broken heart lovingly nourished by her soft words as I sobbed. The tears flooded Alice's shirt, ruining the fine designer label; yet she comforted me, desperate to connect with my pain, to console by any possible means. _

_Rejection._

_Again._

* * *

"Bella?" The sound of Alice's voice snapped me out of my memories.

"I'll be okay Alice." It was my turn to reassure her. "It's been four months. I am sure Edward has forgotten all about it."

Unable to take her eyes of the road, Alice communicated her exasperation with an annoyed shake of her head. "Bells, you know that's not true! He hasn't forgotten or moved past it. Otherwise you two would be talking. And you're not!"

In truth, Alice was right. There had been no interaction, of any form, between Edward and me for four long months. No emails. No phone calls. No joking messages sent between family members. Normal Bella/Edward transmission was not in place.

If I had considered that Sunday morning that there was nothing that could drive the grief deeper than it was, then I was naively mistaken. The continued silence between us was a battle wound that remained open and infected. No amount of self -yelling, pleading or begging would lessen its intensity or purge its poison.

Technically though, she was wrong. Edward had offered up an opportunity to talk that I had let slide by. The pain had been too raw to enable me to reciprocate.

"Allie, you know he left a note with the graduation present." We both recognised that it really didn't count as an acceptable form of Bella/Edward communication but we played along as if it was just fine.

Alice eyes immediately flickered to the watch worn on my left hand. The Longines Dolce Vita platinum watch with half a carat of diamonds had been handed to me by Esme as we stood in the boarding lounge, prior to my departure for Manchester. She squealed in excitement, explaining how Edward had placed it in her safekeeping over Sunday breakfast immediately before leaving for Chicago with strict instructions as to when to gift it to me.

The accompanying note had five words.

**My little Bella,**

**Always, **

**Edward**

I had never disclosed the delicate contents of the note to another. The words were personal...painful...precious.

By the time the plane had reached Manchester, the classic white writing paper on which the words had been scrawled by Edward's masculine hand, was sodden with falling tears. I had eventually folded the note away, promising myself not to read more into the words than I would have but a few weeks earlier.

'Yeah, I guess he did." Alice conceded the technicality of communication as she turned the car into the driveway of the luxurious Queen Anne house. Both of us were a little relieved that the conversation was coming to a natural close and some sense of normality could inhabit the evening ahead of us.

"Well there is nothing for it Allie." My voice earnest sought her assent. "We won't be able to avoid each other forever. There's the Board meeting tomorrow, then Christmas and New Year." I braved out the words, more to myself than Alice. "We'll be seeing a lot of each other."

'Yup." She popped the 'p' as she gave one last assessing review of my face. "Well there's nothing more we can do! D-Day it is tomorrow! And the best I can do is make sure you have Eds- xactly the right "boardroom babe" outfit!"

"Alice." I groaned, almost panic-stricken but amused at the irony of her statement. "This is what got me into trouble in the first place!"

"I know!" She smirked, her eye brows suggestively waggling up and down on her face.

We both peeled off into hysterical laughter. Sometimes, all YOU could do was laugh.

* * *

The next morning, I was readying myself with some trepidation for the day ahead. I took painstaking care in dressing myself appropriately for the morning meeting. Slipping into the fine oyster coloured silk blouse, I accompanied it with my favourite _Carolina Herrera_ navy pencil skirt suit. A _Tiffany_ diamond necklace sat in the hollow of my neck, highlighting the soft lines and creamy skin. It was all topped off with my mother's diamond studs in my ears and my very fantabulous four-inch _Jimmy Choo_ Mary Janes. My hair was worn down, curling silkily around my shoulders, finishing the look of sexy librarian meets innocent ingénue. I really hoped I could pull this look off this morning, as my confidence could do with a little pep up before seeing Edward.

At precisely 8:55 a.m, I pulled Alice's borrowed A3 into the underground executive car park of the Meyer Building. After pressing the security call with my swipe card, I entered the executive elevator and pushed the button for the 45th floor. The higher the elevator climbed, the deeper the cavernous hole in my stomach stretched. I felt almost physically ill at the thought of seeing Edward again.

Who knew which way the meeting would go? My reactions to him would be premised on how he greeted me, but at this very moment, the volatility of my careering emotions did not bode well for a harmonious reunion. I prayed Carlisle would act as peacemaker or buffer zone, should anything untoward occur.

Stepping out of the elevator on to the plush grey-green carpet of the executive floor, I was greeted by a delighted Mrs. Cope. She had originally been my father's assistant but his tragic demise had seen Andrea reallocated to Carlisle as he stepped into the CEO shoes. Her fondness for my father resulted in a long abiding affection for me that never wavered.

"Bella." She scurried around the greeting table to bestow affectionate kisses on my cheeks. "It's been so long my dear. You look absolutely wonderful and so grown up." We talked a few minutes more, catching up on her grandchildren and holidays. Tales were told of my misadventures at Dartmouth, and my joy at being home for Christmas was shared. It was a full ten minutes before she shooed me off in the direction of the meeting room.

"No off you go, my dear. Just through the double doors. You know where to go. They're ready for you."

Taking a deep breath, I pushed through the sound-proof double doors and slipped into the boardroom. The Cullen-Swan boardroom always took my breath away with its quiet understated class. It sat in the north corner of the Meyer Building, with floor to window glass on two sides of the room. The same plush grey-green carpet of the executive floor was also found inside, beautifully contrasting with the Californian hardwood table that could seat up to 40 people. The soft lighting of the room and the pen lights above the book stands at each leather seat gave the room a warm glow even as the cold Seattle weather loomed outside.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that the room only had one occupant who stood positioned against the dominant backdrop of the Seattle skyline.

_Edward._

I turned slowly to face him.

Alone in the empty room, this first meeting could not be avoided any further.

Silence stretched out, swathing the boardroom table with a heavy aura, almost as if a third physical being occupied the space between us. My nervousness increased in direct ratio to the deepening green of his eyes and the snaking tendrils of awareness weaving around, linking us via an almost invisible chain.

He looked absolutely gorgeous in his grey Hugo Boss suit and white shirt. His tie had been discarded as had the top two buttons of the shirt, which now lay open to reveal the strong lines of his masculine throat.

Sex appeal oozed out of him, pinning me motionless before him.

My heart faltered a beat as he sauntered towards me, voicing my name in his husky tones for the first time in months. He came to stand two feet away, careful as to where he situated himself - neither too close nor too far.

"Bella." A wry smile spread across his face, as his pointed gaze took in the graduation present on my left wrist. "You're looking well." He paused before continuing, as he appeared to be carefully selecting his next words.

"Beautiful in fact. _More_ beautiful every day. I am guessing that you are agreeing with Dartmouth, as it certainly appears to agree with you." Confidence and masculine assuredness echoed in his tone and physical stance.

My mind scrambled all over the place trying to make sense of his words all the while trying to restrain the emotions clashing inside of me. The sound of his much loved voice, his gorgeous body, the fact that I was in a room with him after so long and the fact that he thought _I _was beautiful.

But is _this_ what hewanted to talk about? Dartmouth?

I was bewildered, wavering between tears, anger and flight. After the events of _that_ night, he wanted to discuss University?

Thoughts whizzed through my head. How was I going to handle this? I was no longer the frightened eight year old child clinging to Edward as saviour and protector. I was a grown woman, his equal, the major shareholder in our business.

Steeling myself to respond with cool measure, I was desperate to not show the affect Edwards's proximity was having on my shaking nerves or raging hormones. However, another type of rage filled my expression and an unstoppable explosion was imminent.

"Dartmouth." I choked out, disbelief and anger steaming from my very essence "Dartmouth? Effing Dartmouth, is that what you fucking want to talk about? After four months?" Without waiting for a reply, I turned my back on him in disgust, making ready to leave the room as I could not be held accountable for what damage I would do to his beautiful physical form if he persisted with this line of questioning.

I started to storm out of the room, my intent obvious with each dark angry step when suddenly he was in front of me, grabbing hold of me by both forearms and pinning me to his body. My head twisted in rude shock to search his eyes for meaning. I could make out the fiery green depths of some unnamed emotion flickering across his face while I allowed myself to enjoy the momentary sensation of being pressed up against his muscled chest.

Nervousness demanded my tongue slip out, to slowly lick my lower lip in anxiety as I breathlessly awaited his next words. His eyes dilated, the green irises merging with brown pupils as we inhaled each other in. I could feel my body beginning to respond to his nearness with deepening arousal.

He sneered as he pulled me tighter, eyes dropping to swiftly glance at my lips before gathering me deeper into his arms. "No Bella. Idon't want to talk about fucking Dartmouth. I WANT to do this. I've waited four long months to do this." His words trailed off in sensual whisper, stroking my erogenous zones and bringing my body to life.

"I _should_ have done this."

And then his mouth swooped, claiming mine in a punishing, open mouthed, lust fuelled kiss.

**Note: This last week there has been some significant support provided to Guardian. I particularly wanted to thank**

**1. Rose Arcadia for making a hot blinkie - I will put a link to it on my profile page**

**2. Maria2906,Rhian00 and Lambiexx for all the over and above call of action support.**

**3. TwilighterNY made a thread for this story over on Twilighted. Please drop in. Link on my profile page.**

**Please leave me some love and review. Good, Bad I am eager to hear your thoughts. And yes, there will be an _EPOV soonish._**

**Next update: 15th March. **

**Cheers, Ally.**


	7. Evade

**A/N: To all of you read, my heartfelt thanks.**

**Team Guardian – callsignc30, twilighterny, maria2906 and the lovely renas40. Without your constant support and encouragement, none of this is possible. **

**To KellyProvence, Kelly123abc and twimom76 thank you for your legal input. If I have messed it, up it is all my own doing, so readers I request you believe all is possible.**

**A couple of quick points from kind readers who took the trouble to point this out:**

1**.**Dartmouth does not have a law school in reality but for the purposes of this fic it has a rather prestigious one.

2. Bella flies to Manchester and then drives herself to Hanover or catches the shuttle to Dartmouth.

**On to the story, Bella in the boardroom with Edward...Cue music.**

* * *

Ch 7 Evade

And then his mouth swooped, claiming mine in a punishing, open mouthed, lust-fuelled kiss.

For one brief moment, shock locked me motionless, unable to respond.

_What the fuck?_

For another fleeting second, indignant fury held sway.

_How dare he? Four months. Four fucking long months with no word. Not a single word._

But before I could process my thoughts any further, warm delicious fire melted my bones and desire kicked my body into play.

Edward's lips crashed against mine, inflaming my senses as his ravenous mouth took deep wet tastes of my lips and teeth. Our tongues tangled, fighting for supremacy yet frantic to communicate craving and carnal lust for each other.

The urgency of our kisses saw his hand capture my hair, yanking my head into a position where his exquisite tongue could thrust deeper inside my mouth, wickedly mimicking the actions of fucking. His other hand slapped down hard on my ass, firmly cupping the rounded flesh to pull me closer. If I could have crawled into him it would still not be close enough to satisfy the raging desire streaking my veins.

Without breaking contact, my arms soared to his neck, hands stroking into his luscious bronze hair, drawing him closer to my starved body. His teeth nibbled gently on my lower lip, while his hand traced slowly lower. A thumb reached out to tease my nipple, launching sharp spears of lust and causing moisture to soak into my thong. If there had been no threat of discovery, there was no doubt in my mind that Edward would have fucked me on the boardroom table or against a paneled wall and I would have loved every single moment of it, screaming his name as I came...repeatedly.

It was anyone's guess, for how long we stood, hungrily devouring, sucking and fucking each other's mouths, silently communicating our apologies for harsh words and absence over the last months. Edward's kisses transformed me into a writhing, mindless, boneless Bella who yearned only for his touch.

The sounds of Mrs Cope greeting Carlisle as he made his way towards the boardroom filtered through our lust filled haze. Recognising imminent interruption, Edward's lips gentled on mine as he leisurely withdrew his tongue and brought our passionate kisses to a close. Without releasing his hold, he bestowed a reverent kiss on my forehead, its gentleness and beauties making me feel like a precious and much-adored jewel. Placing a hand on my hip, he half rotated my body to face the door. Our hips remained aligned, our bodies pressed tightly to each other, chest to knee, one arm slung across my back reaching up into my hair, while the other lay possessively on my hip. My arms remained wrapped around his neck, unable or unwilling to release him.

"We need to talk...Hmmm. Later?" As Edward spoke the words, the desire and warmth heating his jade green eyes had me enraptured in his arms. I had no intention of leaving them.

Ever.

It was in this position, that Carlisle found us as he entered through the boardroom doors. He paused for a moment, taking in the scene before him prior to proceeding with warm greetings and good wishes.

"Bella, my dear." His voice boomed with pleasure. "How wonderful to see you and how lovely you look." If I had been paying attention to Carlisle's face instead of his words, I would have noticed the pointed look he gave at the position of Edward's hands.

I disentangled myself reluctantly from Edward to approach Carlisle. While Carlisle had been a fond and loving adoptive father, there had always been a little restraint in our relationship. I had always deemed the added burden of being the Chairman of Cullen-Swan, knowing one day that I would be a major player in the firm, added gravity to Carlisle's interactions with me in much a similar vein to his serious relationship with his eldest son Edward.

Despite this, the affection between us remained. Reflecting my genuine pleasure in seeing him again, I rewarded him with an affectionate buss on the cheeks. Hugs were exchanged and a warm invite extended.

"Come through my dear, I wanted to have a word with you and Edward in my office before our morning meetings. Is that ok?"

Without waiting for an answer, he turned and motioned us to begin making our way through doors at the opposite end of the boardroom. Nodding in agreement and momentarily at peace with the state of my relationship with Edward, I followed Carlisle into the chairman's office.

The office was really a suite situated in the centre of the executive wing across the hall from the boardroom. Like the other executive suites, it show cased wall to floor glass windows behind the enormous desk and exhibited tasteful decor in classic muted tones. The masculine flavour of the room was complemented by rich Californian hardwood bookshelves, a small built in bar and black leather lounges.

Every time I entered this room, echoes of power and prestige hung in the air, deepening my awe and today, adding to my slight sense of nervousness.

With every step, I was conscious of Edward directly behind me. My body reacted to his nearness with awareness and ever deepening arousal. My nipples remained almost painfully pointed and moisture soaked my thong as a result of our passionate kisses in the boardroom. My breath had evened out by the time I seated myself into the luxurious leather chair in front of Carlisle's desk. A covert glance at Edward revealed his imposing body being lowered into the other seat, his composure seemingly unaffected by our earlier exchange. We sat so close, that my knee accidentally grazed his grey suited thigh, causing us both to immediately lock onto each other in silent shock at the electric sensation generated by the small contact.

The sound of Carlisle clearing his throat snapped my attention back to the matter at hand. Not by tone or demeanour had he indicated that the scene he had walked in on in the boardroom was by any means dissimilar or unusual to other occasions when Edward and I had demonstrated affection towards each other. By arriving at this conclusion, I eased some of my embarrassment and enabled a shift of focus to the business of the day.

Seating himself behind the Chairman's desk, Carlisle began speaking in muted yet determined tones. "Bella, my dear, Edward and I have a matter that necessitates discussion with you as the major shareholder in Cullen-Swan. We would like to present a motion to the Board at the next meeting but thought it best to meet with you face to face prior to that to decide our next course of action. Subsequently, I have advised all Board members the meeting will be held next week."

The seriousness, with which Carlisle spoke, had me shifting apprehensively in my seat. I shot an anxious look at Edward from the corner of my eye but his relaxed bearing gave no indication as to precisely what topic warranted such considered forethought.

"Carlisle?" My interest was spiked. I trusted the Cullens with my life. My father trusted Carlisle with his firm and his daughter. Surely it could be nothing that was not in the best interests of either?

"Well Bella, it really is due to Edward." Pride filtered through in the choice of words. Once again l took a sideway glance at Edward but nothing was conveyed from his body language or manner.

"Yes?" I turned back to Carlisle with a questioning frown.

"It really comes down to this," Carlisle offered by way of explanation. "Edward's successful defence for the Denali Manufacturing Company in the hearings against the NTSB brought us some considerable accolades in Chicago. As we debated at our last board meeting, Cullen-Swan has long considered expanding the firm nationwide and we.. Edward and I, think that Chicago is the right place to open our next office."

He paused, waiting for a reaction from me but my inherent sense of wariness prevented comment until I had the full facts. With neither approval nor dissent forthcoming from my direction, Carlisle persisted. "The Denalis are extremely grateful with the work the firm has done and have offered to assist with the expansion by engaging us on retainer as their in-house lawyers. This could really be shrewd business tactic for us. Any expansion to another major city would require millions of dollars of investment to be released from the firm's accounts and months, if not years of discussion with the Board. This way, we can respond rapidly to an opportunity with low risk and sure fire guarantee of success."

To say I was surprised by the suggestion, financially sound or not was an understatement but like any business woman worth her while I was prepared to consider all options once the facts were on the table. After all, this is what I would be doing in the future as a joint CEO with Edward.

"What do we know about the Denali?" Impatient questions began to emerge.

To my surprise, Edward answered the question. "Eleazar Denali is 60, his wife Kate is 55, their children are Garrett, who is 30 and their youngest Tanya is 25. Automobile manufacturing, based in Chicago for forty years. Close-knitted Italians. Eleazar is the CEO, Garret is the Chief Engineer, and Tanya is their Public Relations Officer."

The answer was rattled off as if learned by rote.

As I tried to process the information Edward supplied, a nagging thought escalated to the surface and demanded an immediate response. "Hang on, are you telling me that our client, the client that was taken to the federal court by the NTSB for suspected safety negligence is considered a good shareholder in Cullen-Swan? Do we really want to get into a bed with firm with _that_ hanging over it?"

"Bella, I _won_ the case remember." Edwards prompt answer had me sitting back in my seat, a little bewildered at the exasperation in his tone. "It was the suppliers fault. Nobody at Denali's was found to be at fault." I was amazed at his vehement tone but guessed this is what made him the kick- ass top class lawyer that he was.

"But you have a right to be concerned with whom we partner. I can tell you that the Denalis brilliantly handled the press on the announcement of innocent verdict. Tanya made a statement acknowledging the loss that the victims had endured and introduced the establishment of a charity organisation directed at car safety." He paused for a moment before sharing his point of view further. "I got to know the family a little during my time in Chicago. They are decent, hard working people and I think they would make an excellent merger partner for _us_ Bella."

A sense of uneasiness started to trickle into my consciousness. Edward even mentioning another woman's name released emotions, previously unearthed, of jealousy and possessiveness. I struggled to stay focused on the conversation as I internally battled to keep a lid on my volatile passions. Little by little though, his last words seeped into my perception, knocking all other thought from my mind.

"Merger? What exactly do you mean by that?" I whipped back, a sinking feeling pervading my stomach.

"Ah. Yes." Carlisle hesitated for a second before proceeding. "Well there _are_ conditions on the offer."

For some unknown reason, anxiety and anger began to build within me. If I didn't know better, I felt like I was being played by a master.

The next words from Carlisle's mouth confirmed my suspicions.

"The Denali's will bankroll our expansion but only on condition of a share exchange. They have proposed a ten percent stake in Cullen-Swan in exchange for a five year appointment as their in-house lawyers and a five percent interest in Denali. I consider this is a good offer. My advice would be to accept." Carlisle paused for a solitary moment allowing the impact of his words take effect.

"However, it would mean both of us selling a five percent interest in our shares. As a result, while you would remain the major shareholder Bella, you would lose outright ownership of the company. I don't want to sugar coat this, it would be hard for you Bella, but it is the best course of action for the future of the firm."

I took a moment to digest Carlisle's words before lurching to my feet. "What? What the hell do you mean Carlisle?"

Edward rose in immediate response to my alarm and stretched out to grab my hand as if soothing a sullen child. "Bella." He pulled my hand to rest on his chest as if pleading for understanding. For a moment the sensation of holding his hand pushed all other thoughts from my head. My day dreams roared to life for a joyous moment then rudely shattered as he continued with his appeal. "Please baby."

Gesturing towards my chair, he motioned for me to reseat myself. "Sit down and I'll explain."

"What the hell? No! Let. Go. Of. Me." I angrily tugged my hand from his grasp, rejecting the patronising action and words as disrespectful to my role in the firm and age. I was no longer a child and nobody knew that better than Edward himself.

There was NO fucking way I was going to sell any of my shares in Cullen-Swan. There was no fucking way I was going to give up my ownership in this firm and if that meant blocking this action then I was resolved to pursue that course.

How dare they! How _fucking_ dare they.

Disappointment in the Carlisle and Edward intensified rapidly. Their seemingly innocent request had worsened the confusion and anger that weighed down on me like a heavy cloak. _How_could they ask me to give up any part of my parents that remained mine? How could _he_ ask me?

It wasn't the pride or prestige of ownership that made me angrily refute the offer. This was my last precious link to my parents and choosing to give up a single share would be like tearing my own heart out.

I had always been of the view that no one had known it better than Edward. He had always shared my inner thoughts of belonging to and longing for the firm. It provided a source of identity as I grew to womanhood in a household dominated by the Cullens. In addition to the chocolate brown eyes inherited from an absent but much loved father, the law firm that proudly carried his name was a lone reminder that I was a _Swan_.

To sell it, to willingly barter away what he had so carefully nurtured and developed was a rejection of every deeply grained value with which I lived my life. It always boiled down to profit over love? Such an action would weaken the links in the chain of my identity and self respect.

Every single share in my possession was a living legacy to the lives of Charlie and Renee Swan, just as I was an embodiment of their dreams, hopes and desires.

I would never _ever_ sell a single share of mine to another.

Neither to a Denali nor even a Cullen...no matter the outcome.

No matter the cost to me, to the Cullens or my relationship with the Cullens.

This last thought stirred me into action. "How dare you!" I choked out. My eyes glued on Edward, wilfully accusing him of this final betrayal. "You... you know what this firm means to me."

My eyes fell to the ground, desperate to keep my composure even as I felt Edwards heavy-lidded gaze fixed upon me. My emotions had me in a head spin as fury, anger, and treachery emerged as victors. The last emotion bringing tears to my eyes and heralding an imminent breakdown.

There had been so much volatility and explosiveness between Edward and I in our last two encounters that I was suffering emotional whiplash. I was at my breaking point and could not take this any longer.

Not now.

Not today.

I needed out. _Now _before I broke down in a torrent of tears.

Forks. I was going to Forks.

I needed to talk to my parents. I needed to feel close to them by being in the place where they were finally laid to rest.

And I needed to be away from Edward.

"No." The words roared from my mouth, the first words in response to a seemingly reasonable proposal.

"How could you?" I swung my whole body to face Edward, the pent up emotions of betrayal and disloyalty causing me to shiver where I stood. "How could you do this to me…?" As tears began to spill onto my cheeks, I repeated my pleas. "How could you, to _me_?" I held my tongue on the end of the sentence as I soundlessly repeated the next words in my mind. "When it was just twenty minutes ago you were kissing me like our lives depended on it? _How?_"

Watching my face intently, he reached out a hand in unspoken appeal but the gesture served only to initiate flight. Unable to see clearly through my weeping, I stumbled towards the elevator on autopilot, conscious of Edward calling my name in frustration behind me.

'Bella…Please….Bella... Wait." His footsteps sounded immediately behind mine causing me to step away faster. I contemplated taking the stairs but forty five flights left me with little choice but to impatiently stab at the elevator call button. I prayed for the damned elevator to arrive before Edward could reach me.

As I stepped into the opening doors, a hard hand seized me.

Looking down, my eyes hungrily roamed the muscled forearm with which he tightly gripped my arm, attempting to prevent my departure and drawing me back to his body.

Gathering my resolve, I hissed at him like a spiteful cat. "Stop it. Please. Edward …just let me go." Words born in anger and fury but ending in defeat. "I can't do this…not _please_ let me go." Half heartedly I made an attempt to pull myself away from his hold but with little success.

Not once during the exchange could I look him in the eyes, knowing that if I did, all willpower to leave would dissolve in a desire to be near him. However, the faithless accusation floating in my voice did not go unrecognised by Edward. He reluctantly released my arm and bent to whisper a threat into my ear. "My Bella. My _not_ so little Bella. I'll let you go… _for now. _But I am _coming for you_ and we _are_ going to talk. You need to trust _me _baby._"_

A chill trickled up my spine. Excitement battled fear, rearing its head and seeking solace in the promise held within Edward's words.

With only silence spinning between us, his hand fell from my body, allowing escape.

I could suddenly feel nothing but the biting cold yet I nodded in silent acquiescence with Edward's intentions. Without turning to glance back, I collected myself to walk into the elevator. My hand darted out to press the doors closed. As they drew silently forward, my eyes frantically searched then locked onto Edward's fiery green orbs.

* * *

**Edward PoV**

As the elevator doors closed, my eyes held Bella's until the last possible moment. The tears pooling in her beautiful brown eyes were tearing me apart. Every protective emotion contained in my body roared to life, every instinct to guard her from pain and sorrow reared its head. I understood her grief today, sensing her feelings of loss and betrayal but all I wanted to do was what I had always done since she had been a child -hold her, protect her and comfort her.

Tell her it would all be alright; that _we_ would move past this like we had all other hurdles.

Together.

But our relationship was changing and lately, it seemed the source of all of Bella's pain was me.

Always me -hurting her, rejecting her.

I stood in silence, staring at the elevator for several minutes, tracking its movement to the basement as it took her further from me with every passing floor. Frustration and anger at the situation we found ourselves in flared to life. Shit. Shit. Shit .Shit. Shit. This was not what _I wanted. _

_Fucking hell._

I slammed my hand in aggravation against the elevator console. The slight sense of pain on impact was reassuring in its sensation. It was only ten o'clock in the morning and the day had gone to shit already.

Grimly accepting the fucking mess that was my relationship with Bella, I trawled my fingers through my hair; it's now tousled state appropriately reflecting my conflict. As I marched back to the boardroom, my mind formulated next steps. I resigned myself to undertake the back to back meetings in my diary before I could find Bella.

And I _would_ find Bella.

I _needed_ to find Bella.

I would find her. Talk to her. Fuck h...

All inner desires evaporated as I came to a sudden halt. There facing me, stood Carlisle. He had stirred not a single step from the position in which i had left him when I charged out of his office after Bella. His whole demeanour radiated displeasure. Arms were folded in two, eyes narrowed suspiciously and a certain wariness battled with the disgruntled frown encapsulating his face.

_Fuck.  
_  
This was _not_ good.

But before a single breath could leave my mouth, harsh words assaulted my ears.

"Exactly what the hell is going on between you and Bella?"

Carlisle was not pleased.

"And when are you going to tell her about Tanya?"

* * *

**Ally Note:**

**Thank you for reading and all the favourites & reviews. **

**More EPOV soon… Jealousward and I will be in hiding on the twi thread (link on my profile)**

**But pls go ahead and leave me/him some love/hate here. You can even flame us if you want ;) **

**Cheers**

**AllyinPerth (twitter).**

**Next update: March 22****nd****.**


	8. Turn

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**Ally Note:**

**Thank you to all the readers. **

**Your reviews and feelings toward Jealousward have made my week.**

**Team Guardian, you rock as always! (TwilighterNY, Maria2906, Renas40 and Callsignc30)**

**This chapter was particularly difficult for me to write. For being so supportive and providing wise words of advice, I'd like to thank LambCullen. In addition, her rec of Guardian in the latest Chapter of Tilt was an honour and a pleasant surprise to Team Guardian. *thank you*. Please do yourself a favour and read anything of hers, it's all amazing! **

**Rose Arcadia wrote a sassy and smart review of Guardian on her blog. My thanks Rosie and let's never let another missed opportunity pass us by! **

**If Twilight was mine, the love triangle would consist of only two participants, Edward and Bella. ;) **

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**BPOV**

I closed my eyes, burning Edward's demand to trust him into my memory. The warnings that he was coming for me simultaneously broke me and thrilled me as I battled inner emotions of grief and anger. Motionless until the elevator reached the basement, I exhaled the single breath I had held during the entire descent. Feeling as if I had aged a year for each floor passed, I painstakingly made my way towards Alice's car. Each footstep fanning an ever increasing burden of betrayal on my young shoulders and finally causing me to collapse under its weight. Tears flooded my face and blinded my vision as sharp stomach pains caused me to double over and clutch my stomach.

_How could he do this to me? _

Those wordless pleas screamed through me, sending me tumbling to the basement floor, knees curling up under me to continue with noiseless weeping. My hand bag had fallen open, its scattered contents reflecting my shattered state.

How Edward could coolly negotiate a business merger for Cullen –Swan where _I _was the only real loser was by far the deepest turmoil I had experienced in my life to date. It could, perhaps, only be exceeded by the death of my parents and the harsh rejection of _that_ evening in the den.

While Edward had played no part in the life changing demise of my parents, his signature was all over the personal and professional rejections dealt out in the last few months. As this stray thought penetrated my violently swinging emotions, anger began to dominate the inner symphony playing out in my heart and mind.

Nobody was going to do this to me.

Nobody.

Not to me, not to my father.

_Not even Edward._

Fury began to bubble to the surface as I stonily acknowledged that there was nowhere or no one to whom I could turn, whose last name was not Cullen.

And that situation could _not_ remain the same.

For my own sanity, I needed someone in my professional life that would place me at the top of their priority list, regardless of last name.

Still wracked with sobs, I fumbled for my cell amongst the strewn contents of my handbag. Pressing the speed dial # 2 button, I impatiently waited for the voice of the only person in whom my trust remained. As soon as the call was picked up, I rushed to speak.

"Alice..." my voice caught on a cry. "Alice, I need your help." Silent sobbing strained my next words. "Please_ Alice. _I need a lawyer to… to help...to help me keep Cullen- Swan."

Moments of shocked silence passed between us before Alice gasped out her amazement. "Bella? What the _hell _is going on?"

As I sat on the car park basement floor of the Meyer building, clutching the cell to my ear, the devastating events of the morning were shared.

* * *

Two hours later, the weather continued to play havoc with my line of sight. I could barely see the road fifty feet ahead as I squinted through the heavy mist and sleet that streaked down on the US 101. The distressing events of the day and perilous road conditions had my already delicate nerves stretched taut. While the drive to Forks helped mediate my inner disbelief at the events of the day, there was a small sense of wrestling back control emerging due to the course of action to which I was committed. I would no longer be a helpless victim, the young Swan sibling, to be protected and cosseted.

Forty five minutes outside of Forks, the pealing sound of my phone alerted me to the fact that someone was urgently trying to contact me. I steered the car towards the shoulder of the road. Turning off the engine but keeping the headlights on in the quickly darkening afternoon, I reached across the drivers console to fish my cell out of my handbag.

Jiggling my head to ensure I didn't drop the phone I spoke in greeting: "Isabella Swan."

"Good afternoon Miss Swan," a rich, velvety yet unfamiliar voice toned out. "My name is Demetri Volturi, with Volturi Law. I specialise in Corporation Law. Alice Cullen requested I give you a call."

His voice dripped honey but silence reigned as shivers crept up my spine. Momentarily startled at the physicality of my reaction, I paused a few seconds to collect my thoughts before speaking.

"Thank you for calling so promptly Mr Volturi." My response was perfectly professional. I may have only been eighteen but I desperately needed him to view my situation as serious; _to treat it and me with some gravity._

"Call me Demetri, and if I may, I'd like to call you Isabella?" His self confident tone rattled a little while at the same time an underlying glimmer of charm caused me to smile.

"Of course," I nodded to no one in particular.

"Do you have a minute to talk about the details of your case?"

_Boy, he did get straight down to business. _

"Isabella?"

I didn't correct him on my preferred use of name. The manner in which he said _Isabella_ conveyed a sense of strength and comfort. And right now, these were supports I dearly needed from anyone whose last name was _not_ Cullen.

"How do you know Alice Cullen?" I burst out in urgent need to determine the depth of his knowledge regarding my history. It was of prime importance that I discovered where his loyalties would lie. _If _I found myself in the devastating scenario of being pit against Edward, I would need a strong ally to advise and guide me through a corporate merger, on _my _terms.

"Actually, I only know Alice through her brother. " He reiterated. "Edward and I are colleagues...Seattle Prep, College, Home, joining our respective family's Law firms; although he's a Dartmouth man and I'm a Yale man." He smirked at the minor but infinitely important difference. "Same social scene, same work functions. That's where I met Alice. _And Jasper_."

"Oh." It appeared Demetri was trying to impart a platonic relationship with Alice but disappointment in his obvious familiarity with the family overruled any further thoughts.

"So you know the Cullens then?" I wasn't exactly sure how Demetri Volturi would work as my personal lawyer, seeing as the primary requirement was someone in my corner who was mine. _All mine._

As if he could sense my hesitation, he persisted. "I've worked on numerous corporate mergers over the last ten years, Isabella; some with the Cullens, others as their opposing counsel. I _know_ how they do business and I think I could be of assistance to you."

A small pause in the conversation occurred before he completed his request. "Could I suggest we meet on your return from Forks and discuss your case further? Perhaps lunch next week? I understand there is a Cullen- Swan Board meeting on the 30th and you would like legal representation prior to that?"

The evident self confidence struck me as I pondered the wisdom of aligning myself with someone who may or may not strive in my best interests. I had yet to determine which way the cards would fall in this game of allegiance. However, my silence must have motivated Demetri further.

"I want to assure you Isabella, that _if_ I take on a client, _she_ becomes my most important priority. Not friends, not colleagues and certainly not Edward Cullen. There is _no_ conflict of interest. With some of our recent corporate battles, you can be certain that we may have a healthy rivalry but overall there is no love lost between me and Cullen!" The tone of his voice carried a grimace. There was obviously some history between Edward and Demetri and it wasn't all pleasant.

My heart perked up as shock and a little guilt raced through me at the hope his words had fired. I never dreamed that in the event that I would be fighting for ownership of Cullen- Swan that I would see Edward as my opponent rather than the man who would console me, fortify me with his strength, and steer me through those precarious waters.

_Today_, to my deep distress, it looked like that role was going to go to Demetri.

I fervently hoped that the next words out of my mouth would not lead to a lifetime of regret.

Although I remained a little perplexed as why Alice would suggest someone who was potentially not Edward's favoured choice, those answers would wait for another day.

Taking a deep breath, I somewhat timidly affirmed his request.

"Okay. That would be lovely Demetri. Where are your offices?"

Our phone conversation concluded as we confirmed an appointment the following week in downtown Seattle before heading out to lunch in an attempt to further acquaint ourselves with each other. I promised to forward all relevant documents prior to the meeting in order to ensure that he was sufficiently prepared to accompany me to the boardroom. This was a hand of cards that I doubted _anyone_ saw coming.

It was close to three in the afternoon as I drove up the winding lakeside road where both the Cullen and Swan summer homes were located. Today, two days before Christmas, snow covered the ground, making it appear like a winter wonderland.

If not for the horror that had played out in this town ten years earlier, my heart would have leapt with pleasure at seeing my old home again.

While we had returned many summers later to spend vacations at the Cullen summer home, my parents' house had remained untouched by hands or time. Over the last three years, I had made a point to spend an hour in the house, anxiously attempting to replace the horror of that last afternoon with the many bittersweet memories that preceded it. I pottered about, changed sheets, watered plants, and straightened pictures trying to recreate the warm home that existed during my mother's life.

I held an innocent desire to keep the house in my family, for my own children, so that they too could enjoy idyllic summer afternoons playing with their friends, chasing each other across the meadow between the two homes just as I had done. In my mind's eye, I had always considered those friends to be the children of Alice or Emmett but over the last few months as I acknowledged my ever deepening feelings for Edward, more and more I imagined my children also being his.

My daydreaming ceased as I pulled the car into the driveway of my old home. I could see lights streaming across the meadow from the Cullen home as Alice had advised the housekeeper to expect me. However the Swan home was blanketed by an eerie blackness and an almost unnatural stillness.

A slight feeling of trepidation washed over me as I opened the car door. Normally Edward accompanied me on my fleeting visits but today by my own desire, I was alone. Whether it was the atmospheric conditions of dark skies, inches of undisturbed snow across the ground or the pure clean silence, I felt very out of sorts as I climbed the stairs to the porch.

Rattling with the lock, I recalled that the house was cleaned once a month by the same caretakers who looked after the Cullens, so there would be no cause for alarm at the state of the room. As I switched on the light, my eyes danced happily ready to take in the cosy, homey furnishings and picture frames so lovingly displaying precious memories of my childhood.

However as I stepped inside a wave of nausea zoomed through my body, roiling in the pit of my stomach. Horror flared and my eyes widened as they ogled the graphic markings slashed in black across the living room wall. Four feet high, still dripping with paint, the words screamed an ominous message.

**"_Die you bitch. DIE or GIVE BACK what's mine." _**

Neon signs ten feet high flashing _run_ danced before my eyes.

Panic.

Horror.

_Flight._

I wasn't hanging around to play detective. With no care for my belongings, I bolted for the safety of the car, frantically checking to see if anyone was behind me.

The paint was fresh. Someone had been here _very _recently.

Urgently trying to get into the car, I yanked wildly on the door handle praying desperately for it to open. Without even fastening my seatbelt, I locked all the doors, enclosing myself in a safe haven as I screeched Alice's brand new Audi out of the driveway in reverse.

After two minutes of fleeing on autopilot and without any awareness of exactly where I was heading, I brought the car to a stop. My hands trembled; fingers shaking as I clumsily dialled the local police number.

On the third ring, a relaxed male voice answered. "Forks Police. Officer Black."

"Pl...please." I stuttered haltingly, fear still spiralling through me. "There's been a break- in and I… I think I'm in danger."

"Where are you Miss?" The Officer countered back, an urgent tone creeping into the question. "_Miss?_"

_Silence. _

"Miss, please. Where? Where are you? What's your name?" Pressing questions were fired even as I could hear the start of a police siren over the phone line.

"Um…err I'm Bella Swan. I…. I. am." The fright and terror shuddering through me was evident in the stilted sentence I spoke. I could barely string words together as my teeth chattered in shock.

"Bella? As in old Charlie Swan's daughter?" Disbelief travelled down the phone line. "Bella, if that's you, stay right there, we'll be with you in five minutes."

The line went dead.

Dropping the cell to the car floor, I clasped my head in my hands, feverishly taking in deep gasps of air in a desperate attempt to calm myself. After a few crucial moments to regather my composure, I steered the car back into the direction from which I fled. As I pulled up in front of the house, I could see and hear police sirens flashing from the marked police car in the driveway.

A strange sense of déjà vu crept over me as my gaze locked onto an Officer outside on the phone, while another appeared through the front door, waving his flashlight in a familiar search pattern. Flashbacks to the night of the murder crashed upon me. Drawing every last ounce of strength from my emotional reserves, I swallowed the panic that threatened to engulf me, schooling myself to wait patiently for an Officer to engage me.

A few minutes later, an immensely tall, Native American policeman approached the car. He bowed down to speak with me, pointing the flashlight in my face.

"Bella? Bella Swan?" His voice queried, surprise registering across his somewhat handsome face.

"Yes?" _Who was this guy?_

"Bella. It's me. Jacob Black. Billy's son!" Strange excitement pervaded his statement.

"Jacob?" The name sounded familiar but in my present state I could not immediately recall the connection.

'It's me Bells. You know. Jake. Billy's son. Charlie's fishing partner?" Hope coloured his every word as if some amazing reunion was imminent.

The truth was I was weary, emotionally exhausted and terrified out of my wits. I required consolation not celebration as fervent wishes that this day had never happened crashed over me. But having been raised by Esme Cullen for over last ten years, instead of dissolving into a puddle of angst, I steeled myself to be polite to a man that I could barely recall.

"Jake? Hi! Sorry I didn't recognise you, it's been a somewhat difficult day."

An understatement, if ever there was one.

All in one soul destroying day, it was brought home to me that not only was I losing my best friend, guardian, and possibly my company but my life was now potentially at risk. My brain struggled to comprehend the enormity of the situation I found myself in as I gingerly stepped out of the car to narrate the events of my arrival in Forks.

Replaying the scenes of earlier in the day and recounting how I had discovered the house desecrated by the threats on the wall left me drained. As Jake and his partner Seth took details of my find, asking numerous sharp questions about motive and opportunity, my whole body began to emotionally crash.

I ached to find a bed in the Cullen house and plunge into days of endless sleep in the hope that when I awoke, the events of today had never transpired.

There would be no black paint slashed across my living room, Cullen- Swan would not be the target of any merger, and Edward would have greeted me with unrestrained joy on my return from New Hampshire.

But today _had _happened and none of those wishful hopes and dreams could be realised. Our paths were changing and pain was inevitable.

After a further hour of interrogation, Jake and Seth agreed to meet me the next morning to continue their search of the house in daylight. Concerns for my immediate safety were expressed. After conveying to Jake that I would be staying at the Cullen residence where I was expected and which, furthermore had been transformed into Fort Knox after the ugly murders of my parents, no further dialogue was entered into on the topic.

After all, once the house had been armed for the night, there was no way into the Cullen home without immediate alerts to police and private security.

I could be nowhere safer.

The irony was not lost on me despite my fractured emotional state. My personal safety resided in the hands of those who had set in motion events that would crumble my professional security.

Thanking Jake and Seth graciously for their speedy response to my 911 call, I headed to my last stop and the _only_ reason for making this annual Christmas pilgrimage. Shaken and with more than a little fear firing my veins, I thought twice about making this stop tonight. After all, if someone wanted me dead, here at the cemetery would be an ideal place to carry out that act.

I sat in the parking lot of the church for over twenty minutes, my eyes darting, investigating each sway of trees and imagined shadows. The nausea pooling in my stomach threatened to launch itself all over the car forcing me to open the door and heave onto the pavement below. Taking a swig of water to wash out my mouth, I spent a few moments gathering my frazzled thoughts.

In the end, fear was not going to keep me from my loved ones. Fear was not going to drive me into submission or cowardice. I was here to see my parents and no threat, real or imagined would stop me.

Resolved to accept my fate, come what may, I trudged through snow and the now heavy sleet to the corner of the church yard that lovingly entombed my deceased parents. A wreath recently delivered was displayed in pride of place with the words so familiar to me.

**"_In loving memory of my parents, Charlie and Renee Swan _**

**_Whose lives gave me birth and whose deaths made me reborn._**

**_I will love you always_**

**_Your Bella_. "**

As I stood paying my respects, offering love and devastation at their loss, the tension and hollowness of this hellish day intensified. Coupled with the agony of the last four months, all restraint was finally defeated. There, in front of my parents' final resting place, I fell to the ground, splayed out, bawling hysterically like a baby into the cold dank snow. Awareness receded as the damp wetness of the ice seeped through my clothes, slowly turning them sodden and inciting uncontrollable shivering.

Begging for some release from the ever building crescendo of grief, I wailed for all my losses.

Past. Present. Future.

Tears spilled down - a torrent of pain for my parents, for Edward, and for Cullen- Swan.

How long I lay there was unknown. The skies had been pitch black as I had arrived and now minutes or hours later, only stars twinkling across the night sky tracked the time I lay weeping.

All feeling disappeared into oblivion and before me, my vision went black.

I must have drifted in and out of consciousness as when I next woke, I was being lifted into strong arms. Through the freezing haze, I observed trees swaying above me as I was transported seamlessly from the cemetery.

A much loved husky voice crooned silky words. "God Bella. Baby. Ssshh. I've got you." His large male body gathering me close, pledging an exchange of body heat.

I must have been whimpering my distress as more words were uttered in an effort to soothe. His voice dropped further, intimacy lining every cadence. "Baby. Ssshhh It's okay. It's okay. You're safe." Familiar arms pressed me forcefully into a powerful chest, clasping me tightly as if I was the most precious possession. My eyes fluttered open, desperate to drown in the loving promise held deep within Edward's emerald gaze.

He was here.

_With me._

He came.

_For me._

As he had vowed.

But words of comfort, failed to reach me in the agony of hurt in which I now existed. Shock and possibly the onset of hypothermia delayed my reactions. If truth be told I wanted all of it to vanish. I didn't want to face the facts that Edward and I were at odds. Our relationship primed at that precarious tipping point where the absolute last place I should find myself would be in _his_ arms.

Yet here I was, comforted by his strength and body heat.

As warmth invaded my frozen drenched form, resolve warily raised its head, replacing want. I would not be able to gaze upon myself in the mirror tomorrow if I gave in now to the yearnings of lust and desire that always crashed through my body whenever I glimpsed at Edward's face. Self- respect and anger trickled, then flooded through my brain to fling violent accusations on behalf of the parentless teenager within me.

Let. Me. Go." I thrashed hopelessly against the dominant arms enclosing me, desperate to resist Edward's lure. Between wild fits of crying and fuming rage, I spat the next words at him. "How could you? You bastard! How dare you?" Livid at his treatment of me earlier in the day, no amount of petting or crooning would invoke my forgiveness.

Freeing both hands, I thumped furiously against his chest. "Fucking let me go, you bastard!"

I snapped one hand back ready to slap him viciously across one cheek when he seized my hand in a tight hold, rolling it closed, and placing it on his heart. Sorrow and remorse lined his beautiful green eyes however my incendiary speech only drove Edward to clasp me tighter to him. He marched towards his car without breaking a stride, my body captured within his arms, my struggles and shouts meeting with little or no success. I would have called for help if there had been anyone to call to. "Please Edward, don't do this. Please let me go?"

For _what_ I was pleading was not clear even to me.

The unexpected, almost physical confrontation between us must have affected his emotional equilibrium as his gait slowed and his next words were murmured with purpose and soft promises. "Never Bella! I'll _never_ let you go."

His grip bordered on pain and pleasure all at the same time. With controlled violence, he yanked sharply on my head, eyes locking intently on to my face, before his heated emerald stare briefly swept up then down my mouth to land on my distraught gaze.

My sobbing swelled as the futility of our tussle dawned upon me.

"God, Bella." Warm breaths tickled my ears, pleading for the possibility of a fair hearing. His voice, smooth like chocolate ensnared my every attention. "Please baby. Don't do this. Please? We'll find another way. I promise. Please don't cry. Whatever the cost, we'll find another way. I promise." His voice softened, the final words almost as a desperate whisper floating in my hair. "We need to talk, really talk…_about everything_ but please baby, let me get you home. You'll make yourself sick this way."

As his words seeped into my consciousness, my weeping stuttered to a halt. I remained sheltered in Edward's arms, my heartbeat drifting slower and my eyes fluttering shut as my body began to quake with uncontrollable shivers.

I must have gone into hypothermic shock or a cold induced faint because my next memories were of steam wafting through the classic master suite bathroom of the Cullen home as the bath filled with hot swirling water. I sat shivering under a blanket in a corner of the bathroom floor, teeth chattering, too shaky to notice that I wore nothing but small scraps of lace lingerie covering the most delicate areas of flawless porcelain skin.

Despite the trembling that overtook me, I recognised the beauty of Edward's muscled long limbed form stripped down only to his black boxer shorts which clung to his powerful thighs.

Observing my critical state, Edward had thrown a blanket around me as he raced us back to the Cullen house, frantically drawing a bath to in which to submerge my frozen limbs. Unfortunately my semi- conscious form made it impossible for him to place me in the shower or bath alone, as I could barely stand from the shock and bitter cold. As preparations for the bath were finalised, he crouched down to peer directly into my eyes. His luminous green depths spearing straight into mine, piercing my heart with their silent plea for understanding.

"Bella. Baby I need to get you into the bath. I have to get you warm… ok?"

I blinked at Edward for a second, silently acquiescing to his request as I dropped the blanket and moved to wrap my arms around his neck. No further words were spoken as he swept me up into his arms and slowly sank the both of us, neck deep into the steaming hot water. The graceful movements filled my body with languor as his hair roughened legs stretched out the length of the old fashioned claw foot bath, trapping my graceful form between them.

The position in which our bodies now lay screamed possession, but also conveyed the tenderness of protection. The delicate skin of my near naked back pressed gently against his ripped chest, the brute force in his arms restrained to tenderly clasp my body, hands crossing perilously close to my lace covered breasts. Edward made no move to transform this gentle act of worship and succour to a sexual one.

It was I who suddenly came alive, self control leaving my physical form as my senses indulged in the feel of Edward pressed up against me with little but air between us.

While the events of the morning were not forgotten or forgiven, I had taken giant leaps in reclaiming my life and my identity today. I loved Edward Cullen, of that there was no doubt in my mind.

Irrevocably.

His feelings for me were hard to read. He seemed conflicted, yet possessive. His actions were volatile and almost disrespectful at times causing me to feel both emotional and physical whiplash.

But of one thing I was sure.

For as much as Edward Cullen would hurt me, he would heal me.

In that I had faith.

And with the emerging threat to my life, I recognised that he would protect me with his very existence.

The links between us would be stretched but never broken. We may not always agree but as our relationship altered we would navigate and design new bonds between us.

Adult bonds and not those of child and protector.

A relationship of equals.

Now was not the time to launch into explanations and justifications. In taking a step towards womanhood, I accepted that all of my actions today had led me to this point in time. I needed to own and accept the consequences of those choices.

I pushed all thoughts of boardroom politics to one side. If Edward and I were to ever have a future, if _he _was to ever admit the strength of emotion between us, there would be times in that future where our professional lives would be in conflict. I had _no_ intention of giving up a single share in the firm but any future with Edward would require us to separate the depths of our personal feelings from our professional ones.

At this very moment I was prepared to grace our budding relationship with time and choose to trust Edward. To listen and discuss. To leave all judgments until everything was out on the table, laid bare between us.

As I lay dozing in the warm water, I could feel the effect my closeness was having on Edward. His body hardened beneath the firm curves of my bottom but weariness and contentment inhibited our movements, encouraging us to luxuriate in the heat of the bath water and rejoice in our proximity to each other. As flames crept through my body, I nestled my head lower into the graceful curve of Edward's soft neck, sighing with pleasure as heat and moisture incrementally inched through me.

Stretching cat-like, I rubbed back and forth against his chest as his hands streaked leisurely up and down my thighs, thumbs rimming the creases between my legs and hips. Heat not connected to the temperature of the bath pooled inside of me. Intensity climbed as I gripped his forearms in my trembling hands, swinging my head a fraction to blindly root out his mouth with my own.

Without hesitation, Edward pressed his lips softly to mine. For once, there was no anger or jealousy driving his actions. We were simply two people sharing an intimate moment, moist lips quivering gently, rhythmically lingering, and moving apart.

Gentle kisses.

Warm murmurs of endearments.

With every loss of contact, our lips homed in on each other, urgency building with each meeting, pressure increasing with every kiss, tongues entangling harder with each exchange. Edward's hands slowly lifted to worship my tender breasts, fingers curling gently across lace covered peaks in time with the languorous swipes of his tongue.

I moved restlessly against his body, feeling his ever growing hardness pressed up against my back as I struggled to find a position that eased the need swelling within me.

Suddenly without warning he stood, water dripping from both of our bodies as he swept me high against his chest, his mouth twisting to feather my own. As he manoeuvred us from the bath, a small break in contact had me whispering a startled question.

"Where are we going?"

A long pause reigned as Edward intently searched my eyes seeking silent assent. He must have found the approval he sought as his next words voiced our mutual acknowledgement.

"To Bed."

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**Ally Note: **

**Hello, hello, still with me on this crazy B/E love story? Does everyone still hate Edward? Or are we cross with Bella now? **

**A bit of news, Team Guardian have put together a blog where you can share the thoughts, music, clothes, locations and other items relevant to the story. Check it out at www (dot) team-guardian (dot) BlogSpot (dot) com **

**You know what to do, please leave Jealousward a review, I think he is going to earn that name in the upcoming weeks. More EPOV soon. **

**Cheers **

**Ally **

****

**Next update: 4 April as I have my company ball next Saturday night! Look out for drunken tweets ;)**


	9. Fracture

**CH 9: Fracture**

**Ally Note: NC17 and ANGST warning! ****As a thank you to all of you who read this fic, I bring you this chapter a week early. My ball be damned. **

**The ladies of the Guardian Twilighted thread also known as The Boardroom, thank you so much for making me laugh so hard this week. I loved the Demetri (Henry Cavill) v Edward (Rob Pattinson) Porn Pic War. **

**Team Guardian, you rock as always with a special thanks to TwilighterNY. Happy Anniversary! **

**If Twilight was mine, there would be no fade to black scenes in Breaking Dawn... details i say..give us details.

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_A long pause reigned as Edward intently searched my eyes seeking silent assent. He must have found the approval he sought as his next words voiced our mutual acknowledgement._

_"To Bed."_

For one moment, a deep swell of contentment washed over me as I relaxed into Edward's hold. My hands of tightened of their own volition around his neck to press my slumberous body closer. I dropped my head to nuzzle his neck, enjoying this rare moment of oneness between us where no harsh words or violent emotions were spent. The peace was reminiscent of my childhood had it not been for the almost painful need washing through me at every point where our bodies meshed.

My eyes fluttered closed to be lost in a world where this was a regular occurrence - Edward sweeping me from our bath to bed. But tonight, my steadily increasing pulse rate reminded me, that with every step he took, we were moving into uncharted territory.

My heartbeat thundered louder as he pushed open the door to his old bedroom. The room of his teenage years had changed significantly, thanks to Esme's predilection to redecorate at any turn. The boyish blue tones of youth had been replaced by a beautiful grey silk covered queen size bed, primed in the middle of the room to enjoy beautiful views out to the lake.

As we approached the bed, Edward relaxed his grip, allowing me to slither down his body to stand on my own two feet. I remained motionless needing guidance, as the burden of emotions from the day had left me incapable of making decisions.

In an almost worshipful gesture, Edward knelt to gently trail a fluffy white towel over my sensitised skin, collecting drops of moisture, while signalling delights to come. I bit my lip to keep from moaning at the soft sweeps of the towel, at once tender and arousing.

Satisfied with his work, he hastily moved to wipe the moistness dripping from his own body. As he completed his task, the towel was firmly wrapped around him, hanging low on his hips as he pulled his boxers to the floor. Kicking the wet underwear to one side, he returned his attention to me, catching me staring at the deep v of his pelvis and the slight trail of hair that disappeared into the towel.

Hard hands interrupted my thoughts, as they hooked into my lingerie, pushing the little damp scraps of nothing off my body, leaving me naked and exposed in front of him. His eyes wildly roaming my face, dropping to absorb my narrow waist, slender thighs and plump up tilted breasts.

But his next words caught me by surprise.

"Get into that bed, Bella." He ordered. "You need sleep."

To say I was shocked by Edward's words was an understatement. I had expected a continuation of the recent passion between us but his words indicated otherwise.

The instinctive desire to argue with him caused a slight hesitation before I dove beneath the luxurious covers. I couldn't take my eyes from Edward's eminently fuckable body as I watched him march to the door, flick a light switch and plunge the room into darkness.

As he made his way back to the bed, I could barely make out his form, my vision assisted only by the moon sparkling on the lake as it sent beams of light dancing into the room. The other side of the bed depressed as the sound of a falling towel was followed by a large oh so male body slipping into the bed beside me. Silence lay between us, only the warmth from the underfloor heating and the sounds of our breathing distracting from the sensual cocoon spinning around us.

There were so many questions rushing through my head. So many answers I needed but the experience of being so close to Edward took precedence. My body sang at his nearness, enjoying the rare harmony that existed between us.

Like a satellite circling the sun, I gravitated to face him, only to find him propped on one shoulder, bed sheet barely covering his hips as he frowned at me. I was at a momentary loss to speak as I soaked in the sight of his magnificent naked body, arms rippled with muscles and abdomen intricately carved.

My mouth watered as I gloried in the view, unconsciously licking my lips. How long I studied that perfect body was lost on me until Edward reached out to lift my stare from his cloaked thighs and tipped my face to his.

"Talk to me Bella." His voice, reflecting my not so hidden yearnings but softly prompting me for my thoughts.

I racked my brains. _Where to start?_ Nuzzling deeper into the pillow, I felt his warm breaths lingering on my cheek, heat eddying from his well built six –foot- one body lying inches away.

My body shrieked at me. "_Red Alert! Red Alert! Gorgeous, fuckable man...in bed with you…just a touch away!" _How the hell I was able to concentrate on his question was beyond me!

"What happened today baby?" he prompted in the absence of a coherent response.

"Tell me._ Please_." Urgency at my lack of communication creeping into his expression.

"God, if I hadn't found you in the cemetery when I did…I," his voice cracked as he finished his heartfelt sentence. "Jesus fucking Christ. I don't know what would have happened."

His obvious distress at my possible fate called to the nurturing woman within me. I slowly raised my palm to lay it flat on his cheek; an act of solace between would-be lovers. In immediate response, his hand flew up to enclose mine within his, turning it to drop a soft kiss on the chilled skin.

Comfortable with our harmony, I recounted the events at the house and the shock of the death threat; Edward bristled as he heard my tale, uttering foul mouthed words intermittently as I explained my assumptions and fears. Just lying so closely to him had me feeling protected and loved. The terror that had raced through me earlier in the day was now supplanted by desire and comfort. As my description of the incident drew to a close, Edward exploded beside me, gripping my face between his palms, the action forceful yet tender all at the same time.

"Jesus Bella! What were you thinking coming up here alone? We always do this trip together. Why not this time?" A genuine care for my safety momentarily overrode his recollection as to the possible cause of my action.

I shut my eyes in distress. My lips remaining zipped as I desperately tried to determine how to broach the heartbreaking reasons for my choice. But those reasons were eventually not lost on Edward.

"This is about this morning isn't it? The share buyout?" A cautious tone creeping into his questions.

I silently nodded then sighed. I needed answers and now was the perfect opportunity to discuss them. Avoidance of ugly truths would not make them any less real or easier to dismiss.

I burst out the one question that churned in my stomach, over and over again, the lack of self response nearly initiating an emotional meltdown.

"Why?"

"Why what Bella?" He coaxed gently. Although I couldn't clearly make out his expression I could sense a little wariness stiffening his body.

Firing back, angry at his apparent obliviousness I pressed for an answer. "You _know_ I will lose control of the firm if we do it that way... so why? It is as much my firm as Carlisle's... so why? Why would _I_ take a deal that leaves me as the only loser Edward?" I automatically retreated to the far corner of the bed, my body preparing itself to be barraged with answers that would spear my sensitive soul.

Instead, a resignation tinted his answer. "It's hard, Bella. Complex….."

"Tell me…" I insisted.

Time had run out.

I needed a satisfactory answer; one that would wash away the pain and rebaptise my belief in Edward.

He sighed, reaching out to pull me back from my safe haven, arranging my stiff upper body to rest on his chest. His arms enclosed around me, no reaction to the sensations from our naked bodies entwining as he launched into his response.

"They made a good offer." His words floated above me, dancing in my hair. "A golden opportunity to expand the firm, no battle with the board to release strategic funds like last time and... well… mostly the ability to realise a vision that both our fathers talked about."

I could feel the tension in his body as he continued. "Bella, you may have been too young, but Charlie always spoke about taking the firm national and in all the negotiating, I lost sight of what this firm actually meant to you. A living legacy from your father… national or not. The only last true thing that you have of his." A sense of remorse filled the room.

There was a small hesitation as if he was afraid to utter the next words. "In my mind baby, you have always been a Cullen….selling shares five percent, ten percent ... to me there was no loser…… we have always been one family. The firm is always yours as much as it will be mine one day. _Always_."

A long silence waltzed around the room before he completed his explanation, his tone gentler and his words tender. "But baby, you broke my heart today. I never, _never_ wanted that for you. I am supposed to look after you, _protect_ you. If I could have taken it all back I would have. I am _so_ sorry Bella."

My eyes flooded with unspilled tears at the sorrow and regret in his voice. I was fortunate the darkness veiled them from Edward as I whispered a plea, desperately hoping my heart would not shatter at his response. "And now Edward? Now what?"

My mind zoomed with his words, too tired to accept this resolution but willing to walk a path of adult discussion. In the confusion and emotion of the day I was too drained to draw any conclusions.

He took a moment to ponder my query before slowly beginning an explanation.

"I don't know Bella. I don't want to ever hurt you like that again….I want to find another way...Perhaps an option, a choice that you can live with that is the best interests of the firm also?" The measured tone of his words gave me some reassurance. There was no anger or fury. Just facts. It wasn't what I wanted to hear but it was the truth.

"After you left...let's just say Carlisle and I had quite a lengthy _discussion. _I know he is exploring alternative options with the Denalis as we speak."

His words raised more questions but the tiredness sweeping my body held me back. A faint hope raised its head, sneakily looking round to ensure it wasn't cut down to its knees, before it jumped for glee.

_I was shattered. _The day's events releasing an enormous yawn from my drained body.

Noticing my exhaustion, Edward soothed my back, running his hands up and down in a circular motion, willing me to sleep. "Baby, we can talk more about this in the morning? Before we head to Seattle?"

Surprised at his request rather than demand brought a smile to my lips. A smile that in fact widened as an order followed.

"Sleep my Bella."

As my eyelids drew heavily to a close, I smirked wryly to myself at his exceptional ability to order me about. He took it absolutely for granted.

Soft lips were pressed to my forehead as darkness fell.

* * *

A few hours later, the heat emanating from the bed saw me twisting to find a cooler place amongst the silk sheets. I shuffled half heartedly seeking respite only to register the swells of well built muscles and the strong beat of a heart beneath my ear.

_Why were the sheets so warm? _

I warily peeked open my eyes, to find myself sprawled across Edward. My own personal x- rated pillow. _My, he was gorgeous. _

_And naked._

We both were, as I recalled.

Head resting on his heart, my hair was splayed across his chest with one leg happily inserted between his muscled thighs. The position vaulted my stirring body into high arousal as the hardness of his morning erection pushed into my stomach. His arms clasped me to him in precious embrace, one gripping my waist to pull me forcefully to him while the other lay possessively across my ass.

_There was nowhere else I would rather be._

Longing pooled within me as I surrendered to the temptation I had so bravely fought last night throughout our conversation. Leaning down, I tentatively tasted his bare chest. The slightly salty taste of his skin only heightening my desire to continue. My tongue slinked out to swipe at his hard flat nipple, my strokes lengthening as I felt his body rumble beneath me, announcing his waking state.

After minutes of delivering mutual enjoyment, the sound of his voice sent pulsations through my heart.

"Mmmm." Contentment echoed across the room." Mmmm...What a nice way to wake up… a beautiful hot blooded woman in my arms." His lazy smile screamed sex, as he dropped a swift kiss to my hair and gathered me closer, willing me onwards in my explorative journey.

_And who was I to deny him?_

Gradually traversing his chest with moist lingering kisses, I got a kick out of all the strangled moans broadcasting his delight. The sensations heightened between us, my body climbing to a quivering peak as I continued my joyous morning task. As I sucked languidly at the join between his neck and shoulder, an unexpected groan saw Edward haul me sharply up to meet his mouth in ravaging need. Every pore in my body ignited as he claimed my mouth with ravenous hunger, desperate to share our spiralling need through the frantic teasing and suckling of lips. Tongues pushed and shoved to lock an absolute hold onto each other's mouths.

Electricity sparked through my veins as I tossed back my hair and broke briefly free of his mouth to sit astride his stomach. Once seated, my damp wet core lay flush against the hard ridges of his abs. My breasts hovered in silent offering to his seeking mouth as every needy thrust of my body hungrily sought the sensation of lips to breasts.

But in a move that only escalated the tension and urgency between us, Edward evaded my peaked nipples to lay gentle caresses on my face. His kisses floated over my jaw and down my neck as he rolled suddenly; pushing me onto my back and guiding my outstretched hands to firmly grip the bed head above me. His hard body pressed into mine, inches of skin luxuriating in the sensations of desire, ripples of pleasure shooting through me at his every movement.

Lifting my lonely mouth, I hungered for contact with his lips.

Moments or hours of fervent kisses were exchanged before a scorching trail of fire traced low between my breasts, slowly circling my stomach and finally coming to rest on the inside of my thighs. He paused a moment, inhaling the smell of my sex before he lowering his mouth. The muscles of his powerful back rippled at the movement, stunning me into sensory overload.

Leisurely shifting closer to the object of his desire, his tongue crept out to shower teasing swipes around my clit, sending me gasping and shuddering against the bed sheets. Fingers followed his mouth, making way for his nose as he plunged deeper into me with his tongue.

The sensations that throbbed through my body thrust me towards an edge. But somehow, my conscious floated above the drowning emotions to inhale in the scene playing out.

Edward and I lay sprawled across the pristine white sheets. Bodies entwined in carnal lust, limbs entangled and fiery murmurs of hunger hanging in the air.

In contrast to Lake Crescent, winking the call of the fresh winter morning through the beautiful bay windows, the heavy scent of sex permeated the room.

_Our sex._

His gorgeous bronze topped head trapped between my thighs, his whole face flush against me, with the sounds of his obvious enjoyment carrying to my ears.

My hands flew to claim fistfuls of his hair, pushing him deeper as I writhed involuntarily, raising my body to beg for the ultimate pleasure.

Sensual feelings crashed over me.

Unfamiliar. Intense. Dazzling.

Momentarily Edward raised his head, licking his lips with a satisfied gesture. "Fuck Baby, you taste so delicious."

Without waiting for any response, he resumed his furious swipes and licks at my clit, two fingers ghosting gently within as he drove me towards oblivion. Matching the frenzied shimmying of my body to the rhythm of his magic tongue, I strained for an elusive goal.

"Oh..Ed..oh…Edw.. jeesus… harder..gghfffff….harder." My moans echoed as pure, unadulterated lust streaked through my veins.

The sexual excess sent my head twisting side to side as I threw my ankles over his shoulders, using my heels to shove him deeper. Moans intensified as I released his hair, to grip the bed head, my knuckles white and my tortured body straining and keening for release.

In almost cruel gesture, as I teetered on the edge of a precipice, Edward retracted his mouth, coming to rest on my stomach and pressing soft kisses on impassioned skin as he growled his appreciation.

"God you're gorgeous."

_A kiss whispered to my stomach_

"How I resisted last night I will never know but I just don't have the strength to fight this anymore."

_A soft moan as his tongue circled my belly button._

"God baby, things I want to do to you."

Licking his lips, he feathered my legs off his shoulders placing them back down onto the bed. He inched his way further up my taut body, worshipful butterfly swirls of each breast and long laps at my nipples which stood pointed firmly to attention, saluting his clever mouth.

_Suckle. A foray to my other nipple. _

As his body weight hovered above me, jade eyes captured my gaze for timeless moments, before gradually lowering his beautiful lips to mine. My hands released the bed head to run rampant in his hair, enjoying the soft silky feel.

As our tongues tangled, I could taste the unfamiliar tang of myself upon him. It was, to my amazement, not the turnoff I expected but rather an acknowledgement of the deepest of intimacies between a man and woman.

As all consciousness drowned in the wet tasting of our tongues, he released me to whisper urgently against my hair. He placed small, playful bites on the shell of my ear as he stated his intentions.

Bella. Fucking hell. I need to be inside of you!" An almost feral need flushed his skin red. "Now!"

His hands assertively lifted me into place to accept his thrusts. My head flailed back in anticipation, as he gripped my thigh, settling it over his hips and deepening his position in the cradle of my legs. Intent lined his face as the weeping tip of his cock lay poised to slip inside of me.

Delirious lust swirled my brain.

I wanted him. _So_ much.

To fuck me.

_Hard._

"Baby...condom?" The need in his voice escalated with every word. "Or are you protected?"

Panting breaths gave away his desire to satisfy us both. _At last._

The question snapped me out of my lust induced dreams as dismay dawned.

_How was I going to tell him? _

I wasn't on the pill. I didn't need to be. No one had snatched my heart away from Edward long enough for me to even desire that intimacy with another. After the disastrous night in the den, I had wept copious tears in my room, confessing my deepest yearnings of wanting that first time to be with Edward.

_Only Edward._

I had never had sex.

Despite having been gloriously naked with the man I loved for over eight hours, embarrassment painted my body a soft hue of pink at the prospect of admitting my virginal state.

The continued silence captured his attention. "Bella?"

A frown swept his face as struggled to comprehend what I wasn't saying. "Pill?" Hands tightened on my waist painfully in anticipation of the answer.

Slowly I shook my head in the negative, shivering with the effort to explain_. "No…never." _

"Bella?" Horror swept his form, eyes flaring wide in disbelief as my words confirmed his suspicions. "Fuck Bella! Are you telling me you're a virgin? This is your first time… _with me_?" His fierce snarl ringing in my ears.

I could only nod in slow motion.

Abruptly he hurled himself away from me, retreating in what appeared abject horror to slip on his boxers in a single movement. Coming to rest at the end of the bed, his stance wide as if awaiting confrontation, fury emanated from every pore of his body as he tore his hands through his hair. "What the fuck Bella? How..? "

At his harsh accusations, I sat dazed on the bed, lost for words. Unmoving.

_What was I supposed to say to him? That I loved him? I wanted him to be the one?_

_That I couldn't bear to have another man's hands on my body? That I belonged only to him?_

Instead tears started to pool in my eyes as I dropped my head in unwarranted shame, scrambling to clutch the bed sheets over my exposed body. I sat knees clenched to my chest, gripping the sheets with hands shaking from lingering desire and dawning fear.

How badly was he going to hurt me_, this time? _

"Fuck, what a mess." Edward's demeanour suddenly severe, all passion and lust buried beneath his forbidding gaze.

"Get dressed. Now!" He growled, anger bouncing off the walls. "And meet me down stairs in ten minutes. We're going home."

My heart screamed at him to take back his furious words. To finish what we had started.

"Edward, _please_…" I lifted wet eyes to seek his, a fracture in my heart growing with every second.

Something in my tone must have connected with Edward, communicating the damage he was inflicting on my emerging womanhood. With great effort he appeared to collect his anger, soften his stance and drop his shoulders in acceptance.

Sorrow fuelled his gaze as he edged towards me in silent entreaty. An almost self loathing suddenly colouring his sighs.

"Bella. Fuck! I...I just wasn't expecting it." His apologies continued as eyes locked onto mine. "God baby, you must know. _We can't do this_… not like this...casually, like it doesn't mean anything. _Not us_. Not this way. I shouldn't have let myself get carried away…not with you…not like that…not with so much left to resolve."

His voice carried conviction but what he was begging for remained obscure to me. His every action was a mystery, some agenda followed where I was the only person unaware of motives and meanings.

I loved him. _I knew that_. But even as his words sank in, my heart would always bear a hairline fracture at this latest cruel rejection.

From somewhere deep within me I called upon my courage and self- respect to overcome the bleeding pain.

"_Get out_." The first words were whispered, growing to hysterical outrage. "Get out. Get out….and Get the fuck away from me."

The violence in my tone shocked Edward as he swung backwards in self- defence against the wall of sound. However obvious reluctance to leave me in this state caused him to ignore my commands.

But it was all too much for my crumbling emotions.

"Please….._leave_… just leave." Grief and anguish crashed over me, the weight of the last day and night finally choking my emotions.

His mouth opened to say a word, then catching my distress immediately closed. Reluctantly collecting his clothes and shoes, he proceeded out of the room with a gentle appeal. "Bella. I'm going because you asked me to. But this, you and me? This isn't over baby. Not by a _long _shot."

Finally free of all need for a façade, I collapsed to the bed, the scene of so much recent delight and bawled.

* * *

Half an hour later, as I descended the stairs, my heart screeched to a halt as I observed Edward blocking my way.

Arms crossed, his casual stance belied by the curled fists that hung with tension by his sides.

The beautiful grey Hugo Boss suit he had worn yesterday was slightly worse for wear. His crisp white shirt unbuttoned partially displaying the warm skin of the beautiful chest that had been so recently entwined with mine.

Time ticked as we stood gaping at each other.

I at the bottom of the stairway, Edward positioned in direct line to my escape.

Both of us almost too wary to be the first to speak. Each knowing, that when we did there would be one final scene to be played out in this train wreck that was Edward and Bella.

Anger at the recent humiliation at his hands imprinted in the lines of my face.

I steeled myself to march around him, only to be stopped by his imposing frame as he blocked my flight. He dragged me towards him with definite purpose, reaching out a hand to steal my wrist, an almost apologetic caress feathering my skin. His thumb smoothed up and down the sensitive area of my wrist.

_A hard yank and still I couldn't free myself._

"Bella? Please?" His eyes implored understanding. Conflict and desire reflected in those bottomless green pools.

But I had arrived at my breaking point. My brain was spinning as it recounted all the little and large hurts that Edward had inflicted on our relationship.

The den.

The long absence of communication.

The kisses in the boardroom and then the surprise share sale.

That final dishonour but an hour before.

I tugged forcefully, finally freeing myself from his grasp, dismissal and disgust resonating through my actions. Marching to the door way, I turned to look at him, snarling words critical to my self -respect and sanity.

"Right Edward. I see it all _now._ Stupid, _stupid _Bella…" I sneered, self loathing battling with the need to forgive him his insensitive acts. But my heart, heavy with his latest rebuff and fuelled by the frustration firing my veins propelled me to scoff out the words that sealed our fate.

"I get it Edward." I nodded to no one in particular. "Truly _I _do."

Poised on the doorstep, I hesitated a moment, twisting back to capture his stare. My eyes flickered with fury; his tormented with an unidentified emotion.

"You don't know what you want. Not me, Edward. Not really. I'm just your little Bella...who finally grew up." A wry smile crept over my face preparing for a triumphant pronouncement. "But know this Edward, if _you_ don't want me..." The scorn in my words hung in the air communicating silent threats and promises.

"There are plenty who will."

_Silence._

"Fuck, Bella. What the…no... my...hell no!" He launched himself at me, both arms outstretched to possess, dramatically denying my statement.

Instinctually my hands flew up, violently gesturing to keep at bay. Boiling rage and fury fortified my nerves, denying any truth in his statements now or earlier.

"I suggest you keep your hands _off_ me Edward if you know what is good for you." A cool hard tone conveyed the seriousness of my words.

"_And. Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone." _

Without further hesitation, I turned to flee, leaving stunned silence in my wake.

**Ally Note: **

**o..0 Jealousward.. Did he do the right thing by Bella or not? Should he have *ahem* continued?**

**No discussion of Tanya hey ..hmmm..all will be revealed SOON.**

**Pics of the Cullen Summer home can be found on the blog (see profile for link)**

**Looking forward to hearing your thoughts as always.**

**Cheers **

**Ally **

**Next update: 11 April..or sooner ;) ..Happy Easter to all who celebrate.**


	10. Favour

**CH 10: Favour**

**Ally Note: Warning: Jealousward likes to swear.**

**Hope you all had a wonderful Easter holidays. Some wonderful reviews from all of you and some great fan art beginning to appear for this story. Thankyou shackle_me, robrator and angelmarie1211. Check out the blog for links. (On my profile)**

**With special thanks to**

**Larin20 for her review on http(colon)//bfffersoffanfic(dot)com**

**5ctbauble for her review on http(colon)//ffanonymous-5ctbauble(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Kstew411 (411 and Bestie) for her review on http(colon)//robmyworld(dot)com/2010/03/30/these-fics-are-owning-me-ff-recs-by-kstew411 **

**Team Guardian, you rock as always.**

**If Twilight was mine, I would have explained how Edward can *ahem* you know, rise to the occasion despite having no blood in his body ;) **

* * *

**EPOV**

Fuck.

I fisted my hair, berating myself as I paced the room, watching the door she had left me through slam violently shut.

Damn.

If only I had fucking worked out she was a virgin.

There was no way I would have planned her first time like that. Jesus fucking Christ, what am I thinking? _Planning her_ first time.

God I was in deep; much deeper than I thought. What the fuck _was_ I thinking upstairs? I should have been comforting her, protecting her after a day like yesterday. Not mauling her and devouring every inch of her...inside and out.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck_. Fuck_. Fuck.

_How_ the fuck did this get so messed up?

Bella was _mine_. She had always been _mine. _Even if I was realising it only _now._

Letting her leave was one of the most difficult things I had ever done in my life. My emotions twisted at the thought of losing her again, reliving the fears of _that_ night all those years ago. There was no earthly way I would lose her; to no one and no-fucking-body. I would never _ever_ let that happen. And I sure as hell would never _willingly_ walk away from her, no matter what she thought. No one else was going to fucking touch her …

How the hell I didn't chase after her, hauling back into this house and up those stairs, I'd never fucking know. Every fucking inch of me wanted to finish what we started...needed to finish. I craved the sight, sounds and smell of her.

So young. _Too_ young really. But damn she was hard to resist.

I had spent four fucking long months in conflict, torturing myself with thoughts of her. Such a stunning woman; inside and out. Her blooming sensuality caught me by surprise; a beautiful soul always so connected to mine now luring me with a glorious body that no man could resist.

Looking back I could see that when I set eyes on her during my fleeting trip back from Chicago, it was one hell of a wakeup call. Gone was the coltish child-woman with big chocolate brown eyes, a mischievous sense of humour and sweet smile. There was no evidence of the thinnish straight up and down body, almost flat chest and gawkiness that were present just a year before. In their place, was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen in my life - all grown up. Sexy. Confident. Adult.

Fuck if I wanted her. Well I _didn't_ know I wanted her when I arrived at the club but my body sure as hell announced it within five minutes of seeing her naked back on the dance floor. And those gorgeous hips and backside swaying to the music, crying out for me to hold them, palm them and caress them. If I knew then the torment waiting for me over the upcoming months of separation, she would have been off that dance floor, in my car and in my bed within thirty minutes.

And I would have been buried deep inside of her.

_Fuck_ this.

I was sick of it. I barely knew which way was up around her. There was no logic. My body ruled my brain, acting on its own when in her proximity. All I had done in the name of protecting and caring for her ended up hurting her anyway. Leading down a pathway that dead-ended in confusion and misunderstanding.

For both of us.

I needed to talk to her, to come clean. About everything.

But there was no way in hell I was letting another man have her. Not _now_. Not _ever_.

I needed to find her.

_Now._

* * *

**BPOV**

My hands were shaking as I sped along the I-101 back into Forks. It had taken me a full ten minutes to calm down from the latest adrenalin charged encounter with Edward. My nerves were shot and even though my words might have sounded brave I was anything but. There was no need for soul searching; I knew I didn't want anyone else. I never had and I could not foresee a time when I did.

The tears running down my face increased in volume and intensity, making my vision blurry. Concern for my safety had me pulling over to the shoulder of the road, turning off the engine, and finally collapsing on the steering wheel to give vent to the emotions bubbling inside of me.

So many thoughts flitted through my brain; Edward being so tender and caring last night, consoling me about the threats at the house, promising me a compromise in regards to the merger and showering me with passion as the morning dawned. Until that brutal withdrawal. Why my sexual status was of importance to him had left me confused and frustrated. His physical and emotional whiplash was searing my confidence and heart with every strike.

Somehow I needed to find the strength and conviction to let him go, though the very thought of that sent physical pain streaking through me ending in a convulsion of tears which drenched my blouse and fogged the car windows, creating a cocoon-like effect. How long I wept was unmarked by time until a sharp knock on the driver seat window had me jumping out of my skin.

Startled out of my reverie and self pity, a little fear washed over me until I reminded myself it was the middle of the morning on a major highway. Tentatively wiping the foggy window, I cleared enough glass to see the form of Jake Black peering down at me with a fond smile on his face. As relief quickened through me; I beamed back, releasing my seatbelt and rolling down the window. A little embarrassment flushed my face as I recalled that in all the angst of the emotional showdown with Edward, I had entirely forgotten the death threat or Jake's request to make my way to the Forks police station this morning.

If I was being truthful, my mind prickled with unease at the thought that anyone could seriously mean the cruel words splashed all over the elegant drawing room at my parents' home. I coped by pushing the malicious and vindictive words to the darkest recesses of my mind, desperately hoping that the sun would not shine in that corner, and all grief resurfacing at the death of my parents would slowly sink beneath the conscious line.

"Hey Bells." His familiarity still unnerved me but I put that to one side to greet him.

"Hi Jake. Is Seth with you?" Craning my neck, I searched the police vehicle parked behind me only to come up empty.

"Err, no Bells." A bashful smile came over his face. "I was out getting us a bit of breakfast from Laurent's bakery when I got a call from Leah saying you were heading out of town. I wanted to make sure I didn't miss you."

"Leah?" I was a little puzzled as to whom he meant. Who was Leah? And how did she know my whereabouts this morning?

"Sorry Bells. Leah is Mrs. Clearwater's daughter." Jake stated as if it explained everything. But the name still failed to register. Seeing the still confused expression on my face, he laughed. "Sue, the Cullens' housekeeper. She got a call from the house to say you had left and could she come back to shut the place up until summer."

"Oh." My stomach suddenly lurched at the thought of Edward calling Mrs. Clearwater. If he had done so, he would be on his way back to Seattle, following not far behind me. The thought of having to deal with him so soon entirely shattered what remained of my nerves. At least if he caught up with me I was here with Jake, which offered a small modicum of comfort; safety in numbers and all that.

"Oh Jake. I am _so_ sorry." I shook my head in apology. "It completely slipped my mind that I needed to head into the police station today."

An almost astonished look plastered Jake's face. I knew what he wasn't saying. How the _hell_ could anyone forget a death threat?

If only _he_ knew, I mused internally to myself. "Would you like me to follow you now?" I trailed off apologetically.

"Aw Bells." Jake purred, leaning one hand against the driver's side door, to move his face closer. "There is no need for that. Why don't you just step out of the car and I can ask you a couple of quick questions."

I was a little taken aback at his request but pleased as to his willingness to accommodate me.

"Okay. No problem. If that works for you that would be great." I offered a grateful smile. "I really would love to get back to Seattle before this weather breaks."

"Sure thing, Bells." Jake paced backwards as I pushed the door open, cautiously stepping out onto the highway.

"Fire away, Jake." I rubbed my hands together in their leather gloves, desperately trying to keep them warm.

"Alright. Well I had a quick think last night and talked it over this morning with Seth and my dad." I nodded in appreciation at his dedication to the job. "We definitely think that whoever wrote those words knew you were coming to Forks yesterday. So rack your brain. Who knew?"

The question caught me off guard as horror at the very idea swelled through me. My eyes flashed wide with shock even as my head dropped in denial. "No…no...It can't be." Nausea sat in my stomach like lead, weighing me down with its presence.

"Bells! Come on. You need to tell me." Sensing my distress he urged an answer. "I am not saying that they were responsible but we have to start there."

"Oh." A little sigh of relief bubbled to the surface. "Okay." I hesitated for a final moment before answering. "Well the only person I spoke to was Alice. Alice Cullen."

"Yes?" Jake pounced on the name, pulling out a small spiral notepad and furiously scrawling hand written notes."Anyone else? Anybody?" He asked without even looking up.

"Umm. Edward. Edward Cullen, Alice's brother." I nervously relayed a little self conscious as to my next words. "He...um he arrived here last night. I guess Alice must have told him." I suddenly recollected the conversation in my car on the road up to Forks just yesterday. "And of course my lawyer, Demetri Volturi."

Jake's brows shot the top his hairline. "Your lawyer?" A chuckle followed. "Man, you rich Cullen kids, you have everything don't you?"

For some reason, Jakes word stung, resulting in a frosty retort. "I am _not_ a Cullen, Jake. I am a _Swan_. The Cullens are my guardian, that's all!" The defensive tone of my melodramatics must have signalled a raw nerve, as Jake appeared to take great care with his next sentence.

"Sorry Bells." He soothed. "No offense intended."

I heaved a sigh. Of course he didn't. I had overreacted, the showdown with Edward still fresh in my mind. "That's okay Jake. I tend to be a little oversensitive about it." Tears started to form in my eyes as I purged myself of the truth tormenting me. "It's just that's _it: _the house, the firm and my name. That's all I have left of Charlie and Renee."

"Oh Bells. I am sorry." Jake enveloped me in fleeting bear hug, the warmth emanating from his large form, hinting at comfort. I hung on tight, soaking in the unexpected relief, finding that being hugged by a virtual stranger was not as awkward as I anticipated. After a few moments, he leisurely pulled away to hold me at arm's length. "Hey, I have one more question for you? Are you..." His voice trailed off as his head shot up to take in the sound of an approaching vehicle on the road.

I swung around to see the latest model grey, gun metal Maserati that Edward drove pull up behind our vehicles. Before I could even register the multitude of emotions that swam through me, he was out of the car in a flash, calling as he approached. His face thundered a black scowl as he moved swiftly to my side.

Nodding tersely at Jake, whom he obviously recognised from summers surfing at La Push beach, he came to a halt inches away from where we stood. "Black."

"Cullen." The greeting, while not overly friendly held little hostility; just two men much the same age with a long history of friendly sporting competitions.

Without a further word, Edward yanked my weight from Jake's loose hold, swinging me around to face him, gripping my forearms with his hands to hold me in place. Imprisoned to his satisfaction he began firing questions. "Bella? What the fuck?" Scanning my body up and down impatiently, as if seeking a sign of injury, he growled. "Did something happen, baby? Why are you pulled over? Are you okay? Hurt?"

The concern riddled in his face prevented me from launching into nuclear meltdown at the pure nerve of him. In all honestly if I could have slapped his handsome face at the belligerent possessiveness and complete dismissal of my request to keep his hands off me, I would have. But mindful of the presence of company, I restrained myself. After all, Esme would be absolutely appalled if I made a scene in front of anyone let alone a law enforcement officer making inquiries as to whom might want me dead!

Instead I schooled my riotous thoughts, settling for a muted plea for release. "Edward, please." I peeped at Jake, noiselessly petitioning for assistance. To my chagrin he merely smiled broadly and nodded his head in approval.

With no hope of winning the war, I stayed my restlessness, hoping a measured answer would calm him. "I'm fine. I promise." It came out as a soft whisper, an almost seductive tease in response to the worry locked in his green eyes as he stared intently, his focus entirely on me. I could see panic unfurling even as he did his best to hide it beneath a gruff exterior.

"Jake just stopped me to ask a few questions about last night." I glanced at Jake once more, seeking confirmation of my words, hoping Edward would follow my line of sight. "In fact, I think he had only one more question and then I was going to head back to Seattle. Isn't that right, Jake?"

"Err. Yes." Jake chortled, possibly at the protectiveness that Edward displayed, sharing my amusement at the complete overreaction. "Bells...but before we do, are you happy to proceed with Cullen here?" It was evident that Jake was providing an opportunity for private discussion but the involuntary tightening of my hands in Edward's coat hinted that I needed him here for the difficult questions to come.

"Black." Edward growled

"Damn it Cullen, you know I have to ask!" Jake fired back, in no way intimidated by Edward's presence.

Eager to prevent further escalation of tension, mostly between Edward and myself, I indicated my assent to the questioning.

"Alright then Bells, if it is okay with you, I just need to know one more thing." Sweeping over both of us with a hawk-like gaze, he probed. "You see, last night I went through the evidence of your parents' murder…."

I gasped for air as the words spoken aloud knifed me with searing pain. The dull thud of acceptance buried deep inside of me in regards to my parents' death flared brightly to the surface, transforming to blinding sorrow. Sensing my anguish, Edward gathered me closer to him, turning his body to shield me from the grief of the words and offering solace through his strong physical presence. Slow flames of heat coursed through me at his nearness even as I clung to his suit jacket, greedily accepting the reassurance, knowing that all too soon battle stations would be resumed.

Some tacit silent agreement between Jake and Edward was exchanged before further questioning ensued. "I'm sorry Bells. I need to ask…" He waited until I gestured my acceptance with a single nod.

"We think that the words on the wall may be linked back to your parents." He paused a moment letting the meaning sink in. "I combed through the evidence yesterday after we left you and everything seems in order. Well everything except for the fact that your father's brief case was missing. It has never been found."

I jerked my head up in astonishment. "What?" I was certainly surprised that this was the first time I was hearing of this fact.

"Yeah Bells, the only thing missing from the crime scene." Jake corrected himself rapidly as he recalled the distress he had inflicted with a poor choice of words just moments before. "Err... missing from your house was your father's brief case. We were wondering if you had any idea where it might be."

Jake very kindly paused, giving me a moment to absorb his request. "We think there might have been something he was working on when he died. If we could confirm all his possessions, we might have a good lead to who was responsible. May be whoever it was, is trying to scare you now. It is definitely a lead worth chasing."

I frowned, trying to recall a distant memory. A faint clang of a bell in the hidden recesses of my mind tolled some mention of Charlie's brief case. Even as I delved to pinpoint the details of the memory, an instinctive cautiousness stealed into my thoughts advising that it was perhaps wiser to keep all knowledge to myself.

"I don't think so." I hedged my bets, attempting to evade the whole truth. "But can I call you if I do?" I pressed hopefully in the appearance of co-operation.

Edward's grasp of me firmed as if he sensed I was holding back. In supporting my sentiments, his subtlety signalled what lay between us was much more than familial affection. "Black, I can promise you, if Bella and I discover anything in relation to Charlie's brief case, we'll let you know. Alright?"

Sensing a dismissal, Jake handed over an official card to Edward, completely bypassing me in the exchange. "Yup, that would be perfectly fine Cullen. Here's my card. All the numbers are on it."

My mouth fell open at the sheer outrageousness even as my mind spun at the absurdity of it all. It was, as if I didn't even exist. I seethed wordlessly, impatiently waiting to be alone with Edward. I no longer feared his presence but rather craved an opportunity to give him a piece of my mind.

"Great. We'll be seeing you." Dropping a fond gaze to me, Edward cajoled. "Come on Bella, time to get home."

Like an obedient child I relayed my farewells to Jake, watching as his car headed back into Forks. As soon as he was out of sight, I spun at Edward, raging my disgust. "Let. Go. Of. Me. You. Bastard." I pushed with all my strength to find myself being released, Edward's grip gently slackening.

A warning note fired through his voice. "Bella."

I was furious at his intentional disregard of my emotions. "How dare you!" By this time I was shrieking at him, my temper at boiling point, and an angry tantrum about to ensue if I didn't calm myself immediately. "Who gave you the God given right to manhandle me and take over a conversation that I was perfectly capable of having? Who? Huh? Who? Tell me?" I poked his chest repeatedly in time with my words, fury raging through every inch of my being.

A warning escaped Edward's mouth. "Bella. Don't be stupid." Anger edged into his tone, his whole demeanour poised for combat. "I have told you this before. And I am telling you again. Everything to do with you is my business. Mine."

The words resonated in my ears and swam hazily before my eyes. I could have stayed to fight the battle, despite knowing deep down that Edward was going to win the war, helped every step along the way by my traitorous body.

Recognising a lost cause, I retreated to Alice's Audi warily eyeing Edward from the corner of my eye in the event he pounced. Gathering a sense of dignity I composed myself, desperately hoping that dismissal was evident in the nuances of my voice. "Fine. Do whatever the hell you want Edward but I meant every word I said back at the house. Stay the fuck away from me."

A ferocious growl was my only answer. "And I meant what I said Bella. This." He shot back, anger darkening his countenance, his finger thrusting firmly at me only to turn to point at himself. "You. Me. This is not over. Not by a long shot." He strode back to his car, dominance screaming from every muscle in his body.

Swinging open the car door, he paused looking me straight in the eye. One last word was his.

"I'll see you at the house for Christmas tomorrow but for now, just get in the fucking car and follow me home."

* * *

The next morning I slept late, exhaustion commanding a lengthy twelve hour rest. The sounds of movement below and the familiar smells of Christmas encouraged me to laze in my bed and enjoy the peace before hoards of family arrived. As I had arrived last night, the housekeeper had kept a late lunch warming in the oven for me as instructed by Esme. As soon as I sat down to eat Esme appeared, flowers in hand, obviously mid- arrangement to spend a few minutes chatting, plying me with news from the Seattle social scene and poking questions as to my time at Dartmouth. Throughout the conversation I learned that Emmett had finally won over his Rose and to Esme's absolute delight, she was joining the family for Christmas lunch.

Rose was a cool, no-nonsense blonde that at first appearances was extremely intimidating. But the mere fact that she had made Emmett dance a merry tune before she allowed him to catch her filled me with admiration for her spitfire personality.

Jasper unfortunately was not joining us as he had returned home to Texas to spend Christmas on the ranch with family before scooting back to Seattle for the annual Cullen-Swan New Years Eve Ball. The ball remained a highlight on the Seattle social calendar, an event which he was on the pain of death by Alice if he missed it _or_ if he turned up in a non-designer black tie suit.

This year was the official attendance of Rose and Emmett, Alice and Jasper as Cullen couples.

As usual I attended alone, slinking in a dark corner, obsessively watching Edward with whatever flavour of the season he had deigned to invite. My mind wandered to exactly what he had planned this year. All the encounters between us over the last months leaving me confused and dazed as to his true feelings for me.

I was sure he was attracted to me physically. I knew he cared deeply. Our connection in spirit was strong like it had been all our lives. But what he truly felt for me was a puzzle. The veracity of his exact emotions was veiled.

After another half an hour of lolling in bed, endlessly tormenting myself with scenes from the summer house, I finally emerged from my shower, to dress in a silver knee length shift dress that modestly covered my figure and provided sufficient winter insulation. Slipping on tights beneath knee high black boots, I placed a smattering of light makeup on my face and styled my hair to curl loosely in large waves over my shoulders.

A mix of excitement and trepidation zipped through me at seeing Edward again. At least we were on neutral territory, his family a sufficient barrier to mood swings and physical acts of possessiveness.

I rapped on Alice's door hollering my movements, as I traipsed downstairs to the library where the family gathered prior to important social occasions. Swinging the heavy wooden door open, I hovered at the entrance as it appeared that I was one of the first to arrive. However, the room was not empty.

Edward dressed in black dress pants, Italian shoes and cream cable knit sweater was seated in front of his father at the study desk, giving the appearance of casually sipping on a beer and indulging in aimless chatter as he waited for family. Neither one of them registered my presence as I lingered in the doorway. A thick tension hung in the air between them, the stiffness in Edward's body indicating something of great importance was being discussed - a matter that did not meet with his approval, if the rigidity held in his shoulders was any signal.

Before I could announce my arrival, Edward lunged forward in his chair, slamming his fist down on the table with force. "No way Father. Absolutely no way am I doing that." Ranting with fury he snarled. "Fuck. You have got to be kidding. There's no way you can make me do this, right? You know that? You must know if I had to choose, if you made me choose," His voice lowered as he threatened. "I'd always choose…"

"Bella! My child." Carlisle interrupted, spying me standing in the door way. "How lovely you look my dear. I hope we haven't been keeping you waiting?" The question was no doubt a subtle interrogation as to how much I had exactly heard.

My eyes dashed from Carlisle to Edward. He had risen to his feet and was now unhurriedly surveying my appearance, lingering on my waist and the swell of my breasts before homing in urgently to capture my eyes. The pure electricity that sparked through me as our gazes connected interfered with my ability to string a sentence together, let alone construct an intelligent reply to Carlisle.

After moments of pause, I made my way to Carlisle's side, gently kissing the cheek of my adoptive father. "Merry Christmas, Carlisle." Avoidance was the key as I was certain a matter of business had been the topic of discussion. My inability to determine the exact issue at hand plagued my thoughts as I turned to mutter a minimally polite greeting to Edward.

Not one to let opportunities slide by, Edward skulked towards me, wrapping an arm around my waist to assertively swoop closer in order to lean down and place a soft kiss on my cheek. A gentle salutation was whispered in my hair as the thumb of his hidden hand crept up to stroke the sensitive skin beneath my breast. "Merry Christmas, baby."

For one fleeting moment I melted, enjoying the powerful physique against which I was trapped before self-respect saw me liberating myself from his hold. Edward stared briefly, his green eyes flaring with a message so crystal clear, the same as the day before, a word I frantically desired to ignore.

_Mine._

Stepping away I accepted a glass of champagne as idle chit chat was partaken until the noisy and dramatic entrance of Rose, Alice, and Emmett. A happy party, I counselled myself to ignore the latent flashes of heat that blazed through me at any casual touch or glance from Edward.

After half an hour of escalating noise and bickering as to the performance of football teams, Esme bustled in with a champagne glass in hand to request our presence for lunch. By this time, it was past three in the afternoon, the soft Christmas lights and darkening skies outside cocooning the house in Christmas spirit.

As we seated ourselves to eat, the relentless noise of the Cullen clan rang through the house. Voices raised and dipped as excited questions were posed and answered about the happenings in our lives. It was a happy family party but this year there was a slight undercurrent of tension. So many things were off the table for discussion; the firm, the threats at the house, but mostly the reason why Esme seemed so brittle, almost glassy eyed as she continued to drink her champagne.

Normally, I would be heartily engaged in wild discussion of music or politics, fashion or movies, soaking in the familial banter and bluster as we passed the food around but today two of us had little to say. Edward and I remained lost in our own world of memories until Esme's light hearted teasing brought my whole house of cards crashing down around me.

It was a conversation that was so innocent in its inception, yet so painful in its conclusion.

"It's so delightful to see my children settling down." Esme beamed. Her prayers for happily ever afters for her four children like a religious mantra, intoned at every festive occasion and family dinner. With every new boyfriend or girlfriend introduced, Esme's pronouncements of weddings and babies would follow. Fortunately, years of skilfully deflecting interrogations into love lives found us relaxed at the banter about to commence.

As Esme's eyes swept around the lavishly decorated Cullen Christmas table, she claimed a maternal pride in her ever growing family; Carlisle, Alice, Emmett at long last with his captured Rose, Edward and me.

A mischievous smile came over her face; a twinkling gaze resting adoringly on her eldest son. With a theatrical hesitation, full combat was initiated.

"Of course, while it is lovely to see my younger children so happy, I can barely wait until the day that my eldest, my first born, my heart's desire, Edward… yes Edward...you." She waggled her finger playfully as she continued. "Brings home someone special…very special."

While others looked on with merriment at Edward's discomfort, his alarmed eyes locked onto mine, intently communicating a message that I had yet to translate.

Every inch of my body screamed to look away, to run not walk away, violently breaking his hold on my heart which thundered so loudly in my breast, that I was sure its thumping beat was not lost on any of the festive revellers.

Time and space seemed to drown out the sounds of the family party around us. Edward and I lingered on each other only to be rudely awakened from our dream state as loud guffaws snapped the invisible chain winding between us.

"Yeah, Ed….ward." Emmett mouthed his name slowly, obviously having found something to chuckle heartily about. "Mother has spoken… when are you going to bring Tanya home so we can meet her?"

The words hovered in the air, giggles and laughter in accompaniment. However Edward remained quiet, no answer forthcoming as his eyes ensnared mine in silent beseechment.

In contrast, confusion crashed over me. Words were jumbled, scrambled, holding no meaning.

As the blood rushed to my face, instinctively I knew those words were no cause for humour.

For a brief moment, I thought or hoped I had misheard. Then understanding dawned.

Tanya? Did he mean Tanya Denali? Wait. What the hell did she have to do with Edward?

Edward and Tanya?

Tanya and Edward? I replayed those two names silently in slow motion in my head. This _couldn't_ be what they meant. _Could it? _

No. No. No. No. No. A cold clamminess snaked over my skin and crept down my spine as I fought to push back the rising tide of confusion and nausea. Everything inside of me hungered to rise and scream at Edward, to shout my fears and frustrations, giving him one final opportunity to convince me I was wrong.

Swallowing the foul taste of betrayal down my throat, I peered around the dining table. Tears welled as I realised how truly alone I was. No one, nobody had thought to mention even once that Edward was in a relationship with Tanya Denali - that while he had been making love or hate with me, he had a commitment to another woman.

Looking everywhere but at Edward, I dropped my head ever so slightly, hoping the tears slipping from my eyes would go unnoticed. I had thought my feat was successful until a small hand gripped mine ferociously, squeezing tightly as if in consolation. I twisted to take in an anxious Alice; a frantic Alice who was attempting to impart a message with a negative shake of her head. Vibrating with tension, I snatched my hand from her grip, conveying my anger as I silently resumed consumption of the beautifully prepared meal.

There was no room for rage. The shock of discovering the truth absorbed every weeping pore of my skin, consuming all my energy and emotion. Rage could come later, sweetly followed by revenge. At the far reaches of my mind, a faint thought of what this meant for the merger slinked to the surface, to be filed away for a later time when I had the courage to face the consequences.

Around me, the noises and jokes of a typical Cullen family Christmas continued. The loud banter between Rose, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme satisfied any uncomfortable lapses in conversation.

Only three people remained outside the mainstream of conversation.

Alice, my best friend, somehow endeavouring to reach out to me even as she assessed the devastation her lapse in friendship had caused. Edward, never once removing his glance from me, concern lining his face as he took in my quivering form. And myself, slowly breaking into a million little pieces from which there was no recovery.

"Bella."

I ignored Edward's plea to meet his gaze as I continued calmly imbibing my champagne and chewing on the delicious turkey, falsely denying that it tasted like wet cardboard in my mouth.

"Bella." He urged more forcefully, the depth of his voice dropping as he saw my shoulders shake in silent misery. Once more I evaded his request, blocking out the sounds of his melodious voice by concentrating on the white swirls in the 1000 thread cotton napkins.

However his latest plea earned stares as the sound of Edward's angry voice floated above the dining table noise. Cullens of all shapes and sizes glanced back and forth between Edward and I, struggling to determine the true nature of the events unfolding.

"For fuck's sake, Bella. Enough!" He roared at my lack of response. "Look at me."

Without waiting for an answer, the sound of a chair scraping back registered as I was hauled to my feet by the elbow and dragged from the room. Stunned into submission, I frantically sought assistance, heaving a sigh of relief as I saw Carlisle spring to his feet.

"Edward!" His stern voice issued commands. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Bring Bella back here. Now!"

But once more, my best friend failed me. Alice jumped lightly to her feet, catching her father by the arm. "Dad, please. Let them be. They..." She stammered the next words, almost too nervous to utter them in front of her parents. "They need to discuss a few issues and we need to give them the privacy to do so."

Carlisle stared at his youngest child for an age. Having been wrapped around Alice's little finger since her birth, he gracefully conceded without a whimper, slowly sinking to his seat and picking up his utensils to complete his meal as if nothing had occurred.

* * *

"Stop. Edward. Please stop." My breaths came in short shallow pants as I dragged my boots, hoping to grab on to the carpet to slow Edward down as he half carried me through the house. Opening doors and slamming them violently shut as we passed through them, he mouthed not a solitary word in indication he had heard my pleas - not until we found ourselves on the balcony of the Queen Anne house that was blessed with magnificent views of the Seattle skyline.

I stumbled as he released me, reeling across the wide marble space to rest against a pillar in a dark corner. Gripping it as if it were a lifeline, I raised myself to my full height, turning my back on Edward to escape into the glorious sight of Seattle by dark. The sound of my heart hammering wildly in my chest was the only accompaniement to the city lights.

Gutted at the situation we found ourselves in, I had naught to say to him. Nothing to ask that could make this better, silence was the key.

"Talk to me Bella," His voice was low, the absence of anger replaced by an almost imploring tone.

_No._

"Ask me Bella," Full blown anger emerged as his effortless words provoked a storm of emotions that swirled within me, desperate for answers. "Anything."

Yet still I remained frozen.

_I hate you._

"So that's it. No questions? No reasons? Just everything is fine?" he sneered, taunting me with ridiculous emotions. "So it's all just hunky dory by you if, say, I had been seeing Tanya these last four months while touching and kissing you like that? All okay?" An acerbic smile accompanied his words.

_You lying, double-cheating bastard._

The sheer ludicrousness and sarcasm of that last statement had me wallowing in agony. The emotions I had so vigilantly walled up through dinner now burst through the dam walls, causing rage and bitterness to flood my thoughts.

I could no longer restrain the sense of injustice and abuse streaming through me.

"So Edward, did you? Did you fuck her?" The ruthlessness of the words launched from my mouth astounded even me, clearly indicating the depths of my fury.

"No."

_Liar. _"Tell me, Edward." My patience was fast running out.

"No."

_Cheat. _"Tell me the truth, you bastard." I hurled the accusations at him, screaming at the top of my lungs. "That was why you wouldn't touch me, wasn't it?" My hysterical half truth allegations flew between us. "Because you were with her all along, all this time, weren't you?" I clung to the pillar in a death grip, knowing all too well, any small distance from it would see me collapsed to my knees, a broken shell of the youthful happy woman I had been but months before.

"Fuck, Bella." It was Edward's turn to yell. "I haven't waited around eighteen years until you were old enough to touch." He yanked at his hair in frustration. "I have fucked a lot of women but none in the last four months." His voice gentled as words whispered were dragged from him. "Not since that night in the den."

My eyes shot up to meet his, the faint sounds of truth ringing in my ears. _Was he telling the truth?_

"Then why?" I couldn't help the question. I needed to know and Edward instinctively recognised the question I was asking.

"Emmett?"

"Yes."

He walked towards me, perhaps instinctively recognising the worst of our discussion was behind us. Standing a hair breathe away, he closed his eyes before providing me with the response I needed.

"Bella, when I first moved to Chicago, Tanya was very kind." I grimaced at the expression Edward used but patiently awaited further explanation.

"She showed me the sights, the town. I reciprocated. I took her out a number of times." I gasped with pain at hearing those words from Edward's lips. "But you need to remember baby, it was before anything happened between us."

He clasped my hand to his in a gesture that sought understanding. "Carlisle got wind of the dates and decided we were a perfect match. He won't let it go…hence all the teasing."

"So you've never touched her?" I enquired hopefully, my heart resuming its beat.

"Baby, you _need_ to remember this was before anything happened between us." He groaned knowing full well the potential damage from his honesty.

A sick feeling enveloped me. He _had_ touched her. Exactly _how much_ remained yet to be seen.

"Tell me Edward, please." I needed to know the facts before deciding whether we would have our happy ending. His history before me strangely becoming increasingly important with every second.

An unusual reluctance overcame Edward but he grudgingly provided my answer. "Did I sleep with her? _No_. Did I kiss her? _Yes._" He hurried his words, desperate to explain fully. "But it was only the once and it was before you Bella. I'm not interested. Not in her...not in any way."

But the words wounded, my heart accelerating with anxiety. The truth hurt and I needed time to think, to process this information further, to deal with the enduring emotions of betrayal and loneliness, again at the hands of the Cullen family.

Eventually I concluded that I had no choice but to stand on my own two feet - reliant on no man for love or money.

I collected my courage to ask one final request. The lifeless, flat tone of my voice relaying neither happiness nor distress.

"Please Edward, I need to be alone. I can't deal with this. Not now. Not with everything going on."

"Bella." His plaintive whisper hung between us even as I sensed the anguish coming off him in waves.

I dropped my head to my hands, not stirring until I heard the soft sounds of shoes departing.

I was alone. Just as I had requested.

* * *

Three days after my earth shattering exchange with Edward on the balcony of the Cullens' Queen Anne home, I was no closer to resolving my inner turmoil.

As I walked through the doors of Volturi Law I remained cautious as to the path I chose, conflict tearing me apart as to the potential consequences of a concealed action.

As promised, I had faxed all relevant papers to Demetri after his secretary Gianna had telephoned to request them. During the same telephone call, she coolly gave instructions as to how to find the offices and advised that Demetri had booked lunch for the two of us at Aria at the end of our business appointment.

As I pressed the elevator button for the twelfth floor, following the directions given, I seized a moment to compose myself. The business could not become a playground for petty personal games between Edward and me. It was crucial that a cool head dealt with the business side of our relationship. I required sound counsel of a reliable attorney and by all accounts, Demetri was an excellent lawyer; hard headed, with a strong sense of justice and a long history of killer instincts in the courtroom.

My nerves were already wound tight from my previous meeting with Edward and Carlisle over Cullen-Swan. Coupled with the emotional fallout from Christmas day, I greatly desired something to go my way, to be easy, comfortable and reassuring. Something that would not drain any life left within me. I was steeling my nerves in preparation for the upcoming boardroom face-off, all the while fervently praying I had not made a disastrous mistake in pursuing this path.

I had two days in which to plan, organise and prepare options. I needed to be ready for the biggest fight of my young life. I implicitly trusted Alice to keep her cards close to her chest and hoped Demetri Volturi was the right man to prevail upon as a worthy companion for the journey.

As I stepped out of the elevator, I entered the starkly presented offices of Volturi Law. Chrome, silver and white ruled every surface, giving the impression of a hospital clinic or professionalism at its minimalist best. A rather attractive icy blonde, dressed in what could pass as a 1940's outfit stood to greet me. "?"

"Yes?" I smiled warmly, extending my hand in greeting. After all, this could be the beginning of a long working relationship. "Gianna?"

To my amazement, my hand and smile were ignored. Without catching my eyes, a dismissive voice informed. "Mr. Volturi will see you now. Please go through." I wasn't easily intimidated but I had obviously unwittingly done something to offend her, so I calmly followed eager to make minimal waves.

As I walked through the silver door she held open for me, a large, maybe six-foot-three strapping dark haired man rose to his feet. Immaculately dressed in an expensive black wool suit, he prowled around the desk, blue eyes twinkling in a handsome face, their colour deepened by the matching sea blue of his shirt.

My heartbeat increased ever so slightly as he approached.

"Isabella Swan." A charming smile radiated, hints of mischief adding to his all too evident sex appeal. Reaching for my hand, he clasped it slowly, within his warm grasp, drawling "This is definitely _my_ pleasure."

* * *

**Ally Note: **

**o..0 Hello Demetri! **

**Dun Dun Dun… So Edward was never with Tanya….huh, you say…but? Dying to hear your thoughts… **

**Leave me and Jealousward some love…..**

**Quick Note about the Fandom Gives Back. I have agreed to do an outtake of Guardian in order to raise money for FGB. (at)aRedi has kindly organised a bid team -Guardian's Angels where any interested readers can donate any amount to the cause and receive a Guardian outake on auction win. More details on this later but if you require any information please email aRedi411 (at) gmail (dot) com to express an interest.**

**Cheers **

**Ally **

**Next update: 18 April **


	11. Plight

**Ally Note:  
**

**Team Guardian, you rock as always.  
**

**Lovely to meet so many new readers here and on Twitter. I very much appreciate your reading hours.  
**

**If Twilight was mine, the words Dr. Hot Bitch would actually be used within its pages to describe Carlisle Cullen.**

* * *

"Isabella Swan." A charming smile radiated, hints of mischief adding to his all too evident sex appeal. Reaching for my hand, he clasped it slowly within his warm grasp, drawling "This is definitely my pleasure."

As I placed my small hand within his, a faint feeling of safety travelled through me and a slight blush came over my countenance. He was nothing like I expected. In appearance, height and carriage he was a formidable man; on the surface pleasant and charming, beneath it a hint of lurking ruthlessness.

"Hello Demetri." Smiling pleasantly in return, I removed my hand from his grip before it over stayed its welcome.

"Isabella. Please take a seat." Demetri gestured towards a chair, seating me before he proceeded to the other side of the large chrome desk, lowering himself into the armchair with an easy elegance.

"Would you like tea or coffee?" A cheeky grin appeared. "Or something stronger?"  
I let out a small nervous laugh in response to his attempts to defuse what was to be an intense conversation. "Thank you, but no."

"Of course." The silkiness of his tone set my mind at ease. "I am very much looking forward to getting to know you a little better Isabella. It makes the client-attorney professional relationship work that little bit better."

I signalled my consensus with his views. But beneath the desk unseen by Demetri, my foot tapped my restlessness - doubt as to the path I was treading, fear as to the destination I would reach.

"So Isabella," His voice was calm and measured with no hint of the antagonism towards Edward that he had displayed over the phone. "I have read the paperwork from Cullen-Swan and I have a couple of options to place before you, both of which will ensure you retain control." I sighed in relief at the words before my nerves prickled as he continued. "However, I need to ask you a few questions before we decide which option you prefer. Ok?"

"Ask away, Demetri." A sense of approval emerged as he had been thoughtful enough to take into account my personal feelings as well as my professional objectives.

"I need to know how hard you want to play this." A seriousness in his manner forewarned of the enquiries to come. "I am assuming the Cullens have no idea you have approached me?" I nodded in affirmation, immediately discounting Alice's referral. "Or that I will be accompanying you to the board meeting as your personal attorney?"

Coughing in nervous hesitation, I responded once again in agreement. "Yes, umm…that is right Demetri. I...err… apologise if that places you in an uncomfortable position but I need to keep my cards close to my chest on this one. I may need the element of surprise." A thought flashed across my mind. "After all, neither Carlisle nor Edward have shared their plans with me."

"Hmmmm." Demetri appeared to be mulling some point over. "You know Cullen isn't going to like this, don't you?"

I shut my eyes for a moment, holding back a wave of sorrow at the thought of injuring Edward. But what was I to do? There was no other choice. I could not in good conscience roll over without a fight. _A fair fight_. And to ensure that it happened, I needed someone like Demetri in my corner. Tough, ruthless but a man of known integrity, if his reputation in and outside the courtrooms of Washington State were to be believed.

I steeled myself in response, straightening in the chair, hoping an air of confidence and commitment would be emitted. "Well, as much as I care for the Cullen family and don't get me wrong, I do, I need to ensure that my father's legacy and reputation are protected."

Demetri looked at me square in the face almost as if he was challenging me to back down; a test of my resolve. Without falter, I returned his gaze without a single blink of an eyelid.

After a few moments, he looked away, as if I had passed some mystical examination. "Alright then. Let's get down to business."

Positioning my chair closer, I leaned down with a wry grin to review the possibilities he presented.

The following hour and half were spent in comfortable amity as we discussed the options at hand. Preferences were discussed and papers signed. Coffee was ordered and tactics confirmed; backup plans concluded.

Demetri was a pleasant companion with a sense of not taking anything or anybody other than the case too seriously. It dawned on me, that while he and Edward were much of an age and achievement, they were polar opposite in demeanour.

Both men were accomplished and extremely attractive to boot. Separately they were gorgeous; together they would be a health hazard to any woman lucky enough to look at them. Panty killers, I think Alice would have said.  
There was no doubt in my mind that much in a manner like Edward, Demetri Volturi had cut a swathe through fields of women, which if his partiality to me was any indication, would no doubt list me as a future conquest.

That might have been a possibility had I not been fathoms deep in love with Edward.

After concluding our arrangements for the board meeting and with a polite farewell to a severe Gianna, we adjourned to 'Aria' to enjoy another hour or two getting to know each other. Much teasing was made of the fact that I had also attended Dartmouth and not Yale like himself, both of us enjoying the light bickering and banter as we familiarised ourselves with the history of the other.

Over the consumption of the three course meal, he imparted his family background (Italian and proud of it) a choice to not follow into the family firm but rather start his own boutique practice, one which had quickly established itself as a success in the greater Seattle area.

There was much to admire about Demetri, however much to my own surprise, I issued an invite to the Cullen-Swan New Year's Eve Ball. It was a puzzling, conflicted gesture made in reaction to an afternoon of pleasant companionship. However, further analysis of the gesture brought to light a secondary purpose; the need to have someone in my corner should the board meeting end in disaster.

As I left the restaurant in a cab organised by Demetri to ensure I returned home safely, my thoughts dwelled on the potential consequences of our planned counter-proposal. There was no doubt that the meeting would be difficult, confrontational even. While my safety with Carlisle or Edward was not in question, the likely result was an uncomfortable atmosphere professionally and personally. The familial links between us would be either weakened or intensified by the outcome.

Whether it would be even possible to continue residing with the Cullens after the events of the board meeting stirred in my thoughts, the conclusion an unknown quantity.

In my heart of hearts, I fervently prayed for minimal fallout that would send me fleeing from the house that had served as my home for the last ten years. In my mind's eye, I knew it may be a probable outcome. The extent of any damage to relationships remained to be seen. While an alternate residence could be conveniently resolved through accepting Demetri's offer to stay at the Volturi business apartment, I recognised that moving under such circumstances would be viewed as either a slap in the face of the Cullens or a further betrayal.

Nausea pooled in my stomach at the thought of residing in a home where ill feeling and hurt hearts discoloured the joy of the festive season. Was I doing the right thing? Would I be disappointing or pleasing Charlie with the choices I had made?

The timing of the meeting also placed my attendance at the New Year's Eve Ball in jeopardy. It would be beyond my acting abilities to attend the lavish affair under the spotlight of the Seattle social scene and convey a feeling of oneness with the Cullen family if behind the curtains the foundations of trust and love were crumbling. Albeit I had shored up my nerves through extending the invitation to Demetri. Even his presence would not remove my anxiety.

Incessant unanswered questions in my head took their toll. The tension that unfurled from this tangle of emotions stiffened my shoulders, indicating an onset of a headache which required more than afternoon rest and the swallowing of a medication aid.

I had purposefully shied away from dwelling on Edward's reaction. His pain would be nothing short of devastating to my tender emotions. However, I prepared myself for the potential destruction I was about to inflict on our slowly blossoming relationship. As I sat in the back of the cab watching the waterfront whizz by, the thought of the bond between Edward and I being extinguished as collateral damage from my actions sent me into rasps of crying. Edward, no doubt would consider himself the injured party. The appointment of Demetri Volturi as my personal attorney was a professional and most likely intimate rejection, highlighting my lack of faith in him and his promise to find a better way.

The tears flooded as I recalled him holding me tenderly, vowing to search for another solution, one that would be acceptable to my sense of identity and family loyalty. I could argue that the proposal Demetri had developed was exactly that, but the mere fact I had turned to another man would bite deep. Anger, rage, anguish and whirling grief would be battle scars we both earned from the confrontation.

And yet I could not turn back from the path I had chosen. The plight facing me both was inevitable and horrific. Whether we survived as Edward and Bella in any recognisable form remained to be seen.

The only thought lightening my soul were the heartfelt observations and apologies from Alice after the debacle of Christmas day. No longer was anyone oblivious to the changing relationship between Edward and I but other than a regretful apology from Emmett; no opinion by gesture or word was articulated by Carlisle or Esme. It was as if the scene had never occurred.

Pleas from Alice, as she barged onto the balcony strengthened my hope that what lay between Edward and I would not be broken by a professional parting of ways. Her tears of remorse and sorrow wilted my anger and permitted open dialogue between us.

_Yes_, she knew that Edward had dated Tanya. _No_, it was not serious_. Yes_, he wasn't interested in her and _no_, he hadn't seen her in the last four months. As she imparted her knowledge in an appeal for forgiveness, her last words resonated within me, springing forth hope.

"Bella, my brother has always loved you. He will always love you. He loved you as a child." Clinging to my hands in a treasured hold, her voice gentled as she gifted her thoughts. "But now, Bells. Now, I truly believe he is falling in love with you and nothing and no one will tear him from you."

Alice's words arrested the tears that I was sobbing after Edward had departed. As I reminisced over her comments in the back of the cab, a faint flicker of hope floated within me.

I prayed that she was right.

As the car drew to a stop outside the front doors of the Cullen home, I pushed all thought of Edward from my mind and reinforced my conviction that truly, I had done what I needed to do.

After much soul searching, lighter spirits saw me make my way up the stairs to my room, fairly floating along as I reflected further on the outcome from my meeting with Demetri.

Skipping through the doors, I threw my handbag on the bed and bent to sweep off my heels when out of the corner of my eye I spied the presence of a large male form leaning up against the bay windows.

"Edward!" My hand clutched my throat in surprise. A slight sense of guilt mixed with involuntary excitement at his unexpected appearance seeped into my voice. "What are you doing here?"

He sauntered towards me, the muscles beneath his fitted shirt rippling as he moved, holding my complete rapt attention. "Well. Well. Well. If it isn't the vanishing woman, Bella Swan?" Deep sarcasm flushed his voice. "Why do I get the feeling you have been purposely avoiding me, baby? Ignoring phone calls, not returning messages?"

In rapid response to the calculated gait with which he approached, I shuffled instinctively backwards until I was trapped up against the bedroom door.

A wicked smile accompanied the green gleam in Edward's eyes as he positioned his weight forward, leaning but inches from me. His hands came to rest with palms facing down against the door, imprisoning my body between them. "I told you this conversation wasn't finished, Bella." Bending slowly, never once breaking his gaze from mine, he nuzzled my throat, whispering softly. "I'm done letting you run, baby."

Trembling from his nearness, I titled my head to one side shyly assuring Edward deeper access to my neck as I whimpered softly at the rich masculine scent of him. Soft wet butterfly kisses were placed on my collar bone, traversing slowly up and up, whispering over my neck, feathering onto my jaw line and caressing my cheek. As I luxuriated in the sensuality of being so close to Edward, conflicted thoughts ran rampant.

I couldn't indulge in light hearted petting when so much was left unresolved. _Could I?  
_I wouldn't let him seduce me, only to face rejection at his beck and call.  
I shouldn't allow him to take advantage of my treacherous body, although it was a willing accomplice in his games.

"God Bella, you are so beautiful." The words were growled as he snatched a lungful of air in the midst of my hair, soaking in the smell of vanilla and freesias.

With just one sentence, I was liquid putty in his hands.

The truth was, in Edward's arms I felt beautiful. The words he groaned evoked such longing and yearning, that feelings of being cherished and yet powerful at the same time washed over me.

His lips hovered above mine, moving a fraction as I chased them across his face. My breathing laboured as the teasing and torment of lips close in and yet carefully positioned out of my reach, willed me towards sexual frenzy. One large hand slowly cut a path down my body, gripping my hip bone tightly, pulling me firmer into the cradle of his thighs and pressing hard up against his erection. His hand spread evenly, squeezing my ass and manoeuvring my pinpointed nipples to brush in painful pleasure against his chest. For moments I pressed myself against him, enjoying the way his body felt against mine. Hard planes, defined muscles, swell and hollows in which my soft femininity could rest.

As wetness pooled within my centre, I mindlessly repeated words that months before brought disaster. "E…Edward." My drawn breaths dragged my breasts into his walled chest, whimpers of want and desire begging for reaction. "Kiss me…please kiss me."

Long glances were exchanged between us as silent absolution for the last months was granted; the memory of that rejection to be finally replaced by the joy of his affirmative response.

I licked my lips in anticipation as he slowly lowered his mouth, only to delight in the violent crashing of his lips against mine at the last moment, his hunger and desire spilling over into craven need. Our heated tongues and ferocious lips wildly swiped and licked greedily, eager for further lusty contact.

The days away from each other with no physical or emotional contact drove desire deeper.

"Edward, God Edward." I moaned his name incessantly, even as my head repeatedly tapped against the door in response to the physical nature of our kissing.

The ache within my centre intensified, calling for greater entanglement and sexual release. Of their own volition my legs straddled his hips, allowing Edward to anchor my body against the door, his hands clutching my ass with a tight grip to tug me ever closer. I was trapped in a sensual cave of my own making. Pressed to him from head to toe, every pressure and motion rippled through my clit, trailing fire. My breasts tingled and buzzed for the touch of his hands or pinch of fingers.

"God baby, I love how you say my name." Pushing us off the door, he walked effortlessly to the bay window seat, all the while kissing voraciously and pumping his tongue in and out of my mouth. My legs tightly wrapped around his hips and locked across his ass, jostled my weeping core against his erection with every step. The sensation darted illicit pleasure and pain in rhythm matched to his paces.

Mindless with desire, I barely noticed him seating us in the window, until he gently pushed the hair off my face with a tender hand and softened the tenor of the kisses. Breaking apart, he moved me to rest in the cradle of his thighs, my head crooked under his chin, resting against his heart as he placed soft kisses into my hair.

"Are you okay about tomorrow, Bella?" Concern was etched in his voice as he gently queried my state of heart and mind. As I stiffened in his arms, he misread the cause of my unease and proceeded to soothe. "Trust me, baby. I promise you, I won't hurt you like that again."

The guilt I had experienced earlier in the day, came rushing back in full force, choking my words and preventing any reply. As he stroked my hair, almost in a childlike way, offering solace and consolation, my heart shattered again for what I was about to inflict on him.

On us.

Wild desperation compelled me to fling myself at him, latching onto his mouth and hungrily moving my lips over his. The full force of my desire and love turned on him, raging like a storm, wordlessly communicating my rampant need and relentless love. Mouths played and wrenched apart in an endless cycle.

"Whoa, Bella...oh...baby...sssh….sssh...it will be okay...I promise." Once again he attempted to calm me, murmuring soft words of comfort into the darkening evening air. As I stilled in the safety of his arms, I prayed that this would not be the end - that we wouldn't be over before we really started because I had failed to trust.

Another half an hour was spent in soft kisses and tender exchanges; an avowal to meet in the morning and remove the last unspoken obstacle to our togetherness. Watching his gorgeous ass walk away from me, I lay splayed boneless on the window seat, my body still flushed with unfulfilled desire. Glancing back in pride at the puddle of woman left behind, he caught my gaze on his backside. He really didn't need any further confidence or boost to his ego but I was helpless to deny him a radiant smile as he departed.

A parting shot accompanied by silent smirk was fired across the room. "And baby, you are my date for New Year's Eve...so be ready... I'll pick you up at 8."  
Without another word or a backward glance, he exited the room, leaving me in stunned acquiescent silence.

_Holy shit_, it was me. _Finally_. I was Edward Cullen's date for the New Year's Eve Ball.

But after excitement settled, his absence loomed and pleasure faded, the torment appeared. I sat for hours in the moon lit bay window, reliving the bliss and contentment of his presence, battling dread at the course of action to be undertaken.

For how long I rested was unknown. Time ticked onwards, until the moon was high in the sky and I had dissolved into a mess of tears.

Tomorrow, I was going to hurt the man I loved. _Badly._

* * *

The next morning I woke with trepidation. My body was befuddled from a hangover arousal from the heated yet gentle encounter with Edward, and a state of anxiety at the upcoming events of the morning. Unease sat like a lump in my stomach, weighing me down and reducing my movements to slow, slow motion. There was no minute possibility of eating, as I was sure that I could not hold down even a sliver of food. An ache searing from the very heart of me hovered over my body, a sense that I had aged at least fifty years sinking deep within my bones.

Showering and dressing with considered care, I wore an all black, Armani belted trouser suit matched with a black silk camisole. The conservative attire and dour colour was unconsciously selected to match my mood. Sensible court shoes were slipped on, my graduation watch placed on my wrist and pearls gifted to me by Edward on my seventeenth birthday adorned my ears and neck. Not once did it cross my mind that in going into battle, I had chosen to mark my body with his gifts. It was an instinctive gesture, on reflection, an attempt to place the ties that bound us front and centre in the midst of all the corporate wrangling.

Slipping out of the house a full hour before the meeting, I made my way to the Volturi offices by cab. Demetri paced the foyer as he waited, greeting me with a quick peck on the cheek and a brief hug. The physical contact was comforting but did little to settle my escalating apprehension.

His eyes lingered on my attire and pale drawn face, one eye brow raised. "Nervous?"

"Yes." I groaned, the nausea in my stomach tumbling in higher revolutions. "Can you tell?" I half chuckled to myself.

"Mmm, no. Not really." A wry smile streaked across his face, revealing his inner thoughts. "Although you do look like you are dressed for a funeral."

At his point, I just flat out laughed. Hysteria strained my sanity and pushed me closer to the edge. "Yes, well, it does feel a little like that."

As we walked the two blocks to the Meyer building, each lost in our own internal dialogue, the freezing winter wind left me physically numb. I had fervently wished, albeit in vain, that it would leave me equally emotionally numb. My dread at the thought of losing the fragile connection between Edward and me was almost as intense as the realisation that I could lose the firm. With every step onwards to the battlefront, the lead in my stomach weighed heavier.

As we evacuated the elevator on the executive floor, Demetri pulled me to a stop. Turning to face me, his hand came out to tip my face to his. "Are you going to be okay Isabella?" Genuine concern filtered from his eyes.

Drawing a deep breath, I collected my shaky nerves. "Yes, no… Oh God….I think I am going to be sick." I twisted on my heel, running for the ladies washroom, reaching the sink barely in time before I dry-heaved. As I rested my head against the porcelain basin in a futile attempt to stop the wild shaking of my body, the door was flung open by a concerned Mrs. Cope.

"Oh Bella, my dear…what ever is the matter?" She grabbed some washcloths and began wiping the sweat from my brow as she pulled me to a standing position. "Are you ok?"

_Why was everyone asking me that question today?_ A slight sense of annoyance left me speechless. The gap in conversation presented a perfect opportunity for Mrs. Cope to continue in her motherly style. "Nervous about the meeting, my dear?"

I could only nod in assent. "And who is that fine looking young man accompanying you?" Her match-making radar no doubt on full alert.

"My…my personal attorney." I stammered the words out, almost too fearful to look her in the eyes.

"Oh Bella." A hand was flung in shock to her chest, alarm favouring her kindly features. "Oh Bella, my dear…do you know what you are doing?"

A tear slipped from my eye, as my fingers dashed up to capture it before it fell. "No...Mrs. Cope. I...I don't know what I am doing…but I don't have any choice."

"There's always a choice my dear." She shook her head regretfully. "You just need to trust the people who love you." Sadness reflected on both our faces.  
I knew she was right, but it was too late.

"Not today, Mrs. Cope." After long moments of guilt, from somewhere within me I unearthed the courage to proceed. With a gentle yet remorseful buss to her cheek, I marched out of the washroom ready to face the morning, pausing in the door way to share one last platitude. "But thank you for caring."

Reaching Demetri's side, his eyes frantically sought mine in silent entreaty. Was I ready? I merely nodded.

Having exited the wash room, Mrs. Cope, now motioned for us to follow her lead to Carlisle's office. As calmly as I could, with the solid presence of Demetri behind me I entered the room, a gracious smile plastered on my face, giving no indication of the bells tolling doom and demise.

The first item of note that caught my attention as I entered the lush office was that Carlisle was not seated behind his desk as per normal procedure. Rather, a magnificently dressed Edward in a designer suit occupied the power seat. But before I could consider the implications of this further, both men rose in welcome, looks of puzzlement on their faces quickly chased by calculation as they caught sight of Demetri behind me.

My eyes were locked on Edward, his body immediately hurling waves of fury across the room. He had not taken long to discern a pebble in the sand.  
Avoiding his gaze, I glanced at my adoptive father. "Hello, Carlisle." I gave a somewhat serene yet token welcome, matters having been strained between us since Christmas lunch.

Gravitating towards Edward, memories of last night rushed back, weakening me at my knees. "E…Edward." I took a moment to close my eyes and recapture the emotions of the previous evening. Finally, gathering my resolve, I turned to Demetri, ready to formally introduce him. "Carlisle, Edward, I would like to..."  
"Volturi," Edward erupted, his volatile gaze crashing back and forth between Demetri and I. "Exactly what the fuck are you doing here?" The volume and intensity of Edward's ferocity fractured the civility in the room.

"Cullen." The sharp tenor in Demetri's voice was one I had not heard previously. Danger rippled, sending shivers down my spine. Disapproval and remnants of dislike leaked from his words. "If you had let Isabella finish, she would have informed you that I am her Personal Attorney and here to represent her this morning." A warm smile was sent in my direction, as Demetri navigated his body closer to mine in natural protection.

Glancing at Edward, my nerves tightened further in anticipation of the explosion soon to be hurtling my way. However, the ultimate scene of recrimination and reprisal was surprisingly delayed by an interruption from a stern and disapproving Carlisle. "Bella, what exactly is the meaning of this, young lady?"

I lacked all ability to construct an answer to Carlisle's query as my concentration was locked on the glorious body of Edward as he manoeuvred his way, around the desk, stalking towards me as he took in my proximity to Demetri. A furious scowl emerged as he came to a halt in front of me, thunderous tidal waves of anger rolling off him and crashing over me.

_This was not good.  
_

Flashing a dismissive glare at Demetri, he snarled in my direction. "Really, _Isabella_? Your _personal _attorney?" Dark glances at the almost zero space between Demetri and I were followed by the sound of vicious expletives.

"I don't fucking think so, Bella." He sneered, capturing my wrist, yanking me from Demetri's hold and dragging me from the room.

**Ally Note:  
Jealousward and I are eager to hear your thoughts as ever. Please leave us some love and review.  
Cheers  
Ally  
Next update: 18 April.**


	12. Resolve

**Ally Note:  
Hope you enjoy this chapter. I apologise for the review reply fails. I truly do enjoy hearing from you.**

**Thanks to Callsignc30, TwilighterNY, Maria2906 and Renas40 #teamguardian.**

**A couple of people gave Guardian shout outs this week, Shinyvolvolurver, Marie0912 and 5ctbauble. Thank you; if I have forgotten anyone erroneously please accept my apologies.**

**Quick thanks to Mr Kelly123abc and Ms Brooke Puglise for their legal advice.**

**Please note: the legal rules applied in this chapter may not be applicable to home states (countries) of all readers. **

**If Twilight was mine, someone would have fixed Jasper's damn awful hair in New Moon.**

* * *

"I don't fucking think so, Bella." He sneered, capturing my wrist, yanking me from Demetri's hold and dragging me from the room. We had gone barely two paces when incensed protests from Demetri reached my ears.

"I suggest you release my client, Cullen." Demetri was not backward in transmitting his disgust at Edward's actions. Moving with implied intent, he placed a hand on my elbow, poised perfectly to forcibly remove me from Edward's grasp.

The pent up fury exchanged in glares between the two men ricocheted throughout the room, bouncing against the glass windows as ill feeling sweltered; dark frowns and scowling grimaces making both men's moods transparently clear.

Neither would back down - both alpha males, fighting for territory and possession; one personal, the other professional.

My breathing slowed, instinctively recognising that any miniscule sound could implode the precarious battle of wills in the room.

_Stalemate._

To any casual observer, I was the damsel in distress, the pawn to be battled over and the prize of the chess board. Internally however, I was fuming at the ludicrous pissing contest both men had embarked upon.

If only one of them would actually _bother_ to direct a question to me.

Almost irrelevant to the testosterone tantrums, I proceeded to observe the scene, fascinated to realise that only Carlisle remained unengaged, as if enjoying the spectacle of two young stags locking horns. I briefly puzzled over his initial reaction of shock at Demetri's appearance and then a speedy leap to that of amused spectator.

While Carlisle had been a loving adoptive father over the last ten years, the previous weeks had placed a strain on our familial bond. At this very moment, his motivations remained mysterious as he placidly observed the situation unfolding before him.

Adrift in my thoughts, I prolonged the sense of detachment until angry voices pierced my musings.

"Get your hands off her, Volturi." Edward was incandescent with rage. I had never seen him so primal, raring to tear anyone apart for the mere touching of hands on my body. "Now!"

"Damn it, Cullen." Demetri's iron gaze sought mine, his voice deathly calm and promising reassurance. "Let her go."

Despite the implied threat in Demetri's voice, Edward paid him no heed. Hurling a vicious sneer, he dismissed Demetri summarily, only to focus on me, his voice at once tender.

"Bella?"

My nerves were trembling; the result of heightened tensions through a cocktail of little food and overwhelming anxiety. But denying an opportunity to be with Edward would be fatal to our combustible hearts and minds. There was a savagery to his movements that should have terrified me but instead I reflexively drew myself closer to his body heat, as if seeking shelter in a storm.

Wrenching my gaze from Edward, I offered a half stuttered reply to Demetri. "It...it's okay…just let me talk to him…."

Demetri held my gaze for long probing minutes. Recognising the affirmation in my voice, his face flickered in disappointment; concern reflected for a fleeting moment before silently dropping his hand and masking his emotions.

"Get out of our fucking way, Volturi." Edward waited not a second longer, before he seized his victory and tugged me from the room through a previously unseen exit.

Graciously standing to one side, Demetri allowed us to pass, but not before I spied his fists curled in frustration.

_Oh...oh. There would be a discussion on this matter later._

Slamming the door behind us shut, the momentum with which Edward unhanded me saw me stumble half way across the room. We found ourselves in a luxuriously appointed changing room, a section of the executive apartments of which I had previously been unaware. Suits and ties hung on racks; a washroom off to one side and a plush chesterfield sofa positioned facing the one way glass windows in order to enjoy a spectacular view of the Seattle skyline.

"What the fuck, Bella? Volturi?" Edward moved menacingly, stalking me as he hurled questions in my direction, his annoyance winning out over his supreme arrogance. "What the fuck are you doing with _him_?"

Shuffling back on instinct, I retreated from his rage until I had backed up against the sofa. Edward would never physically harm me but his words as I could testify from previous experience, could be as painful as the violent slice of a knife. With nowhere left to run, I screwed up my courage to provide a non committal response. "I needed independent advice Edward, and he came highly recommended."

_God I hoped I sounded somewhat serene or faultless; after all neither I nor Alice had anything to feel guilty for._

At my words, Edward halted his chase, clutching and releasing his silken hair in apparent frustration. "Jesus Christ, do you have _any_ fucking idea what you've done?" Stepping forward until he was inches from me, his perfect physique conveyed a pent up aggression that he struggled to restrain. "For fucks sake, couldn't you have come to me instead of running to him?" The words were scoffed with little deference to my feelings, the warm breaths of his exhalations falling on my lips. "Jesus, Bella…."

But I had had enough. I wasn't _that_ child anymore. And I would never be _that_ woman - neither subservient nor meek no matter my softly spoken temperament.

Shoving at his chest with one palm, needing to feel less crowded, I finally exploded. "Oh, get off your high horse Edward! Not once in the last week have you taken me into your confidence." I heaved a lengthy gasp of air as I continued to rant, wildly swinging my arms in astonishment. "You say to _trust_ you. You say you'll _never hurt_ me but you don't tell me _why_." The sensitivities, long considered, poured out of me without filter. "You demand blind obedience." The switch had flipped; I poked at his chest with every word. "Well here's the memo, Edward! I am not a child; not anymore. Trust needs to be earned, and you and Carlisle have done anything _but_ earn that from me."

The bravado could only last so long given my gentle nature. Tears started to well as I choked out my heart. "You…you...treat me like a mindless puppet, a rag doll to be handled any which way you choose, Edward." As if sensing my distress, Edward paused in his silent recriminations. "But you messed up...you and Carlisle...but especially you…." My heart trembled as I explained. "You need to see me as I am. I'm all grown up now. I make my own decisions. I need a partner, not an owner."

Defeat and anguish showered me. I doubted he would understand. For too long he had seen me as the helpless child needing rescue, no matter that his body recognised mine as a willing partner in all things adult.

The words burned my throat and scored my heart but this denouement was a long time coming. To move our relationship forward, they needed to be verbalised, floating in the air for all to hear and hopefully _understand_.

Remnants of Edward's anger assaulted my senses. An almost physical being hovered between us, yet still I persevered.

"Talk to me when you are ready to be who I need you to be Edward. You know where to find me. But until then..." I half moaned the last words, trailing off as I desperately fought myself from dissolving into full blown sobbing. Never once breaking my eyes from Edward, I tracked my way backwards, heart heavy to the door, longing to escape the screaming tension in the room.

From Edward, there was no response, just mere silence as his thoughtful gaze roamed my retreating form. Before I could make my escape, triumphant in the last word, Edward launched forward, gathering me to him in one powerful swooping motion. Hip to thigh, chest to breast, my head awkwardly tilted to look him straight in the eye.

My breathing hastened to match his drawn breaths; excitement and awareness replacing sorrow and anger.

"You want to play power games baby, you go right ahead. Let's get out there Bella, and play hardball." He snarled the words in my ear, gripping me painfully tighter, arms wrapped like steel across my back and locked around my waist. "Fine. Let's do it your way. We can work this through like professionals." Every vehement word, while on the surface appearing reasonable, resonated with fury.

Everything inside of me rejected Edward's words even though he had every right to feel aggrieved; after all I had sprung the presence of a professional rival on him without any forewarning.

As I struggled to free myself, Edward soothed with his quietened voice, gentling his hold on me without loosening his grip.

"But it's not all about us, Bella. I wish it were that simple." Confusion crept into my mind as he pressed his lips to my temple, before expelling bittersweet words into my ear. "Trust goes two ways baby, and this time we both let each other down."

Twisting in an effort to flee from the tidal wave of emotions springing from his truth, I met with minimal success. Before any further resistance could be attempted, Edward slammed his mouth down on mine, arresting my whole-hearted attention and driving all thought of freedom from my mind.

His muscles flexed and rippled as he captured me between his legs, branding me; marking me with desperate, urgent, moisture-filled kisses. His tongue duelled with mine in fiery entreaty as my arms lifted of their own volition to cling to his shoulders and snake into his hair, clutching him closer in anguish. Passion thickened and swirled between us, my mouth eager to receive every angry thrust and parry of his tongue as the sensual frenzy escalated, melding us into one.

The exchange of supple kisses eventually slowed as our joint frustration eased. Edward shattered our lust-filled haze to nestle his head in my neck, wisping soft kisses to sensitive junctures. Tears brimmed in my eyes at the unconcealed desperation with which he cradled me, growling sentiments we both needed to hear. "Whatever happens in there Bella, remember that I am doing this for you...always. You're mine, baby. You belong to me. Don't ever fucking forget." A brief, kiss-filled with promise was punctuated on my lips and I was spun free. "Stay with me until you go back to Dartmouth? _Please?"_

He looked so gorgeous pleading for my cooperation - his hair messed from my wrangling, his lips a brighter shade of red from my possession. My heart thumped loudly and screeched with womanly delight at his next words. _"_I'll come for you tonight."

Half dazed from the tumultuous kisses and that last fervent plea, my heart battled my head. I was torn and conflicted as to what would be wise. But my heart won out, pushing me to nod once, conveying my acceptance of his request as I rushed from the room.

The markings from my physical and emotional encounter were all too evident on my person as I re-entered Carlisle's office. A faint blush of arousal swept my neck and face as my swollen lips still quivered from their recent skirmish with Edward. There would be no doubt as to exactly what had taken place behind closed doors.

Moving slowly to the centre of the large executive office, I was astonished to find the room empty until I spied the silent looming form of Demetri in the far corner, back to the room, taking in the view. Hearing my rushed footsteps, he turned; an eye brow quizzically raised to wordlessly question the sanity in my meeting with Edward. Surveying my appearance from head to toe, he lingered on my swollen lips and slightly shaky hands.

With a bob of my head and a brief shrug of my shoulder, I communicated my commitment to proceed. There was _no_ backing down now.

Demetri smiled in approval as he approached my side.

A door slammed shut as Edward joined us in the room, his demeanour altered to display calm confidence in the set of his shoulders and a nonchalant arrogance in the casual placement of his hands in his pockets. As the two men sized each other up, it was all power games and posturing.

I slipped into a chair, relaxing into a means of physical support as we awaited Carlisle's return.

Moments later, Carlisle reappeared with little explanation as to his absence. A sense of frustration at his high handedness fuelled my desire to enquire as to his whereabouts. But inexperience in corporate warfare ensured I held my tongue, deferring to Demetri to lead any assault.

Motioning us towards the boardroom, Carlisle gestured everyone to be seated, surprisingly leaving the CEO chair vacant for Edward to occupy. The rearrangement sparked my interest but before I could infer any reason, Carlisle gifted a charming smile in my direction prior to commencing speaking in what I perceived to be a supercilious tone.

"Bella, Edward and I have taken into account of your feelings regarding Cullen-Swan quite seriously. There is no doubt we underestimated your interest and passion in the firm last week and for that I'd like to whole-heartedly apologise." Rubbing his chest in a gesture of self comfort he carried on. "Sometimes I seem to lose sight that my children are all grown up and need to be consulted as adults. Please accept my heartfelt apologies my dear, won't you?"

Carlisle's civility, while appearing to be genuine, made me feel anything but comfortable. In fact, uneasiness began to seep into my pores. He was a master attorney, quick to turn any battle to his advantage. Demetri and I would need to be on the watch for such a manoeuvre in this game of business.

A gracious nod was torn unwillingly from me. As much as I would like to yell my disbelief at any words Carlisle articulated, I held my tongue, eager to understand his position.

"After much discussion, primarily at Edward's behest I would like to add, I am proposing a revised merger contract." Handing out a sheaf of papers, Carlisle paused for a few moments to allow Demetri and I to scan the pertinent items.

"The major sticking point appears to be the loss of ownership, isn't that right Bella?" Carlisle outlined, somewhat patronisingly.

Before I could respond, Demetri sternly interceded on my behalf. "I think you know the answer to that Carlisle. Move on."

With no visible rebuttal to Demetri's command, the negotiation continued. "Well Bella, to make this more palatable to _you,_ we have attached conditions to the merger and share resale."

My interest was piqued with those words. Just _how _seriously had Edward considered my distress and how far exactly had he pushed his father?

Carlisle proceeded to outline a number of interesting points:

**1.**Carlisle would step down immediately as CEO, passing the mantle of the firm to Edward Cullen, signalling an intention of a more balanced and equal working stewardship.

After all, this had always been intended on his retirement and bringing it forward a few years would only benefit his time with Esme.

**2.**While the share sale to the Denali's would still require a five percent release from each partner, resulting in outright loss of ownership to Isabella Swan, in a boardroom vote, should either major partner be dissatisfied with the outcome they had recourse to block the action. The right to veto if you will.

Carlisle continued on to acknowledge that the personal relationship between Edward and I had always been strong and could only benefit future generations of Cullen-Swan, so this condition was unlikely to cause any real business obstacles.

**3**.Finally, should the Denali's at any time wish to offer their shares for sale, first right of refusal was to be allocated to Isabella Swan ensuring a return to outright ownership.

Somewhat satisfied with himself, Carlisle ceased speaking, primed to receive our reactions. While he had articulated the proposal, it was obvious that the fine architectural hand of Edward had designed the revised offer; albeit he sat silently, observing the machinations.

In all honesty, the terms presented were quite reasonable. I could maintain control through the veto action, I would be able to repurchase shares if they were ever to be resold by the Denali's and Edward, in whom I had greater faith, would assume the stewardship of the firm, working alongside me just as our fathers intended so long ago. However, the price to be paid was unacceptable.

As agreed earlier with Demetri, I signalled a wordless reply with a negative shake of the head. There was _no way_ I was giving up my ownership in the firm that my father had built from the ground up.

Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I anticipated undoing all of Edward's hard work. Sadness unfurled within me as my lack of faith in his proposal would become apparent.

On my command, Demetri took centre stage, springing into highly expensive action.

"Sorry Carlisle, Cullen...but that is absolutely not acceptable to my client. I think Isabella has made her intentions clear; any proposal that required her to give up outright ownership would be blocked at the board meeting. I suggest you re-engage your investors on new terms if you wish this merger to proceed."

"Fine, Volturi. Bella didn't engage you to play defence. Lay it on the line, what have you got to offer?" Edward challenged, his obvious eagerness to take Demetri head on not boding well for our wager.

Casually smiling to him, Demetri settled back in his chair, arms crossed, communicating all the time in the world. A furtive glance was shot in my direction, seeking approval prior to beginning discussion of our counter offer.

"My client has grave reservations as to entangling the Cullen-Swan business with that of the Denali's. Their recent lawsuit with the NTSB makes them ill-matched with the Cullen-Swan brand in her eyes. However, in recognition of the ten years of exemplary leadership displayed by you Carlisle, Isabella will place her reservations to one side, if and only if the following merger arrangement can be agreed upon."

A frown hovered over Carlisle's face as he processed the backhanded compliment. From Edward, no visible response was discernible.

Pausing for effect, Demetri reached into his briefcase and withdrew four copies of contract papers. Issuing them to Carlisle, Edward and myself he allowed a moment for the other occupants of the room to skim over the intent of our proposed terms.

As both men occupied themselves with the matter of reviewing the pertinent points, I took a few leisurely moments to observe Demetri. In the very heat of battle he appeared calm, in control and almost as if he enjoyed the thrust and parry of corporate warfare. In our dealings to date, he had proved a trusted ally. _Perhaps the scope of his role in my business dealings could be expanded if all went well?_

From the corner of my eye, I detected a grudging smile emerge from Edward. My breath halted for seconds, eyes widening in anticipation at the retorts from the Cullen men. Edward saluted me with a grin and proceeded to shake his head. In disgust or admiration, it was not apparent.

_Had we played our hand too early?_

The terms of our counterproposal were eminently clear:

**A.**The Chicago office would be established as a subsidiary company with the Denali's owning 30%, Cullens and Swans 20% each, and the parent company renamed to Cullen-Swan Enterprises would retain a 30% interest.

**B.**In the event of a re-integration of the subsidiary Chicago firm with the parent Cullen-Swan Enterprises, Isabella Swan would be offered first refusal on purchasing the shares.

**C**.All board decisions of the subsidiary Chicago firm would remain independent of the Cullen-Swan Enterprises parent firm.

I knew the terms were tough. _Hardball_, as Edward had called it. But if the Cullens desired to expand Cullen-Swan, it was in their best interest to facilitate this offer. Transparently, our proposal accommodated everyone's best interests without any further loss of ownership for the Cullens or me.

In fact, I retained an outright control of Cullen-Swan while being seen to actively support the CEO's expansion plans and assuring the board of my every confidence in his decision making.

The Denali's would not be losers in this proposal as they enjoy a greater share of the profits of the Chicago firm, albeit with no interest in the parent firm.

Should there be conflict in a boardroom vote of the Chicago office, the balance of power was shared unless a split vote invoked my higher stock control to veto decisions.

How much this would bother the Cullens remained to be seen. It was, after all, the status quo or would it be a show-stopper?

A few murmurs from Carlisle signalled his complete digestion of the papers. Glancing briefly at Edward, a small glimmer of a smirk reached his face. "Well, young lady." Surprisingly the genial comments were focused on me. Demetri was once again ignored as if he was absent from the boardroom. "You should be proud of yourself. That is an excellent offer. You sure did inherit old Charlie's brains, didn't you?"

To say I was befuddled by the lack of animosity or rejection from either Carlisle or Edward left me a little perplexed. _There was a catch some where, wasn't there?_ Something perhaps Demetri or I had missed. The lack of refusal from Edward and Carlisle seemed to indicate as much.

"Well, Carlisle? What say you?" Demetri prompted for an answer, snarkily ignoring Edward. _What was it between these two?_

"Hmmm..." Carlisle's brow furrowed as if he was considering his reply. "Alright Demetri, Isabella. Give Edward and I half an hour to liaise with our investors. We'll be back shortly."

Both men promptly vacated the room, Edward shooting a possessive glance in my direction, making his stake all too clear to Demetri.

The half hour dragged restlessly for both of us. I could barely sit still, moving from chair to window to desk and back again. All the while, Demetri watched me soundlessly, waiting calmly, legs crossed elegantly with not a care in the world.

He was a master player and I the ingénue.

The doors swung open. A beaming Carlisle re-entered the boardroom, followed by a somewhat preoccupied Edward.

"Okay, without further delay, I can advise that I have just consulted with the Denali's." Carlisle nodded in support of his statements. "They find the terms acceptable in principle; however they have a few conditions that need to be met. I will outline them now but I have invited them to the firm's New Year's Eve Ball so that we can thrash out the details in person in the following days."

Demetri shot me a glance, the minor frown on his face alerting me that there could be a spanner in the works.

I longed to run to Edward, to place my hand in his, seeking reassurance that all was okay. Instead, an almost stoic glance overcame his face, grim anticipation as to what his father was about to share.

As Carlisle's words sank in, understanding dawned.

The Denali's_..._New Year_…Tanya Denali..._ Edward's former..._whatever she was_… would be at the Ball.

Recognising the reflected unhappiness in Edward's stance, my heart sank and my stomach churned. _I _wasn't ready for this. _We_ weren't ready for this.

Oblivious to all, except his own concern, Carlisle proceeded to relay the final terms of negotiation. "The Denalis insist that the head offices of Cullen-Swan be relocated from Seattle to Chicago and with that, the residence of the CEO accordingly for the duration of the partnership."

Without waiting, Carlisle self-replied. "It seems to be an eminently reasonable request. It lowers their risk, increases brand presence in their home town and as I explained earlier with the transition of CEO position from myself to Edward, it is easy to accommodate. I won't need to uproot Esme, however I will be making a monthly trip to Chicago to provide support to Edward."

With an impossible rudeness, Carlisle once more ignored the presence of Demetri. It was impolite, unconscionable and beginning to thoroughly annoy me. "Is that acceptable to you Bella? Edward?"

Clutching at the seat below me, I could barely breathe as realisation dawned. "'Oh God." My gasps for air grew more laboured. Panic started to swell and resonate within me. Edward had always been possessive of me. Now I realised those feelings were returned. Ten fold.

The feeling of nausea spiralled out of control as I berated myself silently. _What had I done? _

Edward stood stock still, unmoving. His eyes flickered closed for a brief moment as if swallowing unpleasant medicine. As the green fire re-emerged, his gaze locked onto my shaking form.

"Well Edward," Carlisle prompted, glancing from Edward to me with a curiously pleased tone to his voice. "Do you agree to the terms?"

It was impossible to rip my tear laden eyes away from him, both of us trapped in each other's responses, unaware of any other presence in the room.

Had I delivered Edward into the hands of the Denalis? Winning a prize, only to tragically lose my reward? My blood thinned and cooled as ramifications bubbled to the surface. Sometimes the things we desired in life cost us deeply - the true price of which remained unknown until time passed and impacts were measured.

We both knew what this meant..._to us. _

Edward's impossibly arrogant pronouncements took on deeper significance. "You're mine baby, always mine. Don't ever fucking forget that."

I prayed he was right_. But was he mine to begin with? _

I would find out tonight.

**Ally Note:  
To clarify: In the Chicago Firm, the Denalis hold 30%, the Cullens 20%, Bella 20%. The remaining 30% is held by the parent and original firm Cullen-Swan Enterprises ( previously Cullen-Swan). As Bella has controlling interest in the parent firm (51%) she thereby has overall control of the Chicago firm also.**

**I'd love to hear from you. Please do leave me a review with your thoughts. Onward to New Year! **

**Cheers  
Ally  
Next update: 1 May, but I will endeavour to bring it to you earlier.**


	13. Shine

**Ally Note:**  
**Thank you for all of you who read! I so appreciate it!**

**Thank you TG10781 and suzie55 for the shout outs in their fics.**

**A number of people have mentioned the need for a support group for this little tale. Great places for heart fail are the Boardroom thread on Twilighted or sending out smoke signals on twitter - I think you may find fellow sufferers ;) **

**If Twilight was mine, it would probably be a vampy musical…oh hai Bill Condon. **

* * *

"Well Bella. What are your initial thoughts?"

My mind still dwelled on the impact of Carlisle's proposal. How it would affect Edward and I circled incessantly in my brain. I mutely sought reassurance from Edward that all would be okay, but he was silent, lost in his own considerations.

We were only just finding our feet and while we had survived long distance separations in the past, the rules of the game had changed.

Our relationship was in a chrysalis state, emerging from its cocoon. Instinctive fear as to whether we could fly together under the terms of Carlisle's counterproposal amplified within me.

However, before I could answer Carlisle's demands, Demetri intervened. With a concerned look at my somewhat shaken state, he confidently diverted the conversation. "Carlisle, I believe my client needs some time to assess the terms. Perhaps I could suggest reconvening early in the New Year with the Denalis present to finalise the matter?" Shooting a speculative look toward Edward, he concluded provocatively. "Cullen, are you in agreement? Of course, Bella won't be present, but as her lawyer I will represent her interests as directed by her."

_Ouch._

I could feel the tension that sweltered in the room. A wordless nod of Edward's head indicated his reluctant agreement.

Demetri turned to escort me from the boardroom, stepping back a moment to let me make appropriate farewells. "Shall we, Isabella?"

Darting an apprehensive glance at Edward, I acknowledged to myself that he had yet to comment on his father's proposal. This definitely did not bode well but we had survived the morning's encounter without fatalities: emotional or physical.

I, for one, was eager to snatch the unlikely victory from the jaws of defeat and depart the office with my sanity somewhat intact.

"Car…Carlisle...Edward…." Unfortunately my nerves remained strained as slight unease at Carlisle's unpredictability lingered. "I hope you understand why I sought independent advice."

Like any good lawyer, Carlisle carefully considered my question before providing a diplomatic answer. "Well my dear, I may not be pleased with the way you went about it, but damn if I wouldn't have done the same thing myself."

A grudging smile emerged. "It's exactly the kind of stunt your old man would have pulled."

As Carlisle chuckled to himself, I felt instantaneous relief at the look of fond reminiscence that replaced the often stern demeanour that usually draped his face when discussing the firm.

However, forbidding silence continued to emanate from Edward.

Demetri, ever the game player as I was quickly grasping, would or could not leave without laying one more challenge at Edward's feet.

Showing his hand of cards, he smirked insolently in Edward's direction. "Cullen, I won't say this meeting has been a pleasure but I look forward to reacquainting myself with your charming sister tomorrow night."

He paused in response to Edward's glowering silence.

"The delightful Alice?" He taunted a seemingly harmless explanation. "The Cullen- Swan Ball?"

"What the hell?" Edward finally exploded; a threat or promise hanging malevolently in the air between the two men.

"Yes." Calm defiance ruled Demetri. "Your lovely Bella has invited me as her guest."

_Oh no…_

Edward bristled in immediate reaction, his whole attention snapping to my frame. My heart dropped as the disbelief in his furious gaze penetrated.

I had consciously avoided discussion of my spur of the moment request. Certainly, this was not the way I had intended for Edward to become aware of my invitation to Demetri.

Carlisle, always the gentleman, was the first to recover from the surprise and politely reinstated conversation. "Well, of course! Any guest of Bella's is always welcome at the Cullen-Swan Ball." An idea appeared to be mulling over in his head. "Actually Demetri, it could be a nice setting in which you can get to know the Denalis, if you feel so inclined."

Having heard enough, Edward erupted from his chair, unfurling his impressive body as he loomed towards me with a dark gleam in his eye. Never once breaking my gaze he snarled his intentions at Demetri. "Bella is _my_ date for the ball, Volturi…_mine_."

There was no denial or embarrassment to be found in the emphatic claim but to describe his manner as displeased would be a colossal understatement. Ripples of pent up fury were radiating from a volcanic epicentre.

A shiver crept down my spine, edginess melding with a quiver of excitement at the possessiveness in his irritation. Reaching my side, he glared at Demetri, mocking in challenge. "I am sure you won't have a problem finding a date for tomorrow night," Reaching out to entwine my fingers with his, he lifted my hand, twirling it perfectly to press a soft kiss on the tender underside of my wrist, all the while shooting daggers at his perceived rival. "Will you Volturi?"

_Stalemate._

It was as if I was watching two specimens in their prime, oozing with virility from their superb physiques, sparring..._over me._

Should I have been angry?

A quick, mental self – chastisement spun me back to reality.

In fact I should have been furious; I was no bone to be fought over by two territorial dogs scrapping for ownership. If I had been watching these two magnificent men butt heads over any other woman, I would have envied her. But right now I fervently wished to disappear into thin air to avoid further embarrassment at my predicament.

A gentle tug that accompanied the sweetest of kisses had me melting into Edward's side, a little relieved at the manner he had dealt with Demetri's hand and raised it with his own.

Delicious spirals of lust fizzing from the skin, gifted with the placement of his lips, distracted me from all thoughts of shame. Edward speared a smug look at Demetri and marked me with his farewell. Wrapping one arm around my waist, he pulled me flush against his defined body, whispering in my ear. "For fuck's sake Bella… you have some serious explaining to do."

To a casual observer however, the brief yet heartfelt lingering of lips on my cheek resembled that of a long established couple parting for a few hours. "I'll send Eric to collect you at two." My eyes fluttered closed at the rush of sensation. A faint blush at the display of emotion in the presence of both Demetri and Carlisle tinged my cheeks but I was prepared to brazen out their speculation.

"Well as Isabella's date," Demetri, reading the situation perceptively offered a gentlemanly, if taunting exit. "You won't mind if her guest steals a dance, will you Cullen?" He grinned in my direction with a satisfied smirk.

Behind me I felt Edward's breathing tighten.

_Oh…oh._

At this point I felt it was my prerogative to intervene before the tension palpable between the two men soared out of control. Twisting in Edward's clasp, I pacified with a diplomatic answer. "Of course, Demetri," At my words, Edward's hands gripped tighter. "That would be lovely."

I exerted a little pressure to communicate a desire to be released and suddenly I was freed. _And cold._

_Enough_.

Gathering my wits, I farewelled both men, extremely conscious of Edward's hooded gaze dogging my every step. As we vacated the board room a rush of overwhelming relief hit me like a tidal wave. I briefly smiled at Mrs. Cope as Demetri steered me into the elevator, pressing the button for the ground floor.

"Isabella?"

"Hmmm?" I was still too shaken to form many words, most of my core effort directed at preventing myself from sprinting back into the office and launching myself into Edward's arms.

"Why didn't you tell me you were in love with Cullen?"

_Oh God._ My immediate reaction was to divert the conversation. "Oh Demetri... I am so sorry about the mix up."

"Isabella. Please…. You hardly know me and you're not the kind of girl to invite a man out on first acquaintance." He grinned. "I just couldn't resist the opportunity to mess with Cullen back there."

Leaping at the opening, I did a little digging of my own as we stood in companionable harmony, passing time as the elevator descended. "What exactly is the deal with you and Edward?"

My question had furrowed my brows, a fact that was unknown to me until Demetri reached out to trace the line with his thumb. "Oh no you don't……..no changing the topic here…it will give you wrinkles." His carefree chuckles eventually quieted as he dropped his hand and a serious flavour returned to his queries. "Isabella, do you know, _really_ know what you are doing with Cullen?"

I froze, not knowing how to answer his probing question. As the elevator reached our destination, I offered the only answer I could possibly give. "Demetri. I….I don't know how to explain my relationship with Edward." I knew I owed him honesty for any embarrassment I may have caused. "I mean we have always been very close, he was almost like an older brother to me. But lately, I don't know. Lately that's all changing…and it's a maze…….something I am just trying to work out."

As we walked out of the revolving doors of the Meyer building, Demetri pulled me back from the path of oncoming pedestrians to seek shelter in the archway of the building. "Isabella……I won't tell you what's right or wrong for you. You can work that out for yourself…but just know if you need help...anything...you know you can come to me, right?"

I was a little surprised at his vehemence but knowing I would not succeed in determining the cause, I merely nodded my assurances.

"I don't want you to forget that, okay? Today might have gone pretty well but I know the Cullens, they always play by the rules but they play rough and hard. It would be tragic for you, an almost daughter of that family, to be a casualty of their games." He gazed intently into my eyes. "I know I am only your attorney Isabella, but promise me you will come to me if you need help. _Please_?"

The gravity and intensity with which he spoke concerned me for a moment. I was learning rapidly that very little got by Demetri. Reaching up, I ended the conversation the only way I knew how. "Thank you Demetri," I placed a brief peck on his cheek. "For today and for everything."

"You won't forget will you Isabella? I mean_ anything?_" A little desperation crept into his voice, making me wonder yet again at exactly what he wasn't sharing with me regarding his previous experience with the Cullens.

"I won't...and thankyou…." Eager to break the rapidly disturbing overtones to the conversation, I flipped out some humour. "You know…. I can't wait to see Demetri Volturi all dressed up in a monkey suit….I am sure you will be a big hit with the ladies."

"I always am." _Smirk. _

Smug, cocky bastard. Reminded me of someone else. _Swat._

"I'll see you tomorrow Demetri. We can work out when to meet before I leave for school? You have all the power of attorney papers right?"

"Sure."

We continued our banter as Demetri hailed a cab and saw me seated within. A quick goodbye salutation was offered and small talk about the upcoming ball was made before we departed in our separate directions.

* * *

The business of the merger mostly taken care of, I turned my thoughts towards the New Year's Eve Ball. I desperately desired a word with Edward, but would have to wait until this afternoon. Hopefully we would have time over the next few days to learn each other as adults and equals, exchanging thoughts and opinions without anger or remonstration.

As my mind raced ahead to New Year, I quickly punched out a text.

**Where are you?**

A few minutes later, my cell chirped a response.

**Picking up Jasper from SeaTac. How did this morning go?**

**Say hi to Jas for me. Went as well as can be expected. No bloodshed. Need help.**

Not two seconds later, my cell rang.

"Hi, Alice."

"Bella." She panted her worry. "What's up? What happened?"

"No, nothing. Nothing like that. Demetri was great."

"Yes, he's a good guy. Even if my stupid stubborn ass of a brother doesn't think so! So what's up then?" I was puzzled by Alice's statement but as time was short I concentrated on the matter at hand, filing the topic away for one of our future conversations.

"Look Allie, I just need to let you know I am going to go stay with Edward for a few days…until I go back to school." I held my breath waiting for her reaction.

The squeals of excitement were much as I expected. I joined in her happiness, allowing myself a girlish delight of gossiping about boyfriends, much like any other eighteen year old would with her best friend. After moments of swapping giggles, Alice switched personalities to the event planner extraordinaire. "Right. Bella, your dress and shoes are in your wardrobe." She ordered. "You need to meet me at House of Lidia at three pm tomorrow to get your hair, nails and make up done. Don't be late!" She chuckled to herself. "And I definitely don't want to be hearing excuses about my eldest brother having his wicked way with you! Ok, madam?"

We both burst into laughter at her comments, her in teasing and I in total embarrassment at everyone knowing what would take place between Edward and I tonight. _Or so I hoped._

We concluded our chatter with fond farewells as I paid the cab driver and made my way into the house.

No one appeared to be home so I raced up the stairs to my room and started frantically undressing, while simultaneously throwing items into my travel cases.

In a whirlwind of giddying delight, I frantically ran from the bathroom to the bedroom and back again; grabbing toiletries, clothes and folding them into small piles. Lost in my packing frenzy, I didn't notice the knock on my door, until it opened to reveal a somewhat concerned Esme.

"Bella!" Her hand at her throat signalled her alarm. "Is everything ok? I mean, Carlisle called me earlier and said everything went well but here you are packing! My dear, what is going on?"

"Oh Esme!" I dropped the piles of clothes where I stood and rushed over to kiss her cheek. "No. No. it's not like that!" I wanted to reassure her. "Um…it's just that…" I felt a little embarrassed explaining to Esme that I would be staying with her son and not in any platonic guardianship arrangement. 'Um..."

"Where are you off to Bella?"

"Um, Edward asked me to come and stay with him for a few days before I went back to school. I said yes." I trailed off quietly, anxious for her response.

"I see." Esme sighed. 'Oh...Bella, come...sit down." She patted the bedspread beside her. My heart sank at the thought of disappointing Esme, who had been the best of replacement mothers to me. But the distance of school has prevented us from spending much quality time together recently. I really didn't want out first honest conversation in an age to be harsh or full of remonstration but nothing, not even disappointing Esme would deter me from being with Edward.

"My dear, I won't be lecturing you or trying to talk you out of it. Both you and my son are adults. The connection between you has always been volatile and I can't really say I am surprised…well not after Christmas day at least!" We both smiled wryly in recollection at the obvious drama during the traditional meal. "But there is such an age gap between you." She exhaled a slow breath as if considering her words. "You are just starting out and Edward; well let's just say that my first born is a man of the world. I just wish the two of you had waited. That you were a little older." She swallowed nervously before continuing. "I hope, I really hope my son is not taking advantage of you dear."

I wanted to mitigate her concerns but I honestly didn't know what to say. Volatile was an excellent description of my relationship with Edward; the highs were epic and the lows catastrophic on my heart and mind. But these were emotions I could not share with his mother. Instead I pacified. "I know he cares deeply for me."

She looked me in the eye for an age and then nodded in agreement. "Yes…. Yes… he does…but that boy is so much like his father! Work, work and work. Sometimes it is so difficult coming second to Cullen – Swan."

At her words, I noticed the tired lines around Esme's eyes and realised that I had been so wrapped up in my own world that I had shamefully neglected to really notice what was going on with her.

"Esme? Is everything alright….with you?"

A tear slipped from her eye, quickly followed by a hand dashing it away in a no nonsense manner. "Oh my dear. Yes, yes I am fine. Just a little tired with all the plans for the Ball. You know what this time of the year is like."

I laid my head on her shoulder, wanting to provide comfort to lift the pain she attempted to conceal. Her hand came up to caress my face, sweeping the hair behind my ear, much as my mother had done when sending me off to school. "Thank you sweetie. I am just being nostalgic. All you children are growing up and moving on with your lives…and I just...I just wish Renee was here. I could really do with my best friend right now."

The pain squeezed my heart. I closed my eyes and enjoying the empathy with Esme. "I know…I miss her too. Everyday."

We sat in silence, enjoying the quietness of the house and our shared love for my mother. A stray thought crossed my mind as I sat reminiscing. It was a rare and golden opportunity to question her on her memories of _that_ day.

"Esme?"

"Yes dear?"

"Just...just all this talk about the firm and my parents has made me homesick, if you will, for my parents."

"Well that is to be expected, what with your trip at this time of year to Forks and now the firm talks. Is there something on your mind?"

"Yes, actually. I was wondering whether you knew where any personal items of my parents' were? I mean I know I have mommy's jewellery, but just you know, papers? Books? Diaries?"

"Hmmm." She appeared to be wracking her brain. "Well my dear, if I recall correctly, there are a couple of boxes in the storeroom in the basement. They have markings on them so that should help. Most of the business papers will be downtown, I would say. Perhaps if you asked Carlisle, he could direct you to the right place?" She hesitated before finishing. "Although, now that I recall, I don't think I know what happened to the papers from your father's safe."

"Safe?" Alarm bells rang loudly in my head. What was it they were trying to tell me? If I could only remember! Damn it!

"Yes dear. Your father's safe at the summer house. I am not sure what happened with those papers. I remember there was a brough-ha about it because no one knew where it was or what was in it. Although Carlisle and I both knew it existed, we had no idea where! It was a good thing your father's will had been filed the previous week, I must say, otherwise we could have had a nasty custody battle for you, dear. The police searched the house but couldn't find anything! And you, my dear, were too traumatised for months after to recall anything of that day. Edward refused to have you questioned by the police and I agreed with him. It was the last thing you needed, quite frankly." She paused to catch her breath. "Why the interest, Bella?"

My instinct urged me to reveal little. There were too many pieces of the puzzle missing and I was wary of sharing more than I needed. Even with Esme, the closest thing I had had to a mother for the last ten years. "No, no nothing particular. Just wanted to touch and smell something of theirs…..to remind me of them….I feel like I am forgetting them a little more every day…it hurts."

Esme drew a quick indrawn breath before she responded. "Oh sweetheart! That's understandable. If you have time, search out the store room. I honestly don't think anyone has been down there for years except the housekeeper to clean. Knock yourself out!"

"I will." Esme stood, signalling her intention to leave. "Come on, let me help you pack." We spent another half an hour in pleasant discussion as she helped place my things within the cases.

With a brief kiss to my cheek she farewelled me with a word of support. "There is _no one_ I would rather see with Edward my dear… I just hope that spoiled, arrogant young man knows what a jewel he has in you." She smiled proudly as she appeared to be thinking of her first born. "And if he doesn't, I am sure you will give him hell……a match made in heaven!"

We both burst into spontaneous laughter as she left the room.

* * *

Half an hour later I seated myself in Edward's town car, waiting for my bags and evening dress to be placed in the trunk by the chauffeur. My nerves rattled as realisation dawned at the situation I was wilfully placing myself in. Weighing up all the options, I had battled the mixed emotions that had dramatically escalated on the arrival of Edward's text a half an hour ago confirming the car was on its way to collect me.

Esme's words of cautious approval and Alice's jubilant encouragement could not dissolve the glimmer of tension that stained the thrill of what I was about to do.

Was I foolish? _Naïve_? I had purposely overridden my fear, pain and insecurity to take this final chance to be with Edward.

To willingly leave myself wide open and vulnerable to yet another rejection was ill advised. Edward and I were combustible in proximity to each other. There was no element of passivity in our blossoming relationship. A rollercoaster of feelings were sure to be experienced over the next few days, testing both of our will and endurance.

Ultimately, I trusted him and I loved him.

And I seized this chance to be with him as an equal.

I would always regret not grasping this chance to find out if we were meant to be.

My thoughts continued to whirl until we arrived at our destination. Greeted by the doorman who escorted me to Edward's penthouse apartment, I swallowed back all fears as I took the first step. Entering the security code on the elevator keypad, he retreated with a tip of his hat, advising the luggage would be brought up through the service elevator and wished me a happy day.

My blood pressure ratcheted up with every floor the elevator ascended. I wasn't sure if I was hyperventilating in anxiety at the rather large step I was taking, or in excitement.

As the elevator doors opened to reveal the luxurious yet masculine formal living areas of Edward's apartment, I soaked in the fact that I was here.

I had been here before….but always with Alice or Esme….never alone … and never as……_whatever_ Edward and I were to each other.

Secretly daydreaming about this being our apartment, I roamed the rooms, indulgently imagining the décor that would reflect the two of us.

_Together._

As I pushed open the door to Edward's bedroom, my heart raced in anticipation of the pleasure that I hoped would take place on the king size bed over the next few days.

Dragging a loving hand over his suits, so neatly hung in the wardrobe, my mind boggled at the sensuality of the openly transparent stone-tiled bathroom in one corner of the bedroom.

Any owner of such a blatant feature in his private domain was a man comfortable in his own sexuality, with no apology for experience or physical needs. The portent of hedonistic delights to be found with Edward in the bathroom sent my temperature sky rocketing as I dashed out of the room, desperately needing to cool myself before I dissolved into a puddle of need.

Unpacking the bags neatly placed in the guest room, I carefully hung my dress and reached for my study notes.

Although it was the winter break, I had a year long research paper I had requested to undertake for extra credit. Rather than waiting listlessly, enabling my anxiety to sky rocket before Edward arrived home, I planted myself in the middle of the living area, hoping to get some serious studying done while enjoying the scenic views over downtown Seattle.

* * *

I was lost in a day dream, tapping a foot along to the beat of The Killers pounding out on the ibose system as I lazed away the afternoon on the floor of Edward's apartment, sporadically jotting notes down for my term paper as I enjoyed the winter sunset through glass windows.

I must have dozed off, the exhaustion of the last week winning out as I woke some hours later to a dimly lit room and the sound of the stereo system being switched off.

I wearily opened one eye to see a pair of pristine black dress shoes attached to long lean legs move into my line of sight. Gazing groggily up a trouser leg, my sleep filled eyes roamed over a crumpled jacket flung haphazardly over the shoulder of a crisp white shirt, a loosened tie and the languid, sexy smile of a dishevelled Edward.

How that man made wild unkempt hair and a glimmer of tiredness sexy was beyond me. But it had its unintended effect.

Whether it was the sheer physical presence of Edward inches away from me, the casual setting or the fading afternoon light, the living room of Edward's apartment adopted a cloak of warm intimacy. The latent attraction between us seduced me into returning his heart battering smile with a blushing welcome of my own.

That is, until I remembered I was lying on his Aubusson rug, ass on prominent display in tight, form revealing yoga pants, feet casually covered in converse tennis shoes and my upper half squeezed into a favourite green plaid Lululemon hoodie. Dismay washed over me as I recalled that I had intended to change into something more adult for my evening with Edward but, the unintentional napping had put and end to those girlish plans.

Jumping to my feet, jittery nerves seized hold as I hid behind veils of hair, swooping up research papers and notebooks that were scattered across the floor.

Catching sight of the smirk on Edward's face, I observed his gaze openly locked on to my ass, the knowledge of which sent me whirling in the opposite direction, papers clutched to my chest as if providing a protective shield.

"Bella." The grin on Edward's face telegraphed his enjoyment of finding me casually adorning his home.

"Edward...gosh..." I retreated nervously, matching each precarious backwards step to each forward motion he made, frantically avoiding catching his eyes. "I... I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"Bella!" A slightly firmer tone took hold of his voice as he stalked closer.

"Oh...no..." I launched into automatic chatter as the tension within in me escalated. I rapidly swivelled my head, wildly searching the luxurious apartment for any topic of conversation with which to distract him. Finally discerning one stray idea, I latched on, verbally vomiting my dawning anxiety. "Oh... right… dinner, um...shall I... um... shall I order some take out? Are you hungry? Chinese… or? Or did you want to go out? Um... just."

"Bella!" The emphatic tone of Edward's command was accompanied by a gruffness of pitch which froze me in place where I stood.

Recognising defeat as my breathing shallowed out, I dropped the papers onto the kitchen counter and ever so slowly raised my eyes to catch the smouldering green fire staring intently back at me.

"Bella." Yearning echoed from Edward's voice. "Come here."

Holding my breath as if awaiting an important life changing announcement, I softly murmured a reply. "W…w...Why?"

Edward didn't keep me long in suspense, reiterating his request with a definitive order. "Baby…. come here... come here and kiss me."

Mesmerised by the jade longing shining from Edward's eyes, every part of me hungered to fling myself into his arms. But there had been so much tension and gravity weighing us down that the impish side of Edward's little Bella asserted herself.

Both Edward and I could use some humour to lighten our day. Recalling the joy and mischief that defined our youthful relationship, I recalled all the childish pranks Alice and I played on Edward. A stray thought bought a beaming smile to my face.

His eyebrow raised in response.

_Now._

I threw the papers at Edward, watching as they fanned across the room, falling haphazardly everywhere. Turning, I darted down the corridor whooping spontaneously. "You want to kiss me." I teased. "Well, you are going to have to catch me first Edward!"

I chuckled as I ran; increasing my speed as I heard Edward's half hearted jogging paces rapidly approaching behind me.

"You little brat!" _Step. _"Wait 'til I catch you baby." _Step. _"I am going to enjoy making you..." All six feet two inches of Edward's glorious body slammed into mine, swinging me by the waist to press flush up against him. _"pay." _Both of us were panting from our short chase, not from exertion but from our shared hilarity.

We collapsed against the wall, needing the supporting structure to keep us upright as we enjoyed the now rare playfulness of games.

After moments, our laughter dissipated as the visceral attraction between Edward and I roared into life, weaving a veil of sensuality as we stood lost in embrace.

Passion thickened, hardening my nipples as they brushed against Edward's chest. His muscular thighs rubbed against my hips, reminding me of heavenly differences in our design.

Our breathing laboured as he lifted his hands from my waist to place them on my shoulders, one hand tangling in my hair to sweep it over to one side, baring the arch of my neck to a warm sensuous touch. His teeth nipped and grazed at the slim column of my throat, my knees threatening to buckle as he laved his tongue over my jaw, frantically feathering a pulse point.

His body dominantly pushed against mine, sending warm waves of sensation pooling in my centre as his hands skimmed my skin to rest on my ass, cupping the cheeks firmly to pull me closer. Inhaling deep shaky breaths, I delighted in being in his arms once more.

_Safe._

I wisped my lips against the masculine lines of his neck only to find him sliding a finger underneath my chin and gently tilting my head to look at him. As our gazes connected, I gasped as I took in what I saw before me. So much unsaid between us now laid bare. Edward was always one to keep himself closed off, but now seeing the emotion in his gaze, I believed.

_In us._

His mouth lowered to mine, in the sweetest of kisses. Our lips made incoherent noises as we moved together in rhythm.

_Beautiful. Sweet. Tender._

He had never kissed me like this, with so much naked emotion on display. In our fledgling romance, Edward had imposed a variety of kisses. Passionate, angry, furious and wild. I had loved all of them…even the ones that inflicted grievous pain but this one….this one was _the one_ I would remember as I grew old…the true beginnings of our relationship.

Our breathing grew ragged as the desperation in our touches increased. Our tongues duelled in pleasure. Neither of us willing to deny each other this mutual victory dance after a difficult day.

Lapping at each other's mouth, we signalled our carnal desire for each other, only to have our kissing break as rumbles from my stomach permeated the spell between us. "Someone's hungry." Edward smiled broadly down at me, both of us bemused by the mundaneness of everyday life interrupting our passion.

"Come on...." Leading me by the hand, we traipsed back to the living area. "Let me feed you."

After collecting and organising my impulsively scattered papers, I perched on a bar stool in the immaculately fitted out kitchen watching Edward expertly prepare our paella dinner. His tie was long gone, as was his belt. A small wave of pride danced over me as I took in his unbuttoned shirt, recalling my fingers wildly yanking at the buttons.

God, he was gorgeous….. _and mine._

As I sipped on the glass of red wine, we chatted over the day's events. Exchanging stories on school, his work, our firm; anytime the conversation veered towards tension, by silent agreement we changed tack, desperate to enjoy the harmony that had sprung up between us. Tomorrow would give us sufficient time to discuss the events of today, but for now we both rejoiced, _not_ so secretly in our togetherness.

There was something eminently attractive about a man in his prime, knowing his way around the house, the kitchen, around… Shooting spasms of pleasure rippled through me as I anticipated the night to come_. Or I hoped would come. _

Despite my previous threats to Edward, I had once more succumbed to his appeal, knowing that my heart would not and could not take any more rejection.

Focused on recapturing my pleasant thoughts, I collected my wayward thinking. I began to enjoy the delicious Spanish style meal, seated by Edward's side on the comfortable leather sofas, watching the lights of Seattle twinkle through the penthouse windows. The room exhibited an intimate air as the warmth from the fire wafted its natural heat. We bantered over which movie to watch, eventually settling on the compromise of 'Terminator'; he loving the action and me enjoying my new found ability to tease him with my indiscreet thoughts about another man.

Although we had started the movie side by side, within moments Edward stood to dim the lights, slipping of his shoes as he returned. I was suddenly swooped high into his arms, as he settled his long form on the length of the sofa, arranging my body to drape over him; my legs twinning with his, my head coming to rest on his chest; one hand possessively staking a claim on my hip, whilst the other reached beneath my hoodie to nestle in the warmth below my breast.

I laid a loving palm over his heart, feeling the pulse of his life force beat out a rhythm that called to my own.

As we watched the scenes of terror, violence and romance 'against all odds' play out on the big screen before us, my eyes fluttered close as exhaustion won out.

My last coherent memory was the tenderness of kisses being placed in my hair.

* * *

_Run Bella run._

_Sweetheart. _

_Run._

_You know where to find it._

_Run baby!_

The animalistic screaming increased, louder and louder, until it crashed through me, leaving a trail of fear in its wake.

I was trapped, hard hands held me and I couldn't break free.

My mommy was going to die and so was I.

I couldn't breathe as gasped for my life.

Panic and chaos fueled my terror.

_Let me go. _

I thrashed my arms about in desperation, attempting to release myself from his grip.

_Mommy…..Mommy…._

_Edward….where are you? Edward, please?_

Horrified screaming jolted me awake, only to find that the vile noises were erupting within _me_. Edward was urgently attempting to shake me into wakefulness. "Bella, God baby…please wake up…my little Bella...wake up……I've got you…baby please…I've got you."

His voice crackled with alarm and helplessness. Without waiting for a response from my catatonic form, he gathered me into his arms, enclosing them around me to afford an immediate measure of protection and security, rocking me slowly in reassurance. He crooned comfort as he held me, frantically wiping my tears as they dripped from my eyes and flooded his bare chest.

How long I wept and wailed, I had no idea. Only the soft rhythmic murmurings of care from Edward eventually penetrated my distress.

"Baby...God…." He groaned.

My only response was pitiful sobbing.

"Can you talk about it? Please I need to know…..what brought this on?" His free hand clenched his hair in anxiety. "I didn't know you still had these nightmares…please...when was the last one?"

I choked out the words, my body still trembling in remnant terror. "Over five years ago."

"What happened today, baby?" The question was gently re-posed after continued weeping on my part. "Bella? Please?"

I wracked my tortured brain, searching for an answer to his question. Following the patterns of youth when nightmares crept up, I forced myself to answer my fears.

Haltingly, through tear filled eyes, I clutched Edward closer and relayed the discussion with Esme about my parents' possessions. As I hesitantly revealed my thoughts regarding the briefcase and safe, Edward's mouth formed a stern frown.

"Damn it, baby...you should have told me last night." He growled; then immediately stopped as he spied moisture leaking once more from my eyes. "Sssh...Sssh baby...sorry…I am sorry….I didn't mean to growl at you….but God Bella…please talk to me…." He held me nearer in apology.

I nodded sleepily in his arms, with no desire to carry the burden of the solving my parents' murder on my own.

"Come on…let's try and get some more sleep...okay?" Moving horizontally, he laid us down, both of us hoarding his side of the bed, with no distance between our skin.

Once more my dream state took me, but safe in Edward's arms, no horror touched me.

* * *

I woke the next morning to the sun streaming through the bedroom windows. Reaching out across the bed without removing the veil of hair across my eyes, I ferreted around for Edward, only to find the bed cooled and a mug of percolated coffee wafting a heavenly aroma from the nightstand. For a minute second I froze in realisation of where I was and what I wasn't wearing. Obviously Edward had bought me to his bed last night after I had fallen asleep in his arms, undressing me in the process.

The sounds of the shower alerted me that in fact I was not alone.

Clutching the bed sheet to my naked breasts, I sat up to a magnificent present. There, exhibited in all his naked wet glory stood Edward, his back to the room, the muscles of his very fine body on artistic display.

Sensing my alertness, he swivelled his head to confirm that I was indeed awake and in one piece. I watched through the haze of mesmeric lust as he switched the taps closed and grabbed a towel, quickly drying himself off and wrapping it low on his hips before heading over to my side of the bed.

The warm taste of saliva moistened my mouth as I delighted in the curves of his chest and the beautiful treasure trail of hair disappearing into the towel. Lust eroded any sanity that I may have woken with and Edward knew it.

_Smug bastard._

Planting himself on the bed beside me, his eyes carefully searched mine for remnants of last night's distress. Wordlessly I palmed his cheek with a tender caress, silently communicating I was fine.

No words were exchanged as he bent to offer a morning kiss. His nostrils flared widely as he casually took in my naked form; now that terror no longer reigned, he lingered on the swell of my breasts, smirking at the automatic peaking of my nipples and subconscious movement of my hips. His eyes travelled to the indentation of my waist, seeking out the hidden feminine mound beneath the sheets, only to snap back to my dilated pupils. Heat blistered over my skin, as he leaned down to stroke my lips open with his tongue. No other body parts touched as he gently coaxed my mouth wider with swirling movements.

Spreading the taste and smell of himself everywhere, he swooped to place brief succulent kisses on the swell of my breasts, using all his senses to mark me with his presence. His voracious mouth returned to devour my own until our shortening breaths forced urgent gasps for air.

"Morning." _Kiss._

I smiled back in return; it _was_ blissful to wake up with Edward.

"Baby, come on you need to get dressed." He urged good-humouredly, congratulating himself for leaving me in a semi-frustrated state. Seeing Edward so light-hearted sent me tumbling into love with him all over again. "Breakfast first and then I need to head into the study for most of the morning. Will you be okay on your own?" I could tell he was still concerned of the effects of last night's scare. "We need to talk about yesterday and last night." He raised one eyebrow. "Demetri Volturi?" I could see anger flash briefly across his face, quickly restrained by the desire to protect the peace between us. "But I want to make sure we have plenty of time for that discussion? Alright?" He prodded, seeking my agreement.

Disappointment flashed in my eyes. I had thought we would have the chance to spend some time together today to discuss these urgent, possibly life changing matters. "Oh."

"I am sorry baby, but I need to get a few case notes cleared so the next few days are for us...just us…Okay?"

I grumbled, a little annoyed he hadn't shared his plans with me last night. But I knew that he was not the only guilty party as I had purposely held back information on my parents' murder until it had snuck into the bedroom with us. "Yes that's ooo_okay._..Mr. Bossy!"

_Kiss_.

Relieved at my grudging humour, he pulled me out of bed to playfully swat my ass as he pushed me towards the shower.

Embarrassment over took me. There was no way I was experienced enough to casually shower in front of Edward. Seizing an opportunity, I dashed through the bedroom door into the safety of the guest bathroom, words shouted in laughter trailing behind me.

"Chicken!" **

* * *

**

By the time I returned from the afternoon with the hairdresser and beautician, being made over to Alice's detailed orders, I was shattered. My nerves were frayed by the exacting afternoon, although I was ridiculously pleased with the results.

I definitely didn't look like a young girl anymore. My hair was curled in soft waves down over my shoulder, sweeping back across my ears to display the magnificent earrings Edward had requested I wear. He must have roped Alice into selecting the diamond and pearl drops as they matched the exquisite, cream silk dress I had chosen to don for the evening.

Edward had handed me the earrings as he left the breakfast table, pressing urgent hungry kisses to my mouth, desperately trying to control his relentless need for me. "God baby, I need to see you in nothing but these earrings…fucking soon!"

After I slipped on the delicate matching Loubatin's, I gulped down any apprehension in regards to my appearance as I made my way out to the formal living area. Focusing hard on my every step, I prayed to avoid succumbing to my ever present clumsiness; determined not to collapse in a heap before Edward.

That would indeed be mortifying.

As I rounded the corner into the living room, my own breathing caught.

There against the magnificent backdrop of downtown Seattle, stood Edward in an Armani tux with his broad muscled back to the room.

As he twisted in response to the whisper of silk, we gazed wordlessly at each other for moments; dazzled by beauty, speared by overwhelming need.

Without dropping his eyes from mine, Edward paced towards me. An undefinable emotion fired his jade tinged eyes as he roamed over my dress, a self- satisfied smile breaking out as he observed the earrings sparkling from my earlobes.

To my surprise, he reached out to clasp both my hands in his, bringing them to rest between our bodies as he tugged me closer.

"God!" A sensuous breath whispered past my ear. "You are so beautiful Bella."

Pulling back to lift a hand to my lip, he tormented the swelling skin with his thumb. "Let me make tonight special for you?" The longing inherent in his words were touching. "I _need_ to make love to you so much, baby. Say yes, please?" I could only stay silent as he pleaded for my approval. "I want tonight to be everything your first time should be…..beautiful…special….perfect… with _me_."

The yearning and desire spinning from his request seduced the very willing answer I longed to give. In frenzied response, my mouth found his neck, his ear, his mouth and jaw, communicating my delirious agreement without the spoken word.

A sudden intake of my Chanel perfume bought primal needs to the surface. "Mine!" A snarling groan left his throat between my frantic kisses. "Mine! Fucking mine…you got that baby?" For seconds he gripped me tightly, almost hurting me with the strength contained within his hands before reeling in his emotions and visibly calming his reactions.

Restraining our surging desire for the latter part of the evening, we slowed our kisses by mutual acknowledgement. I collected my purse and reapplied my lip gloss as Edward called for the car.

Within minutes, we were seated in the back seat of the chauffeur driven car, hands jointly clasped as we attended our first Cullen – Swan Ball as partners. Tonight after the ball, Edward would truly make me his and tomorrow would hopefully dawn a new year of open and frank dialogue, freeing us from the anxiety of distance or mergers.

While all other concerns could be calmed, I chewed my bottom lip, unable to silence a nagging insecurity as to the threat of Tanya.

I dreaded meeting her tonight but before I could dwell further on my worry, the car pulled to a halt outside the Four Seasons Hotel. The concierge greeted Edward by name, escorting us to the Twilight Ballroom, the familiar and luxurious setting for the annual black tie function. Off in the ante-room where the family traditionally congregated for a pre-dinner drink before this event I observed the red, greens and blues of Alice, Rose and Esme's gowns. Jasper and Emmett dressed to the nines, stood off to one side drinking beer and chatting about something that at this distance was difficult to make out.

As we paused in the door way, Edward swiftly lifted my hand to his mouth, pressing a brief kiss to my knuckles. "Ready?"

_This was it._

_Our first public date._

_He was mine._

_All mine._

I nodded in excitement, inhaling a huge joyful breath.

Together we entered the ante- room to the excitable greetings of Alice and the more muted welcomes of others in our party. After moments of milling around and organising drink selections, Edward and I relaxed into normal banter with family members, all tensions of the last week seemingly vanished.

That was until I saw Carlisle leading two people into the room: an older man and a much younger, overtly sexy companion.

My breathing suspended.

I knew who _she_ was.

Tanya Denali.

I already _hated_ her. For whom she was and what _she _represented.

A petite, five feet, three inch strawberry blond; a sophisticated pocket Venus in a navy blue halter neck dress, her mouth painted with scarlet fire. She smiled gratuitously at Carlisle, bypassing Esme to save her womanly wiles for Edward.

_Sick. I felt sick._

She was stunning.

_I desperately felt compelled to vomit._

She appeared perfect as she came to rest before Edward. A gleaming smile aimed in his direction.

_She was everything I wasn't._

Sensing my distress, Edward tightened his grip on my hand, entwining our joined fingers and squeezing reassurance.

But nothing prepared me for the flash of blinding pain as she blatantly disregarded my presence to reach up, emboldened with womanly familiarity to press a vulgar red mouth to Edward's lips.

He moved his head a fraction to evade her mouth.

_Her_ kiss landed on his cheek.

_Mine._

He _was_ mine.

* * *

**Ally Note:  
****I hope you enjoyed this lighter aptly titled chapter. Prepare yourself, the angst is going to hit real soon! **

**UPDATE: On Sat May 8th a Guardian readalong took place where i tweeted 11 new EPOV scenes. 1 each for ch 2 - 12 which are now available under my profile page. Story called Crack the Shutters.**

**Jealousward and I are eager to hear your thoughts on this chapter as ever. Please leave us some love. **

**Cheers  
Ally **

**Next update: UPDATED INFO : next chapter will be available on 23 May - delayed due to illness. Apologies**


	14. Splinter

**Ally Note:  
Thank you for being so patient over the last 3 weeks while I recovered from ill health. Many thanks for your kind words.**

Some amazing support for Guardian during the readalong. My gratitude to (at) aRedi for being the hostess with the mostest who ably led the readalong; a cheerio to Team Guardian and to everyone else who participated, my heartfelt thanks. I hope you enjoyed the EPOVs' for chap 2 – 12 which can now be found on ff as Crack the Shutters.

Thank you to Rae_Cullen at SYTYCW for interviewing me a few weeks back. I hope I didn't bore you to death my musings. The interview can be found at soyouthinkyoucanwrite (dot) blogspot (dot) com. Rae is also the author of Angel Eyes.

Thank you to Mr Green at PIC FF Corner for also interviewing me last week. I thought I cracked a funny joke or two but then again I am easily amused! Check it out at picffcorner (dot) blogspot (dot) com

**If Twilight was mine, Demetri would appear in Book 1 and we would all be "Jacob who?"**

* * *

_He moved his head a fraction to evade her mouth, her kiss landing on his cheek. _

_Mine._

_He was mine._

My fingers bit into Edward's skin as my temper flared. Rage erupted, ready to make itself known.

_That bitch. _

_How dare she! _

It was one thing to treat me as if I did not exist but the blatant rudeness to our much adored hostess was beyond my restraint. Nobody was going to ignore Esme Cullen, I fumed inwardly. And no one would get off scot - free for acting as if I was invisible.

I may have been shy, quieter than the entire Cullen clan, but I had no hesitation in asserting myself if the situation called for it.

And it did!

Gritting my teeth, I narrowed my eyes and lifted my free hand to force an interaction. But before I could introduce myself, Edward intervened.

"Tanya, allow me to introduce you to Isabella Swan." He made an obvious gesture of support by sending me a warm reassuring smile in her presence.

For a minuscule second, I panicked as Edward dropped my hand, only to be comforted as he immediately wrapped a large hand around my waist, our togetherness on display for even the most oblivious of guests.

As Tanya's sharp gaze locked onto Edwards arm on my waist, he communicated a subtle message. "Bella is the controlling partner in Cullen Swan, Tanya. No doubt you have heard me speak of her before?"

A potent, almost uncomfortable silence was followed by a shrill laugh as the PR Queen emerged. "Of course!'' She lifted her hand to clasp mine as if holding the hand of a child rather than that of an equal. "A pleasure to meet you, Bella." She threw a flirtatious smile at Edward. "Although the way Cullen here described you, I was under the impression you were still a child!"

_What the? _

_Huh? Cullen? _

Edward barked a response. "Tanya! I think I may have mentioned Bella's youth but at no stage did I insinuate she was a child. You are surely mistaken?" He offered her a generous way out, more generous than I would have been that is for sure.

For a brief moment I pondered my response to her calculated gibe. Did I give her the satisfaction of showing that her arrow hit the mark of my insecurities or did I laugh the statement off as ridiculous?

_The latter definitely...There was no way I would be revealing chinks in my amour; real or imagined._

"Oh really?" Leaning closer into his hold, I quirked a teasing eyebrow at Edward as a sheepish smile overcame his face.

She looked momentarily puzzled by my amused reaction and then gathered herself to offer a nonplussed retort.

"Obviously he was very wrong!" She attempted to soothe, dashing a quick glance at Edward's possessive grip on me then leaned in, as if conspiring woman to woman. "I am sure we will be seeing a lot of each other over the next few days, given how much we have in common. I am sure we could spend hours comparing notes."

Shock at her tasteless insinuations raced to the forefront of my mind. Right now I really wished I _was_ a child so I could retreat into immature foot stamping! Not to mention the need to take out my frustration at her behaviour on Edward.

The inner workings of my mind battled anger, worry and instinctive self protection. This was a woman not to be messed with. She may look like a Barbie doll but she had steel heart and an even sharper tongue.

Without waiting for a reply, she walked away firing a parting shot across the bow. "Oh and Edward, I fully expect you to make good on your offer, you know."

Edward was bemused. "Offer?"

She glanced back over her shoulder, the sway of her hips a little more pronounced to communicate her intentions to one and all. "Yes, dinner and dancing? You promised, you know! I for one am holding you to it! I am sure little Isabella won't mind, will you dear?"

I seethed at her bravado and cheek. What kind of woman made a pass at a man, invited herself on a date in the presence of his … my heart sank.

_What was I?_

Neither of us had openly declared our feelings for each other. Words were spoken of passion and need but little else was said, perhaps in fear of lack of reciprocity or the face of rejection. Instead we had wordlessly communicated our elation at being together through looks and touches.

But at the moment with Tanya's challenge fresh in my ear, all pleasant thoughts at the progress in our relationship flew from my head.

As I bristled in Edwards hold, he knew instinctively of my distaste at the reminder of his previous flirtation with Tanya. "Come on, baby. It was before you...remember?" He begged. "I have absolutely no intention of following through!"

I fixed on Edward's eyes, seeking signs of placation or falseness; instead I found genuine, heartfelt longing. Emotions clear and true shone out, drowning me in a primal plea for trust.

How long we stood, Edward's arm locked around me, our eyes lost in each other was anyone's guess. Only the attention seeking coughs of Emmett shattered our allusion of privacy.

As I took in the swelling numbers of guests, my inherent social shyness re-emerged.

I was in a mingling hell; a frenzy of wining and dining, so common in the Cullen household and yet still foreign to my genetic makeup. I gritted my teeth both at Tanya and at the awkwardness of being on display in the welcoming line up. In previous years, all the younger children; Emmett, Alice and I had been excused from the welcome party. We had always arrived and left with our own group of friends. But this year, the placement of all of us in the line-up signalled the dawn of a new, adult era for Cullen-Swan. An era which heralded responsibilities we were ready for and others that we dreaded.

The stain of Tanya remained, even as I clenched my teeth and received arriving guests. At my side, Edward ignored the speculation of guests. Many had seen him with a glamorous date on his arm at these events but the sight of him with an official companion was a novelty. The fact that it was me raised that interest to a fever pitch. I could hear murmurs as people spied his arm on my waist; however Edward never released me as he welcomed staff and friends alike.

It had certainly not crossed my mind before that the pairing of a 27 year-old man and an 18 year-old girl could be frowned upon in some circles. And while those close to the Cullens were not taken aback by the scene before them, many other guests appeared troubled by the coupling. Edward however, seemed to not have a care in the world as he enjoyed the gathering spectacle.

We stood side by side, welcoming guests and exchanging asides, all the while delighting in how at ease we were together. _A couple_. It shouldn't have surprised me really, as Edward and I had spent much of my youth locked in conversation and teasing debate. We had similar taste in music, books and movies. We both loved activity like hiking through the Olympics or spending hours in the water over summers. He had always been the prime source of comfort and compassion in my teenage years. That is, until it had all changed on the night of my belated graduation celebration.

My mind was troubled for moments as the still fresh heartbreak that Edward had inflicted on the journey from then to now swelled to the fore. There were still moments of doubt and confusion; my new born trust in Edward propped up on shaky foundations. Any challenge to the recent harmony between us could tear those foundations apart.

Tanya had certainly dampened my mood, and only a concerted effort to deny her satisfaction deterred me from indulging in my niggling worries.

_Was I enough for Edward? Would my inexperience and youth drive him to the arms of another woman? Tanya? _

Edward must have sensed my inner turmoil as he leaned in to whisper. "I'm here, baby. It's ok."

Taking comfort from his timely words, I composed myself as guests continued to stream in, resplendent in their formal wear. The men impossibly handsome in their dinner suits and the women divine in ball gowns procured especially for the highlight of Seattle's New Year calendar.

As the ballroom filled, anticipation of a magical evening buzzed from the guests, while flaming to life within me was a more sensual eagerness to see out the evening in order for Edward's vows of making love to me could be fulfilled.

Just as I reached a personal equilibrium, the handsome form of Demetri moved into my line of sight. Decked out in a black dinner suit he looked magnificent but the second or third glance that I gave him was more to do with his choice of partner rather than appearances.

There, standing rather awkwardly at his side was his PA, Gianna. She looked lovely in the summer yellow gown, a striking contrast to the ice blonde coolness she normally exhibited. There was a curious tension between the two, as if there had been a disagreement prior to arrival or they were simply uncomfortable in the presence of each other in a social setting.

Beside me Edward tensed as his gaze landed on Demetri, his jaw tightening as he saw Alice float across the room in effusive welcome. Her obvious familiarity with Demetri was not hidden from the stares of her family or Jasper. I heard, more than saw Emmett lean forward and growl in Edward's direction. "What the fuck? What is a Volturi doing here?"

A razor- sharp glance was speared in my direction before Edward answered. "Volturi is Bella's guest. He is also," he paused for effect, "her personal lawyer!"

"Lawyer?" Emmett's shock was on display. "What the hell do you need a lawyer for?"

Edward mutely shook his head, discouraging Emmett from his line of questioning, probably in an attempt to prevent dirty Cullen linen being aired in public. I seized control of the conversation as best of my abilities. "Yes, he came highly recommended by Alice."

"Alice." Emmett shook his head. "Does she not know what's good for her? Damn! Jasper has his work cut out for him!"

"Emmett!" Edward growled a caution. "Not now! Not here."

I looked from one to the other, confusion splayed openly across my face. There was story here and I would get to the bottom of this..._later._

After a few more moments greeting guests, the Master of Ceremonies invited everyone to be seated at the all white and gold tables. As we made our way to our designated table, I noticed Edward grimace as he saw the seating arrangement: Rose, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Edward, me, Demetri and Gianna.

Alarm fizzed. _Oh...oh. _This was going to be an uncomfortable few hours.

I shot a disapproving glance at Alice who had been responsible for the table placements. She merely dismissed my amazement at her cheek with a shrug of her shoulders and silently mouthed words while pointing at her eldest brother. "It's good for him!"

"You owe me!" I gaped incredulously, only to burst out laughing at her sheer audacity. _Alice! _If only she knew how deep seated Edward's jealousy was!

I resigned myself to the coming meal; we had weathered Hurricane Tanya and no doubt we would make it through Demetri too.

I politely greeted Gianna as questions to the exact nature of her relationship with Demetri crossed my mind. Believing I was a potential threat to that relationship, existent or not, could perhaps explain her continued frostiness toward me. She was friendly and charming to everyone, bar Demetri and me. I was curious as to whether she was here under her own steam, or roped into attendance as a last minute date.

I pressed a brief welcome kiss to Demetri's cheek, all the while conscious of Edward's large masculine hand gripping mine, squeezing infinitesimally tighter for the moments my lips rested on Demetri's face.

"Cullen."

"Volturi."

_Snap._

Neither man looked pleased to see the other. No approaches or friendly handshakes were offered. A silence befell the table as we observed two alpha males tussle for supremacy. Emmett also appeared reluctant to offer a welcome, drawing attention to my desire to pursue an investigation.

"Your date looks stunning!" Demetri did so enjoy tormenting Edward, ignoring direct exchange with me if it meant enraging Edward further.

"As does yours, Volturi." A nod at Gianna, who blushed as Demetri viewed her with a confused expression.

I made my displeasure with the pissing contest known even as I allowed Edward to seat me. As he lowered himself to the chair beside me, he moved closer and laid one territorial arm across the back of my chair, his hand curling round my shoulder to pull me protectively into his frame.

Throughout dinner we conversed with others, never once moving apart or leaving the intimacy of our positions. Every time a guest would approach and comment on my attractions or when Demetri would flirtatiously banter, the response from Edward remained constant. His hand edged further towards the slit in my dress making concentration on anyone other than him impossible.

He played dirty, but I loved it.

As the main course was whipped away by the wait staff, I noticed Rose and Emmett locked in loving glances. It was so satisfying to see that Emmett had finally landed his heart's desire. He had pursued Rose for years until she had finally succumbed to his famous charm. Known as a playboy on campus during his single days, his obvious devotion to Rose was heart warming and reminiscent of that shared between my own parents.

My body was on high alert during our meal. I concentrated furiously on avoiding Demetri's flirtations, Gianna's cool stares and Edward's hand as it stole upwards through the slit swirling patterns on the bare skin above my thigh highs. My heart fluttered in sheer panic at the tidal wave of desire pulsing through me. I bit my lip to control the sensations swelling from my centre as anticipation and lust roared to life.

How we appeared to friends and family was a faint thought; Edward Cullen leaning back in his chair, with another willing woman throwing herself at him? May be the men were envious. Who knew? But there was no doubt that the women were definitely so! I was a trifle self-conscious, hiding behind a blanket of hair to avoid stares from all who had glimpsed our affectionate whispering, while Edward sat smugly as if a king and deserving of any and all attention. Still his hand roamed, inching higher, taunting and teasing me beneath my dress but never reaching the source of my need. My lips flushed red, not only from arousal but also from constant biting to prevent myself from imploding with pleasure.

_Damn, he would pay for this the moment we were alone. _

As the music changed from dinner accompaniment to more dance tunes, couples made their way to the space set aside for dancing. One by one Rose and Emmett, Alice and Jasper migrated to the dance floor. Once again I was struck by the unease that was evident between Demetri and Gianna. Neither made any sign of wanting to dance, conversation between them at dinner stilted, and the space between their chairs an ocean; each seated in solitary contemplation.

Demetri must have caught my wordless appraisal of his awkward behaviour as he grimaced then invited Gianna to dance. All at once, her face flushed with colour and nervousness. As she delicately rose to her feet, my mind recognised the look that had danced fleetingly over her icy coolness, warming her looks and radiating beauty.

She was in love. _With Demetri._

And he barely noticed her.

_Oh…oh._

Before I could discuss my observation with Edward, he had removed his hand from between my thighs and stood to his feet.

"Come on."

"Where are we going?" I enquired, grabbing my purse, willing to follow this divine male specimen anywhere and everywhere.

He smiled, smirked and then proudly wore a self satisfied grin. "Follow me."

To my surprise we headed away from the now crowded dance floor. Leading me by the hand we stole out of the ballroom, down a long service corridor and a flight of stairs to find ourselves at a service exit. As Edward pushed the door open, we emerged into the lushly appointed pool side gardens of The Four Seasons hotel. The sounds of the ballroom; energetic music, laughter and the hum of people generally enjoying themselves drifted over the garden while my eyes took a few seconds to refocus in the night sky.

"God, it's cold out here!" I was shivering, my attire providing little or no insulation against the Seattle winter.

"Sorry, baby. Come on!" He increased his pace, heading toward the gazebo that stood on the far side of the darkened swimming pool.

As we climbed the few steps to the elevated platform, Edward temporarily released my hand to leave the cold to deepen around me. "Hey….?" I stood there freezing in my flimsy ball gown, in the dark with Edward, wondering what the hell we were doing here.

"Hang on." He bent and suddenly a couple of outdoor gas heaters lit up, their red embers glowing in the dark and wafting slow warmth through the gazebo. Rushing back to my side, Edward gathered me in his arms, nuzzling my neck. "Better?"

"Aha..." I snuggled closer, enjoying he latent heat radiating from his muscled body.

The dance music and the twinkling lights of the ballroom in the distance provided an iconic setting for our stolen time together. We swayed to the sounds drifting down over the gardens lost in our own sensual rhythms' when the DJ announced "Ok we're going to slow this down now."

The music quietened and slowed before the recognisably romantic Michael Bublé version of _The Way You Look Tonight_ floated through the ballroom, spinning into the night air to weave its magic around us.

"Shall we?" Edward's hands indicated the position of the classic waltz.

I sighed, sinking further into his arms, enjoying the rightness of being here with him as the lyrics crooned their timeless vows of love.

_Someday when I'm awfully low, when the world is cold_

_I will feel a glow, just thinking of you_

_And the way you look tonight._

Edward's slightly unfocused gaze burned intently upon me as we circled our own private dance floor, making memories to last a life time.

_You're lovely with your smile so warm and your cheeks so soft_

_There is nothing for me but to love you _

_And the way you look tonight._

Tears welled in my eyes at the heartfelt emotion exchanged between us, reaffirming the words of the lovers' song. This last day, tonight and this dance would forever live on as beautiful cherished moments of our romance.

_Lovely never ever change, keep that breathless charm_

_Won't you please arrange it, 'cos I love you_

_And the way you look tonight._

The lyrics crashed over me, encouraging me to share the passion blossoming inside of me. As if drawn to Edward, I put my fingers out to touch his lips, wondering how he would react and amazed at the boldness that had overtaken me. I needed to touch him, feel him. Dancing was not enough.

And I yearned for him to touch me too.

His expression was fierce; his eyes glittering with want and need. His nostrils flared and his lips pressed tight together as if fighting to keep a tenuous grip on his self control. Edward dragged me closer, chest to breast, hip to thigh, pressing his erection hard against me, making it clear that our proximity had driven him to the edge. He fused his mouth to mine in a heated rush, his possessive hands hungrily sweeping up and down my back roaming hungrily over my waist and ass.

"God Bella, I need you. Now! I can't wait." The words sent thrills down my spine as I murmured my assent. I couldn't wait. Either.

He urgently backed me towards the corner of the gazebo, up against the dimly lit pillar, far from prying eyes.

My hands tugged him closer, mirroring the desperation straining within him. His gaze roved ravenously over my thighs and hips, "God Bella, you're worth every damn second of waiting. I can live with the torture of other men seeing you, lusting after you, wanting you tonight but only because at the end of it all, I will be the man whose fingers will press into your soft flesh, here." An urgent groan escaped Edward's mouth. "And...right here."

His hands mimicked the words, sending waves of pleasure pulsating through me. "Can you feel it, baby? My thumbs pressing against your thighs as I spread your legs?" He bent to whisper in my ear. "Can you imagine what I will do with you then?" A satisfied smile covered Edward's virile face. "With my hands, my mouth…with all of me?"

His words sent me gasping for desperate gulps of air as my nerve endings quivered on the edge of sensual self-implosion.

Snarling lips were pressed against my throat, my body arching of its own volition toward his, wanting every part of me to touch him; desiring him with every fibre of my being. Edward responded automatically by clasping me closer. A possessive hand deserted my hip to boldly unclip the single strap of my gown, sending the fabric pooling to my waist...leaving me naked, bare to Edward's hands and eyes.

A pleased smirk appeared as the crisp evening air turbo-charged my painfully aroused breasts.

Ever so slowly, he lowered his mouth to circle my nipple, tugging with his teeth to briefly gift ripples of delightful pain, only to trace back to my collarbone and lap the crevice at the bottom of my neck.

Every move marked me as his territory. Flashes of pink coloured my aroused skin as I clung to Edward's broad shoulders, certain I would convulse from pleasure, despite his sturdy grasp securing my body firmly in place.

All the desire that had been locked inside of me was finally set free. My hands slipped around the back of his neck as our tongues collided, duelling for position.

He could not kiss me enough.

It was never enough.

I would have gone for hours if not for the urgent ache springing to life between my thighs. My body moved restlessly, yearning for Edward's touch. As if sensing my hunger, he slid his hand between my thighs, teeth clenching at the heat radiating from my damp lingerie as he dipped a finger inside of me.

"More," he said thickly, wetting his lips. "I need more." Incoherent groans escaped from his lips as he dropped his gaze to watch his hands work their wonder.

"Fuck baby, I need to watch you as I take you, hear you scream my name." His hands tightened on my flesh forewarning of his promises. "To fucking mark you. _Everywhere_. As _mine_."

My heart thumped louder in womanly preening at his emphatic claiming.

His fingertips edged closer to the source of all my need. My eyes fluttered, sure in the knowledge that Edward could not break free of this enchantment between us.

Reaching for my breasts, he pushed them together and pinched my nipples so that I moaned, the sound vibrating along him, making him shudder. But Edward was not one to let his frustration thrive alone. He provoked with incendiary words, driving us dangerously closer to the precipice.

"Fuck, baby. You are so wet." His thumb pressed down, increasing the tempo of glorious movements, watching through a heavy lidded gaze as my body arched and thrust in time with his hands.

"God...Bella...I need you. _Just you_." The words were panted. "Your gorgeous body... laid out on our bed; open and wet. Needing me to have you in every way..."

His words and fingers had primed me. I was ready.

So ready to be his.

Wet with desire. Delirious with need and much too wild to wait.

"Oh…..God…I want you Edward...please." I threw a wanton, womanly smile at him, as I made a show of slithering my breasts against his shirt. "Here….now!"

I could barely speak a word. I dissolved into turbulent sensations; dampness pooling between my legs and the heel of his hand hard against my throbbing clit.

Edward matched the motion of his tongue and finger with his thigh seeking shelter between mine while his other hand supported my neck to angle my head to the right position for maximum enjoyment from carnal kisses. He rubbed our bodies' together, friction heightening our passion.

My centre tightened, my breasts flamed heat as they pressed into his hard chest. Moisture fell from my body to slide along my thighs. Still he continued, his erection pressed hard against me letting me feel how much it affected him to touch me, feel my response. Soon my hips were rocking into his slowly.

"Edward…" I mumbled against his lips. I kept kissing him, but moved my mouth over his neck seeking anchor against the breaking storm. "Edward…" I panted out. "Edward!" My moans louder and strained as waves of pleasure began to break.

He bit at my lips, dragging my body closer as he sped the pace of his thrusting hand and hips. I cried out as the increase in stimulation possessed me, swept around me and propelled me finally over the edge. Edward's kisses grew more desperate as he rocked against me, his lips licking over my mouth then plunging inside. Warm and ever so blissful as release over took me.

I slumped into his arms, all strength to bear my own weight vanishing with the waves of pleasure as they receded. Moments were spent quietening each other with lazy kisses and soft murmurs.

We stood in heated silence, only the noise of the ball room drifting over our rapid breathing. Pressing a grateful kiss to his neck, I nuzzled enjoying the heat that radiated from our entwined bodies. At this moment, everything was right in the world, nothing and no one could intrude to ruin the sentiments shared between us.

The rush of sensation left me dizzy in Edward's arms, as he carefully snapped my clasp back together, dropping the gown and smoothing out the creases. A soft affectionate kiss was placed on my nose.

"Come on, let's head inside."

I was a little shocked by Edward's words, stammering out my confusion. "But…but you didn't...um...I mean."

While I had gained temporary relief from the excruciating need we shared, I was aware that he remained aroused yet in supreme control of himself. I had taken everything he had to give greedily with no thought of return.

"Baby, that was for you…all for you. I will wait till I can have you at home and take my time with you." The timbre of his voice was low, the sexual arousal still evident in the roughness cloaking his words. "Please Bella... _please let me have this_?" Seriousness flooded his voice as if in pain.

"Edward!" I sulked and pouted one last attempt of convincing him to let me have my turn by pressing a thigh against his groin.

"Minx!" He growled, pulling sharply away from me. "Come on…time to head back before we are missed!" He eyes sparkled; he was happy and so was I.

I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight, sighing in reluctant agreement. "Ok... But I need to go powder my nose!"

Edward groaned his reticence to part from me, but led me by the hand the way we came. We parted as we approached the ballroom, but not before he pressed his dominant mouth to mine for a brief, fiery farewell in full public viewing.

Lost in daydreams of what we might explore next year, I made my way to the luxuriously appointed 'L' shaped ladies room and quickly began to straighten out my clothes. If anyone saw me as I was, lips swollen, eyes glazed and a dreamy expression on my face they would speedily deduce what had taken place under the moonlit gazebo.

As I began to reapply my makeup I could make out the voices of two women chatting; the familiarity of the voices causing my ears to perk up as I strained to make out the words.

"So I guess you are Demetri Volturi's PA, is that right?" Arrogance dripped from the first woman to speak. The brittleness of voice quickly distinguished the owner to be Tanya.

"Yes? And you are?"' A calculated tone etched Gianna's voice. I had been on the receiving end of that attitude myself and was quietly surprised it wasn't reserved for me alone.

"Tanya Denali." Surprise was conveyed at the lack of recognition. "So I see your boss is representing little Isabella Swan for the merger."

"Yes." Short one word answers revealing little were fired back. I was almost enjoying this encounter.

"So Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan?"

"It would appear so!"

They say eavesdroppers beware; they never hear the best about themselves. And I was shortly to learn that lesson not once, but twice in the most painful of manners.

"Well, I wonder if she knows about us?"

I gasped as agony sliced through me.

"Us?" _Thank you_ Gianna for asking the question that burst into my mind, shutting out all angst and anguish.

"Well, Cullen and I...well you know!" _No! I didn't know. "_We have a history…." _Yeah right, delusional! _"One that if I have my way, won't stay history for long!"

Fury roared to life. _The bitch!_ I had to physically restrain myself from marching around the bathroom and giving her a piece of my mind! But I was not that girl - the girl who would behave without class or courage in public. But next time, in private I would certainly give her a piece of my mind. Merger or no merger!

"Oh _really_?" Doubt ran rife in Gianna's voice. _YES!_

"Oh, come on...she's a child…there is no way a girl like that could keep Cullen satisfied…please!" She mocked. "It will be like taking candy from a baby! I know exactly how to keep those Cullen men coming!" Her threat rang with double entendres. Her laughter - shrill, bold and unashamed resonated through the tiled bathroom, echoing with malevolent purpose as sounds of her departure were swiftly followed by doors closing.

I slumped against the vanity. The pain and distress roaring through me almost sent me reeling to the floor. Only the deathly tight grip of my white knuckles prevented collapse as I tried to process her words. In the blinding pain, I didn't even register if Gianna had accompanied Tanya on her dramatic exit.

My mind swirled over and over.

_What was she saying? That Edward had done more than kiss her? That she had… they had… no….NO! That I wasn't enough? That I would never be enough?_

I inhaled deep breaths to ward off the anxiety attack that threatened to escalate. Deep breaths….inhale…..exhale…..inhale…exhale.

I couldn't believe her words. No matter how much they lured the insecurities within me, calling every fear to life… I needed to… I had to trust Edward, didn't I? Whilst I might have held my own in any encounter, my nerves were rattled and my faith in Edward chipped. I knew to not let her pounce on my vulnerabilities'; age, my ability to hold Edward, virgin that I was. The true motives for his attraction to me were unknown but I could not help but be affected by the vitriol that oozed from Tanya Denali.

After five minutes of torturing myself with endless questions, I had no happy ending. My evening was in disarray. All delight now tinged with hurt and sorrow but I couldn't let her words define this momentous milestone evening for Edward and me. Truly that would be like admitting defeat and handing Edward over on a platter. _No!_ I needed to stay strong and trust in my burgeoning faith in Edward.

_In us._

For the second time that night, I straightened my backbone and steeled myself to ignore Tanya's delusions but her words rang in my ears, her dismissive laughter scarring my memory. What did Edward ever see in that woman? Nice, hard working my foot! She was a vulgar, manipulative vulture. In other words, a public relations queen!

Surveying my appearance in the mirror, I silently ensured that distress was not evident on my person as I hurried from the scene of torment. I moved slowly back towards the ballroom, a little numb and dazed when my eye caught the sight of Edward in the arrival ante-chamber, his stance conveying tension and fury. He was right in his father's face expressing a strong opinion on some matter, the gist of which I missed. Carlisle conveyed one word that seemed to quieten Edward, his head shaking from side to side. But the anger remained. He thrust his finger at his father and began muttering under his breath.

With the threat of Tanya ringing in my ears, concern grew that a disagreement between father and son would have ramifications on me and I was eager to discover what they could be.

I gathered my courage and stepped forward into the room, ready to make my presence known when a voice behind me spoke.

"Dance?" I twisted to see the gentle hand of Demetri held out, beckoning me back to the dance floor. For one moment, my eyes clouded. I looked from Edward, who had yet to notice my presence, to Demetri. I urgently needed to find out what was going on in there but for a brief shining moment, rebellion kicked into life.

It was New Year's Eve. I needed to have fun. I wanted to have fun. No more drama.

With a last longing look at Edward, I smiled in acceptance, placed my hand in Demetri's and accompanied him to the dance floor.

We laughed; we danced to the pop and rock tunes that had so many fellow guests bopping away. Many a woman eyed Demetri as he enjoyed himself. He was, after all, a supremely attractive man and if not for the total eclipse of my heart by Edward, I was sure that Demetri would have been a wonderful partner.

Gianna was surely a lucky woman.

As the third song in a row came to a close, I was doubled over with laughter at Demetri's dance moves. He had purposely taken it upon himself to lighten the darkness that had hung over me earlier.

Catching my breath, I refused his next invitation to dance, pointing at Gianna through my heaving giggles. "Her turn!"

I ambled my way back to our table, stopping to greet friends of my parents when I detected a seemingly furious Edward. A thunderous glare, arms crossed, a tick in his cheek chiming some pent up emotion, were all aimed in my direction. He was prowling at the edge of the dance floor and marched to claim me as I neared.

A strange nervousness overcame me as the dangerous glitter in his eye became apparent.

"What?" I was confused at what may have caused such violent emotions. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" An astonished look was hurled at me. "What? You mean other than you cozing up to Volturi?" He snarled, rigidity lining his shoulders at the sight of me in Demetri's arms.

I was taken a back at his virulent dislike of Demetri. Or was it just the sight of me with another? Frowning, I retreated in self-preservation, hissing under my breath, careful not to attract the attention of nearby guests. "I beg your pardon? That's a bit rich coming from you of all people!" My temper started to boil, all thought of our divine interlude forgotten. "After all, I am not the one with an ex present tonight am, I?" I spat. I was in no mood to take this lying down. Not after the emotional roller coaster I had ridden in the last three hours.

I turned to stomp away, desperate to not give in to the threatening tears but before I could get more than one step, a large arm scooped me flush up against Edward, feeling every inch of his chest and powerful thighs through my clothes.

I refused to look at him, hurt and sadness at the volatility of our relationship pinching my nerves. I was keenly aware that our possessiveness towards each other was a symptom of the newness of the relationship, the changing dynamics and mostly the fact that we were yet to declare ourselves. Moments passes until a long, elegant finger tipped my chin up to gaze directly into his jade eyes.

"'I am sorry Kitten, let's not fight. Hey? I just... just." He words stumbled as remorse marked his beautiful face. I wanted to forgive him. But at the same time I noted this as yet another item we needed to discuss.

"Kitten? Huh?" I pretended disgruntlement. "Since when have I been kitten, Mr?" _Poke!_

Seemingly secure with me in his arms once more, he tapped me affectionately on the nose, chuckling, "Well sometimes when you start steaming you remind me of a kitten, all claws and hissing…you are absolutely adorable." Taking in my mock annoyance he charmed. "You know…adorable…sexy."

I arched an eyebrow in entertained defeat. "Grrrr." I mocked at him but as I detected the worry that loomed in Edward's eyes, all humour vanished from my face.

"What's wrong, Edward? Please...talk to me?" I needed to comfort him, share his worries and concerns.

Edward sighed at length into my hair. "I'm sorry. It is just my father…he is driving me mad! I don't know what has got into him lately…but since..."

"Ladies and gentleman, may I have your attention, please?"

Edward and I were snapped out of our conversation to discover Carlisle standing at a podium, as if ready to make an announcement. I dashed a quizzing glace at Edward, querying exactly what was going on, only to be met by a dismayed shrug.

"Esme…. Esme...darling, won't you come up here?" He called for his wife of over thirty years, both Edward and I still in the dark as to his intent.

Esme elegantly manoeuvred around guests and wait staff alike to join Carlisle at the podium. "Ladies and gentleman, I have two momentous announcements to make this evening." Pin-drop silence could be heard around the room.

"Esme and I would like to announce the engagement of our son," My breathing suspended as my heart beat increased it's furious pacing. "Emmett and his lovely, now fiancée, Rosalie Hale." Spontaneous cheering broke out as I craned my neck within Edward's hold searching for Emmett and Rose. Sure enough they were not far from the podium, hand in hand. Emmett made a big show of holding up her hand and slipping on a beautiful sapphire and diamond engagement ring, after which the next twenty minutes were spent in girlish squealing (mostly Alice), congratulations, champagne swilling and speeches. There was talk of a wedding in 18 months; the time necessary in order for Rose to prepare an appropriate wedding. Little did she know, she had only to hand the whole event over to Alice and it would be planned within three months!

Both Edward and I were delighted with the news, making our way to the front to affectionately congratulate the happy couple, although I did lean up and whisper my alternate congratulations for Emmett's ears only. "You cheeky bastard! I can't believe you didn't tell us earlier!"

He just grinned and planted a large smooching kiss to my cheek and a rather less sisterly one on Rose's mouth. She looked incandescent with happiness and I was thrilled for her.

Finally Carlisle requested further attention to make his second announcement. Once more I was puzzled as to the nature of this news. We both shrugged our shoulders and I was even more surprised when he asked Edward to join him. As Edward reluctantly released my hand to make his way forward, he adopted his public persona of Edward Cullen, CEO.

He towered over his father, the obvious comparison between a virile man in his prime and an aging father noticeable to all.

"Ladies and gentleman, I can advise that as of the New Year my eldest son Edward will be occupying the CEO chair at Cullen-Swan." Hearty clapping followed for Edward, who whilst known for his volatile temper, was well liked and respected. I refrained from clapping, annoyance as to lack of consultation on the timing of the announcement ruining my delight in this important milestone in Edward's professional life.

But Carlisle had not finished with his dark horse pronouncements; he continued to share, in his view good news. "Additionally, I would like to congratulate Edward on successfully brokering the expansion of Cullen-Swan to Chicago." I gasped at the premature announcement.

_How. Dare. He. _

Frantically searching for Demetri, I located him at the back of the ballroom clutching Gianna's hand. Speculation and grimness was rife on his face. He returned my silent question with a shake of his head. No, he had no idea either.

It dawned on me as I watched the farce play out that this perhaps was what Edward and Carlisle had so recently argued over. Was _this_ what Edward was about to express when we had been so rudely interrupted by that first happy announcement?

"Also, we are fortunate tonight," Carlisle still hadn't finished inflicting his own personal brand of damage; his every word hardening my heart and ripping apart forever bonds of family and home. "We have with us tonight our future Chicago partners, represented by Eleazar Denali and his lovely daughter Tanya." Beckoning for both of them to move forward, he fairly screamed victory as glared in my direction while Tanya took her place beside Edward. "Don't they make a lovely couple? They have a wonderful professional and personal history that will no doubt benefit the firm! As for the future….who knows! We might be celebrating another engagement shortly!" He guffawed.

Many people laughed at his humour as Tanya made show on placing her arm through Edward's, smiling up at him like a politician's wife.

Many laughed, but the family did not. I felt sick. I _was going_ to be sick. Alice moved promptly to my side as did Emmett.

Edward's stony face and brooding demeanour sent ripples of confusion through the crowd. The lack of clapping from family members began to resonate amongst the crowd. Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper were shocked. I had heard Emmett's indrawn breath at their father's disingenuity "What the hell is the old man thinking?"

I was beyond furious at Carlisle's manoeuvring. His agenda became increasingly evident; professional - Cullen-Swan and Denali, personal – Edward and Tanya. _But why?_

How much of it was Edward's agenda, wracked me with desolation and despair. He had made so many promises since our argument in Forks. If I recalled correctly he had given me no reason to doubt him until tonight. While he had not communicated his efforts on my part where the merger was concerned, he had honoured those promises to me - to find a better way. And yet here we stood, on the dawn of a new year, a new era with all those promises seemingly worthless...but by whose hand?

I was livid beyond belief and stone cold numb. Carlisle's actions were a slap in my face; of that there could be no doubt. He knew how I felt about Edward; and Edward himself had made his preference for me publicly evident.

Concern for me was blatant across Edward's face. In his wordless plea I recognised flickers of fury and distress, begging for a hearing. Politeness appeared to be preventing him from denying his father or shaking off Tanya's hand to race to my side. Albeit a furious scowl was lanced at Carlisle…there were going to be further words between father and son; of that no one in the room held any uncertainty.

I needed to get out of here…..I couldn't breathe; the rest of Carlisle's words drowned out by the thumping of my heart. I had to leave…..otherwise I was not sure what I would be capable of doing in my current state of rage.

I heard vague noises from Alice and Emmett about sorting this out, once and for all, but was oblivious to everything until guests started dancing once more as crowds dispersed. The general hum of the party increased, as before me stood Carlisle inviting me to dance.

"You have got to be kidding….." I seethed, with no care as to who overheard us. Appalled and boiling with temper at Carlisle; rage and anger egged each other on for a final showdown with a man who had willingly stepped in to be a father to me when I had tragically lost my own.

But no longer. It was time to stand on my own two feet.

Tomorrow I would be leaving the Cullen home for good. I _could _not, _would_ not continue to reside where my feelings mattered for naught.

"Bella..." Carlisle grabbed me by the elbow, warning under his breath of the 'not in public' Cullen creed. I attempted frenetically to yank free, twisting my head to seek out Edward…where was he? Hysteria was crawling up my body, with little barrier to prevent a full blown breakdown.

God, I _needed_ Edward…where _was _he? I asked myself over and over, desperately searching the ballroom for his presence.

Gasping for breath, I was saved by a solid arm pulling me from Carlisle's sphere and into a haven of protection. "I suggest you refrain from speaking with my client, Carlisle…..all and any communication with Ms. Swan is to be directed to me in the future." I sagged into Demetri's hold. "Break this amicable embargo and I will encourage my client to get a restraining order, is that clear?" His tone brooked no interference.

Both men sized each other up as Demetri had no regard as to who overheard his threats. His first priority was me. I was a shell of myself; the hits of the night rendering me boneless, thoughtless and numb.

I reached up to weakly pat Demetri's chest. "Edward…..I need Edward…"

"Come on, Isabella. Let's get some fresh air…"

"Edward…_please_." I moaned for my deepest desire, needing him desperately to find the courage to continue my shattered existence.

Demetri half led, half carried me out to the heated terrace, placing me on a bench and motioning for me to place my head between my knees. I spent ten minutes in that position, catching my breath, dampening my nausea and wondering in general how had the night come to this. All the while Demetri held me, sweeping my hair from my forehead and crooning calming words.

After slowly orienting me to a vertical position and reassuring himself that I was in a satisfactory condition, Demetri requested my permission to find us some drinks and seek out Edward. My hands feverishly clutched at his shirt as if he was my life line to sanity. But I had to be strong, the turmoil Carlisle had wrought was only the beginning and the not the end. Tomorrow, _next year_ Edward and I would need to deal with the fall out of the events of tonight.

As he headed indoors, I laid back on the terrace walls, resting my eyes and shutting out the world. Darkness fell and my mind wandered in desperate hope that Demetri would locate Edward and we could leave.

Sounds wafted up from the patio below the terrace. As the breathing and moaning heightened, I realised with embarrassment I was eavesdropping on a guests _in flagrante delicto_. Noises of pleasure from the unidentified loving couple, reminded me heartbreakingly of those stolen moments with Edward in the gazebo.

I was too tired to move, all my emotional reserves empty, so once again I closed my eyes, attempting to drown out the rhythmic lustful sounds from below.

And then I heard it.

"Fuck…fuck...fuck me harder…" My mind instantly recognised the womanly keening as Tanya, a fact sending me into convulsions of dry reaching as she approached her climax.

Her next words sent my world crashing around me.

"Ohhh…..God….oh…fuck…Cullen!"

And the universe went black.

* * *

"Isabella….Isabella….Bella." Someone was patting my cheek. "God….what happened…are you okay?"

I felt a little hazy trying to recall where I was and with whom when the gut wrenching memories returned, deluging me with calamitous pain.

"What is it?" Demetri lifted me to the bench. "Are you hurt…what's the matter?" His gaze frantically roamed my form, his hands searching my head for any bumps or contusions.

I could only shake my head silently, soundless sobbing wracking my body. My knees felt as if they were about to give out, the trembling and shaking of my frame only widening the cracks in my heart and leaving a void of emptiness.

"Please Demetri…please just get me out of here?"

"Isabella? What? What's happened, honey?" His voice took on a gentle prodding tone.

"Ed...Edward." I collapsed into another round of wailing before being able to continue. "He… he's down there...with…w…with." I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to believe it. Saying it out loud would only make it real. "He's...he's down there...with Tanya."

"What the fuck?" Demetri was incredulous. "No way, Isabella… no way!"

"Yes!" My voice caught on a sob, breaking as I tried to continue. "Yes, he's…he's down there….fucking her." I spat out the words that rang the death knell for my heart. The crime, now voiced aloud sent me tumbling once more to the floor. My descent was only stopped by the quick hands of Demetri who clutched at my arms to prevent the fall.

"Oh God…how could he!" I chanted deliriously. "How could he?…He told me...to trust him…I'm such a fool.._such a fool_." I loathed myself. "A stupid, naïve fool!"

"What? You mean he's out there with her now?" Even Demetri extolled shock at the turn of events, disbelief emoting in his face.

Tears flooded my face, washing all traces of Edward away with their dampness. "Oh God, I am such a fool."

"No, Isabella! No way." Demetri was adamant. "I just saw him...he's cornered in the bar by his mother and Alice.''

"No!" I roared. "No more...no more Cullen lies…" Quietly I affirmed the belief that splintered my heart into a million shattered shards. ""Demetri, I know what I heard…he's with her…I…I…" My lips trembled. "I heard…her call…please…" I couldn't continue. "Please?" I begged "Please help me….oh God! Please…please help me?"

Troubled as he was by my claim, Demetri silently acquiesced; willing to prioritise my needs. Without word to either Alice or Gianna, he swept me from the ball room into a waiting car. Whose car or where we were going, were all beyond my state of consciousness. My heart in pieces, my mind numb and deadness of emotion ruling my body.

Where Demetri was taking me or how long we drove, I had no idea. The shock and distress zooming through my system left me cold and dazed; confused as to what to do next or even what to think.

A night that had started with so much hope and sweetness had slowly been chipped away by the ugly reality of lies and deception. My hope, love and faith in Edward at the end of a turbulent year had been sky high only to bought crashing to the ground with the dawn of the New Year.

I sat mutely in the car, lost in my own thoughts, the moisture in my eyes seeping down my face, making tracks of tears.

On one hand, I was angry. How dare he manipulate me the way he had? How could he lie so blatantly to my face? How could he be with me…and then her?

On the other hand I already missed Edward; so much. My body ached for him even as my mind revolted at the treacherous need. How much could I bear…how could anyone woman bear to be so manipulated and played so false?

How was it even possible that he could seem so genuine and yet blatantly lie? It was a lie…wasn't it?

Yes….All lies…and my heart bore the brunt of their nuclear impact.

I closed my eyes and prayed for release…for release from pain...release from betrayal, but mostly release from loving Edward.

* * *

I woke some time later to find myself lying fully clothed in a pristine double bed. I had hoped that it was a bad dream that had me tossing and turning in noiseless weeping, my body shaking with the effort to contain the pain and not scream with rage.

After minutes or hours of crying, I heard yelling coming from the front room.

"Fucking open the door Volturi, I know you have her in there!" I could hear banging against the door, louder and more urgent as the request went unanswered.

"Volturi…fucking open the door… or I will break it down….NOW!"

The squeak of a door being flung back on its haunches had me cowering in the bed. I couldn't face him… I wouldn't face him.

"What the hell, Cullen? How did you find this place?"

"What? You don't think I remember where you took Alice that time?" A thud was heard; 'an irresistible force hitting an immovable object.' "Now where the fuck is she?"

"Cullen! Back off…she's in no state to see you!"

"Fuck you…Volturi…what have you done to her? Where is she?"

The pitch of both men's voices climbed as the sounds of a tussle became apparent.

"Don't make me ask again, Volturi! Where is she?" Feral sounds were emanating from Edward.

"She doesn't want to see you!"

The sounds of rage filled the apartment. "Get out of my way, Demetri! Now!"

"Edward…no….sorry…Edward….I believe you. I do. But I need to put my client's wishes first."

"Your client? Really!" Rich masculine laughter bordering on hysteria reached my ears "You are fucking kidding yourself! I see the way you look at her! You so much as fucking touch her Volturi, and I will end you!" A large crashing noise could be heard from the front room.

"Bella…please, baby….please come out here?" The pleas sounded like those of a broken man and my heart ached for the pain so evident in his voice. I took an involuntary step towards the door then caught myself and rushed back to the bed.

"Get out, Cullen!"

"Bella! Please come home with me, baby! Don't leave me like this…..please baby...not like this!"

"Now, Cullen!"

"Damn it Bella, I can't be the only one fighting for us! It will never work if I am the only one who fights for us, baby…..please?"

My heart wept hearing Edward's pleas. A fierce battle waged within me as to whether I swallowed my hurt and betrayal to confront him or whether to lick my wounds and console my broken heart in private.

I lay half alert on the bed listening intently to the muffled voices and noises. After some time the door closed and measured footsteps approached the room. I clutched the pillows in front of me, fear racing at the thought of having to face Edward so soon. I felt myself tense as the door swung open, a thousand words screaming in my head to be hurled at Edward for his acts of perfidy.

But it wasn't him.

A grave Demetri appeared from behind the door. His appearance dishevelled; his demeanour gravely shaken and disconcerted as if having witnessed an unfamiliar sight. The grief and stress etched on his face sent me convulsing into fresh rounds of tears.

This was no nightmare. This was my new reality and the torture of living was beyond tolerance.

Demetri hurried to my bedside to press a soft kiss to my forehead, murmuring comfort as if to a child. "I promise Isabella, it will work out. It has to work out! There is a perfectly good explanation…I promise."

As I wept harder, I heard Demetri groan as warm consoling arms embraced me tighter. "I'm so sorry…so sorry…but I believe him…I...do!"

Revellers danced in the street as the clock struck midnight.

It rang in anything but a happy New Year as I lay in the arms of the wrong man.

* * *

**Ally Note: *runs and hides* will be lurking in the Boardroom and or Twitter!**

**Please check out the magnificent ball gowns worn by Guardian readers to the Cullen Swan Ball at the team-guardian (dot) blogspot (dot) com  
Jealousward and I are keen to hear your thoughts. Please leave us some love ;) **

**Cheers  
Ally **

**Next update: Back to our usual routine, teasers on Thursdays and chapter updates on Sundays next update Sunday June 6th. **

"**The way you look tonight" sung by Michael Buble is copyrighted by Sony Music.**


	15. Blind

**Ally Note:**

**Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am a total reply fail but please know your words mean so much to me. To the ladies of the Boardroom and all the twitterati who pimp this fic. Thank you!**

**A repeated question – how far are we from the Prologue: Ch 15-21 cover the next 4 years. Ch22 is the Prologue.**

**A big shout out to Team Guardian, I absolutely couldn't do it without you!**

**If Twilight was mine, I would be filthy rich and releasing books nobody wanted to read.**

* * *

Dreams filled my sleep. _Blissful scenes of Edward and I reliving our moments in the gazebo flashed before me._

"_Edward…" The moans of pleasure became noisy, interrupting my slumber. "Edward…please…more." Minutes of delight that would have to last a lifetime._

_The enchanted dreaming rapidly morphed into a nightmare as Tanya made her entrance. She floated into the gazebo, her arms coveting Edward, preening at me in victory as she held her prize. Both of them turned to point at me, laughing at my distress and immune to my cries. _

"_Edward...Please…No…Edward." _

I jolted awake to the sound of an ear-splitting noise only to see Demetri racing through the door. "Isabella?" He was out of breath as if he had run from the other room. "Are you ok?" Apprehension and unease lined his face. "I heard you screaming in here."

For a moment I was dazed; the sight of Demetri momentarily threw me off kilter until I realised where I was and why.

The scenes and sounds of last night came speeding back accompanied by a tension headache and the swell of nausea in the pit of my stomach. I needed to throw up and began to search frantically for a bathroom.

As if sensing my desperation, Demetri strode round the side of the bed to help me to my feet and point me in the right direction. He waited patiently outside as I emptied the contents of my stomach repeatedly then leaned heavily against the basin as I washed my face and swept back my hair. At the sounds of a slowing tap, there was a knock on the door. I opened it to see Demetri offering a garment bag containing a number of items of clothing and footwear.

How he had managed to obtain a fresh change of clothes and toiletries so early on New Year's Day was more than I could fathom but I quietly accepted the bag. Shutting out the world I began to mournfully make ready for the first day of my new life.

After a good thirty minutes of washing away the dirt and physical stains of the previous evening, I emerged from the bathroom freshly showered and dressed in my favourite outfit of jeans, hoodie and converse sneakers. No doubt the teenage uniform screamed my youth in direct contrast to the sophisticate of last night. Folding my dress into the garment bag, I took great care in removing the earrings that Edward had gifted me. Every part of me yearned to flush the earrings down the basin in childish tantrum, but recognising the diamonds and pearls as a Tiffany design, the gesture would be expensive and no doubt one I would eventually come to regret.

I made my way out to the front room to find Demetri seated at the breakfast table. Finding myself in such intimate surroundings with him revealed a flush of awkwardness before I pushed it to one side and thanked him for his assistance the night before.

Over breakfast he gently enquired as to exactly what had happened the previous evening on the terrace, probing and prodding with the skill of an expert interrogator before recapping his conclusions. His questioning was done with great care, yet I still found myself worked up into a state of anguish as I listened to him summarise the catastrophe that was my life.

"So...you heard a woman you think was Tanya, right?" I nodded in affirmation. "Having sex with a man that you believe to be Edward, right?"

The distress showed on my face; the dark bags under my swollen eyes all signs of the burden of my convictions. I could barely bring myself to acknowledge Demetri's question but somehow found the strength to signal my broken-hearted agreement just as the tears began to well in my eyes.

"I am sorry Isabella, but knowing that I saw Edward in the bar with Alice and Esme around that time I _need_ to know." While sensitive to my fragile feelings the instincts of a ruthless attorney emerged. "How _exactly_ are you sure it was Edward?"

I closed my eyes against the wave of pain as I recalled the sounds of sexual activity. Gulping a huge breath of oxygen to dampen my rising sense of panic I whimpered the answer. "She called out…his…."

"Oh." Demetri immediately sat back in defeat before shaking his head in puzzlement. "But it doesn't make sense…I know I saw him."

"Stop it! Stop it Demetri. Why are you defending him? Why?" The pitch of my voice increased as I shrieked my agony. "I can't…can't." I convulsed into large angry tears as all the misery I suffered reared its ugly head. My head collapsed into my arms as I lay on the breakfast table bawling heavily amidst grief-filled moans of anguish.

I was lost in my own world of turmoil until strong arms carried me into the bedroom. Covers were pulled back as I was placed gently between the sheets. My hair was stroked as soft words of consolation were crooned.

"I'm so sorry Isabella. So sorry. Just try and get some rest, okay? Rest. We'll sort everything out tomorrow."

* * *

**January 2nd Cullen Seattle Residence**

The house was quiet, arranged that way by Demetri when he had placed calls on my behalf to allow me this private time to gather belongings. I threw together clothes and other assorted items that were usual accompaniment to school, even as I struggled to hold back the tears that fell in constant staccato remembrance of my heartbreak.

Panic welled as I remembered the personal items that remained in Edward's apartment, a souvenir to lost hope and naïve wishes. I would need to send someone to collect those items. But _whom?_

Esme? She had sat here just two days ago sharing her hopes for Edward and me; counselling caution as to our next steps.

Emmett? Outraged by his father's words but ignorant of Edward's actions with Tanya?

Alice? My co-conspirator, my life line through these last years but so devoted to her brother.

All were horrified with their husband/father's actions in making the premature announcement and personal slight. Their strong show of solidarity during the speeches was all that I needed to know of their feelings on this matter.

But how did I break their illusions? Share how the son was following the father in betrayal and obsession? That neither appeared as they seemed?

How did I explain my feelings when I could barely understand them myself?

I lingered in loss and pain until the grandfather clock in the downstairs entrance tolled the hour. Its dour chimes fed my anguish; reminding me that Cullen-Swan was only a name on a plaque.

Not a free pass to love or bonds of home and family; just a guarantee of cold hard cash.

There was no way I could reveal to anyone what I had heard between Edward and Tanya. Carlisle would be overjoyed at the progression in their relationship and I was bitter and vengeful enough to flout his deepest desires.

I resigned myself to all future dealings with Carlisle and Edward being business based. At the moment I could barely stand to hear Edward's name without dissolving into hysterical weeping. Yesterday I had hidden in bed, grateful relief at being able to remain at the Volturi apartment. Demetri had fielded calls and shielded me from all visitors.

I thought I had heard the high pitch of Alice's voice soothing me as I slept but had decided I was deluding myself. There was no way Demetri would allow anyone with the name Cullen to pass.

Remembering Edward's betrayal physically incapacitated me. The powerful sensations required me to sit for moments on my bed pondering how the events of one night could have turned my whole life on its head. Sadness had taken its hold but now grief and anger began to surge within me.

I had decided that all contact with the Cullens would be through Demetri. Right now if I was face to face with any of them I had no idea how I would react. While my bitterness was unfair to Esme, Alice and Emmett I needed the distance to lick my wounds and rediscover life on my own two feet.

Gathering my resolve I stood once more and resumed packing. Some items were to return with me to school while others would be placed in storage until I decided where I would live in the future.

As I struggled to cope with the self imposed loss of a second set of parents, memories of my own parents weighed heavily on my mind. There were boxes in the basement from the Forks house. Taking advantage of this time alone I made my way downstairs with a plan was to identify the boxes and ship them back to Forks where I could examine them at my leisure. While my parents' house was not my first choice of residence due to the gruesome manner of the deaths, it was in fact the only property in my possession and hence a logical storage location until I had settled my future.

I was knee deep in a box full of books and keys when the sounds of footsteps rang out on the basement stairs. Jumping to my feet I charged forward, ready to berate the first Cullen to break Demetri's embargo.

How dare they!

I screeched to a halt as I recognised Alice's pink ballets slippers and black tights precede her body into my line of sight.

"Alice!' I huffed. "What the hell are you doing here?" Instead of being taken aback by the hostility in my tone she ran down the last few steps and flung herself into my arms. "Bella…Oh Bella…I am so glad I found you. How are you? Are you ok? Demetri said you would be here." Alice continued her chatter as she hugged me tightly.

"Demetri?" I queried sharply. I was shocked at Alice's presence as Demetri had been the one to insist on this time alone for me to pack my belongings in peace.

It was Alice's turn to look a tad embarrassed. "Oh Bella, please don't blame Demetri. He called me to collect your belongings from Edward's and bring them here for you."

I looked around her seeking out the bag as if a token of proof of her words. "'No silly." She laughed as she recognised my actions. "'They are upstairs in your room. Come on...let's go!" She tugged on my arm. "What are you doing down here anyway?"

"Alice!" I was still annoyed that she was here and befuddled as to Demetri's actions. "Why you are here, damn it? I made it pretty clear to Demetri I didn't want to see a single Cullen again!"

She snapped her head back in shock. "Bella...what? No! I know daddy crossed the line on New Year's Eve but trust me we have sorted that out. Mummy isn't even speaking to him and Edward ripped into him big time…"

"Alice!"

"What?" Her tone held the surprise of the innocent.

"It's more than that..." I shared cautiously.

"What do you mean?"

Habits of childhood were hard to give up overnight. Here was Alice, my sister, my confidante and best friend. Whom else was I going to share this rite of passage with? Didn't all girls suffer the agonies of love found, lost and stomped all over only to turn to their best girlfriends for comfort and support?

Who was I to deny myself this comfort, despite knowing the conflict it could unveil between us because of our last names?

So we sat on the stairs in the basement of the Cullen's magnificent home as I poured out my tale of grief and disappointment. Gasps of horror at Tanya's actions, murmurs of encouragement at Edward's demonstrations of affection and possession tumbled from her lips. Her eyes clouded over and lips began to quiver as I shared with her the facts that had been shared openly with Demetri.

A thousand questions sprang forth. When was this? Where was I? Why did I think it was Tanya? How was I sure it was Edward? Through it all her excitable head bobbed up and down as she processed the facts, clutching and releasing my hand in sync with her levels of tension. Only when I revealed the time and location did a frown reach her face as words of disavowal similar to Demetri reached my ears.

It wasn't Edward. It couldn't be Edward. He had been with her in the bar. Over and over she made me repeat the facts and over and over she swore she was telling the truth.

But I was too exhausted to fight with her. Of course she would protect her brother's innocence, never once believing he could be capable of such dastardly acts while yet admitting to being the daughter of a man who had similarly humiliated me the night before.

Despite our agreement on Carlisle, uneasy bickering began to emerge between us on the matter of Edward. My annoyance at her lay in her naïve conviction of Edward's innocence while hers dwelled in my total and utter belief of his betrayal. Knowing that each would not convince the other, we halted our conversation and turned our efforts to support and sisterhood.

I had already lost my parents and now the idol of my teenage worship. If somehow I could salvage a relationship with Esme, Alice and Emmett the bleakness that lay before me could be partly assuaged. I brokered Alice's vow to keep my feelings to herself; to promise that Edward's act of faithlessness (real or imagined) would not be discussed with another.

I steamed forward with my plans to move on with my new life.

My boxes were packed and shipping arranged to Forks. A brief call had been made to Jake to let him know that I was sending some of my parents' belongings back to Forks and he was most welcome to search them.

My remaining days in Seattle were marked by a numbness of emotion; autopilot directing my actions as I dealt with grief.

First amongst these manoeuvres was a complete evasion of Edward. My cell was bombarded with his anxious heartfelt messages and pleas to call - to not give up on us; to believe in him but I could not deal. _At All._

The hole in my chest could not be healed by pleas of anguish, sisterly bonds or changes of address. The wounds that Edward and Carlisle had inflicted on New Year's Eve would remain with me forever. The scarring on my heart reminded me that this was not my family and that Edward was in fact not mine after all.

* * *

**January 3rd**

The flight to Manchester and short drive to Hanover had heightened my already taut nerves. At Sea-Tac I had been on edge as if expecting Edward to arrive and demand a show down. I had ignored all his calls over the last three days and with each message he left on my phone his growing frustration was evident.

Maybe I should have spoken to him or at least started answering the emails that had begun arriving after my conversation with Alice. But I was in no state to hear his denials. He had a way with words and I was all too willing to fall for them. The powerful attraction I held for him, coupled with the force of his personality could send my fragile emotions and beliefs careening all over the place.

No! I was resolved. The only thing for it was to remove all contact. At least until I had some semblance of control over my feelings where Edward was concerned.

As I arrived in at the apartment that I shared with Angela, I retrieved my voice messages. Demetri checked to see that I had arrived and asked me to call him as soon as I was settled. Alice and Esme also wanted to know that my flight was pleasant. A brief message from Jake requested I call him back as my boxes had arrived. Leah and Sue were in the process of unpacking and had a few questions for me. I filed that message away, satisfied it could wait a few days.

Finally on the phone was a message from Edward.

His voice was rough and strained, sadness and frustration underlying his pleas for me to call him. To please not make him wait too much longer before we talked, because whatever it was that had caused me to leave him so suddenly he was sure we could work it out.

I snapped the cell shut in automatic self protection. I wasn't ready to hear his explanations and promises. The pain was too raw, the dejection still powerful enough to knock the wind out of me. I just couldn't deal with Edward. The desolation at losing him was swamped by the soul destroying realisation that I never had him in the first place. I gulped deep breaths of air in an effort to contain my grief and calm myself.

There was so much change to process and some of it was beyond my coping mechanisms. Cullen-Swan, Carlisle and the Denalis were all too much for me right now. Yes, it would be better if I channelled all contact on those matters through Demetri. He had been a rock for me, saving me at my lowest point, providing sound advice without enforcing his will on me. I felt my trust in him grow as the days passed and gave thanks silently to Alice for her introduction.

For now, Demetri would stand between me and the Cullens.

Until I was ready to deal with them on my terms and with a semblance of emotional equilibrium.

Who knew when I would reach that point...if ever.

* * *

As the months passed the unreturned calls and terse emails highlighted the trail of damage from the events of New Year.

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Edward Cullen **_

_**Subject: NY**_

_**Date: 5 Jan, 2006 7:56pm**_

_Bella_

_Please call me. We need to talk. I know Carlisle fucked up but I swear I didn't know._

_Call me. Please._

_Edward_

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Edward Cullen **_

_**Subject: Re: NY**_

_**Date: 6 Jan, 2006 4:12pm**_

_Bella_

_Please call me. Don't shut me out. Whatever it is we need to deal with this together._

_Edward_

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Edward Cullen **_

_**Subject: Re: NY**_

_**Date: 7 Jan, 2006 3:13pm**_

_B_

_Please call me baby. I need to talk to you. You are not answering your phone and I am worrying about you. I need to know you are ok. _

_E_

_**To: Alice Cullen**_

_**From: Isabella Swan **_

_**Subject: Back at Dartmouth**_

_**Date: 12 Jan, 2006 6:17am**_

_Hi Alice_

_Hope you are ok. Settling back into school. Classes are good. I miss you. Please give my love to Esme and Emmett but I need you to do me a favour. Please ask Edward to stop emailing me. I just need some space for a while._

_Thank you_

_Love Bella xx_

_**To: Isabella Swan**_

_**From: Demetri Volturi**_

_**Subject: Hello**_

_**Date: 17 Jan, 2006 6:17am**_

_Hello Isabella_

_I hope school finds you well. As discussed I have represented you in negotiations to finalise the establishment of the Chicago offices. I can advise all is going as expected. Carlisle has been sidelined in much of the discussion by Edward who unfortunately remains very concerned as to your state of well being. I hope you are taking care of yourself. You know I am here should you require any assistance._

_Kindest regards_

_Demetri_

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Edward Cullen **_

_**Subject: NY**_

_**Date: 22 Jan, 2006 3:56pm**_

_B_

_Damn it Bella. I just talked to Alice. For Christ sake pick up your phone._

_E_

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Edward Cullen **_

_**Subject: Re: NY**_

_**Date: 29 Jan, 2006 5:43pm**_

_B_

_Please contact me. I need to talk to you. _

_E_

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Edward Cullen **_

_**Subject: Re: NY**_

_**Date: 12 Feb, 2006 11:45am**_

_Call me otherwise I am coming out to see you whether you like it or not._

_**To: Edward Cullen**_

_**From: Isabella Swan **_

_**Subject: Messages **_

_**Date: 14 Feb, 2006 9:17pm**_

_It's over. Please don't call me. _

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Edward Cullen **_

_**Subject: Re: Messages **_

_**Date: 22 Feb, 2006 11:45am**_

_Really Bella? Is that it? No judge or jury. You just decided it's over? _

_**To: Edward Cullen**_

_**From: Isabella Swan **_

_**Subject: Re: Messages**_

_**Date: 27 Feb, 2006 4:11pm**_

_What do you expect Edward? You and your father don't care about anything but what you want._

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Edward Cullen **_

_**Subject: Re: Messages**_

_**Date: 28 Feb, 2006 5:43am**_

_Damn it Bella. What are you talking about? I have dealt with Carlisle and the Denalis. The merger is going ahead but I have retired Carlisle immediately. He has nothing to do with the firm anymore. I have told Tanya where we stand. Is there something else? What do you want me to do? Name it._

_**To: Edward Cullen**_

_**From: Isabella Swan **_

_**Subject: Re: Messages**_

_**Date: 22 Mar, 2006 12:04pm**_

_All business matters should be directed to Demetri. Please stop calling me._

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Edward Cullen **_

_**Subject: Re: Messages**_

_**Date: 23 Mar 2006 7:45am**_

_Is that it? Is that all I get Bella?_

_**To: Isabella Swan**_

_**From: Demetri Volturi**_

_**Subject: Lunch with Alice**_

_**Date: 1 April, 2006 6:17am**_

_Dear Isabella_

_I hope this email finds you in good health. I recently saw Alice and Jasper for lunch. Both seem well but I must say the estrangement between you and Edward seems to be taking its toll. Are you sure Isabella you won't talk to him? Both Alice and I promised we would not tell him what you heard. But he deserves to know the truth. I believe he genuinely cares for you._

_I hope you do not take offense at this Isabella; I think of you very fondly and wish only to see you happy._

_Kindest regards_

_Demetri_

_**To: Demetri Volturi**_

_**From: Isabella Swan**_

_**Subject: Re: Lunch with Alice**_

_**Date: 3 April, 2006 2:45pm**_

_Dear Demetri_

_This email is long overdue. Thank you once more for all your kindness to me. I appreciate all the support you and Alice have given but can I ask you to please respect my choices? I would also like a quick update on the Chicago plans._

_Thank you _

_Yours in affection_

_Bella_

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Jacob Black**_

_**Subject: Re: Forks**_

_**Date: 13 April Jan, 2006 4:15pm**_

_Hi Bella_

_Hoping you will return my call soon. I think we found something in your boxes that gives us a lead on the case._

_Please call me as soon as you can._

_Jake._

_**To: Jacob Black**_

_**From: Isabella Swan**_

_**Subject: Re: Forks**_

_**Date: 15 April Jan, 2006 7:23pm**_

_Hi Jake_

_Thank you for your email. Please call me as soon as you can to discuss the lead on the case. I would like to do anything I can to assist but things are a bit crazy right now. I hope to be home for at least a week in the summer and look forward to seeing you then. _

_Hope to hear from you soon._

_Regards _

_Bella._

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Edward Cullen **_

_**Subject: Re: Messages**_

_**Date: 17 April 2006 11:17am**_

_So where does that leave us Bella? I have tried to understand but enough is enough. We had everything going for us on New Year and you just ran._

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Edward Cullen **_

_**Subject: Chicago Office**_

_**Date: 28 April 2006 5:34 pm**_

_Bella_

_So no response I see. The merger is finalised. I expect you to come home to sign the paper work._

_Edward._

_**To: Edward Cullen**_

_**From: Isabella Swan **_

_**Subject: Chicago Office**_

_**Date: 30 April 2006 3:47pm**_

_Please send paperwork via Courier as I am unsure as to the exact date I will be home._

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Edward Cullen **_

_**Subject: Chicago Office**_

_**Date: 6 May 2006 7:22 pm**_

_Enough Bella. This has gone far enough. If you are not home to sign the paperwork expect a visitor. _

_**To: Alice Cullen**_

_**From: Isabella Swan **_

_**Subject: Summer Plans**_

_**Date: 15 May, 2006 6:00pm**_

_Hi Alice_

_Thanks for the phone calls. My finals are going well. Quick one. I am going to stay in Hanover over the summer. I might make a trip to Forks to sort out the house but otherwise plan to stay here. Can you please smooth it over with Esme?_

_Hope you and Jas are doing well. Do you think you would like to meet me in NY for a week? Maybe we can hit the Hamptons? _

_Let me know._

_Love Bella xx_

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Alice Cullen **_

_**Subject: Summer Plans**_

_**Date: 15 May 2006 7:45am**_

_Hey Bella_

_Quick email. Jas sends his love as do mummy and Em. I have to tell you Edward is very unhappy. He and Daddy made a trip to Chicago and there were press photos everywhere of him and Tanya. He is sooo mad. Especially after he told her he wasn't interested in her. _

_Bells, I need to tell you Edward didn't take it well that you're not coming home. He hasn't been himself since what happened between you at NY. He's got so much on his plate with the travelling between the two offices and he misses you. He's seems so sad and angry all at the same time._

_Please won't you call him?_

_Love  
Alice_

_PS Yes to NY! Think of all the shopping we can do! As long as you let me plan it!_

_**To: Alice Cullen**_

_**From: Isabella Swan **_

_**Subject: Summer Plans**_

_**Date: 19 May, 2006 6:50pm**_

_Alice_

_I am looking forward to seeing you. I am sorry about Edward. I know he is your brother and you love him but he not only lied to me but as I told you he was with Tanya on New Year's Eve. I just can't forgive or forget. He meant everything to me but now I just don't want to see him. I can't. Please don't ask me. Sorry. _

_Love Bella xx_

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Alice Cullen **_

_**Subject: Summer Plans**_

_**Date: 22 May 2006 9:45am**_

_Bella_

_I understand but you need to talk to him. I am sure something is muddled. Both Demetri and I swear he was in the bar with mummy and me. You are both in so much pain and he won't stand for this much longer. His temper is on a very very short leash and Demetri has been feeling all the heat. When Demetri said he would bring out the paperwork for you to sign, Edward nearly hit him._

_Please call him. He needs you._

_Love _

_Alice._

_**To: Isabella Swan **_

_**From: Edward Cullen **_

_**Subject: Chicago Office**_

_**Date: 29 May 2006 4:12 pm**_

_Your time just ran out baby. We need to sort out this mess. _

* * *

**June Hanover Apartment**

I had chosen to stay in Hanover after my finals. While emails from Alice and Esme had protested the need to do so, I knew that I would not survive a Cullen Swan summer in a false pretence of harmony given my still-fresh heartache.

Emmett had phoned offering to fly out and see me, but I had turned him down on the reason that I needed to find my own way without big brother Em looking out for me.

From Edward there was continued silence. Now that all his personal emails had ceased probably due to my lack of reply, all correspondence between us was limited to that of a business nature. I was desperate to leave no opportunity to discuss my reasons for staying away from Seattle but given all the flying between Seattle and Chicago required of the CEO of Cullen-Swan Enterprises it would not have surprised me if any unresolved business between us went by the wayside with the demands of his new position.

It was under these conditions I found myself alone in Hanover in early June. The city was almost deserted as I pottered about enjoying the solitary weekday afternoon. The sun shone brightly, filling the room with cosy warmth as I made the most of having time in the apartment by myself. No falling all over lovebirds, no hearing lovers exchanging kisses; just relief from sights and sounds which summoned forth anguished memories of aborted New Year dreams.

Even now the pain was intolerable, rendering me immobile as I waited for the sadness to wash over me.

I was happy for Angela and Ben. _Truly._ Angela had bid me farewell this morning with a spring in her step, eager for her first night at Ben's house. They were a well suited couple with much going for them. However their effervescent displays of passion and affection were constant reminders of loss. If I allowed it, the depression that had taken hold of me after the debacle of the Cullen-Swan Ball would return in full force.

And yet, despite the sorrow that burdened my every step I could or would not let him go.

My mind knew the wiser path but my heart still lagged, yearning for him.

The sound of the telephone buzzing snapped me out of my emotional self indulgence. I dashed to pick it up, hesitating but a moment as I recalled the growing number of anonymous calls placed to the house over the last two months. At first I had thought it was Edward checking up on me but with the resumption of communication between us, the calls had not lessened. If anything, they had escalated in frequency.

A thought niggled at the back of my head as to the wisdom of answering the phone; an action that would confirm my presence and location but courage won through, it was the middle of the day after all.

I lifted the phone from its cradle, nervously whispering a greeting only to be startled by the loud thumping at the door that followed mere seconds later.

Alarm spiralled through me, sending the handset crashing to the floor just as the menacing sounding banging was repeated.

Gathering my wits I edged my way towards the door, grabbing a golf umbrella for self-protection.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

I swallowed my fear and opened my mouth. "W…Who's there?"

Creeping forward I forced the question again, this time a little firmer, embarrassed at my jittery nerves. "Who's there?"

"Just open the damn door!" A familiar voice growled his frustration. "Damn it, Bella!"

_Thump. _

Years of involuntary reaction to Edward saw me toss the umbrella to one side as I scurried to open the locks and fling the door backwards. Emotions broiled within me; relief, joy, love, betrayal and seething rage. Each sensation battled each other for supremacy even as I soaked in the sight before me.

Shock eventually won out.

"What are you doing here, Edward?"

Silence dragged as he took his time answering me, using the quiet to roam my body as if re-familiarising himself with the sight of me before finally coming to rest on my face.

I fidgeted nervously as I awaited his response but vowed not to give in as my anger escalated. "What the hell do you want?"

_This_ time I would stand my ground. _This_ time I would fight. Demand answers. No running away.

A scowl marred his handsome face as he stepped purposefully forward, arms folded across his chest; dominance and control marking his every step. "What the hell do _I want_?" He intoned coolly. "It's not the hell what I _want_ Bella." He paused, sure of himself and his pronouncements. "It is what I am _owed_ and baby, I've come to collect."

Bewildered fury at his possessive greeting drove me physically forward in challenge. "_What?_ What the hell?"

"New Year…I've come to collect on our New Year."

The sheer cheek of the words stunned me into captivated silence for long moments. We stood barely inches apart glaring at each other in pent up antagonism and attraction. Our chests heaved in time mirroring the other's frustration and anger.

How _dare_ he breeze in here with total disregard to my silence and avoidance? As if _he_ was owed something.

I wanted to laugh in his face but while my heart screamed at him in rage, my eyes soaked in the sight of him after six long lonely months. His hair was a little longer and wild as usual. The suit he wore fit him like a glove, tailored trousers showcasing powerful thighs and the jacket finely displaying broad shoulders and taut muscles.

Despite the pain of betrayal, my heart recognised its home with loud beats of longing while my mind attempted to stifle the uncontrollable lust that fired to life within me.

Edward's gaze never once wavered. He remained frozen; determination carved over his face with no shred of guilt or remorse. He was not a man on journey to plead forgiveness. His demeanour conveyed a man who demanded a fair hearing.

I was outraged at his presence and his expectations after six long months. The carnage of his actions from New Year was obvious to all. No more Cullen-Swan.

No more Bella and Edward. There was nothing left. In fact I doubted there was anything there to begin with.

Recalling how I had been played and manipulated one time too many led to fiery indignation. I would not play the fool twice.

"You have got to be kidding me Edward…get out!" I shouted fiercely pointing to the door. Without waiting a response, I turned my back on him in an attempt at flee only to be blocked as his large hand imprisoned my wrist in a forceful hold.

Jolted to a unexpected halt, all the torment of the past months flared. Whirling suddenly back toward Edward my hand flew of its own accord to slap him hard across one cheek. The sound of flesh crashing against flesh echoed around the room, accompanied only by the sound of my horrified gasp and a rush of his in-drawn breath.

In shock at my topple into physical abuse, Edward released his grip on my wrist enabling me to back away. My hand masked my mouth and distress caused tears to pool in my eyes as a cold silence dangled between us.

I felt physically sick at the violence I had inflicted. I bowed my head in bewilderment at my loss of control, but his arrogance and presumption on arrival had tipped me over the edge. Slowly I lowered myself to the sofa; every movement pained as if I had aged decades from the hostile aggression.

I heard Edward pace forward wordlessly to stand behind me. My hands shielded my face, knees clutched to my chest in a protective posture.

All anger seemed to drain from Edward either in shock at my actions or in recognition of how deep my misery went. His words when spoken were softer and less demanding as if recognising the precarious emotional balance between us.

"Why did you leave me Bella?" His pain called out to me.

He deserved an answer and so did I. "You know why!" I mustered enough strength to choke out the only words I could.

"No. I don't! Tell me…talk to me." He strode round to stand before me not once backing away from the potential brutality of the conversation. But my head shook in wordless rebuttal. Of this I could not speak without once again sliding into emotional crisis.

"Say it…" He provoked. "You run with no word...not to me…not to Alice…not even mother. And you only talk to _him_? You shut me out with no explanation. You just ran. Why?"

My continued refusal to engage in the discussion resulted in an exasperated sigh.

"I _know_ Carlisle was out of line, but what? You couldn't come to me? You couldn't talk to me…let me help you resolve this?" The tone of his voice softened as sadness crept in. "I...I've always been there for you, baby…since you were a baby. The fact that you ran from _me_…God…"

I moaned as the hurt beneath his words sank in, furrowing my brow in puzzlement at his apparent sincerity.

Then once more defiance asserted itself. I would not be taken for a fool again. Whipping my head up to glare at him I spat my answer. "It's not all about that Edward...that was bad enough…" He waited silently for me to continue, no signs of denial on his handsome face just encouragement and a flicker of relief at the start of an honest and long awaited exchange.

"Then what, Bella...? What?" He pushed and prodded once more looking for answers, but I shook my head, reluctant to voice the source of my pain. "What? You don't think we share your anger? Trust me…Carlisle knows…there is no way he will forget our outrage." He exhaled. "Mother is still so furious with him. Emmett and Alice won't speak to him…all he has is me…and I can barely stand him! He fucked up, baby…I don't know why he did that but he won't..."

"Stop...just stop!" I screamed. "I don't care…it…it's not about Carlisle…it never was." I stammered.

"What, then?"

"You know Edward...please...don't…make me..."

"I need to hear it!"

"No!"

"Please Bella…you need to say it...we need to get this out …between us." I wanted to deny him but I knew he was right. The grief was eating me alive and I could no longer avoid the truth. "I…I…s…saw…"

"Yes?"

"I heard you…I." Tears streamed down my face. "I...I heard you with her." The words were whispered, as if said softly they would injure less.

"_Yes?" _

All thought of _her_ brought rage hissing to the fore. "Yes!" I spat. "Tanya! I heard you fucking her! You bastard!" I was broken. My weeping intensified as if the words spoken aloud deepened the heartbreak of months before.

I expected furious and angry denial at the statement. Instead I received urgent pleas to stop. "Stop baby...please stop…I'm sorry…it kills me to see you like this….tell me…tell me exactly why you thought it was me? Why?"

The yearning in Edward's voice communicated how hard he restrained himself from enveloping me in his arms. But we both knew now was not the time.

"You knew?" Incredulousness and fury took hold at why Edward had brought me to the brink of unrecoverable pain. "Why?" I sobbed uncontrollably all the grief pouring out of me. "If you knew what I thought why did you do make say this? Why?"

As he knelt in front of me to meet me eye to eye, his kneeling position beseeched a plea for forgiveness and mercy. He laid his palms on my knees, his hands feathering over my own. "We don't talk baby...we fight...we kiss…we laugh...but I've had months to think about where we went wrong. We don't talk…and without the talking...without the trust we have nothing…we will never have anything!"

My nerves were strung out as I struggled to answer. His words were true. He was saying all the right things but I resisted the desire to believe blindly.

"Tell me Bella…exactly when was I supposed to be with Tanya?" The sight of the proud magnificent Edward supplicant to me; begging for an answer fuelled my confusion further. "I know you are sure you heard Tanya, but how could you think it was me with her?"

I searched his face for signs of falseness. I had been fooled before and refused to believe a single word from his mouth. And yet my heart twisted and turned to find a path forward to healing.

With no response forthcoming, Edward sighed. "I gave my word to you baby and it still stands…I don't want another woman…I don't need another woman…and I certainly wasn't with Tanya that night. I don't know why you think it was me…I want you…just you! None of it matters…our ages, the firm and the merger. I want you to...no!" He pleaded. "I _need_ you to trust me….but I know that is a big ask, so here." He reached into his jacket pocket to pull out a small package and place it gently into my hand.

The package lay in my open palm as my mind tussled to comprehend its meaning.

In resignation at my apparent lack of acknowledgement, Edward stood to his feet making ready to leave when curiosity flared to life. "What is it?" I asked even as I recognised the device as a USB drive.

From the corner of my eye I could see Edward's fists flex and tighten. The calmness he fought hard to convey concealed turbulent emotions roiling just beneath his surface. With great restraint he quietly provided the answer. "It's security footage of the bar and the ballroom that night. Watch it...don't watch it. It's up to you, baby."

No doubt the Edward of old would have issued harsh demands and commands. Instead there was a wistful air about him that called to my sense of justice.

A brief heartfelt kiss was dropped to my hair and the sounds of a determined stride highlighted Edward's departure. From my position on the sofa I wheeled to watch the man I loved leave me. But this time I was pushing him away.

He paused briefly in the doorway, one hand reaching for the handle. "I am staying at the Hilton. I'll be here for another twenty four hours. I fly out to Chicago tomorrow afternoon to take up the reins of the new office." One last pleading glance was aimed at me, his voice a little rough as if holding back a torrent of feelings. "You know where to find me if you want to talk. I...I've missed you, Bella."

The words whispered around the room as the door closed behind him.

He was gone.

Out of sight and out of my life.

Hours and seconds of time fled as I sat curled up on the sofa, incessantly reliving the horror of that night, the nightmare of the last few months and the shock of what had taken place in this apartment just minutes before.

A surge of tears deluged my face; saturating my clothes and blurring my vision as grief and turmoil blazed brightly.

Edward's sudden arrival and sorrowful departure clarified the dilemma before me.

He had finally reached out to me as an equal. No demands or orders. Just respectful discussion.

The choice was mine.

_To watch or not to watch. _

I twisted the USB device over and over and over in my hands as I battled to make my decision.

_To trust or not to trust._

_To believe in him or not._

Memories of Edward came flowing back; childhood games and lifelong protector. Friend, advisor and confidante. Possessive lover and demanding partner.

Scenes replayed continuously in my mind until my exhausted mental and emotional state begged for closure. As tiredness shrouded me, leading me to a sleep state, my heart reached its conclusion.

I knew what I had to do.

* * *

**Ally Note:**

**I will be lurking on twitter and or the Boardroom! I will be participating in FGB. Please contact aredi411 (at) gmail (dot) com for further details. **

**Thank you for reading. I look forward to hearing yr thoughts as always. **

**Next update: Sunday 13****th**** June! Yes…next Sunday! So read up! **

**PS Our lovely Bella is a youthful insecure eighteen year old in love for the first time with an older man. Hopefully she overcomes these doubts!**


	16. Breathe

**Ally Note:**

**Thank you for all the well wishes this week. Once again thank you for reading. It means a lot to me although I am reply fail! **

**All your tweets, PM's and post threads are so appreciated.**

**For Maria, Irene, Laura and Ame.**

**If Twilight were mine, I would have fired who ever envisaged the whole chariots of fire running scene in New Moon..**

* * *

I took a deep breath as I continued to mull over in my mind whether I was doing the right thing. Throughout my exhaustion induced sleep I had battled a traitorous body and defiant heart.

The defeat in Edward's eyes had speared my soul. If he had been his arrogant, insufferable self it would have taken longer until I had decided a course of action. But there was no point in kidding myself or pretending that I could evade my destiny.

My feelings for Edward eclipsed all rhyme and reason. How else could I explain my sudden about face despite the scar of betrayal?

I had drawn bitterness and anger over me like a protective cloak, deeming Edward guilty without favour or fairness. I had rejected Alice and Demetri's vows of trust, mostly denying the beatings of my own heart. Stubbornly I had clung to the insecurities that had made it easy to accept Edward's faithlessness. But now with the hard evidence of his innocence in my hand, I was only too willing to stop the warring within me and give in with an overwhelming sense of relief.

Relief that my heart had not been wrong; relief that what we shared was not a mirage but real and worth fighting for.

But something _was_ afoot. I didn't get it _totally_ wrong.

There was no doubt in my mind that what I had heard was true. If I had not been so battered by the actions of Carlisle and Tanya that evening then I may have determined the facts earlier. If it wasn't Edward with Tanya…_who was it?_ Unfortunately there was only one conclusion to be drawn. Now I understood the sadness in Esme's eyes; an all too familiar sign of unhappiness at the hands of a Cullen man. My mind shied away from the pain of this potential reality. Having suffered acutely in my belief of Edward's infidelity, the thought that Carlisle had inflicted a similar pain on Esme was a burden too heavy to be borne alone.

Ignoring the dull ache throbbing just behind my breastbone, I drew a ragged breath and knocked on the hotel room door. It had been five hours since Edward had walked away, but weariness followed by an emotional crash had delayed my journey here.

As I waited for the door to open, I smoothed down the wrap dress I had changed into while in my coat pocket, clutched in a trembling hand lay the USB drive.

Had I done the right thing? Or would I pay again and again for the choice I was about to make? Only time would tell.

Footsteps approached and the door swung open to reveal a magnificent sight. All six foot two feet of finely muscled man crowded the hallway; jacket removed, his shirt open at the throat hinting at his latent masculinity. A powerfully built hip leaned on the door; arms crossed to showcase a superbly muscled chest.

While his body was spectacular, I couldn't take my eyes of his gorgeous face. An inexplicable tightness filled my chest at the sensuality of his lips and mouth, making it impossible to draw breath without recognising the urgings of my body.

Irrational as it seemed, a part of me felt annoyed that after long empty months I had come all this way to stand silently in a hotel doorway drinking in the sight of him. Kicking myself internally at the lapse into girlish adoration, I reminded myself that if I were to meet him as an equal I would need to take some responsibility for my actions. I owed him that much after much prolonged evasion and pigheaded avoidance.

"Edward…may...may... I come in?"

His eyebrow arched in amused irony as he wordlessly backed to one side of the hallway and motioned me to enter. As I passed within inches of him, breast to chest, the electricity of attraction surged between us, vaulting my body into high alert; primed for confrontation, yet aroused by his maleness and proximity.

A few slow steps into the large suite revealed a plush sitting area behind which was an extravagantly appointed king size bed. I licked my lips anxiously as wanton images of naked bodies; hot and sweaty, entwined arms and legs flashed before me, flushing my cheeks and collarbones with a rosy hue of embarrassment.

Shooting a glance at Edward I noticed a wry smile on his face. There was no hiding my deeper longings. Even if there had been no evidence of Edward's actions, the attraction between us flared whenever we were in each other's presence.

My body was tight as a string; apprehension, lust, need and fury plucking away at my resolve.

"Bella." Edward's words jerked me out of daydreams, his melodious voice in my ear sending a shiver down my back. "Let me take your coat and take a seat."

Gripping the USB drive in my fist I handed Edward my coat then proceeded to dash to the safety of the sofa. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a laptop open at the desk, papers laid out as if he had been catching up on some work while waiting on my decision. I shouldn't have been taken aback at his dedication to the firm but for some reason the laptop represented everything that had gone wrong between us and it niggled.

My lips moved numbly, vomiting nervous words that had nothing to do with the barriers to a meaningful relationship. "What are you working on?"

He grimaced as he sat across from me on the sofa; lines furrowed his brow and his eyes flashed frustration. "Is this is what you came here for Bella?" The words, tinged with sadness and a little anger reverberated in the confined space. Edward was not a patient man and he had waited almost six months for this day.

I deserved his wrath but now that I was here I didn't know where to start. How would I explain the tangle of misfortune that had led me to wrong him so gravely on New Year's Eve? Instead I glanced briefly out the window, chewing my bottom lip while I steeled myself to begin the conversation we needed to have.

Glancing back at Edward I saw his gaze resting unwaveringly upon me. To a casual passerby, he was the epitome of patience if not for the slight tapping of his finger across the sofa back in time to a hidden tempo of aggravation.

Silently I lifted my hand, face up to reveal the USB drive. A probing stare was focused in my direction before Edward reached out to lay his burning palm over mine. The sensations of touching after long lonely months were overwhelming, affecting us both immeasurably.

"Did you watch it?" The question was groaned under his breath, tension spiralling as he awaited my answer.

I shook my head in unspoken denial.

"I see." His eyes burned flames as he pulled his hand sharply back, drawing in a jagged breath. The grimness of his tone immediately alerted me to his misunderstanding of what I was saying.

"No. No Edward. You are wrong. Whatever you're thinking. Please...please let me explain?"

A pain filled sigh was the only indication that Edward had heard my request. He took his time in answering, his unrelenting scrutiny making my breath come fast and hard.

"I really didn't think things could get much worse until you handed this back to me without even watching it." He ran a hand through his hair, a visible sign of a concealed distress. "But I don't really have a choice, do I baby?"

Guilt soared as the hurt Edward had shouldered for months was exposed with those few words. Fine lines of weariness were apparent and the spark usually present in his emerald gaze had faded.

_Would he ever forgive me? _

"Oh God...where do I start?" I looked him in the eye, desperate to communicate deep sorrow at what I had done to us but I could not hold his gaze - not knowing the grievous falsehood I had judged him for. "I am...so...so sorry…I…just...just needed you to know I didn't need to see it…to…to know I was wrong...about...about that night. I _do_ trust you." I offered up a life raft for our drowning relationship.

A swiftly indrawn breath hinted that Edward had heard me before he exploded in long overdue emotion. I had pushed him away for months and now without so much of a blink of an eye I appeared to be retracting my views. It was too much and he finally gave in to the restrained anger underlying our email exchanges for the last few months.

"What? You trust me? _Now_ you trust me? What exactly does that mean, Bella? You always _knew_ it wasn't me or...?" Confusion emerged as he appeared to be lost in his own pain and sadness.

"No…no!" I was horrified as the full extent of the damage I had inflicted on Edward became apparent. "I just..."

"Just _what,_ Bella? _Please?_ Because your track record of trust in me damn well hurts!"

My hand edged out of its own volition to offer comfort. I clutched at the hand splayed across the sofa back and stammered further explanations. "I am sorry Edward. So sorry…I just...it was just..."

"Yes?" He demanded a little anxiously.

Edward held my hand, curling it within his and tugging me a little forward on the sofa. However, he continued to probe for an answer that made his festering open wound worth it. A lungful of air rushed out of me as pent up anguish exploded after months of captivity. The words tripped and stumbled over my tongue as I tried frantically to explain what had happened that night. The memories replayed over and over in my head as I spewed my version of the events.

An overheard conversation with the spiteful Tanya in the bathroom; the curious yet unexplained disagreement between him and Carlisle; total humiliation in front of family and friends with no sign of public support from him and finally the piece de resistance; the fatal dagger in my heart.

On account of my pitiful cries for Edward, I had been left alone on the terrace as Demetri scouted for him. While I had waited fretfully for his return to my side, I had overhead Tanya with a man. A man I had thought to be him.

"God Bella!" His voice communicated his surprise and shock at the events of the night. "You don't know how long I've wanted you...waited to be with you...I would never throw that away for a meaningless fuck with another woman. Never! _But why?_ Why did you think it was me?"

Haltingly I completed my tale.

In the climax of Tanya's encounter she called the name of her lover. A name which led me to believe that it was indeed Edward with her.

Despite the tear tracking down my face I was at pains to explain myself even as Edward refuted that possibility. In my mind, despite my insecurities flaring from the constant chipping away by Carlisle and Tanya I had still trusted him, only to believe that at the last hurdle of the evening _he had_ indeed turned to Tanya.

My youth and inexperience had never once led me to question whether what I had heard was accurate. I had accepted it as the truth because it made no sense for Edward Cullen to want _me_.

As I relived the heartbreak of that night in the re-telling of my tale, all control vanished and I began to weep in earnest. Stunned silence met my story until Edward's warm arms enveloped me, lifting me onto his lap and whispering impassioned words into my ear.

"I'm sorry…_so_ sorry Edward." I inhaled large gulps of air in order to continue the conversation without dissolving into a further sobbing mess.

"Oh baby…" Realisation began to dawn in Edward's voice as to the twisted trail of damage that had been inflicted by Tanya and Carlisle. "Bella…sssh…it's ok…it's ok...I've got you." I lay my head against Edward's chest, breathing in the masculine scent; enjoying the solidarity and comfort he generously offered. If the roles had been reversed I could not in good conscious be sure that I would have done the same.

"Sssh." My hair was stroked in tender waves. The action recalled my childhood when it would only be Edward who could settle me from the nightmares that plagued my first years with the Cullens. "I'm here…I'm here baby…I'm not going anywhere but..." Urgent lips were dragged across my cheek. "Promise me you won't run again? That we'll talk through our problems. Whatever they are?"

My head was gripped in large hands as I was forced to look him straight in the eye. "Promise me, Bella!" The comforting protector of minutes before was gone; replaced by the demanding lover. "Promise me!"

I glanced back at him through tear laden eyes nodding my vow of communication, trust and faith.

"Just answer me this one final thing Bella….if you didn't watch the video? Without proof...why have you changed your mind?"

There was only one answer. The one my heart had believed all along. "You."

Months of despair were swept away with a single utterance. Silence spun between us as Edward comprehended the meaning of that one word.

_Trust. _

We sat staring at each other as the impact of that word on our relationship sank in. Our gazes locked as a web of sensuality weaved around us, trapping us in its silken strands. Our mouths mere inches apart.

Months of heartbreak and grief had not obliterated the electric attraction between us. My reaction to his heavy lidded gaze assailed me instantly. Our sexual desire for each other was visceral and inescapable. Time and distance had not found it altered.

We were alone. _Together. _

My eyes fluttered closed as his warm breaths fell on my lips. "Edward."

Hearing me gasp his name accelerated his loss of control. My soft whimper of need destroyed any final hesitations. With a curse of defeat, Edward took my mouth in a punishing kiss. My lips were forced open, as his tongue plunged inside to tangle fiercely with mine, beyond tenderness and finesse.

Savage need to reconnect drove him.

Drove us both.

We couldn't get enough of each other after many long, empty months. My arms tightened across his neck as I kissed him hungrily back. Melded into one, mouths devouring each other, we were lost in the momentous sensations of being together once more. A large hand slid around me to the cradle the small of my back, letting me feel the evidence of his desire. I made a small sound and deepened the speed and urgency of the kisses.

We broke apart to draw deep breaths of oxygen. "God Bella!" My hair was lovingly swept off my face. "We better stop now or God help me, I won't be able to stop." His thumb nestled against the pulse point in my neck. " You need to decide what you want baby!"

In response, my hands curled over his muscled shoulders as I straddled him and bent to take his lips. Our mouths tangled until we were both panting and moaning, straining against our clothes in the desire to be closer to each other. The sensation of his broad palms sliding over me, sweeping my back, hips and thighs pushed me to edge of sanity. I ground down against him, the hard ridge of his manhood nudging into my moist heat. His hands spanned my waist and slid up, brushing my stomach until he reached my breasts. The hard planes of his abdomen and chest pressed into me, making me wish our clothes would dissolve so that I could feel his naked flesh. Once more my fingers twisted in the thick hair at his nape, pulling him closer to roam fervent kisses over his face.

The time for discussion was over. I needed to shout my happiness at being with him in another, more basic way.

Standing to his feet in one powerful movement Edward carried me from the sofa into the bedroom, all the while kissing me hungrily. My arms nestled around his neck as desires were panted between stolen kisses. As we reached the side of the bed, his grip loosened, enabling me to slither down his body slowly awakening erogenous zones and pleasure points.

For moments I was held against him as tender words were shared. "God, you are so beautiful." _Kiss._ "I missed you so much."

Need exploded as sweet kisses were not enough. Grabbing the ties of my wrap dress Edward growled his intent as his arms caged me. "Off...baby…this dress has to come off." My hands joined the frantic movements of his as the dress was torn from my body and flung on the floor. I was whipped around to be placed back to chest, nibbles and licks of Edwards mouth distracting me from the swift removal of my barely there lingerie.

I stood before him; naked and vulnerable.

He inhaled sharply, his body tensing as he fitted his palms against my hips to turn me to face him. His fingers bit into me before they flexed over my curves. "You are so stunning. Every single inch of you." Although he knew my body intimately, each time he looked upon me was like it was the first time he was seeing me. He whispered his awe as his gaze once more caressed my breasts and the apex of my thighs. Reaching out, he circled his fingertip around my rose-hued nipples, lightly circling them with his thumb.

My heart screamed happiness that it was Edward marking this sexual milestone with me. I trailed a loving finger down the side of his face as we stood in each other's arms. "It's always been you Edward…just you."

We kissed, slowly at first, before giving in to joy of finally being with each other, celebrating our hunger with deeper, more passionate kisses. My body trembled as he ran both thumbs over my nipples harder, eliciting ripples of pleasure through my limbs. Unable to look away from the sight of his fingers caressing my puckered nipples, the stark craving in his actions curved my smile into that of a wanton woman.

Emboldened I reached for his waist and tore at the opening of his trousers, freeing him from the pants and shoving his boxers down to reveal inches of glorious steel. Quivering with a little shyness at his unabashed display, I worked quickly to remove his shirt, my hands shaking as they roamed over his broad chest, delighting in the feel of his warm flesh and the undulating muscle beneath his skin. I traced the ridges of muscle, nails marking him as mine. He watched me carefully, his eyes a hot gleam beneath heavy lids, as he searched my face for any signs of trepidation at the huge step we were about to take.

The fitting of his hands around my waist as he positioned me in the centre of the king size bed caught my attention. In one powerful action, he lowered himself to cover my naked body with his large male form, swooping his head down to capture my lips, drowning me in his carnal kisses as our tongues duelled for supremacy and our hands tightened feverishly across the other's body in support.

Slowly, ever so slowly he scorched a pathway of lingering touches and kisses down my body, worshipping each valley and nuzzling each peak. Holding me still with a single hand, he teased my sensitive skin with lazy kisses until his mouth found my sex and began pleasuring me with his lips and tongue. Whimpers of delight escaped my throat as I lay adrift in the sensations consuming me. I could feel the moist heat of his mouth, the savage, untamed taking that crashed through me with each lash of his tongue, lighting tendrils of fire and lightning, boiling my blood and launching every nerve ending to sizzling. Edward's hands no longer held me in place for his ravenous feeding but were skimming along my hips as if reassuring him that he finally had me in his arms. The combination of need and mindless want had me shaking, trembling, and reaching for his head as incoherent words left my mouth. Frenzied fingers seized his hair and held him there, his tongue pulsing against my clit until I cried out in a torrid, long awaited climax.

"God...Edward…oh…God."

He did not give me a chance to float back down from ecstasy but ceased his tasting to embrace me. "Only you Bella…only you." The words were punctuated by flaming kisses and repeated whispers of his gratitude in having me in his arms.

I was ready. So ready to make him mine and in return belong only to him. I had waited almost a year to take this step into adulthood and it was only fitting that it would be with the man I loved and whom I was beginning to believed loved me back.

Those three words remained unspoken between us but the emotion cocooned our every gesture.

My legs were spread wide, my sex wet with arousal and the ministrations of his mouth. I was brazenly cradling his body and he loved it. I too adored the way Edward was hungrily examining me, delighting in the way his body hardened, moisture weeping from the tip of his cock as he soaked in the sight of my naked body. He trailed kisses along my shoulders, observing if the sensitivity of my climax lingered. He cupped the pale curve of my breasts and took the erect, rosy nipples into his mouth, sucking and pulling rhythmically to send shooting pleasure to my still pulsating centre. The long lusty tugs on my breasts hurled my arousal back to a fever pitch.

Just as Edward aligned himself to enter me, reality crashed through our intimacy. "Bella?" His hand momentarily dug into the flesh of my thigh as urgent questions were groaned. "Baby, is this...is this still your first time?" He held himself off my body, the muscles in his arms tensed in support of his weight until an informed decision could be made. "Are you protected, Bella?"

I was barely coherent. My head thrashing over the pillows, the answer torn from me with no time to revisit hard feelings or aborted seductions. "Yes…first time…but I'm on the pill. Please…Edward...I need you."

A masculine sigh of relief was chased with long voracious kisses. "Put me inside you baby," he demanded, watching like a hawk as I manoeuvred him to enter me. I was slippery with desire and with slow thrusting motions of his hips, he sank deeper inside of me until he was pushing up against the barrier of my virginity. The strain showed in his every movement, his gaze locked on me for any sign of hurt or discomfort.

Even though we were taking our turn in that timeless dance between a man and his chosen woman, I felt the need to reassure and soothe with soft whispers. "You won't hurt me Edward."

So that he understood my emphatic belief in those words, I lifted my legs wide and upwards around his waist urging him to move past the obstacle, desperate to be really his in every way.

"Sshh, Bella…sssh baby …we'll take it slowly." He tilted me back so that I was at an angle that enabled him to have full control over our joining. Words were whispered in comfort even as he propelled himself further forward and then rested. Tension lined his forehead as concentration narrowed his gaze. He withdrew, paused then thrust deeper until a sudden penetration saw him tear through my virginity. I barely had time to gasp as he filled me. The momentary pain shuddered through me as I struggled to contain the discomfort. Edward stilled inside of me, his breathing laboured as he waited patiently for my body to become accustomed to his large male presence.

Tender kisses ghosted my face. "Sssh...baby…take your time…just breathe."

As the rivulets of pain receded, my hips began to undulate of their own accord, signalling a primal need to resume the rhythm of our lovemaking. My hands slapped against the mattress. I didn't want a slow easy loving. The time for that could come later when some of the edge was gone. Edward fired a need deep in my blood that cried out for satisfaction, but no matter my pleas for more or faster he would not be deterred from settling a gentle pace to our loving.

"More Edward...please I need more!" I could feel him inside of me, aroused and claiming me yet indescribably gentle in deference to my first time. I was determined to take everything he had to give and more. The pace of my thrusts increased as I pushed him to a faster beat. A light quiver worked through his magnificent body as he sensed the critical messages of my cravings. He leaned down to kiss me, his hands gripping my shoulders, his mouth melting over mine in a sweet warm rush.

Our bodies climbed to a peak, fast and furious. Every swollen nerve ending cried out for completion. I rolled my hips in an instinctive dance driving us closer to the cliff edge, a slight sheen of sweat skimming his skin as we continued our almost silent loving. He pounded harder and stronger, jolting every pleasure spot in my body with leaving me squirming with delight. A low fluttering in my stomach spread as the throbbing of my orgasm began to strengthen. I keened my pleasure, repeating Edward's name over and over again in time with his thrusts as the sensations of rapture burst within me.

"Edward...God Edward." I panted incessantly in beat with the delicious spasms. For moments or hours he licked and caressed the hollow of my neck, working me down from my high, before riding out his own pleasure.

"Baby…so good…" _Thrust_. "You feel so..." _Thrust_. "Fucking..." _Thrust_. "Amazing." I relaxed, giving myself over to Edward. Pleasure returned in waves as it washed over me. His body pressed dominantly over mine, hips arching, hand tangled in my hair as he strained to go even deeper. "Fuck…baby…so good…so fucking good..." His mouth crashed over mine, stealing my breath and devouring my lips in a greedy passionate kiss as he reached his pinnacle. "Only with you Bella….only with you."

And then he was coming, pulsing hot for what seemed like forever before collapsing over me, heaving breaths signalling the force of his own climax. His weight was not too heavy but just right. I enjoyed the sensation of his head pillowed between my breasts, both of us taking the time to recapture our breaths and our sanity before he was able to draw me up and enfold me in his arms. He held me tightly to him, kissing my lips, my jaw, the shell of my ear and the corner of my eye before repeating the caresses again.

As I lay in a boneless stupor in Edward's hold, my body calmed from the tumble into bliss but my mind worked over time.

So many unresolved questions flitted across my brain.

Where to from here? Were we in a relationship? How would we make it work? What did I tell him about Carlisle? _How could I work with Tanya?_

The last thought had me tossing and turning in Edward's arms. Sensing my restlessness he soothed with kisses and tender words eventually lulling me to sleep. "Tomorrow...baby...we'll work it out tomorrow."

Held tightly to Edward's chest like the most precious of possessions, sleep took me. I nestled further into his hold and floated away.

* * *

Sometime later lazy swirls of fingers on my stomach and the light rumble of masculine laughter raised me from my slumber. It must have been only three or four hours since we had fallen asleep as it was remained pitch black outside. All my attention however was honed in on the delirious stimulations by Edward's oh-so clever hands.

He must have been awake for some time watching me sleep as his body radiated heat and hunger. Now that I was awake, feathered caresses pooled moisture in the place between my thighs and my breaths grew heavier with every stroke. Ravenous lips were placed in the hollow between my breasts as a path of lingering kisses was traced down my body; lapping languorously at the eager flesh but studiously avoiding my begging nipples. The torture of Edward's mouth and hands were pleasure and pain.

His fingers cupped my thigh and he hooked my leg over his hips laying me wide open to his hungry stare. For moments he devoured the sight of succulent pink flesh. "God, you're gorgeous. I can't believe you're here…with me." The words laden with heavy emotion were choked out even as his heated gaze sent ripples of desire cascading through me.

"Every single part of you is delicious, but I need you again baby. Can I have you again or are you too sore?"

The words killed me. He wanted inside of me. _Now._ But first he sought my assent before indulging our deepest yearnings.

The gentle lovers of but hours ago were gone. Our need was too great to be contained in a cocoon of tenderness. Our passion had always raged, tinged with violence and desperation that could no longer be suppressed.

I dragged his lips to me in urgent response, the long starved craving for him spilling into a wordless yes. He moaned into my mouth and thrust his tongue inside, exploring, claiming as his hand raced down my body to slip two fingers inside of me.

_Hard._

The suddenness of his movements had me yelping in momentary surprise until I settled in to enjoy the swaying of his hands and my hips.

There was nothing gentle about this taking. But I didn't need gentle. My lust for Edward grew voraciously with every slide of skin and every sweep of fingers. Anguished murmurs of desire flared to life within me as I writhed against his strokes. Talented fingers played a symphony against my clit until I was trembling and teetering on the edge of orgasm. My nipples, long ignored, cried out for attention as I thrust them shamelessly towards his mouth, my back arching in desperate need.

"Edward…oh...God…I need you…p...please…."

"Tell me…." Heaving groans were mouthed against my flushed skin.

"I...inside of me...pl...please."

My appeal saw him change direction. Greedily he nibbled my breasts before slipping a nipple into his moist mouth. When I was moaning and tugging at his hair, he grasped both my legs and wrapped them around his waist, gliding inside my wetness and stroking me deeply. His arms had moved to be above my head, resting against the bed head as he began to thrust hard into my waiting body.

_Over and over._

My hips danced in rhythm to his plunging thighs. Wanting more. Needing more.

Thrust after deeper thrust.

"More…"

Our eyes were locked and our breaths mingled together with each pant, each moan. This was no tender taking. This was pure unadulterated sex; the deepest desires of our hearts and the violence of carnal longings screamed a possessive need to fuck each other into oblivion; marking our territory with scratches and bruises, bites and tenderised flesh.

My head thrashed from side to side as the words were pulled from me in relentless yearning. "God...Edward…harder...p...please…h...harder."

He moaned in response and thrust deeper, repeatedly caressing the source of all pleasure as his hand left the bed head to bite painfully into my waist with the force of his desire.

"I want you Bella; so hard that you never forget who's inside you," he snarled. Never once wavering from his rhythm he palmed my breasts once more, fondling and cupping them in his hands. "I have to feel you. I have to see you. All of you." And then he pulled out, taking in the sight of my body splayed out for his personal use before slamming back in violently; taking me again and again against the headboard.

"Mine…mine…you're all fucking mine, baby…don't ever forget it!" Groans were expelled with difficulty as the primal beat between us neared its climax. "Come for me baby…come for me…."

My arms flew around his naked back holding him tighter to me. The muscles rippled in time to the undulations of his body, the sweat pearling on his skin a tribute to the strength of our desires. My craving for his flesh exploded as I blindly sought out his mouth. An audible sigh broke from him as pleasure sizzled like an electric current. He tasted delicious. When he angled his head and deepened the kiss, my senses went haywire; my tongue tangling with his over and over as long, lusty, open mouthed kisses accompanied the climbing tempo of our fucking.

The sensory orchestra within me finally imploded.

"Oh...E…Ed…ward…fff…I'm...c…coming…" My screams intensified as the strength of my orgasm began to catch me in its snare.

"Fuck baby...wait…wait for me…" The movements of his pelvis became more urgent, irregular, pushing and shoving us into blinding pleasure.

"Oh…God…God…God…" Once more my head thrashed in unbearable joy. He pulled up, breaking our lips apart with an abruptness that jarred as he began to come. My hands clawed his muscled shoulders as I pulled him inside of me...needing him and wanting him to be deep within me when he found his release.

Aching and hungry from the heavy want coursing through him, tightening every nerve in his body, he bit out his deepest fears. "Fuck baby...fuck….so help me, don't leave me a...again…I don't think I ...can…oh…God…fuck…I...can't…I won't...fff…B...Bella."

He came with an explosive rush; my name loudly reverberating across our room as he spilled deep inside. "Bella…Bella…Bella." His liquid warmth seeping through me reminded me that I was all woman.

His woman.

And living without him was a life half lived.

Our mutual panting began to slow as our bodies cooled and breathing laboured less. Sweeping caresses of his hands over my back and hips gentled the thumping of my heart.

"Oh…Edward…" Tears at the joy of our coming together sprang from my eyes, falling gently onto his bare chest. Tipping my head up to his, he placed gentle kisses on my face, conveying his own happiness at being with me.

_And I never wanted to be without him_.

Reading my desire accurately he pulled me closer, whispering into my ear endearments of intimacy and possession; of togetherness and joy. After minutes or hours of lazy touches between lovers, he rolled wordlessly to one side arranging me into the curve of his shoulder, our bodies still joined even as I sprawled over him in post-coital relaxation.

Sensing my exhaustion, a soft butterfly kiss was placed in my hair. Powerful arms seized me, holding me close to his heart and transporting me into the sleep of the fulfilled.

* * *

I woke slowly to see the faint light of dawn seeping into the darkened room. For moments I lay still, tenderly stretching and lifting my arms and legs to see how they reacted to the unfamiliar movements of last night. Assuring myself that the pain zipping through me was enjoyable I lazily reached out to Edward's side of the bed, only to discover rapidly cooling sheets.

_Where was he?_

Lurching up in panic I frantically scoured the room for signs of Edward's presence. Long suppressed feelings of abandonment despite the glorious night before squeezed my throat, silent fear beginning to fizz when the mutterings of an urgent conversation in the sitting room caught my attention.

_Thank God._

A rush of relief sent me collapsing back against the pillows. Realisation dawned that Edward had not left me but was just a few feet away most likely tending to some Cullen-Swan business.

Secure in the knowledge of Edward's presence, I allowed my eyelids to flutter closed once more, the exhaustion of our frantic couplings taking its toll on my unaccustomed body. I drifted away, reliving memories of the most satisfying moments of last night and began day dreaming of our future when a sharp howl of anguish bounced me back to reality.

"Nooooo!"

The sounds of books crashing and a chair being painfully scraped across the floor vaulted me upright just as somewhat shaken Edward moved into my line of sight. His only attire was navy boxers riding low on his hips revealing the magnificent physique that had bought me so much pleasure last night and this morning.

But something was wrong. _Terribly wrong._

"Edward?" His face was visibly pale as if he had been abruptly deprived of the sun for months, if not years. A sense of disbelief appeared to be descending, leaving him turned to stone in the door way; his hands coiled in tension and bleakness radiated from his body. "What is it...?

Alarm drove me to my knees, watching with a growing sense of panic as his unfocused gaze repeatedly searched out his cell as if waiting on an answer that was not forthcoming.

As his fingers tightened over the device in a life threatening grip, I stammered, the fear choking my throat. Had we made such enormous strides to have them ripped cruelly from us?

"E...Edward, please...you're scaring me...what is it? What's happened?" A sheet was dragged over my body in subconscious self–protection even as my pleas morphed into a command.

"Edward? _Tell me_!"

He eyes fluttered closed for long moments as if swallowing a silent pain then, suddenly opened to respond to my questions amidst a raging forest fire of green.

"God!" A heavy breath was inhaled before continuing."Bella...it…it's Carlisle."

"What?" I frowned, not understanding the meaning behind his words, still unsympathetic to all and anything to do with the Cullen patriarch. "What about him?" I asked cautiously, torn between wanting to put aside my ill feelings on behalf of myself and Esme to be a support to Edward. After all I had yet to share my suspicions.

His free hand ran through his bed tousled hair as his eyes locked onto mine, a sense of tortured confusion twisting and coiling in his gaze. The shutters fell over his beautiful face —the fire in his eyes there just minutes before, banked away as a grim resolve took its place.

"God…baby…he…he's dead."

* * *

**Ally Note:**

**Jealousward and I look forward to yr thoughts…while Bella still basks in the *cough* afterglow! ;)**

***runs and hides***

**Next update: Friday 2 or Sat 3rd July. Apologies for the delay.**


	17. Lost

**Long assed Ally Note **

**Thank you to all you wonderful readers for your patience with my lateness with this chapter. Once again I thank you all for reading. Your reviews, PMs and Boardroom posts delight and thrill me. Forgive me for not being able to reply to everyone. **

**My grateful thanks to Rachelle_mybell, a very clever lady who made a personal website for me. The site will be launched soon and will cover off my ramblings and future projects outside of Guardian! Stay tuned. **

**Thanks to #teamguardian Callsignc30, Maria2906 Renas40 and CocoinbigD. **

**And finally if Twilight was mine, I would be hiring a professional stylist ****- This Stephenie Meyer!**

* * *

As the Bishop brought the prayers to a close, Edward released his death grip on my hand, rose to his feet and proceeded out of the pew. Pausing briefly to press a fond kiss to his mother's cheek, he made his way to the pulpit of St. James Cathedral to deliver the eulogy for his father.

Barely one week later and in the sight of hundreds of mourners, family, friends and anyone who was anyone in Seattle's elite society and business echelons, Edward lead the congregation in paying their respects to his father; Carlisle Masen Cullen, co-founder of Cullen-Swan Enterprises and a giant of the Seattle corporate landscape.

The last week had been gruelling for all of us. Esme in particular had taken the loss of her husband extremely hard, looking to Edward for guidance and strength. Alice had leaned heavily on Jasper and me while Rose had taken it upon herself to keep us fed and watered, working hand in hand with Emmett, who had made it his sole mission to keep everyone's spirits up.

My own personal memories of the week were muddied by the lack of closure between Carlisle and I. A fact brought even more to the fore by the ominous presence of the Denali family at this memorial service.

Edward however, had had shouldered the burden magnificently; making decisions for the family and the firm without a misstep, all the while providing consolation to his mother and constantly demonstrating his desire to be with me. He was a born leader, confident and poised; so heart stopping gorgeous in his charcoal grey Gucci suit that he set my heart aflutter even in this most sombre of circumstances.

As the sun flickered through the stained glass windows like tongues of fire, it highlighted the bronze/gold in Edward's hair, creating a stunning backdrop for his masculine beauty. Momentarily I was ashamed as attraction flared between us even here; under God's roof. However, as I soaked in his commanding presence all I could recall was the hours spent in his arms, gentle touches of hands and the worshipping of his mouth as he drowned me in pleasure.

I watched him intently, word for word, praying for a perfect delivery of the speech just as we had rehearsed many a time over the last days. As he concluded his heartfelt tribute to a father he admired, the quiet sobbing of Alice and Esme ringing through the grand cathedral turned my mind to the bucketful of tears shed throughout the harrowing week.

* * *

**One week previously **

_"What?" I frowned, not understanding the meaning behind his words, still unsympathetic to all and anything to do with the Cullen patriarch. "What about him?" I asked cautiously, wanting to put aside my ill feelings on behalf of myself and Esme to be a support to Edward. After all, I had yet to share my suspicions._

_His free hand ran through his bed tousled hair as his eyes locked onto mine, a sense of tortured confusion twisting and coiling in his gaze. The shutters fell over his beautiful face —the fire in his eyes there just minutes before, banked away as a grim resolve took its place._

_"God…baby…he…he's dead."_

"What?" Shock reverberated through me. The words didn't make sense. "What do you mean?"

My brain churned slowly, all the while taking in the obvious devastation on Edward's face. Grief veiled his beautiful eyes and dimmed their light.

"I don't...don't understand…how? What?" I blinked rapidly as if the flutter of my eyelids could wipe away disbelief.

"He's dead."

Stillness filled the room as the enormity of the death of the Cullen patriarch began to hit home. Husband, father, protector. Gone! All in the blink of an eye.

The flurried movements of Edward's hands through his tousled hair showed the signs of a grieving man - shock and heartache for Esme, Emmett and Alice; the burden of responsibility for the firm growing ever heavier on Edward.

A wave of love and sympathy saw me drop the sheet protectively clutched to my naked body as I opened my arms to Edward, offering comfort and solace against the pain flickering across his face. Silently, wordlessly he advanced; his head cocked to one side for long moments as he searched my eyes, seeking out the truth of my feelings at this unforseen tragedy.

Despite my recent anger, my emotions were all over the place. I hated the man, didn't I? _Or did I? _

Carlisle had inflicted so much anguish and yet the remembrance of the loving, if distant guardian of my childhood and teenage years was foremost in my memories. A war waged within me; rage at the lack of closure versus instinctive sadness at his death. So much remained unresolved and unknown and I struggled to accept that those questions would remain unanswered for a lifetime.

But for Edward I strained to subdue my inner most conflict.

He needed _me_. The misery in his eyes mattered more than family squabbles and corporate battles. While father and son may have recently parted in terms of business and personal choice, Carlisle had always been immensely proud of his eldest child. He had never hesitated to express his affection or pride in Edward's achievements or until recently, take his counsel.

After long moments of holding Edward's gaze, unashamed of all that was reflected in my eyes I rose to my knees to grip his forearm and lightly tug him to me. My palm came to rest lovingly on his cheek as I pressed my body to his in silent solace. Sliding the tips of my fingers along his jaw, I suppressed a groan as I felt his chest graze my naked breasts, the ever present attraction between us sparking into flame. I clung to Edward, soaking in his strength even as we swapped murmurs of comfort and tenderness; my hands tracing the ridges of muscle in his back in soothing gestures as he lowered his to urgently wrap around my waist.

As he buried his face in the arch of my neck, I held him tighter, both of us still shaking from the impact of the news. For long moments only the sounds of our breathing filled the room until my need to know intensified; impatiently growing with every passing second.

"What...what happened?"

"I...I don't know baby...all I know is that Emmett said Jacob found him." He spoke in measured tones as if the information he imparted all made sense.

"What?" Alarm tinged my whispers. "He was at the Forks house?" Suddenly my breaths came shorter as fear stole my reason. Edward's head shot up from my shoulder to stare deep into my eyes, identifying the signs of swirling panic.

This was troubling. My mind was leaping to the tragedy of my parents' murder in Forks.

_And now Carlisle had died there, too? _

Was there sinister meaning to this sudden death? For moments I felt scared and vulnerable; my lurching emotions hurling me back into dark days, leaving me quivering with fear in Edward's strong embrace.

"Sshh baby…sssh." Edward's arms tightened around me as he raced to soothe my panic. "We'll know more soon…I promise. It's ok…it's ok."

I took comfort in his strength and presence, propelling myself ever closer; skin to burning skin as I steeled myself to face the coming days and hours. "When..." I took a deep gulp of air. "When do we leave?" My voice trailed off, uncertain as to his reaction at my presumption.

A soft sigh escaped his mouth, the tension rapidly leaving his body as he understood my words. Yes I would be there, I had to be there; for Esme, for Alice and Emmett. For Carlisle even. To say good bye to a father figure and remember eighteen good years, if not the last forgettable one.

But mostly I wanted to be with Edward; the yearning for him shining brightly in my eyes. His fingers tipped my face toward him instantly stirring my skin under his touch.

Slowly he bent his head and delivered all I had been waiting for since the minute I had woken. He pressed his mouth to mine in silent thanks, rasping his tongue against my lips to coax them open and plunder them in needy hunger. As he angled his head to deepen the kiss, my senses went haywire, fizzing and sparking with a need to submerge myself into him. He moaned into my mouth, our tongues duelling for supremacy while exploring and claiming each other. I gasped in disappointment when he swept his hand down to my hips to slowly, reluctantly set me back from him.

Our breathing came out raggedly for long seconds until he broke the erotic haze hanging over us. "Emmett has booked us seats on the afternoon flight. If we get on that we can get into Seattle tonight and drive up tomorrow? Ok?"

I curled my fingers in the thick hair at his nape and reached up to press a soft kiss on his lips, tender and full of love. "Yes."

He ran both hands through his hair, mussing it even more and creating delicious disarray. "Thank you, baby. Mother, Emmett and Alice will need you," Words were choked out. "But God knows so do I."

I nodded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and lifted my lips to meet his rapidly descending mouth. Lost in the passion swirling around us I barely noticed as he lowered me to the sheets and proceeded to demonstrate exactly how much he really did need me.

* * *

Twenty four hours later saw us seated side by side in Edward's Maserati, making the sad journey to Forks to farewell Carlisle. Throughout the flight from the east coast to Seattle and now during the three hour drive, Edward and I had taken a number of phone calls; his grieving mother, a lost Alice, stoic Emmett, senior staff from Cullen-Swan requesting instructions and the press seeking quotes. Through it all Edward held his composure, answering and consoling, guiding and directing with the ease of a natural leader.

There was one person however we were both eager to hear from who had yet to call.

Jacob.

We were in no doubt that the details he would share would be better delivered face to face rather than impersonally over the phone, however the lack of information was adding to our tension.

Both of us were emotionally and physically exhausted from finding exactly the right words with which to comfort others, all the while dealing with our own brands of grief. Slowly and surely, the security in my world was disappearing - first my parents and now Carlisle. Refuge and sanctuary was converging in the being of Edward and if I should lose him again I was unsure as to how I would survive.

My own breaking point came as the Denalis called to offer their condolences; the hairs on my arms bristling as for the first time in six months, I heard Tanya's voice conveying her sorrow at Carlisle's death.

I sat silently beside Edward listening to the conversation, inwardly fuming at the bold nerve of the bitch as she passed on her regards to Esme. Edward thanked her with distant politeness and ended the call.

My temper flared. There was _no way_ the whore was going to get away with her treachery and blatant disrespect. She would pay, if it was the last thing I did. I vowed to get to the bottom of all facts of New Year's Eve and even though the timing wasn't right I needed to get my suspicions out in the open. Nervously I licked my lips and took a deep breath before going in.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?" He never once took his eyes off the road, lost in concentration as we approached the outskirts of Forks.

"Umm...Tanya...um...her voice reminded me of New Year's Eve. Did...did you view all the footage on the USB drive?"

One hand left the steering wheel to entwine his fingers through mine. "Yes baby, I did."

My head shot up as I leaned forward in eagerness. "And?" Hope bubbled within me, maybe Edward _already knew_. Maybe I would not have to prove his father had feet of clay. "If it wasn't you with Tanya, who was it? Is there footage?"

Although I vehemently did not want to see disgusting scenes of Tanya fucking someone whom I now believed to be Carlisle, I was increasingly desperate to confirm exactly who she had been with that fateful night. What I would do with that knowledge was currently lost on me but the need to know grew ever urgent.

"No Bella. I'm sorry. The footage shows the bar, the ballroom exits and the terrace." He squeezed my hand in reassurance. "You can see me with Alice and mother, while you are outside with Demetri. He leaves, you …you faint and then he returns." Quickly he darted a concerned look in my direction before focusing back on the driveway up to the entrance of the Cullen summer home. "Why baby…what's up?"

I mulled over how best to answer him. It was obvious that he did not suspect his father. I had never shared Tanya screaming 'Cullen' as she came so I was hesitant to do so right now. There would be time later to discuss this, perhaps when time had passed and grief was not so raw.

Instead I made light of the question.

"Oh...aren't you the least bit curious who Tanya was with that night? I mean you did date the woman once!" I couldn't help teasing.

"Grrr." He threw me a devastating smile, recognising my taunts for what they were. "Honestly baby, I couldn't give a fuck who she was with. It wasn't me and I know it wasn't Emmett. Other than that I don't really care." The emphatic tone in Edward's voice cautioned me to not take this further. He had either discounted his father as a possible lover to Tanya or he knew exactly whom she had been with and to press it further now would be tasteless and hurtful.

I settled back into the seat, attempting to display nonchalance at his response. "OK…if you insist." A light tinkling laugh helped close the conversation just as we pulled up in front of the Cullen house.

As the engine was turned off, a taut silence fell between us. My eyes immediately darted across the meadow to my parents' summer home. Tears sprang forth and blurred my vision. The reaction often occurred when first catching sight of the lonely house. Time and time again I would need a few moments on arrival in Forks to gather myself.

"Hey." My head was tipped sideways to look back at Edward, his hand curving gently around my neck. "'Are you alright?" As a single fat tear fell to my cheek as I wiped it away with my hand. "Yes…I'm ok…it's just...just." My voice cracked; Carlisle's death in the same place as my parents' was too much for my fragile emotions.

"Sshh…I know…I know baby." Stroking the wetness away with his thumb, he leaned across the centre console to place a lingering kiss on my mouth. There was nothing sexual about the exchange, rather an offering of security and sympathy. "Are you going to be okay?"

Edward was a possessive and masterful lover but he could be tender and sweet at the same time. My emotions were careening wildly all over the place but the gentle gesture helped calm me as I braced myself to face grief–stricken family members.

I waited patiently as Edward stepped out of the car and made his way around to my door. Gently drawing me out of the vehicle, he pulled me into a warm hug, before dropping a kiss into my hair and leading me by the hand into the house.

Opening the unlocked door he called out in greeting.

"Hello? Anyone home?"

As we stood at the bottom of the stairs, the house appeared empty. Silence swathed the rooms and no signs of life were present in the normally busy family retreat or kitchen.

"Hello?" I added my voice to Edward's calls, even as I pushed the turbulent memories of our last encounter at this very spot to one side. So much had changed in the last six months. We had found in each other but at great cost and heartache.

"Mother…Alice?"

Suddenly doors were flung open and sounds of feet racing down the stairs made a presence known. A blur of dark hair and delicate arms and legs flashed past me as Alice threw herself into Edward's arms and began to bawl in earnest.

"Oh...Thank God. Edward…Edward you're here…thank you…thank you," She sputtered, taking in our joint presence despite her unrestrained wailing. "Bella…I'm _so_ glad you're here…_hic_," Hiccups interrupted her anguish as she choked her way through important news.

"Edward…Mummy is…Mummy…she's so upset..._hic_. She won't _hic_ leave her room… and I..._hic_…." Once again Alice broke down, the pain at the loss of a beloved father evident in her shaking body and trembling hands. "She's sleeping _hic_ now but...but."

I knew all too well the tortured emotions that Alice would be experiencing.

"Sssh…Ali…sssh…it's ok…it's ok…" I surprised myself as I took control of the situation, pulling her from Edward's hold and placing a soothing arm around her shoulders to lead her into the family room. "Come on…Ali…come and sit down and tell us everything."

As she collapsed into my arms, sobbing out her heartache, I rocked her back and forth, sharing her pain and loss as we listened to the tale of the previous days. Lost as she was in her sadness, Edward took the opportunity to check on his exhausted mother before rejoining us.

* * *

Carlisle had come up to Forks a few days ago, ostensibly for some fishing and hiking. He had been in good spirits after grudgingly relaxing into retirement but when he had missed his nightly call to Esme; something he had all ways done whenever they were apart, she began to worry. When morning arrived and there was still no word from Carlisle, she had called Mrs. Clearwater to send her over to the house to check up on him. Unable to reach her or her husband over the next few hours and becoming increasingly more alarmed, she set off for Forks after placing a call to the local police to ask them to make sure that Carlisle hadn't fallen or tripped in some way and was too incapacitated to reach the phone.

Driving up to the summer house, she had arrived to find a police car out front with two police officers, Jacob Black and Seth Clearwater waiting for her.

Faced with her escalating panic, they accompanied her inside and proceeded to share the sad news.

After the phone call had been placed, Jacob and Seth had headed up to the house. With no signs of Carlisle in the house, but evidence of his presence, they began a search of the trails and creeks nearby. After forty five minutes of searching and barely two hundred metres from the house, they had found Carlisle's body at the bottom of a steep ravine off the hiking trail at the back of the Swan house.

Early indications were that he had had a heart attack or stroke, resulting in a fall down the ravine or he had misstepped and fallen down the ravine thereby suffering a heart attack. The ambulance had been called and the body of Carlisle Cullen now lay in the mortuary in Port Angeles where a post mortem would deduce the chain of events.

Hearing the tragic news, Esme had collapsed with grief and had taken to her bed, refusing to emerge even after the arrival of Emmett and Alice. Mrs. Clearwater had been tracked down at the reservation just outside of Forks at the house of her daughter Leah, who was expecting her first child. She had immediately rushed to Esme's side, feeding and caring for her until her family arrived. Despite her overwhelming grief, in one thing Esme had been firm; she had shared her husband in life with his work but in his death she would share him with no one. Only family and local friends would be invited to the service and burial at the local church.

It had been left to Emmett to break the news to Edward more than twenty four hours after his father's death and moments before the news of his passing had hit the press in Seattle and Chicago. It had been Emmett who had shouldered the immediate load making phone calls and decisions as to his father's private funeral in Forks and public memorial service at St James Cathedral a week later, consulting with Edward along the way. Emmett may have been a devil may care, lucky as she goes second son, free from family expectations and legacies but he was a steadying force in the absence of the two prime figures in the Cullen world. Secure in his life choices and life partner Rose, he had been a rock for Esme and Alice in Edward's absence.

Despite his own grievous loss, he had dedicated his efforts to being a support to Edward, a loving older brother to Alice, a confidante for my confused emotions and a beacon of love for his mother. In all things, Emmett was a selfless loving brother and son. I was delighted about his upcoming marriage to Rose, although now it was tinged with the sad reality that Carlisle would not see any of his children married.

My feelings towards Carlisle remained conflicted and I couldn't help gnawing at my lower lip as I wondered if Edward held any guilt at being with me, finding me and loving me as his father lay dying. I tried to concentrate on Alice's tale but my mind wandered relentlessly. My gaze darted over and over to Edward, desperately hoping that he carried no hidden remorse as to this ironic twist of fate.

As Alice finished her version of the events, Emmett, Rose and Jasper joined us in the family room to spend time sharing fond memories and stark grief over the unexpected loss of their father. On hearing Emmett advise that Jacob Black would be returning in the afternoon to provide updates on Carlisle's autopsy, Edward had excused himself to wake and console his mother.

Sometime later, we were distracted from our confidences by the sight of Edward leading a visibly distressed Esme gently downstairs. Tears had made tracks down her face and her eyes were swollen from what appeared to be nonstop crying. Her children rushed to greet her as Jasper, Rose and I hung back, giving them sometime to grieve as a family.

Finally she released her children, spying us hovering in the corner.

"Jasper...Rose…hel…hello." She took a sudden breath. "Bella...oh Bella." She opened her arms to me, tears streaking down her still beautiful face. "Our darling, darling girl...you came! You came." I rushed to her side, enveloping her in an emotional outburst as we both sobbed.

After a few more moments of no holds barred weeping, Alice and I lead her to the sofa while Rose dashed around getting refreshments. We passed the time listening to her memories of almost thirty years of marriage and the last six idyllic months.

"We spent a lot of time up here since...since he retired." She paused to catch her breath and control her tears before continuing. "Just fishing, hiking." She twisted the handkerchief clutched in her hands. "The merger caused him a lot of stress and I know it wasn't good for him."

Esme unloaded her emotions, uninterrupted by us. She wanted, no _needed to_ articulate her despair after days of solitary grieving.

"I just...just can't believe he's gone. Not now…just when I had my husband back." I soothed her distress with the constant shaping of my hands across her back. "We…we were...finally… we were about to have a real life together. No firm, no business...just us together…I should have..."

"Mother?" Edward encouraged, leaning forward to extend a warming hand when Esme's voice shook with the effort to continue.

"I…I should have known it was too good to be true." Esme dissolved into a flood of tears.

Stunned silence met her outpouring. While she had expressed to me her pain at their marriage being second to Carlisle's business, it appeared that this was the first time she had shared her worries with her own children. There was an obvious lesson to be learned for all of us as we set off on individual journeys with our own chosen ones.

_Keep close and cherish your loved ones for you never know which day you may wake, only to find them gone._

Our attempts at consoling each other and mostly Esme were arrested by the arrival of Jacob and Seth. Seeing them both dressed so formally under these tragic circumstances set nausea swirling in the pit of my stomach. A distant, unclear memory flashed before my eyes, the noise and scenes of police sirens and ambulances echoing in my brain - a child screaming and police officers yelling and shouting. For a second, irrational desolate fear cloaked me until I made a concerted effort to drag myself into the present to hear Edward commence the conversation.

No doubt Carlisle's death was lifting the lid of repressed memories from my own parent's murder but I was ill equipped to deal with those returning memories, coming as they did after an emotional few days of reuniting with Edward only to learn of Carlisle's fate.

"So Black...what news do you have for us from the autopsy?" The authority in Edward's voice commanded an answer while we all looked on impatiently.

"Cullen." He acknowledged Edward briefly. "Mrs. Cullen…I am sorry to meet again under these circumstances. Please accept the condolences of the Forks Police Department."

"Thank you Jacob. Seth." It was Esme who answered calmly, much to our astonishment. "But please, what can you tell us ab...about...my husband's...de..." Her voice quavered and trailed off before she could actually verbalise the words out loud.

"Of course…well." I was perplexed to see Jacob reach up and grab his neck as if easing some invisible strain. "The autopsy revealed that the heart attack appeared to be the cause of death." He rushed to continue. "I am so sorry Mrs. Cullen, but it does look like he felt nothing after that first pain." Esme broke down and began sobbing quietly in relief at the confirmation.

Unfortunately Jacob had not finished.

"And from the evidence at the scene, it looks like he suffered the heart attack and then fell down the ravine."

"What makes you decide that Black?" Edward shot back, eager to understand the police work involved. After all he would be the one facing the press and every word spoken could impact the fate of Cullen-Swan Enterprises, in a world where business confidence waned and rose with the every speech.

Unhurried, Jacob replied. "Seth here is an expert tracker. I had him look at the footprints and they show that he was walking along one moment and then his footprints disappear. It's a best guess for sure but there were no other signs of anyone on that trail other than us. The tragedy is that if someone had been there he may well have been saved."

At this news, Esme and Alice both started wailing in earnest. No gentle restrained lady like weeping but large, ugly, gut- wrenching crying that had Rose and Jasper running to comfort them while shooting looks of annoyance at the police officers'.

I was too stunned to move. Shock had me frozen at the peculiarity of the details Jacob had shared. _Why? Why did he say that? Now?_ Couldn't he see Esme was still extremely distraught?

"Black!" Emmett and Edward both gasped at Jacob's apparent insensitivity. "You have said quite enough. Thank you for your efforts for father but I think you should leave now!" Both brothers vehemently expressed their disgust at the police officer's handling of the situation, one finishing the other's sentences.

"Of course." For one second, Jacob looked remorseful and embarrassed before darting a glance at Esme and then in my direction. "Apologies Mrs. Cullen... um Bells, could Seth and I have a quick word with you outside before we leave?"

Edward shot him a dirty glare. For moments I hesitated, unsure as to my capacity to deal with anything further until Jacob asked again. "Please? On another matter? You know…the emails?"

I rose reluctantly from my seat beside Esme making my way towards the front door with Jacob and Seth when Edward caught my hand in his. For moments he gazed into my eyes, silently questioning Jacobs request before squeezing my hand in reassurance and drawing me into his arms for a possessive kiss.

"Hurry back, baby."

* * *

As the police vehicle departed, my mind still reeled from Jacob's suspicions.

I didn't know _who_ to trust anymore.

Jacob was convinced the threat to me was related to something to do with Charlie. He was of the view that one of the keys he had found in the boxes from the Seattle house looked like it could open a safe. But did I have any idea where it was?

Unfortunately the memory of the safe's location still eluded me.

But it was his final news that had me spinning in alarm. I had taken real affront at his suspicion that Carlisle was a possible candidate in the murder of my parents. All the evidence pointed in that direction he advised.

_No!_ I had screamed.

_No!_ He was in Chicago all those summers ago.

_No!_ He was in Seattle when I made my unexpected trip to Forks.

_Yes,_ he insisted. Only Carlisle knew the secrets of Charlie's last case. Only Carlisle was the one with nothing to lose and everything to gain from the deaths of my parents.

Only Carlisle...I had violently pushed Jacob away, collapsing onto the police car to catch my breath and calm my panic.

It couldn't be true. Shaking my head in absolute denial I stressed it wasn't true, but all his theories were messing with my head.

I just couldn't take it.

No! He _was_ wrong. I gathered my courage and let them have it.

He _was_ barking up the wrong tree…wasn't he? _How could I even bring myself to discuss this with Edward?_

The _only_ facts I would accept was that my parents had likely been murdered possibly in relation to a case my father had been working on. And the only person who could clarify which case was Carlisle, who now lay in a mortuary silently taking his secrets to his grave.

I stopped my rebuttal short, my eyes flaring wide open when I recalled there was one other person who could assist. Someone who knew all of Cullen-Swan's secrets.

A quiet, unassuming woman who had gone about her dedication to Charlie and Carlisle with no questions asked.

_Mrs. Cope!_

I would arrange to see her as soon as the memorial service was over and investigate what exactly she knew. How could I have missed this before? Of course she was the _perfect_ person to talk to.

Until that time I would keep all suspicions to myself, anxious to not burden Edward with any further load in this difficult week.

Silently, amicably, I farewelled Jacob and Seth, apologising for my outburst and outwardly taking on board their concerns. If I recalled anything, _of course_ I would be in touch.

* * *

The next day my own heart shattered into a million conflicted pieces as Carlisle's coffin had been lowered into his final resting place mere feet from the graves that held my own parents. The heart of my turmoil rested with Carlisle's possible involvement in the death of my parents and his adulterous agenda with Tanya. Ironically the plot beside him lay empty, foreboding the day that his loving wife would join her unfaithful and treacherous husband.

In the unusually dry and sunny summer day in Forks, it felt as if the whole township had turned out to bid goodbye to their favourite local son. Mrs Clearwater, her husband Harry and their children, Seth and Leah attended. Although I did not know Harry Clearwater well there was a sense of familiarity about him. No doubt it was linked to the older gentleman who accompanied Jacob. Billy Black had taken a few minutes to pay his respects at my parents' graves. Catching sight of the weathered shape of Billy, I was instantly flung backwards into childhood reminiscences. Flashes of memories crossed my mind, most often scenes of him, Carlisle and my father fishing in the lake.

As childhood scenes replayed in my mind, my heart lightened at this brief gesture of respect.

Carlisle Cullen's dignified burial was fitting for the family. Words were repeated over and over - devoted husband, loving father, unselfish guardian and a business man with great integrity.

As I stood by the graveside, dry eyed, disgust broiled within me and bitterness left an angry taste on my tongue. It made me want to shout from the rooftops, to scream out the truth.

Carlisle was a liar and a cheater. _Yes!_ A murderer? _No! _I was sure he was anything but that!

A faker and destroyer of dreams, who selfishly pursued his own agenda? _Yes! _

Sighing I reminded myself, he _was _also more than that.

For the last ten of eleven years he had brought me up as if I was one of his own children. No questions asked, no love, albeit in a distant fatherly manner, withheld. It had only been since…well…thinking back...my eighteenth birthday, the advent of my ambition to become a lawyer by taking the first steps towards full partnership in the firm that matters had changed between Carlisle and I.

I was still bewildered as to his attitude towards me but was most interested in discussing it with Edward as soon as the time was right. I needed to tell him about my suspicions about Carlisle and Tanya; to ask him if he knew _why. _Particularly, if Carlisle himself was involved, why the burning ambition to see Edward united with Tanya?

It didn't make sense; none of it made any sense. The contracts had been signed for a three year term, but every move Carlisle had made pointed towards the desire for a lifelong commitment.

It made me sick to my stomach, still. More than six months later and in the midst of his funeral, my feelings towards Carlisle remained angry and bitter; tainted by the final actions of a mostly loving guardian.

As the Lord's Prayer was recited by the mourners, Edward's hand crept into mine. He grasped my fingers tightly, all thoughts fleeing my mind as I leaned into him; offering strength and support in his hour of need.

He _would_ need it. This endless day still had more challenges to come.

We had returned to the house for a light lunch, briefly mingling with townsfolk before settling down to the reading of the will.

The will itself had held no surprises. As expected, Edward, the only registered lawyer in the family inherited the shares in the firm and Carlisle's personal papers. This amounted to a significant inheritance so he had been excluded from receiving anything further. I wondered for a moment whether Edward had been disappointed at this turn of events but he assured me it had been designed mutually and he neither needed nor wanted anything further from his father beyond what he had already received during his lifetime.

Alice had been left a sizeable amount of money in a trust fund; Grandmother Cullen's pearls and the Queen Anne house outright after Esme had passed on. Emmett likewise had inherited a significant amount of money, Carlisle's cars (bar the one or two Esme chose to retain) and the Forks house. To my great surprise Carlisle had left me some money and a box of personal effects that he had kept in remembrance of Charlie.

I purposely stopped my reminiscing and forced myself to refocus on the eulogy that Edward was magnificently drawing to a close. I had promised myself that tomorrow I would go through Carlisle's safe sized box of Charlie's personal items in order to decide what I would send to Forks, and what I would take with me when I headed back to Dartmouth for the start of a fresh school year.

As Edward asked Emmett and Alice to join him in a few final words of farewell to their father, the congregation stood to pay their respects. The silent sobbing of Esme had only intensified as she was forced to listen to her children say goodbye once more. The drain on her was unimaginable to me as I recalled her sorrow-lined words, shared just before New Year.

How desperately tragic to share your husband with his career your whole married life, only to lose him when you finally had a chance to come first.

As Pachabel's Canon rang out through the magnificent cathedral, Edward escorted Esme and Alice down the aisle by the arm. Rose and Emmett fell in step behind them with Jasper and I bringing up the rear.

We assembled on the steps of the cathedral to thank mourners for their attendance, all the while conscious of the press across the road filming and shooting family scenes for the evening news and the next days' papers. The death of Carlisle Cullen was big news in the business world and all eyes were on Edward to determine whether Cullen-Swan Enterprises would flounder or flourish under his leadership. But I held only high hopes for the firm with Edward at the helm.

As the mourners emptied the cathedral, everyone was courteously greeted. Demetri's presence had been noted in the congregation but he had wisely chosen to avoid the receiving line as he observed the strain with which we kept a lid on our tender emotions. However the moment I spied Tanya Denali offering her condolences to Esme prior to collapsing into tears in Edward's arms, sensations of uncontrollable rage and fury erupted. Quietly, quickly so as to not cause a scene I moved out of the reception line, an action not unnoticed by Edward who threw a puzzled glance in my direction before turning back to thank Eleazar for his attendance and coldly removing the ever so fashionably dressed Tanya from his personal space. I noted his reactions but it did not deter me from my feelings or intentions.

In her broad brimmed hat and black Victoria Beckham Lombez dress, Tanya was dressed ever so fashionably like a black widow. I sneered at the cheek of her; who did she think _she_ was? Whatever she may or may not have had with Carlisle, there was no excuse in acting more bereaved than the actual widow in full public view.

She was a whore; a publicity-loving brazen whore and regardless of hundreds of eyes on me, I stomped my way to the waiting limousine. There was no way that I could amicably face her. Instead as I waited for family members to join me in the peaceful surroundings, I braced myself for Edward's reaction. He knew my dislike of Tanya and I wondered exactly what he would say to me when we were finally alone this evening.

I knew I had overreacted unforgivably in public but it just wasn't in me. When we had returned to Seattle, Edward had temporarily relocated at the Cullen's Queen Anne family home and when he returned there this evening after concluding the pressing business that required his attendance at the office, he and I would have the matter of Tanya Denali out.

It was now or never, and I was determined to wash the stain of Tanya Denali out of our lives.

* * *

**EPOV **

The office was quiet. Too quiet. But it was often like this when everyone had gone home. And today on this fuck-awful day everyone deserved to leave a little early.

A dull ache radiated in my head, sharp throbbing pains coming and going from the intensity of the week. I was tired and fucking exhausted from the long hell week but also the endless afternoon dealing with paperwork.

But my family needed me. And me…what did _I _fucking need?

_I needed Bella. _

It had been six gruelling days since we had been together and I wanted to get my hands all over her gorgeous body. I urgently needed the pleasure I found being inside of her. It was my safe haven from the world. But we had mutually discussed that it was inappropriate to have sex while we resided at my mother's house this last week.

And it was damn well killing me. Every time I was around her I was hard as marble. I wanted to pick her up and drag her to the nearest bed or wall or surface.

Really, it was fucking ironic. We had just worked things out between us and should have been fucking like rabbits. Instead she was consoling family while I was trying to focus on business instead of the fact that she was heading back to school later this week.

With the enormous workload I had now inherited between Chicago and here, further complicated with having to deal with the Denalis, I wasn't sure when I would get to be with my girl again.

And I couldn't help worrying that she had held doubts about me. About us. And whether we could sustain a long distance relationship.

My father was dead. We had buried him days before and publicly mourned him this morning but all I could think about was Bella. Carlisle had left me a letter in his personal papers with details as to his express wishes for the firm and me personally. Despite the bombshell contained within those few flimsy leaves of writing paper, all I could think about was my beautiful girl.

As evening drew closer, I noticed the time. Shit! It was seven o'clock and I would be expected at home. Grabbing my suit jacket, I felt uncomfortable easing into it, stained as it was with copious tears and torments of a difficult day.

Suddenly a looming silhouette in my door way caught my eye.

"What are you doing here?"

"Mrs. Cope wasn't at her desk so I just wandered in."

"What the fuck do you want?"

"I think we need to talk, don't you?" A smirk was flung in my direction. "Certain rumours are reaching my ears, Edward. Rumours that don't make us very happy."

"About?" _What the fuck did they want? _

"You know!"

"No I don't. Why don't you spell it out since you made the effort to come all the way here?"

"Come off it, Edward. Is that how we are going to play it? Really?" The words were emphatic as a hand was slammed down on the desk. "Carlisle left you a letter."

"I think you should fucking leave." I took a threatening step forward. I meant business. The sooner this was over the better for all concerned.

"Not so wise, Edward. I think we have a lot to discuss."

"Really, like what?" I spat back. Nothing would make me bend like my father had before me.

"Well..how about this for starters. Exactly how far would you go to protect your precious mother and your darling little Bella?"

At the threat, my mind whirred to a frozen halt and my throat seized. _What?_ My mother? And Bella? No... Not my mother and definitely not Bella. Not _my_ beautiful, beautiful girl. They wouldn't fuck touch her. Either of them! Not as long as I had breath in my body. I would do whatever it would take to keep my loved ones safe.

My mind was made up in an instant.

Much to my own repulsion and horror, pushing away the ethical conflict surging inside of me, I growled at my visitor.

"As much as this disgusts me; as much as I loathe you...you had better sit down."

* * *

The house was quiet as I made my way upstairs. In the turmoil of my afternoon meeting I had missed dinner, pausing only briefly to text Bella and let her know I would find her when returning home.

Now, as the clock chimed eleven, I checked on my medicated mother before bypassing my old room and heading towards Bella's. As I lingered in the doorway, I saw she had left the shutters open, allowing the moonlight to stream into the room through the bay windows and create a shimmering setting for her beautiful sleeping self. Physically she was stunning, her body luring me onto rocks much like the sirens of Greek tales of old but more than that she had become a beautiful person; inside and out. Selfless, loving and loyal. Stubborn as all hell but fierce in her beliefs and loyalty as I had found out much to my pain over the last few months.

_God, what a fucking mess. A complete fucking nightmare._

How much I was going to hurt her and there was nothing I could humanly do. I felt moistness seep into my eyes as I thought of the days and years ahead of us.

_How the fuck did this happen!_ _How?_

I wanted to yell and shout at my father, but he was gone. There was no fucking way out of this catastrophe.

Tomorrow would come soon enough. But for now I needed my girl. Desperately, badly in _every way_ she would let me have her. I wanted to fuck her hard and deep but more than that I needed to make love to her, passionately, urgently with everything within me.

Possibly for the very last time.

My desperate desire for my girl saw me strip off my clothes, leaving them where they fell and climb into the bed beside her, spooning into her warm silky back.

"Edward." She sighed in relief, twisting in the bed to face me and cuddle closer in my arms. "You're home!"

"Yes baby. I am...I'm sorry I'm late."

Her eyelids drifted closed as her hands wandered up and down my chest leaving trails of fire behind them. "Mmm…I'm glad you're here. I missed you."

I grinned, more to myself than her half sleeping form. "I missed you too, baby." My muscled thigh pushed between her smooth delicate limbs, bringing her closer to the source of my need. I could feel hot wet moisture seeping from her body as I realised she was wearing a delicate night gown that could be whipped off easily.

My need for Bella swelled infinitely as she lay, real and alive in my arms; all wanton woman. I leaned forward, nudging her head up to press a gentle kiss to lips before navigating the dress down enough to enable me to suckle one taut pink crest into the heat of my waiting mouth. Murmurs of pleasure told me Bella was enjoying my ministrations, a fact confirmed when she ran a hand through my hair to pull me closer to her breast, silently encouraging me with the undulations of her body even as her eyes remained closed.

_God I needed her!_ Her skin was divine, it tasted as delicious as any dessert and I fucking wanted to eat her up.

"Tell me you like that." I breathed between ferocious tugs on her nipple. I set about sucking and nipping her breasts, giving them tiny bites with my teeth. I fucking loved her breasts. They were a little too large for her slender body but they were perfect in my hand or mouth. Yes I was definitely a breast man, but when it came to Bella I was an every fucking part of her body man.

I increased the urgency of my lapping, impatiently pushing the nightgown down around her waist, determined to wring every last drop of pleasure from her, every reaction, every response, until she was nothing but a limp mindless ragdoll in my arms.

Not to be outdone, Bella's hand traced its way down my torso to slide her fingers up and down my cock in a sensual rhythm. It sprang to attention, hardening painfully in reaction to her touch, every part of me hungry to lose myself in her.

"Fuck baby, if you keep that up this is going to be over before we have started." I growled into the luxurious skin of her breasts, rubbing my nose against the sweet mounds of flesh eager to pay her back for her torture.

Suddenly she was wide awake, pushing up from under me to lean back on her free elbow. "Oh really, kind sir... is it your advanced age? Or your lack of stamina, perhaps?" A cheeky smile dimpled her face, the happiness shining from her eyes. The knowledge that this would soon be over sent me momentarily into a place of profound heartbreak until the quiet hurt in her voice snapped me out of it. There would be time enough for sorrow tomorrow.

"Edward? I'm sorry…I was only kidding!" I was ashamed that her confidence in me was so low that she could doubt me over some harmless love play.

"Oh no, baby...it's not you…." I rushed to reassure her. Pressing a light kiss to each nipple I dragged my tongue down to her stomach, swirling and dipping into her navel before continuing my journey. The bed sheets were pushed urgently to one side as I arranged her to suit my intention, spreading her long shapely limbs wide apart and placing my chest between them. Her hands tousled my hair, pushing my head further down to the centre of her desire.

Alternating nips and licks between her thighs, I choked out my demand. "What do you want baby?" My tongue swirled leisurely around her sweetness, my hands burrowed beneath the rounded apples of her ass and lifted her to my waiting mouth. She tasted like the richest of desserts with a tang of honey that had me licking my lips.

"More Edward…I need more." I kissed her clit, pressing my lips over it, gifting soft gentle little sucks to send her writhing uncontrollably on the bed, the noises from her mouth intensifying in demand and need. Her juices poured out of her, spilling slightly onto her thighs and covering my chin in dampness but I could never have enough of this goddess in my arms.

"God yes, take me Edward…please take me." She was straining beneath me, her hips violently shaking as I stalked up her body and impaled her, deeper and harder than ever before. If she could see my eyes, she would see the feral gleam pouring from every inch of my face, a desperate need to mark her as mine for eternity, matched only by the unmistakable thrust of my hips. "Fuck...Edward...more..."

She commanded my every move.

Over and over again we rocked to and fro. I lost track of the number of times I pounded into her, escalating the speed and rhythm of the thrusts until we tipped over the edge.

"Baby…fuck...you are so sweet...so damned tight…fuck...you are killing me."

I struggled to breathe through the passionate dance of desire. I could feel sensations pulsating through her, the spasming of her sweet tight flesh around my cock. She seemed dazed as she raised her head from the bed to reward me. Her bites and sucks of my shoulder were pleasure and pain all wrapped into one as she lost control. Her unrestrained movements had her flinging herself violently onto me over and over as I penetrated her, fucking her until she screamed. We needed this. We both needed this time together in an otherwise long and lonely week; to reconnect and reaffirm that we were both alive and together in the most primal of ways.

"Edward…fuck…Edward." Her words came in broken rasps as her climax took her by surprise, seizing and trembling, muscles clenching, as her eyes locked onto mine.

My body was shaking with the strong spears of pleasure that were terrifying and exhilarating as they began to crest in intensity and sensation. I wanted her again and again. Once was never enough. I didn't want to live without being inside her. I didn't want her to exist without me - without my body, my hunger, my lips, my hands but mostly my love.

But she would. She was a survivor.

The knowledge that there would be an eternity before we could be together again had me slamming into her, and unbelievably even though she had just come down from a mindless orgasm her body responded, swamping her with another climax so forceful that she shouted my name over and over until I lost my sanity to everything other than the sight and sound of the giant convulsions consuming us both. With a possessive roar I yelled her name, smothering my growl in her breasts desperate to leave an imprint in her skin as my cock emptied itself into her warm sweet body.

I collapsed over her, my weight pinning her to the bed as we both took minutes to calm our hectic breathing and slowly disengage. My fingers caressed the warm naked expanse of her back, smoothing up and down, lingering in her silken curves as we caught our breath. Once my strength returned I lifted her into my arms and carried her into the bathroom. In the shower I gently bathed her, worshipping every inch of her exquisite skin, washing and caressing every indent of flesh.

I dried her lovingly, carefully. Tenderly I placed her back onto the bed taking seconds to admire the luminous woman she had become. Her satiated sleepy smile conveyed her joy at my presence, murmurs of contentment floating into the air.

I lifted the covers over her tired yet replete body as she raised her arms to beckon me closer. Wordlessly I went like a motherless child, eager to steal a few more hours with her before tearing us both apart. I crawled in beside her, pulling her to me, desperate to feel her heart beating strongly in my arms.

A soft yet happy whisper caught my ears, the simple words shooting infinite pain through my heart. "Good night, Edward…"

I lay staring at the ceiling, holding my angel in my arms. "Night baby."

Despite the passing hours and calming shower, the turbulence in my mind prevented sleep. My body still thrummed with pleasure from being inside Bella but the dawn and approaching misery was weighing heavily in my thoughts.

Slowly and carefully so as not to wake her, I slid out of the bed, pressing a brief kiss to her forehead and admiring her as she slept; beautiful and infinitely more precious to me with every passing second. Shrugging into my trousers, I staggered to the door like a man who had aged a hundred years in a mere afternoon. I stilled in the door way, taking in her naked radiance one last time and whispered a fervent prayer, hoping someone somewhere would hear my plea even as fault lines fractured my heart, cracking wide open and leaving cavernous gaping holes.

I was broken beyond repair as my heart continued to lie beside Bella.

"Forgive me baby...please forgive me."

* * *

**Ally Note:**

**Special thanks to aRedi and L51R for leading and cheering on the Guardian FGB team and to all of you who donated to a wonderful cause in the names of your favourite fics.**

**Please come and discuss your theories on the Boardroom thread.**** The link is on my profile. **

**Next Update: I am offline from 6****th**** July. Apologies for my recent inconsistency… **_**The chapter is definitely coming this week! Hold on to your hats and i do apologise for the delay. Many of you know i have had a few health challenges but i am looking forward to getting back into the swing of writing Guardian. Thank you so much for your patience.**_

_**Ally**_


	18. Dignity

**Ally Note **

**Thank you to all for your unending patience since I last updated.**

**All the prayers, well wishes, kind words and support have really helped me through some very tough months and weeks.**

**A special note to all of you who emailed, posted, tweeted, PM, DM, recommended and loved ****'Guardian'**** in my absence, this is dedicated to you.**

* * *

_Everyone tells you that they remember the day that they met the love of their life. They tell you how it felt when you first laid eyes on each other, the zing of attraction as you danced around each other in the rituals of courtship, the rush of emotion as you declared your never ending love in a consummation of fiery bliss._

_But nobody ever tells you about the day love died. _

_T__hat pain is buried deep in bitter tears, silent screams, secret journal entries or nights of reckless abandon with nameless faces._

_For me the death of love wasn't gradual or subconscious. Love didn't leak away over years or months or __days. It __crashed and burned within the space of twenty four __hours;__ scarring my soul with the searing pain of anguish and the emptiness of loss._

_And worst of all, it was nobody's fault but mine._

**Twenty four hours earlier **

Edward's magic fingers were stroking me to bliss.

Half asleep, I stretched languorously to enjoy the delight zipping through my body. Day dreams of us, conjured up during the long lonely months without him could not match the physicality of his presence; all smooth muscle and sinewy tissue, sensual to the touch while evoking feelings of protection and safe harbour.

A desperate moan escaped me as pleasure seized me in its bloom, my hand drifting to caress a warm male body. I drowned in the hot, wanton neediness between us as the longing for Edward swelled, driving me to snuggle into his side.

As my hand patted the lonely place, I startled awake.

_Where was he?_

I sat up in alarm, scanning the room for any sign of Edward only to see the clear sunshine of the Seattle summer day streaming through the bay windows to illuminate the cold emptiness beside me. The faint imprint of Edward's head on the pillow signalled he had departed for his day long before my abrupt awakening.

Flopping back onto the bed with relief, I suppressed the all too familiar reactions of panic and loss at Edward's absence.

_He had only gone to work_, I told myself.

_No doubt there was a backload of urgent business to handle now that the memorial service had been held. _

_Yes,_ I reassured myself, _I would call him to sort out our __plans. P__erhaps we could meet up in the office? Maybe an early dinner tonight before joining Esme for a night cap in the library. _

_It would be good to spend time together doing as normal couples did. _

Indeed it was ironic that the funeral of the very man who had relentlessly worked to keep us apart had provided the setting of our first public _re-a__ppearance as a couple. _

_It was strange indeed how life worked._

As I enjoyed the tranquillity of a still house, I replayed the events of the last week. Momentous strides had been made in my relationship with Edward - the agonies of the needlessly lonely months since the New Year, followed by the ecstasy of being finally together.

"Bella? Edward? " A sharp rap on my bedroom door, followed by the cautious tone in Alice's voice had me vaulting out of bed. "Are you decent?"

"Hang on Alice!" I scrambled to pull on some clean underwear, a pair of jeans and t-shirt then stumbled towards door. I was out of breath from the scurrying; the flush on my face deepened by my internal discomfort at Alice expecting to find Edward with me.

Taking a deep breath to swallow down my embarrassment, I flung open the door to meet an impish smile. If Alice's mischievous look was to be believed, her imagination had been running riot. I couldn't help but laugh at the mix of delight and ickiness dancing across her face. After all, Edward was Alice's much older brother and nobody wanted to imagine their brother in his most intimate moments.

"Alice!' I pretend-mocked her waggling eyebrows while smiling internally with pure happiness. "What's up that has you banging on my door so early!"

She made over exaggerated moves to peek around the room, under my arm and over my shoulder searching out her brother. "It's ten o'clock Bella!"

I sighed, half amused. "So where's Edward?"

Not much got past Alice. No point in pretending that Edward hadn't been here when it was obvious two people had slept in the bed.

Acting with nonchalance that in no way revealed my inner awkwardness, I diverted the conversation. "He's probably gone to work already Alice. I'll try and catch him over at the office later. Now spill Miss Nosy. What's up?"

A satisfied smirk beamed across her face, quickly followed by a serious look as she caught on to my question. "Um, Bella. You have a visitor but…but I am not sure you should meet with him without Edward or…"

"Why?" Immediate anxiety saw me barking questions in her direction. "Who is it?"

An uncharacteristic nervousness swept over Alice. ""Bella...its Jacob Black. H…he's in the library and he says he wants to speak to you on official police business but..."

A conclusion leapt to the forefront of my mind; a thought echoed by the thunderous thumping of my heart as I flew past Alice, racing barefoot down the stairs.

_It must be news about my parents' murder._

"Wait Bella..." Alice exclaimed in alarm at my retreating back. "Call Demetri. Or Edward!"

At her sage words of advice, I halted my flight in mid stride.

Damn! Of course Alice was right. I had been very uncomfortable with my last conversation with Jacob back in Forks. He had insinuated Carlise was involved in my parents' death and here he was again.

Whatever the reason for his sudden appearance today, it was time I used my legal brain and sought counsel.

Silently I trudged back up the stairs to rummage in my handbag. Locating my cell I punched in the numbers.

"Thank you," I mouthed silently to Alice then returned my attention to the call.

It rang once, twice and then a strong masculine voice answered.

"Demetri Volturi..."

* * *

**Forty Minutes Later**

"What? What do you mean?"

I was ever so grateful Demetri was present because I couldn't believe what I was hearing; let alone what I was being accused of.

Jacob had greeted me amicably at first, apologising for arriving unannounced but he had important questions pertaining to his investigation into Carlisle's death that needed answering.

He had stiffened slightly when he realised I would not answer any questions without the presence of my lawyer. I had tried to avoid the sudden combativeness in the room by making polite conversation; asking after Billy, and ordering coffee for everyone.

But now that we were in the bowels of our conversation, Jacobs's questions made no sense at all.

My mind whirred in alarm as I attempted to work out exactly what he was getting at. But before I could relay my confusion, Demetri, seated in an armchair beside me, voiced his concern.

"Exactly what are you accusing my client of, Officer Black?"

"Stay out of it Volturi. Your client shouldn't have a problem answering if she has nothing to hide!" There was an echo of annoyance in his voice as he ignored Demetri and urged me to come clean. _For what _though, I still had no clue!

"Come on Bells, we know he called you on the day he died. You need to tell me what he said. Phone records don't lie. You were the last person to speak to Carlisle Cullen before his death...for over twenty minutes! Now what the hell did you discuss?"

I shook my head in horror and unequivocal denial. "No! No! No! That's not possible!"

_What the hell was he talking about? How was this even happening? _

I sat in stunned silence as I searched my memories..._it was as if I suddenly found myself in a alternate universe because how I, Bella Swan, could have been the last person to talk with Carlisle when we hadn't even spoken__...when...when...oh...OH MY GOD?__  
_  
My thoughts lurched to a shuddering halt as fleeting images flashed through my mind...images that revealed the final pieces of an elusive puzzle.

_The phone call. __The__** anonymous **__p__hone call moments before Edward arrived to reclaim me._

_Oh God, had it been Carlisle on the pho__ne?__Maybe__ he had been behind all the anonymous calls? _

Nausea swelled as shock crashed over me.

_But why? _

_To frame me? _

_T__o scare me?_

_Or to work up the nerve to tell me something? _

My mind was a mass of confusion and distress. Frustration and fury reigned supreme.

_How could he? How dare him!_

As my emotions lurched from apprehension, to fear and finally to rage, I found yet another spear of hate to hurl in a dead man's direction.

_Oh God…if it had been him, how much of our conversation had he overheard__? H__ad he heard me tell Edward my suspicions? Had it contributed to hi__s h__eart attack. _

I felt sick.

My head fell into my hands as tears threatened to spill, the enormity of the situation finally overwhelming me. I didn't know which way was up but I knew one thing.

It didn't make sense.

Nothing made sense and most of all, the butterflies in my stomach warned that nothing was as it seemed. I _needed_ to play my cards close to my chest.

"Back off Black!" Demetri reached out to take me by the arm, leaning closer in comfort. "Are you okay Isabella?"

Observing my distress, Jacob softened his tone before continuing. "Please Bells?" He pleaded. "We need to know what you discussed. It could explain his last movements."

I braced myself as I sensed his eagerness, a feeling of suffocation causing me to goad him; to ask the questions aflame in my mind. "Why? Did you find his cell Jacob?"

He sighed, then moved to sit directly in front of me. "Just answer the question please Bells."

I turned to face him, searching his eyes for a deeper meaning or a hidden truth. If there was an agenda at work here, I was sure Demetri would step in at the right time. Until then I was adult enough to handle the queries.

"So tell me again why you think I was the one he was speaking to, Jacob?" I prodded, eager to find out more.

"Bells, we've been through this!" Frustration rang loud and clear in his words. "The phone records show that over the last six months, calls were placed from Carlisle Cullen's cell to your home phone number. Some of the calls lasted seconds while others were minutes. The final call on the day of his death lasted approximately twenty minutes and all I am asking you is what was discussed."

"Damn it, Jacob!" I snapped angrily, finally having had enough of this circular conversation. "Did he make the calls? I don't know! But did _I_ speak with him? NO, absolutely not!" _That was the truth._

"For God's sake Bells, why are you being so obstructive?" Jacob fired back.

"Right! This interview is over, Officer Black. My client has answered your question." A protective growl indicated the interview was fast coming to an end. "I won't have you badgering my client in what is clearly a difficult time for her, with half baked theories and suppositions. Come back when you have a relevant line of questioning."

The two men stood, squaring off against each other, eye to eye. A wave of tension rippled through the library.

"It's okay, Demetri." I reached up to lay a reassuring hand on his arm. Through a fog of swirling memories I crafted a measured response. "Look Jake, calls or no calls, I have not spoken with Carlisle since New Year! Not a single word. You either believe me or you don't!" I challenged.

Silence pealed for long moments as we locked gazes. Each waited for the other to give way or show signs of acceptance.

"OK, Bells." A begrudging tone rang out. "I believe you. Which means he must have been talking to your roommate?" Signalling his intent to depart he strode towards the door calling casually behind him. "Angela, right? Angela Sabatini. Well I guess she is next on my list of calls then. Thanks for your time Bells. I am sorry I started your day like this but we needed to follow this line of questioning."

"What?" I jumped to my feet in alarm, all internal heedings to maintain my composure long forgotten. "Angela? But she doesn't even know Carlisle. They have never even met let alone spoken on the phone."

"No?" He turned back in query, a hand pausing on the door knob. "Are you sure?"

"Yes! I am! Angela doesn't even know Carlisle! And there is absolutely no reason on earth for them to call each other! At all!" Warily, my legal genetics reared their head, a niggling thought demanded to be heard. "But there's just one thing I don't get Jacob. Why are you investigating Carlisle's death if it was from natural causes?"

Once again in this unintentional game of cat and mouse, a reply was not readily forthcoming. Moments passed before an answer was carefully delivered.

Demetri lent his voice in support. "Office Black, do you have an explanation you can share with us today?"

"Sorry Bells. Volturi." Jacob cocked his head to one side in a conciliatory smile. "It's a police matter and I am not at liberty to discuss it. All I can say is that there are some questions being asked about Carlisle's death that need answering."

I was stunned. Absolutely earth shatteringly shocked. My mind had drawn a temporarily blank and I had nothing to say.

Did Edward know about this? What did he make of it all?

I grappled incessantly with what reasons on earth could cause the police to investigate a death by natural causes.

And then it came to me at once.

"Oh!" An exhalation of air swished out of my body. The looming truth sent my adrenalin soaring and my heartbeat thumping. "This…this is about my parents isn't it?" The words were hesitant but necessary as I clutched Demetri's arm in support.

Cautiously he responded. "Yes. We think so."

"And…and you think...you still think Carlisle knew something about it don't you?"

"Yes."

A single word. Powerful and far reaching in its meaning.

Finally the truth dawned. A slight tremor of trepidation trickled down my spine as all colour drained from my face and all warmth fled my body.

_The police believed the two deaths were linked._

_They had enough to start an investigation._

"Bells, are you ok?" The paleness of my demeanour evoked Jacob's unease.

"Isabella?" Demetri's worried voice snapped me out of my confused trance.

I waved away their concern. "It's ok Demetri. It was a…" My voice broke with sorrow. "It was a long time ago."

Turning once more to face Jacob I put in a final plea. "But please Jacob? Promise you will keep me posted with what you find? If you can?"

"Sure thing, Bells."

"I'll see you out." Demetri nodded in Jacob's direction, releasing my arm. "But next time you want to speak to my client on official business I suggest you contact me first, Black."

A terse nod was exchanged between the two men as they departed the room.

Collapsing back into the sofa, I retreated inwardly, memories and long held emotions crowding my fragile heart. Moments passed and time slowed. I had no inkling of how long I sat in the library.

So much was puzzling me; the calls that were anonymous now appearing to be from Carlisle. Why he was calling, but most of all _what if any_ link was there between the death of Carlisle and my parents? My train of thought travelled in ever–shrinking circles until the door flung open to reveal a frantic Alice, closely followed by a concerned yet composed Demetri.

"Bella!" She launched herself at me. "Are you ok? What happened? What did he say?" As she gripped me tighter with every question, the sense of panic flowering in my heart died as I took comfort in her warm hugs of comfort.

"Oh Alice!" I clasped her urgently, hanging on for dear life as the roaring noise in my ears drowned out the gentle conversation spoken between Alice and Demetri.

Almost unacknowledged by me, Demetri took his leave, with a promise to come by the house later to check up on me.

With a brief press of his lips to my frozen cheek, he left me alone with my best friend.

But I was at a loss for words.

For what the hell did I say to the daughter of the man that may have been involved in killing my parents?

* * *

Two hours later I was seated in a restaurant downtown anxiously waiting for the woman whom I hoped could provide some answers. There were so many questions spinning through my mind concerning my parents' death, Carlisle's death and _what_ if anything linked them. I had thought that all the secrets had died with Carlisle until I was reminded by the events of the funeral and this morning of the possibility of Mrs Cope.

Since my meeting with Jacob, I had spent a demanding half an hour with Alice skimming lightly over the truth.

_The police wanted to know if I had heard from her father in the last few months__.__ I had replied no. _

_The police were investigating some new information about my parents deat__h, b__ut I couldn't help them._

_Yes, _I promised Alice_. Next time I would not meet with the police without Edward present. _

Eventually after a mini Alice investigation she seemed satisfied with the events of the morning. After sharing an enormous embrace of sisterly affection, we had a parted company for the day but not before making plans to catch up after dinner in the library.

Finally escaping her presence, I put my pursuit of the truth into action by placing two calls, one after the other.

Firstly, a call to Mrs Cope arranging a time for lunch on the pretence of catching up to learn more about my parents. Delighted to hear from me, she had quickly and efficiently cleared her diary, suggesting a fashionable restaurant close the Cullen-Swan offices.

Secondly I had called Edward, eager to his voice and submerge myself in the emotions he evoked by word or deed. Unfortunately he had not picked up, so I quickly texted him, telling him of my plans with Mrs. Cope and the likelihood that I would drop into the office afterwards to say hello and maybe get an informal briefing on what was happening with the business.

So here I was, a few hours later, sipping on sparkling water as I waited for the maître'd to seat Mrs. Cope.

As always, Mrs. Cope was smartly if efficiently dressed. A warm welcoming woman, she was at the same time incredibly discreet and business like. We had not spent much time together since my father's death but prior to that she had been a constant fixture in our home, often dining with my parents or spending time with our families in Forks.

I was pleased to be able to spend this time with her and rebuked myself that I should have really done this so much earlier, purely for the enjoyment of her company.

Today however, an urgent quest for answers compelled our meeting.

After exchanging pleasantries and ordering a sparkling water for her, we listened patiently as the waiter intoned the daily specials and then professionally withdrew, allowing us moments to make our minds up.

I bit my lip nervously as we sat across from each other at _Lidia's_, perusing the menu and exchanging idle gossip on my studies and her last vacation. After our phone conversation this morning I had wracked my brain trying to bring some semblance of order to all the questions begging for an answer. I was greatly appreciative that Mrs. Cope had agreed to meet me at such short notice. It was possible she might even be able to put some of my troublesome thoughts to rest during our lunch.

Knowing I was ever so close to unearthing long held secrets, my impatience bubbled over. Lowering the menu, I darted a brief glance in Mrs. Cope's direction before diving in.

"Mrs. Cope?"

"Yes, Bella?" She lifted her gaze from the scrumptious list of dishes, appearing to smile in genuine happiness at finding herself lunching with me.

"Do...do...you mind…um…if I get straight to the point?" My hand fidgeted restlessly on the table. "I have so many things on my mind and I am pretty sure you are one of the few people who could actually help me answer them!"

Smiling, she reached to place a comforting palm over my shaking hand. "No, of course not dear. I know this last week hasn't been easy for anyone. Often when we lose someone close to us, we become nostalgic for the past. So I completely understand your interest in your parents. Fire away dear, what would you like to know? You know I will do my very best to answer what I can."

I frowned at her choice of words, a little perplexed as to their meaning. Confusion scattered my brain, fumbling my words until the question vomited out.

"Did...um...did...do you think Carlisle had anything to do with my parents' death?"

Her hand flew to her throat in shock. The movement was short and sharp but quickly followed by an amused laugh. "Bella! My dear, dear! From exactly _where _did you get such a ridiculous idea?"

Without waiting for a reply she continued. "You know, I heard many crazy theories about who killed your parents but I can assure you Carlisle Cullen was never a suspect. He was your father's best friend. They would have done and did do anything for each other and if I recall correctly, Carlisle was doing exactly that when your parents died."

Oh! I'm sorry it's just that...huh? What do you mean helping my father, Mrs. Cope?" I was momentarily taken aback at the gigantic leap in perceptions of Carlisle - from murderer to faithful friend. The enormity of the difference in character was perplexing. On one hand, Jacob was insinuating Carlisle was involved in my parents' demise and on the other, Mrs. Cope, who would have been a confidante to the firm's greatest secrets, was dismissive of any such participation.

It left me confused, with no immediate means of deciphering the truth of their relationship. My loving father Charlie and his devoted best friend Carlisle were reminiscences of my youth. The reality of adulthood cast Carlisle with a much more sinister shadow - one I found difficult to reconcile with Mrs Cope boundless confidence in him.

"Ladies, may I take your order?" A stiff necked waiter asked.

I groaned internally at the incredibly poor timing of the interruption.

After ordering seafood paella and another glass of sparkling water, I waited impatiently for Mrs. Cope to place her request before resuming the conversation. "Sorry Mrs. Cope, you were saying?"

"Hmm...what my dear?" For a brief moment, her lapse in concentration reminded me that she was indeed an older woman with a lifetime of memories that I needed to draw out with kid gloves instead of blustering in as I had at the start of this conversation.

"Carlisle?" I prompted gently. "What was he doing when my parents died? I mean, I know he was in Chicago wasn't he?"

"Oh yes." For a brief second, she appeared to be tracking down a stray memory. "Yes. That's right. Carlisle was helping Charlie with some research for the case he was working on."

Her use of my father's name, so long not spoken had me gasping with emotion, bringing a sting of tears to my eyes. I paused a moment to take a long sip of the refreshing sparkling water before pulling myself together to focus on the matter at hand. "Err…can you remember the case Mrs. Cope? Anything at all?"

"Of course I can, Bella! It was really a favor for Billy Black. A pro-bono case in fact."

"Sorry?"

"You know my dear, Billy Black, the Chief of Police of Forks? I mean not now of course, but fifteen years ago he was. He was crippled shortly after your parents' death and had to retire. So sad really." She mused.

"Sorry Mrs. Cope. Let me see if I have this right? You are telling me that my dad was working on a case for Billy and Carlisle was helping him?"

"Oh yes, my dear. Those two loved Forks. They always said they would retire there and would have done anything to keep the town safe."

"Safe?" To say I was astonished was a severe understatement. Charlie and Carlisle were lawyers, not detectives. "I am sorry Mrs. Cope. You've lost me. What exactly were they working on?"

As she made to speak, the waiter arrived with our meals. He completed the customary rituals of placing napkins on our laps, un-wrapping our cutlery and wishing us bon-appétit. After a few moments of polite chit–chat commenting on the delicious flavours and aroma of the food as well as the ambience of the restaurant, our conversation resumed.

"Well Bella, if I remember right, Billy had some trouble with some of the youths down on the reservation. They were in all sorts of trouble and he asked your dad to help defend some of the boys."

This just got crazier and crazier. My instincts soared to red alert, self preservation battling with the need to know. It now emerged that my father was helping Billy Black out and Carlisle was assisting him. And fifteen years later, two of players were dead under nefarious circumstances and the other was crippled in a wheel chair.

_What the__...!_

_There was something rotten in the state of Denmark! And somewhere in the town of __Forks__ was the clue to discovering the reason for it all._

_I had to find out what was going on without alerting anyone as to my action__s._

"Do you know which boy, Mrs. Cope? I mean is there a case file back in the office I could read?"

"Oh, the case file!" She looked slightly chagrined as if about to be the bearer of bad news. "Well my dear, your father had the case file. Carlisle and I searched high and low but we have never been able to find it. The police combed your parents' home, looking for anything connected to their deaths. But the conclusion was that the file was in the safe and as you know Bella, the safe has never been located."

"The safe?" I groaned. "God, everything comes back to that safe doesn't it?"

"Yes, my dear. I am afraid it does." I was lost in my thoughts until she caught my attention with another question. "Actually my dear, I wonder if you remembered where the safe was. In fact, you are probably the only person now who does."

Fear slithered down my spine. My subconscious roared that I must play my cards close to my chest. No one but no one should know that I was sleuthing away.

A random thought shot across my mind - like father like daughter. The irony of it all caused me to break out in an evasive smile

"Oh, Mrs. Cope. If only!" I laughed. "You have no idea how many people have asked me about that safe. Esme, Jacob."

"Jacob, dear?" She seemed alarmed. "Jacob Black?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Well actually my dear, he was the young boy your father and Carlisle were defending along with some friends of his. In fact, if I remember the details correctly there were rumors of drugs on the reservation and Jacob had been caught with them. Your father was defending Jacob as a favor for Billy but I think they were trying to prove that the boys were merely users and not dealers - that the drugs indeed came in from somewhere else."

My head imploded with this information. There was too much to take in, to process in any semblance of order. I was a jumbled mass of half evolved thoughts and theories. I desperately needed to find out more and yet needed the time alone to ponder the pieces of the puzzle.

_First, my father defending Jacob Black at the time o__f his __death and trying to work out the source of his drug supply._

_Second, Carlisle was in Chicago doing research. Maybe even trying to find the source of the drugs?_

_Fifteen years later, death threats are left at my parents' home to return something or die!_

_Cullen-Swan miraculously have a firm in Chicago and Carlisle mysteriously dies in Forks._

_The person who won't let the deaths of either man go is Jacob Black._

_And finall__y __here he is in Seattl__e, __accusing or at the very least implyin__g, __that Carlisle was involved in my parents' death!_

_But what the hell did it all mean?_

_Aaaaaaaaaaargh!_

The words kept jumbling up in my head. _Charlie, Carlisle, Jacob, Billy, drugs and Chicago._ There was something there but at this very moment the link eluded me.

Frustration must have been evident on my face in the guise of distress, because Mrs. Cope reached out to cover my hand in reassurance once more.

"Bella, my dear...I am so sorry if I upset you."

"Oh no Mrs .Cope...please don't trouble yourself. I am fine. It's just good to know my father and Carlisle were working on a case together when he died and that he was doing what he did best - helping people."

"Of course, my dear." She patted my hand in consolation. "That was Charlie and Carlisle for you. They would have done anything for anyone. Especially each other!"

I snorted my disbelief internally but somehow restrained myself from answering back. Her portrait of Carlisle was fond and fiercely protective. My portrait of Carlisle was of an adulterer, liar and ruthless business man.

Somewhere amidst all of that was the true Carlisle Cullen and I was convinced that working him out was the key to all this business.

It was time to turn to more pleasant matters lest suspicions arose, but I had one final question for Mrs. Cope. Practicing patience, I endured the completion of our meals and the arrival of our coffees before I continued my subtle interrogation.

"Um Mrs. Cope, I was wondering if you could answer one more question for me?"

"Sure, Bella. What is it you want to know?"

"Well, it was something Esme mentioned."

"Oh yes?" She leaned forward in her chair conveying a sense of eagerness.

"Did you know that my parents filed a will the week before they died?"

"Why of course my dear. I was the one who filed it."

"Oh!"

"Well, yes. I filed all the Cullen and Swan wills. Was there something you wanted to know Bella?"

Once again I shredded my bottom lip with nervous chewing. "Mrs. Cope, do you know who my guardians were before Carlisle and Esme?"

"It was Billy Black, Bella. He, your father and Carlisle were the best of friends. "

"Oh!" I knew I was repeating myself but honestly I could barely string more than one word together in a sentence. The information overload was doing my head in.

"I guess you are wondering why it was changed, aren't you?"

I nodded in silence.

"Well, you were the reason my dear."

I screwed my face up in confusion. "Me?"

"Yes, my dear. Your parents asked you who you wanted to stay with if anything happened to them. I mean, obviously not like that...more along the lines of if they went away for a while."

My eyebrows hit the roof. Why did I not remember any of this time? Obviously the days leading up to my parents' death had been wiped away as collateral damage from the traumatic events that followed, but still! I wish I could recall even a single memory.

"Yes!" Mrs Cope smirked. "You had had a terrible row with Edward the day before and were ignoring him. But it seems Renee and you had a good chat and you said that while you hated Edward, he belonged to you and he had to look after you. Even then you had a special connection. So there it was! The little Swan princess made her decree and your parents promptly changed their will!"

Feeling a little sheepish at the memory of my argument with Edward so long ago, I ducked my head in cringe worthy shame. "Oh God! Shoot me now!"

"Oh Bella, no need to be embarrassed." She laughed. "If only Carlisle and Charlie could see you and Edward now." She wiped an amused tear away from her eye. "They would be so proud of you. Of both of you!"

Suddenly my deep seated need for love and affection reared its head, seeking any assurance that I had made my parents proud.

"Really? Do you think?"

"Of course, my dear. Charlie and Renee would have been extremely proud of the young woman you have become."

It was my turn to well up in tears. "Thank you, Mrs Cope."

"You're welcome, Bella." She shot a look at her watch. "Oh drat! I need to get back to the office. Fancy dropping in on your Edward?" She teased.

"Well, since he's mine," I joked. "I guess I have to!"

In harmonious companionship, albeit after a small tussle over who should pay for the bill, we made our way back to the Cullen-Swan offices. As we waited for the lift I texted Edward to let him know I was on my way up.

As we reached the executive floor, Mrs. Cope and I exchanged a warm goodbye with a promise to meet up again for lunch. Bidding Farewell, she waved me in to Edward's office. He was spending the afternoon catching up on company business and had cancelled all meetings. Checking my phone for any last minute reply to my recent text, I pushed the door to his office open with a large grin on my face.

A grin that was wiped from my very being as I took in the sight before my eyes.

A sight that sent my whole world crashing around me.

There in the soft Seattle sunlight stood my Edward with his arms clasping Tanya to him.

The lying, cheating, filthy whore Tanya.

Edward's arm was soothing up and down her back. She was huddled in the crook of his neck in a pose that spoke of the intimacy and sensuality of long held lovers.

My stomach churned with nausea and disgust even as my heart shattered into multiple fractures. Rage boiled over but I was turned to stone. Like watching a car crash, I could not tear myself away from the scene of the crime.

It was a mistake...surely…a mistake? _Yes?_

And then his words filtered across the room to my desolate and distraught ears.

"It's ok, Tanya. We can't help it. Just let me handle Bella."

* * *

**Ally Note:**

**O..o Please don't kill me or Jealousward for that matter! Something's up and tune in next time to find out what!**

**Repeat after me - Ally believes in a Bella and Edward HEA!**

**Next chapter: Tuesday 9****th**** November – give or take a day or two!**

**Thank you for sticking with me through these rough time****s. I**** am truly grateful xxx**


	19. Author Note

**Ally Note **

**Hello everyone, **

**Thank you for being so patient with me. The last two years have been challenging and without you all to keep me company in some of my lowest moments I would have been lost. I would never have made it this far without the constant support of all of you. Thank you for bearing with me and my ever changing release dates. The heart is willing but the mind and body are still failing to show up and deliver.**

**However I am stronger every day and my prognosis is good. **

**Although this note is not a chapter, I did want to write to say ****Guardian will be finished****. Chapter 19 will be available on 19th September as I am stronger every day and ready to take up Guardian again. **

**I also want to say to all of you who paid for outtakes from me and who have generously donated please know that I will honour my promise. I will not let you down. **

**Once again, thank you for being so patient with me. As I am on the mend, the chapters will begin to arrive more frequently.**

**Team Guardian – get ready for the roller coaster that is Bella and Jealousward**

**Love Ally xx**

_**PS please don't review as I will replace this with Ch19 on September 19. However feel free to message me or drop me a line on twitter allyinperth.**_


	20. Break

**Ally Note **

**Once again, thank you for being so patient with me. As I am on the mend, hopefully the chapters will begin to arrive more frequently.**

**I would never have made it this far without the constant support of all of you. Every PM and message is che****rished. Although I am not good at replies, please know that they have meant so much to me over the last months. **

**To Team Guardian – thank you from the bottom of my heart x**

**If Twilight was mine, they would have played Vampire rugby. #rugbyworldcup2011 #wallabies**

* * *

_There in the soft Seattle sunlight stood my Edward with his arms clasping Tanya to him._

_The lying, cheating, filthy whore Tanya._

_Edward's arm was soothing up and down her back. She was huddled in the crook of his neck in a pose that spoke of the intimacy and sensuality of long held lovers._

_My stomach churned with nausea and disgust even as my heart shattered into multiple fractures. Rage boiled over but I was turned to stone. Like watching a car crash, I could not tear myself away from the scene of the crime._

_It was a mistake...surely…a mistake? Yes?_

_And then his words filtered across the room to my desolate and distraught ears._

_"It's ok, Tanya. We can't help it. Just let me handle Bella."_

* * *

Pain scorches my veins, sizzling every nerve.

Memories dance before my eyes.

Edward in _my_ arms, loving _me_, being with _me_.

Just thinking back to the way it had been last night causes my stomach to flutter.

Our relationship has bloomed in the most volatile of circumstances, with only the last days bringing the dawn of a greater understanding.

But the scene before me tests all platitudes of faith and trust. As I drowned in the bitter flare of anguish, jealousy blazed.

I prayed that my eyes were playing a malicious trick on my heart.

But on opening them, the sight of Tanya cradled against Edward shatters cherished dreams that had barely drawn breath.

My instinct is to flee and deny this ugly reality.

But I had been there and done that.

I am not _that_ girl anymore.

Edward has begged me to have faith in him and now was the time to show it. _Wasn't it?_

Drawing a cloak of inner strength around me, I hold onto my nerve. As much as I wished I could restrain my insecurities, the battle is fast being lost to fear.

Loathing hisses through my body like a snake poised to strike at its victims. "Handle me? What the hell do you mean, handle me?"

Edward snaps his head in the direction of my voice, then in a cool unhurried motion slowly disentangles himself.

"_Bella?"_

Shock at his innate calmness pins me in the doorway as the very air in my lungs flees. Eyes dart frenziedly from one to the other as sunlight bathes the three of us in a frozen tableau of jagged breathing and stunned silence.

_Him._

Up and down. And up again.

His suit is perfect - no telling lipstick marks on his face, no sign of dishevelment.

_Her. _

Nausea.

_Betrayal._

Away.

I have to look away.

And yet my eyes are drawn back to the scene of the crime, over and over again.

A tight fitting scarlet dress and plunging neckline.

_Bitch._

Talons of red clutching at Edward's biceps.

_Whore._

Large blotches of redness eclipse Tanya's doll-like features, disfiguring her into a crying mess.

_I have absolutely no idea what was going on. _

"Bella!" My attention snaps sharply back to Edward as he moves purposefully towards me, stopping but an arm's length away, crowding my senses until there can be nothing else but him.

Our eyes seize upon each other. His accuse, as mine flash fire.

"What are you doing here?"

My chin shoots up in defiance. I have every right to be here. _Don't I?_

_I'm here to supposedly to see the man who is crazy about me - the man who has waited for me and fought for me for months...right?_

"Well?" His arms fold across his chest, pinning me with his mesmerising stare. My heart wants to wash away the memory of the scene I have interrupted. But his callousness rams into me like a fist.

"Well what, Edward?" I summon every last shred of dignity.

I'm not backing down. I deserve an explanation. One I _was _going to get.

"You didn't tell me you were coming downtown." Grimness flavors his tone.

I refuse to cower.

I am pissed off, exhausted from the day's events but most of all, if I am honest with myself, jealous. "What? I need to tell you my every move so that I don't catch you in the arms of that?" I spit, pointing at a flushed Tanya. "The family whore?"

A moan of distress pierces my fury.

"Bella?"

"That's exactly what she is!" All the months of closely held secrets; the half – truths and lies; the disgusting sounds of Tanya and Carlisle fucking each other barely feet from Esme, culminated in my condemnation. "And you know it, Edward!"

A sobbing Tanya collapses onto the chair in front of Carlisle's desk and proceeds to weep into her hands.

But no sympathy dulls my rage.

She is _trash_.

Beneath _my_ dignity but evidently _not_ beneath the notice of the Cullen men.

"What's that supposed to mean, Bella?" Edward's voice is deadly quiet.

I have no idea what mysterious magic she waved over father and son to demand slavish devotion. But the very thought of Edward comforting her, touching her or being anywhere near her makes me seethe with incandescent anger.

"Ok then, _tell me_! What did I walk in on? Because from where I stand, you're doing a pretty good job of handling _her _and she's happily replacing father with son!"

"For God sake, Bella! Stop!"

My arms cross in stony defiance.

"Go on! Tell me!"

Sobs escalate in the background.

_My_ world is crashing down but Tanya is bawling her heart out.

_Why in the hell was she so upset?_

Nervous tension rocks me to the balls of my feet, as I sway back and forth, poised for fight or flight. My eyes flicker anxiously between them as I seek some semblance of meaning in ugly half- truths and murky evasions.

I can't live like this.

The thought of finding peace in Edward's arms for a moment, thinking I was the only one and then to find another there rip at the fabric of my belief in him.

Edward's cold intensity holds for an age as he searches my eyes with reproachful gravity. Calmly, with no signs of paying heed to _my_ distress he turns away without another word.

"Tanya, please! Calm down." He crouches by her side. "This isn't good for you."

"It _will_ be ok." He soothes. "I promise. It _wil_l be fine, but I need to talk things over with Bella." Edward remains remarkably cool with no outward sign that I have come upon him in a compromising position or that there can be any reason for guilt.

"Oh...of...of course." Sniffles punctuate her dejected response as he helps her to her feet.

In frustration I turn my back on the tender scene and pace towards the floor length windows to take in the view of Puget Sound. I can't bear witness to any solicitous farewells or consoling goodbyes. But even as I pretend indifference, I strain to hear any evidence of affectionate embraces.

"I will call you this evening. Will you be okay until then, Tanya?"

_God, why the hell did he even care? It makes me sick!_

"Yes...yes, of course." The door shuts, entombing us in Edward's office.

A click of the lock brings with it a dramatic escalation of tension.

I squeeze my eyelids shut, praying that I have it all wrong - t_erribly terribly wrong. _

My body, long attuned to that of Edward's flinches at his nearness, the hairs on my neck bristling in anticipation of his touch.

Until his voice flung accusations and a masculine arm spun me around in a dominant manoeuvre. My eyes drink in his much loved face, trying desperately to reassure myself that I have overreacted.

"What the hell do you think you are doing, Bella? Storming in here like that? Throwing around insults?"

_Insults?_

_Me?_

_How dare he! _

Fury detonates, turbo fuelling my rage.

Unshed tears that have been threatening to fall, vanish as my temper, long tested on this trying day, ripens to its peak.

_Slap._

I stumble back in dawning horror, tears welling at the sight of red fingerprints marring Edward's beautiful face. My hands envelop my mouth in shock. Throbbing pain streaks through my palm at the impact of the blow.

A rapid tick of his pulse reveals the immense restraint he's practicing.

I fight to gain a modicum of emotional equilibrium as we face off in stillness, locked in an unspoken battle.

The atmosphere in the room grows ominous as Edward draws me to him.

My heart thumps in anticipation at our confrontation; chest to breast, our lips but inches apart; his mouth lingering in wordless promise as a single long finger tilts my chin to look him squarely in the face.

"What exactly was that for Bella, hmm?" The gauntlet has been thrown down. And I am livid enough to pick it up. Anger has stirred and then flared without control.

'How dare you!" I shove at his chest. "How dare you treat me as I am the one who has explaining to do?"

_Damn him!_ Why is he crowding me? Why isn't he talking? Reacting? _Anything?_

He stands there forbiddingly, regarding me with narrowed eyes that gleam fury and desire even as his thumb caresses my jaw in a soothing motion.

My lust for him swirls but I _know _what he was about. I am wise to his ways now. Distracting me with the sexual chemistry between us. But _this time_ it isn't enough.

This time, I need answers.

For without truth, there can be no trust.

And without trust, there can be no us.

_That much_ I had learned over the last forsaken months.

"Stop it, Edward!" My breasts heave in turmoil. "Don't treat me like a toy you can pick up and put down on a whim. I _want _an explanation. What the hell is going on?" I point to the chair as if the ghost of Tanya is present, orchestrating the breakdown of our relationship.

"And don't tell me nothing. _That_ wasn't nothing!" Glaring, I flinch out of his hold and back away, shocking him into immobility.

I have never run from Edward_. Before now._

"Bella!" The aggravation in his voice escalates. "Come here." He holds out his hand in demand.

"No!"

"Don't push me, Bella. I have had just about enough today!"

"Well, so have I!" I snap back.

"For God sake, Bella…!"

My heart races in response to his plea. But I stay motionless, craving some modicum of reasonable explanation from Edward. I yearn for a satisfactory reason for the terrible scene which I have stumbled upon.

We are locked in a battle of wills.

Cullen versus Swan.

An impasse.

Moisture wells in my eyes.

Why did this have to happen? _Why now?_

Irate at Edward's unyielding stance, tears begin to well in my eyes. I fly to the door, fumbling with the lock, desperate to hide my weakness. There is no way he can take me seriously if I break down like a child.

"Damn it, Bella! Come back!"

Heaving with emotions and now blind from the tears flooding my face I race to the elevator, jabbing haphazardly at the call button, willing it to arrive with haste.

My ears are attuned to any noise of Edward giving chase but instead of urgent footsteps and incensed commands to return, there is nothing.

Only silence marches in a staccato beat to the rhythm of my pulse.

_Crash. "Fuck!"_

I hear the sounds of files and papers being swept off a desk.

_Smash. "Fuck!"_

I hear glass being broken.

_Ding._

I finally hear the sound of an elevator announcing its arrival, then...

_Hurried footsteps._

I lurch on the verge of running away yet again, but am caught immobile as invisible heartstrings tug me back - back to Edward. But _I need to do this_…don't I? I need t_o show him that I can't just do anything he asks…blindly. I have my self respect and I need to…..._

"Bella…baby, please…I...I need you." The broken whisper halts my flight.

There stands Edward, the office door held in a death grip, eyes closed; the ticking pulse in his jaw a sign of visible tension. His face is bleached of all color and the silent burdens he shoulders weary the lines around his eyes, aging him beyond his years.

Something is terribly, _terribly_ wrong.

Unconscious thought propel me forward until I force myself to stop. My head intones sensible advice but my heart stubbornly refuses to listen to reason.

I know we need to communicate like a couple, not yell and scream. But knowing is easier than doing when feelings are enflamed and a tense stillness lingers between us.

I hunt in Edward's eyes for some sign of the gentle lover of the night before.

"Edward?" Warily I draw near, moving to stand but inches away from him; the elevator and my flight to freedom long forgotten.

_He_ needs _me._

Lifting his eyes to the heavens, expletives tumble. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

The hopelessness in his voice and the despondency coloring his behaviour scares me witless. "Edward?" It is my turn to whisper in need.

He massages his neck as if attempting to alleviate the knots of tension before turning the full wattage of his beautiful green eyes upon me. Softly, gently he reaches for my hand.

"You do deserve an answer Bella, but not here." Without looking away, he lifts my hand to tenderly press a kiss to the stinging flesh. "Come with me, baby… please?"

Without hesitation, I follow.

* * *

Moments later, we enter the executive sitting area off to one side of Carlisle's office. Remembering our previous heated encounter in this room before the merger talks last year, deepens the blush creeping across my face until the cold glimmer of despair emanating from Edward sends my heart into fearful tremors.

"Sit." He motions to the sofa, facing the windows with expansive views of downtown Seattle.

Unquestioningly I do as he demands. I have never seen Edward so edgy, my eyes tracking his every move around the room as nervous energy prevents him from standing still.

"Do you want a drink?" Wandering over to the fully stocked bar, he pours a vodka tonic and without prompting pours another for me. "God knows I need one." Without further notice, he knocks back his drink in one large swallow, and then pours another.

"Whats going on Edward?" My initial anger has softened but concern begins to spiral at his uncharacteristic behaviour. "Please tell me…I mean," I trip over my words. "I mean...I…I know it has something to do with Tanya. But… but we just need to deal with it together….don't we?"

His head snaps up at my pronouncement. Hope flashes across his face then dies. Slowly he crosses the room to lift me gently into his arms. He searches my dazed eyes for a second before his mouth eases down to cover mine in a tender promise.

My eyes remain fixed on his face but I don't speak for fear of shattering the truce. Gently he ends the kiss and slowly withdraws. The rapid changes in mood are troubling but we at least are talking through this as equals.

His hands track through his hair, sending it wildly in a thousand different directions of worry. "Fuck!"

"Edward?" As his silence lengthens, my nerves are shot to pieces. "Edward…please. You're scaring me!"

A frown mars his beautiful face. "Fuck, I just don't know how to say this but... Tanya?... She's pregnant, baby."

My mind whirls in a thousand different directions, not one of them lucid. Jumbled amongst my thoughts is a distant threat of disaster looming on the edges of my consciousness but I thrust it to one side. "Oh!"

"Yes."

"Oh God!" Understanding dawns. A dizzy sense of relief crashes over me, sending me swaying on my feet.

"Bella!" Concern etches Edward's face as he clutches me closer. "Are you okay?"

Visions flash across my mind, questions half-formed before other questions take precedence. Turmoil reigns until the emotions boil over in to a desperate demand for answers.

"How far along is she?" I fire back, ignoring his question.

"14 weeks." He grimaces. My heart thumps loudly, almost drowning out Edward's responses.

"When did you find out?" I am sure this is what Carlisle had told him in his final papers.

"Yesterday."

Questions tumble without filter from my mouth. "At the funeral reading?"

"No." He replies cautiously.

"Oh." Now I am confused.

"Here at the office. Late…" His words are apologetic.

"I see." But I didn't…not really… something isn't adding up.

"Do you?" His eyes beseech mine in silent prayer. "Do you really, Bella?"

_Did I? Or was I seeing what I wanted to see. _

"Of course, Edward! Yes, of course...I mean with Carlisle gone." I pace back and forth. "Oh God…no wonder she is so upset. And alone! Oh! After Carlisle's death! God! Edward?" I ramble on and on, vomiting every last thought. "Does anyone know? Does your mother know? Oh my goodness, Edward! What will Esme say? Does she know? Oh my God… this is going to break her heart."

"Bella!"

"Oh God, I feel terrible." _I did!_ I feel like being sick at the harsh words I had hurled at Tanya. But they are true. She had slept with Carlisle and got herself pregnant. Even worse, the affair had obviously continued on even after his retirement. And God knows what Esme knew.

"Oh God, poor Esme." I moan.

"Baby, please!"

"You know I will do anything to help Esme if I can. Oh, I am so sorry Edward. When I walked in but it's… it's just…oh God… I thought it was the ball all over again… and..."

"Bella! Stop!"Devastation lines Edward's face. "Please baby! Just stop!"

I am on a roll and nothing will prevent me from providing comfort to Edward. My hand lifts to palm his cheek, tenderness lining my every caress. ""What? What is it,Edward? Please tell me."

A moment ticks by as his eyes travel over my face. Searching, seeking … memorizing. His hand gently takes mine to lay it tenderly over his heart.

Sorrow drowns out the green flame of his eyes

"I….I don't know how to say this… not without hurting you and God knows I don't want to hurt you Bella, but that baby.." He draws a deep indrawn breath before continuing, while I stand mesmerised in his arms. "That baby is a Cullen…it needs a father and…... and I plan to be there for it."

The room starts to spin. _"What?"_ That catastrophic thought that had lurked menacingly in the shadows of my mind finally reveals itself. "No! No! No way….no way…_Edward?_"

"The baby, Bella…." A long pause is followed by whispered words that shatter my heart. "The baby is mine."

* * *

**Ally Note:**

**As always let me know what you think. All is not what it seems….. I for one adore Jealousward!**

**Thank you for your patience. I promise the next chapter will be much longer! **


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